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Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 4:24 pm
Hell ChildSummary: With every dream, Nadia reaches closer to her forgotten past. Her life will play out as it's original path of destruction. Suffering and pain will follow her to the end and the truth shall be revealed. Please review! Category: Supernatural, Fantasy, Fiction, Horror, Tragedy To read: http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2715187/1/Hell_ChildI'll be posting the story on both websites^^ I'd also like it if people reviewed my work so I can improve. This is my first story! Thank you!~
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Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 4:27 pm
Chapter 1 - The Start ~ “The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what Fiction means.” Oscar Wilde ~ I awaken in a dark, dying forest. Dead trees twisted around each other, destroyig each other's limbs. The carcasses of animals and humans covered the ground and I could smell a stench of rotten flesh in the air. I heard the sound of bones cracking, the steps growing closer, closer. I turn to see a man with a twisted grin plastered on his face. He was dressed clad in black, a sword with blood with fresh blood dripping in his left hand. I stand up, alarmed. He inched in closer and I could see the tattoo on his right cheek clearly now. It was a number, 666. I shivered but I stayed frozen in place, a trance falling over me. His orange beady eyes looks over me, and I could see bloodlust dancing in his smile.
The dark figure looms closer, taking its time walking to me. His shadow hovers on the bones of the fallen. I broke out of the trance when he lifted his sword. My legs moved before I could think. I ran with dear life in my hands.
Faster, faster, faster! I need to get away. My heart races a thousand miles a minute. I definitely don't know this person and yet, I feel as though we've met a long time ago. Fear suddenly pierces me, and I tremble. I quicken my pace and run, with all my strength, away from the source of my insecurities. Around me, the scenery changes. The dark setting before transitions to a field of flowers. Shooting stars flew overhead in the night sky and almost immediatly, I stopped. Comfort and security washed over me and I found myself walking now. Everything seemed nostalgic. In front of me, I can see a lake and two children with their backs to me standing on the dock. A man in a black cloak catches my eye. He's on an old wooden boat, and is pushing his boat forward with a long stick. The two children, with their hands intertwined, watches the man as he comes closer and closer.
The man reaches out and extends his hand. Both of the children stay still. Then, the boy child releases the girl's hand and walks forward. He's shaking. From fear? or sadness? The boat man takes the child's hand with his bony, pale fingers. Suddenly, the boy starts to convulse violently and shake. He falls to his knees and screeches, agony layered over hate and fear. The boat man grabs the boy's arm and the child grows still. The man then thrusts the frozen child into the lake. The girl stands there, unmoving. The boat man removes his hood and I gasp in recognition.
Suddenly, this world is thrown into a state of darkness. I try to run but the ground holds me in place. Beneath me, the flowers wither and the earth cracks. A hole opens up from beneath me and I begins to sink. I reach my hand out, and call out to the girl. Run, run! Don't let him catch you! But the words melt away and I fall into the abyss. I crash as soon as the hole from above closes. A sudden cry of despair escapes from my throat. Before the tears could escape, I looked around. Horror stops my breath.
There were webs everywhere and spiders skittered across the ceiling. But what caught my attention was what was trapped in the webs. Humans, or at least their remains. The smell of blood filled the corridor. I stood up and began to walk, hoping to get out of this maze. I held my breath and trailed aimlessly, weaving through rooms of dead bodies, spiders, and webs. I reached dead ends a couple of times and retraced my steps. I was stopped by a sound suddenly. It was a noisy, wet, slurping noise coming from another room on the left. Although my common sense told me to stay away, curiousity won me over. I walked, trembling slightly, towards the room. I peeked inside and saw a naked man with his back to me. A sliver of hope remained.
"Excuse me." The man jumped at my words. "Can you help me out of here?" The man is shaking and he turns to me. I scream.
Blood drips from his mouth and in his hand is a severed human arm. There were bite marks visible on the arm. He had a strange look in his eyes, like he may go crazy. He takes a bite out of human flesh and continues to stare at me. I'm shaking now, from fear. He smiles now and throws the arm away. Standing up, he can take his eyes off of me.
"..." His words came as a whisper. I couldn't hear him.
"W-what?" I want to turn tail and run but horror held me in place.
"M....eat......" I still couldn't hear him. I take a step back, crushing something beneath my foot. The naked man snaps.
"MEAT!!!" He lunges at me and takes a bite into my neck. I felt the life in me drain away. I scream, delirious.
"NOOO!!" Blood gushed from my body and I grew limp.
Then, darkness.
"Nadia!" I open my eyes and Jeremy's at my side. I grabbed my brother's hand and begin to cry hysterically. He pats my head. "Another nightmare?" I nod weakly and he sighs. "It's alright now. I heard you screaming in your sleep. Was it the same one as before?" I shake my head.
"It was much worse." My words tremble and I continue to cry, afraid to sleep. I hugged my brother close and he holds me back. I had nightmares regularly, at most twice a week. They continued to grow worse each night and each night, my brother or my mom would have to wake me up in cold sweat. But this time, this time was different. Usually, I would be chased by the orange-eyed man, then I'd end up in the webs of human remains, where the naked man would attempt to kill me. The difference this time was the field. Nostalgia flushed through me. I've been there before. I remember the boat man and shiver. I remember his face as he took off his cloak and remembered the faces of my stalker and the face of the naked man. They were all the same person!
A sudden shiver rushes up my spine and I felt my heart begin to sink. Something was going to happen to me. And soon. I pulled my brother closer and my tears stop flowing. Jeremy holds me close and rocks me back and forth, like a child. "It'll be all right now, Nadia. Just go to sleep and I'll be here." I felt choked up. He's always been such a kind brother to me. As I laid in his arms, I felt my fears fly away, if only for a moment, and I slowly drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
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Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 4:30 pm
Chapter 2 - The Door Opens ~ "All that we see or seem, Is but a dream within a dream." -Edgar Allan Poe ~ Three days have passed since I last had that nightmare. They've stopped, at least at the moment. I'm actually quite relieved. My birthday was today and I was turning fifteen. I hope that the streak of dreamlesss nights will continue, at least until this night has ended.
The strangest thing has been happening. Jeremy has grown edgy and protective during the past three days. He'd hang around me more then usual and buy me anything I wanted. Mom was acting strange too. She's always deep in thought and whenever I'm trying to talk to her, she appears to be an empty shell. I've heard her crying in her bedroom many times. I haven't seen her so depressed since Dad died two years ago. And all this before my birthday. The sinking feeling I had before came back but I brushed it off. It was my birthday today. I shouldn't be afraid of anything.
Jeremy walked me to school regularly but he was much more chatty then usual today. He talked a lot about random things, like what was on TV last night and what he and his friend Eric was planning for next week. He appeared to be feigning cheerfulness and it upset me. He was never one to hide things from me. We parted ways when the bell rang and we both hurried to our first period classes.
I never really had a best friend in school but if I had to pick one, I'd say Allison fit the criteria. She's always around me, talking like crazy. She's always there, no matter how annoying it is. She likes to follow me around and always gossips to me. I would just listen and nod. I'm not one to talk a lot. I know why she hangs around me though. She wants to use me to get close to my brother Jeremy. He wasn't incredibly hot but he was good-looking enough. He was pretty popular with my freshman class and his senior friends. Almost everyone knew who he was. Everytime my brother passes by me and Allison, she's bat her eyelashes, giggle, and subtly push her cleavage together. My brother would question why I hang out with someone like her. I just tell him it's because she won't leave me alone. And, just my luck, we had all our classes together and my seat is always near hers! It's like fate played a cruel joke on me.
First period Science comes by, Allison sits next to me and starts to congratulate me. "Happy Birthday, Babe! How's it feel to be fifteen?"
I shrug. "I don't feel any different."
She laughs her laugh. It's high-pitched and nasally. Makes me wanna barf. "Oh, whatever Nadia. I'll bet that Jeremy got you an awesome present!" She gushes. "He's so cool! I'll bet every girl in school wants to be in your place!"
I snorted. "Not if every girl wants to be his sister."
She sighs as though she's superior. "But you're not biological siblings! You're adopted so it's still a possiblity." She sighs again, this time dreamily. "To just live with him! I'm so jealous! I can't believe you haven't hooked up with him Nadia!"
I hated it when she acts like she's trying to set us up together. "I can't see him as anything BUT a brother. So although we're not related, I think of him as my actual brother. Why would I fall for my brother, Allison? That's sick."
"Gosh, it was just a thought. Like a forbidden love. That's pretty hot, don't you think?" I didn't answer but she was probably off in some perverted dream of hers, as usual. I just sat back and breathed. I didn't want to be irritated on my birthday.
The day seemed to fly by. Allison gave me a checkered scarf as a present and though I was pretty sure it was just a bribe, I was appreciative. Jeremy seemed to be acting normally during lunch and pretty much kept to his friends instead of following me. I was relieved. Seventh period passed by and finally I was free from the stifling classroom! I met up with Jeremy in the front of the school and we walked home.
Along the way, he took my hand. I looked up to him, a bit confused. "Jeremy?"
He didn't answer but the way he held my hand was tense. I grew afraid once more but we walked on without speaking. We lived fairly close to the school so it wasn't long until we reached our house. As we approached the door, Jeremy squeazed my hand. I stopped and looked at him. He sighs and releases my hand. He places his hand on my head.
"Happy Birthday Nadia." He opens the door and walks inside. I felt another empty feeling in my stomach. The way he said those words, it seemed like it would be the last time I'd ever hear them. I took a deep breath and walked inside, ignoring the nagging feeling of suspicion and fear.
For the rest of the night, everything was normal. Mom was happy, though I could see that her eyes were swollen from crying too much. Jeremy didn't mention his strange behavior and went about the day acting normal. Though everything seemed right, I knew it wouldn't last long. So I bathed in joy for as long as I could. Mom brought out the cake and Jeremy lit the candles. I smiled at them and looked over to their gift. I wanted to open them first, before blowing out the candles. They picked one out together so I opened the single present. It was a really beautiful delicate charm bracelet. I looked closely at the charms and saw that all our names had a charm attached to it. Rachel, Jeremy, Nadia. I almost started to cry from happiness. "T-thank you!" I managed to choke out. Then the tears started to spill over and Jeremy came over to comfort me. I hugged him immediatly and smiled. "Thank you." I released him and put on the bracelet. Then I turned my attention to the cake. They began to sing the Happy Birthday song. I was so grateful and happy. I'm so happy I'm alive. I breathe in, ready to blow out the candles. Then the bell rang.
I stopped, mid-breath. Mom and Jeremy tensed up. My heart stops beating. This is what I was fearing. The end to this happy day. Mom smiles reassuringly to me but I knew something was going to happen. Mom gets up and walks to the door. She opens it and gasps. She falls backward, stunned. I looked at the face of the man at the door.
"Dad?!"
Jeremy is shocked. Dad smiles at me. "Hello my children. Missed me?"
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Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 4:32 pm
Chapter 3 - Opening Pandora's Box ~ “It is natural for man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren till she transforms us into beasts... For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth, to know the worst, and to provide for it.” Patrick Henry ~ "Arthur?!" Mom was shocked by his visage, as were Jeremy and I. We were there when Dad died, during the day of the car crash. Mom was holding his hand as he was rushed to the hospital. Miraculously, the three of us were unharmed, without a scratch on us. He died there in the ambulance, even before we could make it to the E.R. And yet there he stands before us, alive.
"Rachel! It's been too long! Ah, though I'm sorry to say I'm not Arthur." He stepped inside and closed the door behind him. He lifted his hand to his face and suddenly, the illusion disappeared and we could see his true face. His face transformed into a disfigured face of a...well, it's not really something I can explain. It had no nose, one eye. You can see it's veins and bones portruding awkwardly out of his(or was it her?) face. No ears, no hair. He smelled of blood and dirt. He smiled at us, drool dripping from his lips. His eye gleamed and on his face was a tattoo. 281. I shivered. Jeremy stood protectively in front of me. Mom's face was twisted between agony and pure hate. She couldn't take the fact that she was decieved. She stood up this time and put on a stony front.
"Cassien," She said coldly. I figured that was the...thing's name. Wait, did Mom know this thing?!
It smiled. "So you remember! It feels like it was just yesterday we met! Do you remember? In the river Styx, where you traveled with your husband to save your son's soul?"
"Of course. How could I forget?" She smiled icily. Save your son's soul?! I looked over to Jeremy. He didn't seem to notice me. His attention was fixated on the creature and I could see hate in his eyes. What was going on?
"Oh yes! You were so brave, so courageous. You almost make me feel bad for what I'm going to do." It's eye connected with mine and I glared at him. It was a reflex.
"You're not getting her," Jeremy growled and took my hand.
It smiled pitifully at us. "Oh, little Jeremy, don't make this any harder then it has to be. You of all people should know the deal our kind made with your parents." It shook its head. "You humans are so difficult." Then his voice became threatening. "A deal is a deal. Now hand her over."
Mom spoke up this time. "Never!" Suddenly, she began to chant in a foreign tongue. It sounded like a spell of some sort. A white light engulfed the creature and chains pushed out of the ground, tying him to Earth. It cried out, probably from shock. Mom stopped chanting and spared us a smile. "Jeremy take Nadia away. Don't let anyone stop you! Remember the plan?"
The creature cursed us. "You damned fools! All of you! Fools! You'll all pay! Lilith will bring hell into this world if you don't return her daughter! Fools! Fools!" He laughed crazily as the chains pulled him into the Earth. "You filthy humans will all die! All of you!" He broke the chains on his left arm and began to climb, eventually break all other chains pulling him down.
"Hurry!" Mom called to us as she began to chant another spell. Jeremy nods and pulls me toward the backyard door. We ran quickly to the fence. Jeremy leaped over it with ease and called for me to do the same. I climbed carefully onto the top of the fence. Before I jumped down, I spared a look to Mom. I wish I hadn't.
Cassien had escaped from the hole and was fighting face to face with Mom. I can tell that she was going to try another spell but it was not caught off guard this time. He took the initiative and thrusted his hand through Mom's stomach. I screamed as she dropped to the floor, dead. Blood splattered all over the floor. The creature slowly bent down and began to feast upon Mom's flesh. Despair washed through me but I turned away, unable to watch anymore. I jumped off the fence, tears welling up in my eyes. Jeremy takes my hand and I could tell that he already knew what had happened. He turns away, his face twisting in pain. We ran and cried to ourselves, without sparing a look back at our now deceased mother.
We caught three buses, running after each stop. When the moon fell behind the mountains, Jeremy stopped in front of an incredible house. If I could call it a house. It was strangely built. There was no door in front, no windows except for a large balcony on the top floor. Vines of leaves wrapped around the building, with strange plants growing on the walls.
"Raphael! Let us in!" Jeremy called out. Suddenly, a beautiful man walks out to the balcony. He had long brown hair, gentle green eyes, and a playful smile dancing on his lips. His smile grows brighter when he sees Jeremy and I .
"I've been expecting you! I can't believe how much you've grown!" He glances over to me. "Is that the hell-child?"
I gasp and Jeremy frowns. "Just let us in Raphie!" The man sighs and heads back inside. Suddenly a part of the wall begins to to open and a passageway is exposed. Before I could be surprised, Jeremy pulls me inside. The secret door closes behind us and he finally releases his grip on my hand. He collapses on the floor. "We're safe."
I relax and realize that I'm sweating like a hog. I help Jeremy up and he leads me to up the marble stairs. I look around and see statues and paintings of religious figures on the walls. Once we reached the top of the stairs, we walked along a corridor where beautiful flowers adorned the passageway. I found myself mesmerized in the enchanted hallway as Jeremy led me through it. I could see a light at the end of the tunnel and saw the same beautiful man we had just encountered standing there, waiting for us. He stared at us, or namely me, with an unreadable expression.
"I see the two of you are alright, though you appear to be missing another member of your family." He raised his eyebrow.
A sudden blow strikes my heart and I turn away, my mother's memory too painful to bear. Tears welled up in my eyes again and I looked down. With my head down, I couldn't see Jeremy's expression. The man seemed to understand.
"Ah. That is unfortunate. Although, I can't say I didn't see it coming. Still, we cannot change the past." He snapped his fingers. "Come. Sit down and tell me what happened." He motioned his hand to the chairs and table near the balcony. Tea for three people was set up on the table. We walked right over and sat down. We each took a sip of tea and the man spoke up again. "Now Jeremy, what happened first?"
Jeremy nodded. "Well, that demon guy came over again, this time to take Nadia away." I jumped a little but no one noticed. "Then, Mom says no and starts chanting the Restriction Spell on him, to hold him down so we could get away. That's the gist of it really." No one seemed to notice that I was completely in the dark with this. So I spoke up.
"Um, that guy was after me?" The beautiful man looked towards me, surprised. I glared at him. "What?"
He stares at me, bewildered. "You really don't know?" He turns to Jeremy now. "You never explained anything to her?" Jeremy shook his head. "Are you mad?!" He's angry now and slams his hand on the table, spilling over the tea. "How could you be so foolish?! This is the most important part of her existence and you hide it from her?!"
Jeremy looks down. "It's not exactly an easy matter to talk about-"
"It doesn't matter if it's easy or not! If she's left in the dark about this, there may be dire consequences!" He sighs, aggravated, then sits back in his chair. After several moments of silence, he turns to me now and looks me in the eyes. "Well, you should know. But if you don't want to... Well, it's your choice after all." He sighs once more. "Do you want to know or not?"
I'm completely confused. "Know about what?"
His voice turns hard. "Your origins. Your memories before you came to live with Jeremy, Rachel, and Arthur. Why your mother died for you. Everything that you didn't know or was hidden from you. I've give you a choice on whether or not you want to know, which probably won't make a difference. You'll learn the truth soon enough."
I get a wierd feeling again, like something big was going to happen. I wish these feelings would go away. I get two options: Forget everything and pretend like nothing happened. OR! Face the magic and learn the truth. Should I open this Pandora's Box? Jeremy and the beautiful man stare at me intently. I thought carefully about my answer, though it didn't take too long. I was never one to run away.
"Tell me everything."
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Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 4:35 pm
Chapter 4 - Hell Child ~ “You can bend it and twist it... You can misuse and abuse it... But even God cannot change the Truth.” Michael Levy ~ If any other day, someone told me what Raphael was telling right at this moment, I'd probably laugh or stare at them strangely. But not today. I've seen so many things today. My world is changed today and nothing I knew was actually the truth. No, the truth is something deeper, stronger. Much more unbelievable than the lies I've grown to believe. But nobody said the truth would be easy to accept.
Raphael stares at me, and speaks in a serious tone. "You're sure about this?"
I'm shaking a little. "Not 100%, but I feel like I have to know, regardless of my feelings."
He nods. "Alright. Where do you want to start?"
"Anywhere is fine. The basics please."
"Fine." He pauses then starts again. "Well, to start off, you have to open up your mind and throw away everything you know to be the truth. Your beliefs, your life, your identity. All of that, is not true."
I try to compose myself. "Alright."
"Very good. Now, replace everything you know with all the fairytales, fiction, magic, myths, and whatnot that you know. Everything there, is the truth." He looks to me. I nod and he continues. "Demons, witches, werewolves, angels, mermaids, fairies. All of those things exist. But most humans are unaware of that." I noticed how he distinguished 'humans' in his speech. "You and I are part of those fairytale creatures. However, Jeremy and his parents are humans, that were unfortunate enough to fall into the hands of demon tricksters.
"Though we are of the same category, we are two very different species." He points himself. "I am an angel, or an archangel to be more precise. I serve the land of Paradise and all those that reside in it." Then he points to me. "You are my enemy. Your kind is the reason why diseases, suffering, poverty, and etc. are plagued upon the human species. You are a demon."
I knew that this was a shockinng blow to me. But at this point, I was too numb to feel anything. Nothing seemed real and yet if I pinched myself, I knew this dream would prove to be reality. I just sat there, too stupid to answer. He continued on.
"Yes, you are a demon. But a very special demon. You're royalty in the Underworld, a person of very high stature." His eyes flickered. "Your father is Satan and your mother is the demon seductress Lilith. If you don't understand, it means you're the princess of the Underworld." He pauses, letting me take everything in.
What. The. Hell. "WHAT?!"
He smirks. "That's right. Your daddy is Satan. The big evil guy that controls the Underworld and caused the entire world to suffer 'cause of a stupid trick he played on Eve."
I'm freaking out here. Everything starts to sink in. "Wait a second! My dad's Satan?!" A headache starts to build up in the right part of my head. "What the- How could this- HUH?!" I'm standing now, pacing around the balcony. "Okay, so you're saying I'm like a bad guy, a demon. Hey, wait a second, then why are you helping me?" I look back at him. He has his poker face on. "I'm your enemy right?"
"Right."
"Then explain yourself."
"I don't have an explanation."
"Huh?"
He sighs. "Not everything needs a reason." He runs his fingers through his hair. "But if you really need a reason, I suppose it's because you're going to be used as a political hostage."
"What?!"
"Didn't I tell you that you're royalty?" He sniffs. "The Underworld will try to get you back using any means necessary. I'm going to use you to trade for someone your side has captured from us. If we're lucky, we'll be able to make off with ten of our men at most."
Before I could take in what he said, Jeremy stands up from his seat and speaks for the first time in a long while. "You never said that before." He walks over to Raphael and pulls on his shirt. "Mom sacrificed her life to keep Nadia away from those crazy demons and now you're saying that you're going to give her back to them?! That ain't gonna happen!"
Raphael slaps his hand away. "Don't meddle in our affairs, Jeremy. This is out of your league. It concerns a greater matter, the state of the universe per say. This is Underworld politics. It does not have anything to do with you."
"Of course it has something to do with me!" He points to me. "We may not be blood-related but she's still my sister!"
Then, the beautiful, cold angel passes a dark stare at Jeremy. "Stop lying to yourself. You've never once thought of her as just a sister."
Jeremy flinches at his words. I didn't completely understand what was going on but I brushed it off and continued with the original subject. "You're going to give me back to them? After all that's happened? After what Mom sacrificed for me? Well, I'm not going to go along with this. I refuse."
He looks to me calmly. "You've got no choice. If you stay here, you're safe from any incoming demon attacks or kidnappings. Though, I am going to trade you off later, it'll be a long while before I actually intend to give you back to your homeland. However, if you chose to not comply and leave, you'll be violently taken away from us by one of your demon brethren, without a chance to say your final words to your brother." Jeremy freezes immediatly and turns to me, pain layered in his eyes. I look through all my options, looking over them over and over again, trying to find some way out. There wasn't one that I could see. A long silence passes before I am able to accept my fate. Despair crushes my lungs but I force myself to reply.
"Fine." I clench my fists tightly. I blink back stray tears.
The angel nods approvingly. "Good. That'll make things easier between us. I'll show you to rooms you may use. The only rule in this house is to not leave it. If you do, well, you already know." Jeremy and I follow him back to the corridor of flowers. He claps his hands and two doors on opposite sides of the hall opens. I take the left and my brother took the right. Raphael begins to walk away. "If there's anything you need, just call. Feel free to wander also. There are no places off-limits in this house."
I've never hated anyone before. Sure, Allison was a bit of a pain but I never hated her. When that demon killed mom and devoured her, even then, when my heart was torn to pieces, I didn't hate that demon. But this is the first time I've ever felt a burning need inside of my body, torturing me, telling me to end his life. I looked at his back as he walked away and spoke up in a voice I've never heard come from me.
"You know," The cold angel turns. I speak, malice and hate dripping from from my tongue. "You're the worst. You may be an angel but," I pointed at him, half-hoping that fire would spit out of the tip of my finger. "You're as heartless as the demons you claim to be your enemy." Jeremy looks at me, surprised. The angel is shocked. I continued, speaking with the utmost sincerity and hate in my soul. "I hope you drop dead and die." With those words, I walked inside my room and close the door. Then, I collapsed to the wooden floor, weeping. Now I knew I was a demon's child. No human being could ever speak such horrible words, and hope, with all of their hearts that it would come true. The me I thought I knew, the human side, is disappearing. Satan's hell child is taking over.
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Posted: Tue Sep 08, 2009 2:48 am
Hiiii, Sandra! This was interesting. I was getting caught up in the horrific dream, and since I've been in a gory mood lately it was very nice. I like where the story is going so far (haven't started Chapter 2). I did notice some things you will want to change. Throughout Chapter 1, you change tenses from past and present. Most of the other errors were misspellings I noticed and one or two words changes I recommend. Quote: Dead trees twisted around each other, destroyig each other's Misspelled: Destroying and each others' Quote: The carcasses of animals and humans covered the ground and I could smell a stench of rotten flesh in the air. I would change "the" to "their" - "the stench of their rotten flesh" Quote: Shooting stars flew overhead in the night sky and almost immediatly, I stopped. Misspelled: Immediately Quote: "..." His words came as a whisper. I couldn't hear him. I would just cut out the dots. They aren't needed since their is no distinguishable dialogue. Quote: I had nightmares regularly, at most twice a week. They continued to grow worse each night and each night, my brother or my mom would have to wake me up in cold sweat. Instead of "each night", I would say "each time" or "after each nightmare", since the nightmares don't occur nightly. Bye!
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