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Reply a** - PAWN
Alright a**-pawn, get out your readin' glasses...

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B'yaw?
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  I'll check back with you after the test results return. :D
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COVrock

PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 6:06 pm


...and humor me for a few minutes.
I've been dabbling with lyrics for a few songs I wanted to eventually compilate with the band I'm putting together and wanted the insight of as many of you as I could.
I wanted to see if my song writing was getting shallow, but I can't trust myself for obvious reasons.
Also I was looking for constructive criticism if you felt the need to offer any, but I'd really appreciate the afore-mentioned shallowness check.
Alright, here's the P.O.S. I wanted ya'll to gander at.


Quote:
I feel the need to vomit, purge this body of its sins.
A forceful finger down the throat or images that singe
eyes that should have never gazed upon the debauchery of man.
Innocence is stripped away as perversion reigns on high.
A massive, floating monster of corruption in the skies.
Words scream from my mouth, but they are not mine.
The eyes that now partake of life are scratched red and blind
by hands that are of another's touch standing slightly out of view.
I hear the cry of children tonight, but sunlight warms anew.
Day break is upon us and all I can do is cry for the souls
of the lost and damned that will not return or even try.
A heart weeps for all, but holds its love for only few.
It tries to be enamored, but all it thinks about is truth.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 8:38 pm


I don't know how it's supposed to sound. gonk

H3lblad3

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COVrock

PostPosted: Sat Sep 05, 2009 8:54 am


I'd try to put up the count, but I'm not here to give it a feeling.
PostPosted: Sat Sep 05, 2009 10:10 pm


I want to help but, really, I have no idea how to judge lyrics. I like instrumentals. ):

Lehki


DedethLove

PostPosted: Sun Sep 06, 2009 12:13 am


I say it's pretty good, from the middle and onwards. The beginning sort made me go "WTH" due to the shocking word "vomit" and the image of an actual finger going down a throat haha.

I don't know how to give you some constructive criticism on lyrics. It's hard to do with lyrics since, you know, it's someone's words and you can't really criticize what they want to express.

Um, I'm really sorry! I don't know what to say to help gonk
PostPosted: Sun Sep 06, 2009 9:41 am


Where's Damnzey when you need her?

The Loneliest Poet


Cocoa Jamboree

PostPosted: Sun Sep 06, 2009 9:59 am


The Loneliest Poet
Where's Damnzey when you need her?
Your name reminds me of The Littlest Rabbi from the GD.
PostPosted: Mon Sep 07, 2009 7:50 pm


Sadly, I agree whole-heartedly with you, Poet.
I wanted to keep it in here since I knew none of you would go about using my stuff, but unfortunately there is little here to give criticism with.
Although words are an expression of an individual I wanted to see what others thought and could at least give me some kind of feedback.

I'm sorry a**-pawn, for I have given you too great a burden!
Lulz, thanks anyway guys, I'll try elsewhere.

COVrock


stefcia stefcia

Versatile Shapeshifter

PostPosted: Tue Sep 08, 2009 5:46 am


The Loneliest Poet
Where's Damnzey when you need her?
HERE I AM, HERE I AM.

My commentary will come whence I return from my... long trek.. t-to school.
PostPosted: Wed Sep 09, 2009 2:07 pm


Hot damn. You can PM it to me if you want.
I've got a few other things I wanted to ask your opinion about.

COVrock

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a** - PAWN

 
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