Welcome to Gaia! ::

(If you know of a better place to put this, tell me.)

Chapter One!



Ahhh, Final Fantasy Legend II.

In case you can't tell by the graphics, this is an old, old Game Boy game. Released in America in 1991, this was one of the first video games I ever owned, right alongside Pokemon Blue and some old Kirby game I don't even recall now. There's not a lot to say about the plot—you go off to find your lost dad (appropriately called Dad within the game) and to find the Magi, which are basically artifacts of the god's abilities that give you magic powers.

With that, let's just get started, ne?





An immediate recap of what I just said! :D Magi's the artifacts of the gods who created the world, but hey, we DO learn that people fought over it. People always fight over the coolest toys. :c

And NOW, our story begins...



So, our main character! Here's what we've got.
Human M: Physically strong, good for tanking, tends to not be the best with magic.
Human F: Speedy, okay for physical and okay for magic. Great multitasker.
Mutant M: Magician. Starts with Blizzard, can attack physically OR magically.
Mutant F: Another magician, starts with Flame. Much more Mana-geared.
Robot: Physical attacker; cannot use magic at all. But they've got their definite uses~ (And glitches! C:)
Slime, Baby-D, Imp: All shapeshifters. They eat the 'meat' of the opponents at the ends of battles to change form. Slime can steal enemy health with Dissolve, Baby-D can breathe fire, and the Imp...
Can scratch things.



DR. XAVIER, I BELIEVE WE HAVE AN AWOL STUDENT OF YOURS HERE
HE HAS THE POWER OF HETEROCHROMIA.



“I'm TALKING to you, wake up!”



“...AIDS.”
“WHAT.”
“Yep. Turns out I got it at Woodstock, so guess who ELSE is dying in a few years~?”



“S-Seriously?”
“Nah, I was just ******** with you.”



I'm not listening to a man who made me think I had an incurable disease. :c



Can't you give me one of those electronic tracker things? That'd be real helpful.



...You're giving your teenage son a sparkly piece of glass?
You were really hoping for a daughter, weren't you? D:



Seriously, no remorse? This is, like, the twenty-second time. And I'm only... actually, I have no idea how old I am.



“Because I sure as hell ain't coming back this time to do it.”



“...Yeah.
By the way, make sure to tell your mother that I finalized those divorce papers.”



Seriously, I have a door RIGHT there.



And now...



LEEEET'S DOOO THE TIIIME WAAAARP AGAAAAAAIN



I certainly don't resemble my father at all. Maybe I was adopted. Am I Chinese?



I don't look like Mom, either. o-o
Clearly I am either adopted or a test tube baby.
It would explain why I can shoot ice out of my fingers.



“...That you'd figure out that I'm not actually your mother.”





“If I leave, I won't be able to keep the cops from finding your meth lab in the basement.”



“I know a thing or two about eluding the cops~”
“...Mom, you really scare me.”
“Aw, thank you <3”



“But first, I really AM getting tired of walking in place for so long. Can I stop now?”



“Tell Daddy that I'm doing all right.”

Seriously, Mom, do you or Dad even have a NAME?




Aww, do I HAVE to? :c

And then I missed the screenshot, but I told Mom I'd be back with Dad.
Doubt it, he's probably halfway to the Giant's World by now.






I keep freaking missing bits of dialogue because this game scrolls the text so stupid. If you hold B, it stops moving, if you press A, it scrolls faster, but it just keeps going and going unless you pause the ROM. On a physical cartridge, you can't pause it unless it reaches a pause before being handed a Magi piece or something.




So Magi is in 77 pieces, makes up a statue of a very pretty lady. And made the world. And Prism is one of them?
...Bitchin'.



“This Prism's power is being pretty, then? I dunno, those Twilight vampires basically had the power of being pretty, and they all kinda suck.”






“HE'S GOING TO BE THE HERO?”
“...Just shut up.”





I knew that already. The dialogue box told me so. :c



How appropriately convenient!




ALWAYS TIME TO LEARN




“We want to run off to a quest that could possibly put us in grave peril, too!”




And now it's time to select our other three teammates! Balance is typically key; a team of 4 Human M's is bland and probably won't do the job well enough. A team of Mutants would be too frail and die easily, and a team of shapechangers would get mutilated if they weren't all in good-enough forms, which is determined either by luck or clever 'cheating.'





”I mean, c'mon, you've got Baby Dragon in your deck! Baby-FREAKIN'-Dragon!”
Well, now that we have our motley crew, we can START OUR EPIC ADVENTURE OF LOVE AND EXCITEMENT AND INTRIGUE AND DONUTS AND--



Oh, hey, Mr. S is talking again.




But we cut him off before he can rant again and get the hell out of there.



So here's our squad~

Attempt to revive this. Let's see if THIS time I'll actually update more than once before letting it die for 4 months. 8D

Warning: This one goes through THREE dungeons (even if they are relatively small ones, compared to later stages of the game), so it's preeeetty big.

-------------------


Well, that was a good 4-month nap. Let's see now if anyone even cares that their children are going off to fight the forces of evil on a whim. :D

But first, we'll talk to random people we'll never see or hear from again. (You can come back to this town reeeeeally late in the game, but I doubt I will.)


Aw, thanks. <3


I know that. Hell, you and I used to play Explorers over there when we were little. We even used to take each other's places in tests because we look the same. D: Are you my brother?


Maybe it's the monsters roaming the landscape, periodically destroying our crops and thereby ruining our economic prospects and reducing the size of what used to be a bustling metropolis to the tiny village it is today.

Or maybe it's just a KISS concert next door, I don't know. The wails and roars of monsters and the ear-piercing shrieks and electric guitar of rock music are pretty identical.


Yeah, while you're all safe here with the ravenous KISS fans to protect you. D:<


Joey: MOOOOOOM I'M GONNA FIGHT THE FORCES OF EVIL CAN'T I BE WITH THEM OVERNIGHT AT LEAST :C
Also, what the hell, the mother of a larval dragon is a MOTH?


A-And a human's mom being a fox... wh-what is this I don't even--


Oh, well, okay then! <3



...Won't even repeat the comment here. (Maybe she BUILT him?)

Also neither of the other parents were generous enough to give me stuff. Guess you guys don't care if Joey or Infi live. (Or, uh, get deactivated.) >:[


Well, that was stupid enough, so screw this village, I'mma goin'--

--Oh ******** src="https://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a14/airbornus_rabaticus/LP FFL2-2/FinalFantasyLegendIISa-Ga2Uh3.png" class="user_img" alt="User Image" />
"I have to make sure you stupid kids won't get yourselves killed RIGHT away!"
...Okay then. :I


...OKAY THEN. :D
Mr. S will be doing the brunt of our fighting until we lose him as an NPC. Which means ABUSING HIM UNTIL ALL THOSE ABILITIES GO TO 0.
Dissolve is basically the equivalent of Mega Drain from Pokemon--you deal damage to the enemy and absorb so much health. Fire is a spell that targets multiple enemies in one line (I'll explain that in a second), and Cure... heals your party. One person at a time. :I


See ya. I won't be coming back. 8I


You know, I've always thought this game has pretty decent graphics, what for being a Game Boy game as old as I am.

And now a couple of other menu explanations I forgot.


This is the Memo function. If you've played a Tales game, it's like Luke's diary or Yuri's accounts of the game's progression. It's MUCH more basic, however, and mostly serves to jot away important things like "This is who this person is, this is what this location is for, et cetera." It's helpful, I guess, if you've not played in months and can't recall what you've done in the area.


This is your MAGI screen. You get to equip the pretty little baubles and they can help your stats or give you funky abilities. All Prism can do is this:

Which, all in all, isn't too bad an ability. Kinda helpful when a place has multiple dungeons.

AND NOW FOR SOME FIGHTING.

AAAUGH SPIDERS

HOLY s**t IT'S A LIONJAGUAR GET IN THE CAR



Okay, so this is how the spells work, as you can hopefully see. Spells like Fire and Ice target all the enemies put on one line; you don't see each separate Jaguar, you just see one and they tell you how many Jaguars you can attack. Any attack either targets one single enemy, one single group, or all the enemies onscreen. You can have 9 enemies at most in one group and 3 groups onscreen at once, meaning you can at most be fighting a whopping 27 monsters at once. Eyugh. (Later in the game when you have awesome stuff, this isn't that terrifying, it's just a case of WHAT monsters you end up fighting, not so much the numbers.)


Yay, Potion! <3

Yes, we realize this, Mr. S. We're ALREADY in that cave. 8I Why are you the TEACHER, again?
(You can press B to get a 'helpful' comment from your NPC, like if you press Select on the worldmap in Tales of Eternia, a team member will comment on the current workings of the plot and vaguely--or specifically--direct you to your next location. Here it's pretty useless, just kind of interesting for a few moments.)
Also the other chest had a Bronze shield. Use it in battle to deflect physical attacks.


WereRat? Aw, man, that's gotta be AWESOME.

...Ffffff.

Monsters also drop meat in this game. Yes, even the undead zombies and the monsters who technically SHOULDN'T, like skeletons and animated swords. You can feed the meat to anyone, even your Robot if you have one, but only the shapechangers respond to it at all; they become a new monster. Some, like the Goblin line, suck pretty hard. Some don't. You can abuse internal numbers and stuff to know what exactly you'll get from each meat, but I'm too lazy to deal with that. If I want to play a game where spreadsheets and extensive number abuse is necessary, I'll play some more Fire Emblem. |D



Why you attacking me, I just want to save the KISS concert D:


AAAAUGH OH GOD GANGS PUNCHING ME
Actually Punch is a pretty pathetic attack until you get it down to about 10 uses or less. (It starts with 90.) The less uses it has, the stronger it becomes.


The other chest had a Bow. <3


"I WANT TO FEEL PRETTY, TOO"


HOLY s**t IT'S A DRAGON, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE, OH GOD, OH GOD, OH JE--



...Well that was easy.
(Stat-ups are similar to... I believe how Final Fantasy II works, but not quite the same. Based on what you do in battle, you get stats to increase. Using weapons like Bow and Whip increase AGI, using magic (spellbooks or natural) gets you MANA, using weapons like most swords (some, like the Psi, are MANA-based, and a couple, like the Rapier, are AGI-based), axes, and so on get you STR, and using shields gets you HP. DEF won't raise with battles because you get DEF by equipping new helmets and stuff.


And now I proceed to grind Mr. S down into a fine powder by using all of his abilities. ALSO:


There's a tentacle rape joke that should be here but I'm not stooping that low. (It's a good attack, though. One of his better forms at the moment.)


Because goodness knows you've been doing SUCH a good job so far.


"You've spent enough time with us now, why don't you get back to watching Saved by the Bell reruns on your living room couch, nurse that bottle of scotch, y'know. Regular Tuesday afternoon."


"...and good riddance."


After a bit of walking, I have reached a new town. BUT THEN!


That search... that search was... Dammit where's my Easy button.


Okay, Dad, you're coming with me, you have some talking to do with mom, she finally found those divorce papers under the fridge and...


OH GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE
THOSE EYES



I'M SORRY WHAT DID YOU SAY I WAS TOO BUSY STARING AT THOSE EYES
CAN YOU EVEN SEE OUT OF THOSE THINGS?!

...Well enough of the scarring. TIME TO TALK TO PEOPLE, OHBOY


Plot direction!

NPC information! (She has a name, therefore she is important. Dad counts as a name.)

NPC information AND plot direction! Boy, this town is so useful.


The prices of all inns are dictated by how many HP you are missing. So, in this case, it only costs 11 gold to stay. However, it restores all use of spells, so if you've got a unit with natural Cure and enough to spread the love all around, you can heal everyone with that Cure and its charges will go back to full for free. (You can stay at the inn even if the cost would be 0g and thus you can stay even if everyone is technically at full health.)

I bought Vika a Psi sword for later, some Cure potions since I don't have Mr. S the Cure Monkey anymore, and continued on.


Hurhur another obligatory tentacle rape reference. That Gang never knew what was comin' to them.

And now to Ki's Shrine, which is off to the west, as that nice lady said earlier. C:


I don't know, that's why I asked you. <:C

He knows how much she hates people tracking dirt into her nice, clean shrine.

Everyone else here is boring so I just talked to Ki.


"...w what the answer to this crossword puzzle is? I knew I shouldn't have subscribed to National Puzzler's Monthly, it's just too hard... :c"









I'm bad at taking these screenshots. She basically asked what I'm going to do with MAGI, we gave a responsible answer, we asked her where Dad was and she doesn't know (dammit), but she DID tell us how to get to our next dungeon. How nice. <3

A quick trip later...

Okay, so I've gone down one, then another, then...



OH GOD THE WORLD'S STARTING TO FADE AWAY


Oh, wait, it was just a scene transition. c:


Welcome to the... I don't really know what this place is. A well-maintained ruin?


Both of these guys are pathetically easy to slaughter.


Insert generic bondage joke here


One thing you might've noticed about the Robot is that his weapons seem to have small usage compared to the other guys. (Have I even shown reliable screenshots of the other guys in my party?) That's because any weapon equipped to the Robot (well, anything that can be used) will have its current number of uses reduced by 1/2 whenever equipped. HOWEVER, when you rest at an Inn, that'll all get restored along with health and spell charges. :3

Also Joey turned into this:

Nice improvement. Still no spell, but the Beak attack does decent damage. Immunity to Quake won't be useful until later in the game.



:c Someone took all the treasure before I could get here.


OH BOY MORE TREASURE, MAYBE THIS TIME I CAN--

DAMMIT.


Stupid treasure hunters... >:I They aren't the stalwart heroes of the land, I AM. Well, sort of...


Hm, that hole in the ground is strangely geometrical.


Flies are pathetic. They drop... well, like flies.



<:C *sigh*




Wait, did they just skip over an entire room? They aren't very smart treasure hunters...


I missed the screenshot of it, but they basically just phased right through the wall. Why did they even bother with a key?


...s**t.



RIP
Blandie McGeneric
He lived as he died: Offscreen, and without anyone caring what happened to him.






Got ourselves another useful NPC, yepyep. BD Ki is one of the better NPCs you'll get in your party over the course of the game, mostly due to the ability to heal your party members.


But before we stop the evil, a quick trip to the next town.


No s**t, Sherlock? We've learned this since first grade.


This guy sort of just stared at me funny before kicking me in the shins. :c


What about stupid people? Can THEY get into the base? ouo



But you're a generic townsperson and just spend all your time walking in place. What do you care about going to other worlds?


TIME TO TACKLE THAT MENACE, THEN


This area has some of my favorite music in the game. :3


Bigger groups now. Toad is a pushover.


If you walk against these guys or press A on them, they'll spawn a new fight.


Hey look, YouTube videos. :o


More fighting. Monsters tend to attack the front of the line first, which is why Vika is at 1 HP. :c


Obligatory B-button dialogue.


If you spawn a fight here, you can see the zombie in the other room. |3 It makes me giggle, what?


I always wondered why this area had random lion heads on the wall. :B Or, really, what ARE those? Door knockers?


Zombies make both bad lawn ornaments AND bartenders. I never got my martini D:


Hurhur drugs? It's just a potion that increases AGI. Vika downs it, as Mari is faster than him, Infi can't use potions, and I don't think shapeshifters can or should use them.


Also got a new nifty ability for Vika. Now I can't be surprise attacked! BD


OH GOD CHOICES WHAT DO I DO UHHH
UHHH


Right it is. I went to the left, though, and after fighting through rotting hordes of zombies, I got...


Vika put on his pimpin' new gloves and we went on our way.


Mari is swingin' that around now, being the only one to really effectively use it, besides maybe Infi.


Overworld sprite? I'd say that's our boss!
Joey will have a bit of fun, though, with his new form:


High DEF equals that guy ain't touchin' him. BD


"I CAN CLEARLY DEFEAT YOU, LOOK HOW BIG AND STRONG I AM! I--"





Not much of a contest when you're up against one of Dr. Xavier's students and a holy woman with the ability to call lightning down on your a**.

While in a closed room with no access to the sky.


Basically he taunts me, saying Ashura has the MAGI already. That b***h.


Right, because going all the way back to the beginning to get out would be smarter.





Yet for some reason they left these behind instead of giving them to Ashura... why?
I don't know. MORE FREE THINGS FOR ME YAY



Video Game Law states that all dungeons that are constructed by people must collapse or be destroyed somewhere near the end of the dungeon. :D
At least, in early video games.

Then Ki starts whining about how they didn't get all the MAGI back yet.


"But what if we just trained and got stronger, and attracted his attention so he'd come to us?"
"But there wouldn't be a new dungeon involved if we did that."
"Oh."


NEXT TIME:
CROSSING OVER TO A NEW WORLD. And fighting monsters. That's always involved.

[[Edit: Fixed that YouTube URL.]]

Okay, here we go. By the way, if the lead character seems to change frequently, I sometimes placed Infi at the front of my party in order to have him soak up more damage for battles. Vika does not live as long as that robot does. ^^"

--------------


And we're back! Since I forgot to show how our party has developed last time, here's some screenshots to show their progress:






However, as we begin to leave the world, Ki appears from out of Vika's pocket, er, pocket dimension!



Yeah, yeah, go back to defending your world, you loser. I wanted you to stay and keep healing us 8C


OH GOD I'M FLYING


OH GOD WHERE THE HELL IS THIS D8


IS THIS SPACE? MORE FLYING AAAUGH JESUS CHRIST GET ME OUT OF HERE


Oh, here we go. ó3ò


YOU RASCALS, YOU, LIVING IN DESERTS
...You guys don't have a priest that can revive the dead, do you?


OH GOD IT'S FATHER COR--
Wait, Ashura? Okay then. I thought her name was Ashera...

Well, this place isn't too bad, I think--


AUGH JESUS CHRIST BISCUITS D8

(Yep, you can fight monsters within the town. There are stronger ones outside that have more money on them, however, though fighting in the town means you only have to walk about ten steps to a healing source!)



Well, I think Ashura has hisself some issues, doesn't he? Conquerors always end up getting killed in the end, anyway. FORESHADOWING?



Now, then. All of the important information that I need to find for my next location so far has been found within the Cafe, so I head there, and I find a bunch of guys nursing mugs of ale in the corner. They look sufficiently suspicious so I walk over, aaaand...




Well, there's our answer! Let's--




But I thought--




--...Crap. D8

I decide to talk to the bartender; maybe a martini will help clear my head and help me figure out what the real answer is.
Or it'll just get me drunk, but hey, either way I win.




After a bit of a chat, I learn that this tower (all RPGs have to have a tower, didn't you know?) is seven paces to the east and seven paces to the south, and south from the cactus that you find from the aforementioned directions. Okay then! Got me some alcohol in my system, I'm all rested up, so let's get going!


Hey this thing has Total Eclipse of the Heart on it. o3o

[Some hours later, after falling asleep on the jukebox]

Oh wait right, people to kill. Are teenagers really suitable for this task? I mean, murder's a big deal... oh wait right no one cares. :c


But I already knew this. You're about five minutes too late. Now stay still while I puke on your shoes. D:<


All right, then! Let's go! We can totally take this! We can--


DIE, ZOMBIE! YOU'RE NO LONGER BOUND TO THIS WORLD! D:< AND YOU! FLAN! GET BACK TO FINAL FANTASY-- Oh wait.

(Zombies aren't a very big deal. Slimes are infinitely more annoying--remember Mr. S's Dissolve attack? They've got it.)


Barracud and Eagle (whom we saw before) are not very threatening. Don't worry much about them. We wipe the floor on their asses and then keep going. 8I

Wait, aren't we supposed to have Goggles when we go through the desert? D8

[Some hours of lost traveling later]


OH GOD CIVILIZATION


OH GOD WHAT IS THIS, THE SANDSTORM FOLLOWED ME INTO THE TOWN? Hey look a person. o3o



Oh, so it's kinda like... that one movie. With... uh, the guy.
...
SHUT UP


Yeah, you gotta walk into these parts of the screen to reveal what's there. Don't worry, half of the town didn't get chopped off. <3 (Or DID IT?)


Haha nope. :D
We pin this guy into the wall and demand some answers!



Hm, a specific mention of a person that is not Ashura or possibly Ki. Nope, this spy isn't going to be important at all.


Well, that nice man in the coffee shop did--
AUGH NO STOP DON'T BREAK MY KNEECAPS D8



Hey, let me know if you see a doctor, the robot's kind of lugging me around right now because my legs are broken. :'c

(NOPE, THAT SPY WITH A BANGIN' HAT ISN'T GOING TO BE IMPORTANT)



After getting checked up by a MEDIIIIIIIC, we head out. Thankfully, the path to the tower is very clear at this point. <3



And here we enter (thus far) the longest dungeon. By that, I mean most floors. This IS a tower, after all!



These guys are total pansies. A single shot of a spell takes 'em all out at once 99% of the time. In the other one percent, all but one die, in which case the last one becomes terrified, shits a literal brick onto the floor, and then passes out in fear, leaving him susceptible to a simple stick poke away from death.


...I'm sorry, we seem to be having technical difficulties. <:I


Also those Beetles stink because they turned Joey into a Fly. D:< (All You Need is Love my a**, Flies can't hurt ANYTHING!)


As we walk along, though, we seem to run into Joey's estranged cousins, who don't take nicely to us making fun of him... or being nice to him at any point.

<******** D8


Goddamn these rabbit ears. D:

That's better. :c

But now we gotta heal up... good thing I stocked up on all that extra alcohol in the cafe!


Wonder why the labels say Cure, though...

Here's a fun thing about Robots, though:


Robots gain HP, both on their total and running count, when you equip them with armor. Whether through a glitch or conscious effort of the programmers, when you remove armor, the total HP your Robot has goes down, but the running count stays the same. So you never have to heal your Robot; you only have to take a piece of armor on and off 'till its HP is up to normal! :D
Just don't accidentally keep swapping it with a weapon in your inventory; the weapon's uses will decrease just the same. I wasted a perfectly good Colt on accident that way. :C

Also, you know what? Vika, you're getting injured too much. And dying. D:<



SO THERE.

Say hi to Infi, everybody!

Infi's metal detectors proceed to go off.





Red Bone aren't that annoying, just more resistant to physical attacks. Vika kills them WITH HIS MIND.


As a result he gains another mutant power; THE IMMUNITY TO EARTHQUAKES.


Random monster standing in a dungeon? MUST BE A VILLAIN!

And thus WE BATTLE



[About thirty yearsten rounds of plonking physical attacks on this guy because Blizzard was starting to run a bit low at this point]


WHOO, MEAT (Wait, how does a man made out of WOOD have MEAT? Are-Are we just eating WOOD? D8)


All right, then, Person Whom I Clearly Do Not Know.


Considering you got kidnapped by THAT guy, who would have fallen to about two shots of Vika's Blizzard, I'm not entirely sure you're going to be able to do that, PWICDNK. 8I


Yes, we did. Mari laughed so hard that she snorted. Then Joey laughed and she kicked him in the 'nads. Pretty impressive considering he was a Fly at the time and thus his 'nads could have been anywhere, really.



I never said yes, but OKAY THEN, PWICDNK.

So let's see what you've got here...


...Ffffff.

At least Joey turned into a very octopus-like Amoeba. C:




This is a very narrow stairwell.



Riiiight, let's just--


...Let's just see how you do in battle, PWICDNK. >:T



...Okay you can stay. 8D!


I still have to wonder why these things on the wall keep appearing in dungeons.


MORE GUNS 8D


Monsters in this place keep beating me up. 8C


Beep, boop, more climbing up through door-like staircases.


I love looting. <3


Hm. This seems suspiciously like the villain's room, judging by those treasure chests laid out like that.


I steal that potion and chug it down like a dehydrated man in the desert.


I let Mari have this one, who delicately drinks the concoction to mock me. >:I Jerk.



Mari gets both of them because no one wanted to listen to her complaining about PMS.


Boop boop boop, lots of stairs! It's nothing like that staircase in Mario 64, though. D:


...That's an ugly sunnuvabitch. 8I


"...to make a batch of muffins, would you like one? 8D"



"...that I POISONED THEM! EEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHE <8D"





"...and then I can complete that blingin' necklace I started a week ago! ^o^ Everyone at the villain's reunion will be sooooo jealous~*~"


"If I get rid of you, I'll be even MORE popular! <3"


AUGH! He's like... like the b*****d child of one of those Buddhist gods and a really ugly Decepticon. D8


ATTACK, ATTACK, ATTACK!



Hey, this isn't too bad, maybe--


AUGH DON'T KILL INFI ;_;


...Oh hey. :O! Maybe this won't be so bad!


WOMAN DOWN, WOMAN DOWN DDD8

After about six rounds of attacking, as everyone save Joey and PWICDNK either miss or can't do any damage...




"I-I NEVER LEARNED THE TRUE MEANING OF FRIENDSHIP ;_;"





There was also a Poison but I missed the screencap. owo"

PWICDNK proceeds to tell me whenever we exit the tower that he's tired of bustin' his a** to keep us kids from dying.


I better see you at home when we're done with this, mister. D:


WE BETTER SAVE THE PRETTY LADY THAT CAN HEAL US! D8



IT'S JUST A JUMP TO THE LEFT~
WITH A STEP TO THE RIGHT~




I don't think that sending in shrunk-down people is really going to be effective to combat a virus, but... all right, Miss Faerie Lady. <3 We'll go to see the Giants!

Oh man I can't wait to learn how to shrink--

Wait. Wait a sec.


...GIANTS know how to be SMALL?
...Eh?

Oh, whatever. Time to get to the Giant's--


AAAAAUGH

AAAAAAUGH


Whew, we're out...



Oh, okay! This'll be easy! 8D


...D8
Aw man.

Well, let's try the cafe.


Oh, okay. MAYBE THIS WILL BE EASY! <3


...Or you're a LIAR D:< You meanie!


Well, let's go on a walk or something, maybe--


OH MY GOSH DADDY! FINALLY I FOUND YOU! You have a lot of explaining to do, mister! D:<

We have a bit of a talk, too. The jerk isn't willing to come home, he's too busy collecting baubles. D:< And I'm even trying to do his job FOR him, too! At least he gave us a Thunder MAGI, even if they're glitched and do the opposite of what they should in this game... ^^"


OH LOOK A DOOR!


I take myself a little nap in this little room. =w= Mmm, comfy.

Afterwards, I feel refreshed and ready to go. Time to tackle that lying Johnny dude!


So, I believe you have something to tell me, and I'm NOT leaving without it... >B3


The threat of breaking kneecaps saving the day, we head out for Giant's Town!


Oh, look, new monsters! They shouldn't be so bad!


...Man I fail. D8
(None of these guys are really that dangerous--Amoeba being the exception with Dissolve--but I kept missing, I think, so Vika died. ._.")


BACK FOR A RE-MATCH, I SEE D:<


B3 That's right, b***h.


Hey, look, I found the door after going completely invisible! These mutant powers are AWESOME! |D


Another won battle! YAY MEAT!


...BOO MEAT D:<


I love how doors do this when you unlock them, or you go through a secret passage. I always imagine your main character just sort of shouting this. Like, your party member whips out the key and you just shout "OPENED!!" or something.


GIGANTIC HOUSES, WHOA


We are not fashionable enough yet to gain entrance! D8


Yay, no longer Toad!


...Could be worse. :I Decent stats balance out--sorta--the lack of decent abilities.


Here, let's try this house that's actually open to us. :o
Man, those beds would fit, like, four people at once.


I hate those Robots. The Silver and Crab aren't that dangerous at this stage, however; later incarnations can be.


Better than the Oni! :D Can't attack that well but he won't get killed, no sir!


THOSE DAMN TERRORISTS D:<


Gee-Dubya would be proud. :o

...

Diabeetus.


HEY STUFF 8D



Hm... nothing to shrink me down, but we found more pretty things... Hmm...


Got a feeling...


:D
...
Deep inside of meeee...


More stuff <3!


That Silver shield we got before is totally obsolete now. owo"


Mari, being a girl, grabs the shoes before I can so much as check what they do. D:


LOOKIT ME I CLIMBED ON THE SHELVES :3


YAY NOW I CAN SAVE KI!
Is it just me or did the Micron look like a GIANT EYE?


And after returning to Giant's Town and resting up, readying myself for battle INSIDE A PERSON'S BODY, here is our party:






See you again next time! <3

Oh God, oh God, oh God, I have so much to say in response to this LP, so pardon my possible tl;dr as I write this. First off, I didn't see this until now, and now that I know it's here I will be watching this thread like a hawk. Unlike you (sadly) I never got the privilege to grow up with the SaGa series, which is a downright shame as Kenji Ito is one of my favourite video game composers of all time (Burning Blood being my favourite song in this game). It wasn't until I was a bored teenager that bought SaGa Frontier for PS1 that I got my obsession with the series and being one of those "ever-so-weird" people who LOVED FFII, SaGa was just my cuppa tea. I didn't get the chance to play through all of FFL II, but I have been playing the DS remake of it- which just recently obtained a fully playable translation by the late Crimson Nocturnal on my new, shiny flashcard (why you should probably play it too) and I am thoroughly impressed. With a combination of SaGa gameplay, and Ito's songs remastered, it's like a dream for me. My favourite SaGa would be Romancing SaGa 3 for the SNES which also has a 100% complete patch followed by SaGa Frontier since it made my teenage years full of love for music as well as the beautiful (as usual, gotta love SaGa art!) artwork, just that picture of Blue and Rouge (first picture; you can't miss it) in their magical identity duel is ironically- yet easily the MOST beautiful piece of artwork in the history of video games that I've even seen.

So yeah, do keep posting, I am a huge fan of the series, and love anything SaGa, especially if it's Kenji Ito related. heart

EDIT: Also, when you're (if you go take a look) on that site with the Blue and Rouge artwork, check out their cosplay section, SaGa cosplayers tend to be hardcore.

Oh my, I fondly remember this game. The first time I played I got stuck fighting Odin and his flunkies, but the real challenge (which I didn't realize) was the final dungeon. I mean...damn.

Oh, I vaguely remember that place...I went in there to get the glass sword since I heard it would help greatly against Apollo. I don't recall what happened, but I did get the sword - and the place probably was quite nasty.

Chapter Five: In Which We-- Holy Crap This is Long


After a bit of a trip through the trippy world life space whale tree world, we get to Apollo's land. And probably after about five steps you'll find...


Kelpies. They're annoying bitches sometimes. You know why?


That's why.
So Mari kicks their s**t with her own Kick, and we move on.


Oh, man, this is a nice place Apollo's got. It's huge!


I wonder if it's all right for us to enter uninvited...


So let's talk to this random dude just wandering around first. I wonder if he lost his tour group...


Ooookay. Whatever you say, man...


Nice pillars.


How the ******** did you know that? It was in an entirely different world! No one else was there at the time besides Mask! And for that matter, how can a huge spider be sentient??



I do believe that will totally not be relevant later at all.


Okay, dude, um... you're supposed to be in the room, not outside of it... could you just...? I mean... um... n-nevermind. I'll talk to you out here.


I would've gone in even if you hadn't told me to, but thanks, I guess.



What is it with these people and delusions of godhood and the long pathways up to the throne? If you ask me, it's--


Holy s**t Apollo is huge.

[and then I did a very stupid thing; I closed my ROM and re-opened it later, not realizing that starting screencaps again caused it to re-number from 1, overwriting the existing screencaps in that folder, rather than tacking onto the end. Apollo essentially gives you one Magi here and giggles to himself that he's powerful enough without it, then offers his oblique help in finding the Magi still in his world.]




Ooookay, then. I mean, you could have just told us outright where these things are, but... whatever. Man, these people with delusions of god-hood... did you remember to take your medication today, Apollo?

Oh, also, because of how this game works with the tiles, he disappears in segments as you walk away.


Heeheehee
He has such a tiny throne for such a huge guy.


Seriously, you... do know you're not in the right place right now, don't you? Sigh. Stupid eyeballs...


Wait, was it just me, or was Apollo's palace way smaller on the inside than it was on the outside? s**t's like a reverse-TARDIS!

Eh, in any case. TIME FOR A NEW TOWN OH BOY
First, talking to people!



Neptune has been shipwrecking boats in a city with no harbor and making the sea flash red in a black-and-white game. Good to know!


And another guy! Hello, octopus. You're so delightfully creepy.


What business? Your town has a weapons shop, an items shop, an Inn, and a coffee shop. If anything, you should be glad Neptune's angry! Brings all the adventurers around to buy your s**t to try to take him down! Unappreciative p***k. Not like there are any other business unrelated to adventurers in this town...



Speaking of coffee shops! Time for more information gathering!



Barkeeps always know the best information.



…you could have just said “You need this doohickey to see inside of a really bright cave.” It’d be faster to say and sound less oblique and ripped right out of the prologue of a fantasy movie. :|


Well, he's a scholar, so clearly he must know the answer.
...Wait, how did an eyeball with a tentacle become a scholar?


You don't have a phD. Your argument is invalid.


What man? Also, that's a really stupid man. Seriously, she might be hot, but what about that cute barista you'd been making eyes at for the longest time? Seriously, she was available and you just... it... nevermind.


And then this mutant broad tells us exactly what we were told inside the coffee shop. Thanks, lady.

So, discussion of a man who followed a mermaid into the ocean, and Neptune wreaking havoc… clearly blindly following his wise decisions is the best choice!


Aaaaaugh


AAAAAUGH



AAA— Oh wait I can breathe underwater.
Wait, how can I breathe underwater? Infi would rust and Mari’s a human, maybe Vika’s mutant powers also allow him to breathe underwater and Joey is… a Fiend, which are usually fire aligned, so why can he breathe underwater?

I mean, I guess if Mari can breathe underwater, maybe that means—


Oh what the hell how can a horse breathe underwater you things are everywhere


…Again, resisting the urge to say something bad. But the important thing is: Is it better than Fiend?


…
Can I mulligan?


Oh what the hell how can moths breathe underwater??


Oh, wait! This is better! Much better!
The Faerie line of monsters in this game is great. You want to know why?


THAT’S WHY. Cure is the most important spell you can ever have in this game because of how much damage later enemies and magic can deal upon your party. Anyway.

That scholar mentioned a submarine volcano, right…?


Would this be it? 8D




Despite the fact that this volcano is entirely underwater, the lava around and within it is still capable of hurting you. 1 HP to each party member per step. No one can die from it, because no one technically dies in Final Fantasy Legend II (anyone who “dies” in battle has 1 HP when you run or win the battle) but it’s still a pain in the butt. You can see Vika taking one damage from the lava in that last screenshot there.


Why am I finding ghouls and sentient, evil trees underwater.
In a volcano.
Ghouls and sentient, evil trees are both weak to fire.



Also you can use Thunder magic. Underwater. What what what what


Well, I’ll accept this. C:


Mari likes to gain a lot of HP. Humans do that.


This dungeon has a lot of spots that look like they’ll turn to separate paths to some kind of result and offer nothing. But we’ll go down before we head up the stairs (stairs inside a volcano??) just to be safe.


Ooooh, what is this? A lone island in the lava? I smell treasure! Mari’s practically twitching in excitement!


…
>:C


I’m not sure how to feel about this one. Lose the ability to prevent surprise encounters to gain the ability to inflict stone in retaliation upon enemies. StonGaze is infinitely better… (it’s pretty nice in this game, actually, you still gain GP from monsters who are defeated via Stone.)


Once again given to Mari, who will act as our buff lady since Vika’s busy working on his Mana and will otherwise focus on AGI when he’s not trying to bolster DEF.


This will also be Mari’s later.


Really, a freaking underwater volcano…


It’s not enough to collect 77 baubles, I gotta—oh man, a chest!



But first I have to beat up two separate enemy encounters. It’s all good.

Also, you know Punch? You know, the 90-count attack that seems to do barely any damage when you first use it and is only good for bolstering AGI without killing off the enemies too fast? Well, this is what happens when you get it down to 1 use:


Yeah.
Mari basically punched his entire body off.


There was… something in this chest, I failed to cap it. But more importantly is what is on that lone island!
No, it is not empty land. Again.


Yes, I realize it looks like a burn scar that’s scabbed over and been burned again, but more importantly, this happens when you touch it!


HP healing in the middle of a long dungeon, especially if you don’t grind for stats, is a godsend. If you really wanted and had the uses of weapons to spare, you could spend a while just grinding around an HP healing spot if you didn’t want to deal with running in and out of town to the inn. However…


Magic charges aren’t healed. Neither are your robot(s)’s uses of its weapons, or any of your changeling(s)’s abilities.


Augh god I can feel the burns all the way to the bone


Three flights of magical volcano stairs and more sizzling flesh wounds later…


OH THANK MERCIFUL HEAVEN


The treasure chest disappeared. Yeah, definitely plot-important.


Also two more shiny Magi. Hooray!


And since we’ve magically managed to not lose the use of our feet and got all the Magi in that inexplicable underwater volcano, there is absolutely no reason to ever go back. Good riddance.


One down, two to go!


Hey, look, another town! It’s time for your favorite part of any LP!


AWKWARD AND BADLY-WRITTEN NPC EXPOSITION!!


I kind of figured that when the guys wandering around his tiny palace told me they regarded him as a god and he refused to give me information out of riddle form. I don’t trust those cryptic assholes.


Okay, enough of this bullshit, time to get a martini and hit up the drunkards for information.


How many shots have you had? Also, why is it that everyone in bars is a scholar? It’s like people at ballparks always conveniently being doctors when someone gets beaned in the head with an errant strike.


No, I’m pretty sure you just passed out or had some kind of fever dream…


One, you aren’t the ‘scholar’ here. Two, proof, where is it. Three, I think my mom told me not to trust talking foxes. Leads to trouble. :|


More foxes. Crap.


Missing father? Sick mother? Adorable young girl? I smell plot relevance~*~


Hey, uh… Missus Lynn’s Mom? You don’t mind if I come in your house, do you?


Uh… I’ll… take your silence as a yes.


Oh, there you are. Can’t you even drag your diseased butt out of bed to greet a guest? Not even the main character? How lazy.


…I smell an escort mission. Crap.
Also, you can’t see it, but her sprite doesn’t move when she lies in bed, unlike everyone else walking in place.


We take a leisurely walk on the plateau around Lynn’s home and find absolutely nothing.


That’s probably the most helpful thing we’ve been told in this entire village, save for anything Lynn’s mother told us. And it’s still useless because there are plenty of caves in this world and no area is tagged with an area name upon entering it! Thanks for nothing.


He then went back to humming and plucking a dead chicken’s feathers off.

Time to get go—wait, shopping, we gotta go shopping!


…Ohhhhh. That’s nice…


One day.


Seems like as good a time as any to go rescue that useless kid.


And this dungeon isn’t blindingly bright!

Three steps later—


A single well-placed Thunder turns the Raven into nothing but a scorch mark on the cave floor. Joey’s gender confusion is ever-helpful.


Yay more chests


These go to Vika. He needs the help with his AGI for now. Mari can pout all she wants, she needs to be a team player, dammit.


So close, yet so far away…


Freakin’ dead end caves… we had to walk through an underwater volcano and get skin grafts, and now we reach this cave and we go in through the wrong entrance?


Load of bullcrap… If this cave isn’t secretly hiding some amazing treasure, then…


…Hmmm.


Yeeeeeeeees. Eeeeeexcellent.


If this is somehow also the wrong entrance, then I swear I will locate and strangle a baby goat.
I’d do it, too.


You win this time, baby goat. This time.


A lot of explorations down more dead ends than in the underwater volcano followed. Also Medusas.


Medusas are kind of bitches because they can either Blind your party, or they can put them to Stone. Blind party members can’t hit for this and Stoned party members act as fainted and can’t be cured unless you have a Soft lugging around in your inventory, which in turn removes a precious inventory slot for more treasure.


So clearly, we take the easy way out.


Jellies are annoying for Dissolve, more ******** Kelpies, and the spider enemies are more of a threat than before, but still the least threat of these three possible targets. A couple of good whacks from a physical weapon or two wide-spread spells usually takes all these guys out, especially if you abuse those weak points as hard and as often as you can.


Two doors, only one path deeper into the cave, which clearly means the other must lead to…


TREASURE 83 Finally, Infi can attack multiple enemies!


Also we got accosted by some random mooks on the way out. Mari’s now training with an Ice spellbook to buff up her Mana. Spellcasting is way too valuable in this game to deny of a second character.


…I’ve got a bad feeling about this…

One step later—


WHAT THE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL


What


I cant even get back up, either! Oh, son of a b—why can’t I just climb up the slide? Is it just so slick that I can’t get any kind of grip? Bullcrap.


Might as well explore if I’m stuck down here… maybe—


TOTALLY WORTH IT NOW



…ffffffff—


That’s better. (in case you’re wondering, yes, the Elixier works just the same as an Elixir from any other Final Fantasy game. Typoes ahoy!)


…Is that little girl with the meatbun hair…?

…Naaaah. She couldn’t have gotten this far in this place.


Are you serious.
I mean, are you really serious.
Dunatis exists?
There’s a potion to heal an unstated illness inside of a dank, dark cave?
You got this far in the cave on your own?
No. No, no, no, I am calling so many shenanigans on this bullshit.


I’m too nice for my own good. =_=



Well… maybe she’s not so bad.


She can’t have gotten this far in the dungeon if she was a poor fighter, right?


...shenanigans

shenanigans everywhere


There are no words to express my disappoint.


So not only does Dunatis exist, he’s a random robot in the back of a cave? I know I need to stop questioning this stuff, but… seriously, it just… what…


I think he’s related to the Daleks, too. ******** src="https://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a14/airbornus_rabaticus/LP FFL2-5/188.png" class="user_img" alt="User Image" />
Aw, they didn’t give him a unique sprite, either. Sad times.

One uninteresting battle later in which Lynn is useless and Vika gets knocked out of combat from a rocket blast to the face…



Yes, yes, button-mashing to get past the screens, let me just leave the cave.


What the crap


You cheating whore.


I can think of at least three people who would burst onto the scene upon the request of a hero, but I digress. Let’s just… let’s just get out of here, Dad getting cozy with some random sick woman is hella awkward…


I wonder if Lynn’s Mom ever asked Dad why he had a thin tan line around his left ring finger.


Because a single motivational speech lasting about 20 seconds is more than enough to get over the trauma of discovering your father has been cheating on his faithful wife with a woman who was supposedly bedridden for a long time now!

BUT BEFORE WE LEAVE


Yes


That’s two rounds of Magi, which only means…


One more dungeon to go! I’m going to be so glad to get out of this place and away from all of these freaking Kelpies.


It came with four pairs of sunglasses, so.


Also, you can’t really see it in screenshots, but the floor scrolls down as you walk, at the same pace as your walking movement, so it seems to sort of follow you if you’re walking down. It’s interestingly trippy.


Mari’s starting to get better at encasing bitches in ice.


This dungeon doesn’t seem too bad so far… clearly it’s hiding something… Mari, stay on your guard. Vika, try not to die. Joey, stop fixing your cleavage. We have work to do.


Yes, that will definitely help keep you from not dying, Vika.


I deal with my Wyrm Kid enemies like I deal with my Medusa enemies: With a bolt of Thunder to their collective faces.


And Vika obliges me by becoming more difficult to kill.


Always two doors to choose from.


…Well, time to turn around! There’s possible treasure to grab!


But first, some stat-ups. Thanks, random encounter!


Mari’s starting to develop some nice, lean muscles. Good thing Vika doesn’t mind that a girl is tougher than he is.


I see treasuuuuure~


These things are wicked sweet, they pump your ATK up by a crazy degree. Mari takes them because they sure as hell aren’t useful for Vika, and Joey can’t wear any armor.


You can go either way in this area, but I choose to go right. Because I can.


Sweet, more magic for Mari! I spoil her so much.


At the end of the crossroads. What could be on the left path? More treasure? A different hallway?


A completely uneventful path, okay. Time to head back—


But first, more stats up. Thanks again, random monsters!


The rest of this is really just me going through this dungeon. There’s not a lot of interesting things to do in this place to screencap.


Ditch the Micron, because we sure as hell don’t need it now.


Infi will probably get that later. It’s only fitting that the robot gets the laser.


So this is what the dungeon was holding back on me… Thirteen on four. Hmmm.


Yeah, ******** that.


Vendor fodder. It’s essentially a Counter sword.


You know, I’m starting to feel… kind of tired. Like I’ve been running around far longer than I ever have at any one sitting…


…Hm. Maybe I can take these guys… Let’s see what happens. Gotta play this smart.


O-Okay… no, no, I can totally do this. I can do this. These guys aren’t that tough. Just watch. I—


…


What? I prefer living to blacking out.


oh thank god
goodbye, dungeon of eternal seizures


And… Mari just fell asleep on the path. Guess it’s time to tuck in for the night.

Until next time!

Chapter Six: They Only Had Two Days Left Before They Got Tenure

Because, really, if you're only in your mid-thirties, you aren't going to retire.


Our party upon the beginning of this section of the game. I keep forgetting to screencap at the end, so those status updates will now be at the beginning!

But before we leave town...


I have a bit of shopping to do.


Yeeeeees, powerful AGI-increasing whip get!


And with that, I do believe it's time to leave. See ya, Apollo! Clearly we won't be seeing you again at any point!


This place is still weird. Are we in space? Is this some kind of pocket dimension? Is it the night sky?


Also, these things at the edge of all the platforms. Are they anchoring this place to something, maybe? Or are they just aesthetic touches? YOU BE THE JUDGE!


MORE FLYING, AND--


Here we are in the next world! It seems... strangely small...


Yeah, this world is entirely made up of a single town. Kind of a let-down, man.

Let's see what this chick has to say, at least.


Hey, man, I know cosplayers are strange, but they aren't weirdos. That's just rude.


Wait, you're talking about weirdos in the cafe, and a huge, sentient tarantula is walking around town?
...Wait, that's racist of me, I apologize. I'm sure he's perfectly rational!


The what is where?


Well, hey, there's at least some shops! Let's check it out!


After giving Mari a new spellbook since she ran that Ice book dry, in order to ALSO open up more spaces in our limited inventory...


...Clearly we need at least one of these, because I have a sneaking feeling this shop won't be here long.


See? Vendor fodder, and delicious vendor fodder.

A few more useless items later, hocked over to the salesman...


Yessssss. Vika will be much harder to kill now!


But we are missing some HP. Hm....


Problem solved!


All right...


Let's see about taking a look around all these 'weirdos' in the cafe.
Got my interrogation sunglasses donned and everything.



Yeah, it can't be. You either gotta get boned by a swan or a golden shower to give birth to one or I guess you can kill the original god and take his place. But you can't just collect baubles and become a god. That's just SILLY.



That's just because your city is built along a faultline. Not EVERYTHING is the fault of gods. Stop getting your panties in a--wait, you're a sentient rock, you don't even wear clothes.


Okay, that's it. Where's the weed? I will cut you, boy. You might be a golem but I will figure out a way.


After dealing with these guys, I could use a drink, man.


If you say so, mister bartender.


If this one doesn't have Total Eclipse of the Heart, too...
Oooh, they do have this, though! Sounds nice and heroic, I--


what


HOLY s**t WHERE DID YOU GUYS COME FROM


And now we're locked in a cell. Goddammit! I mean, now we--


Wait, they didn't even take our equipment. ...Do you guys take hostages often?


Guess I might as well take a nap if we're stuck her for a while, anyway. Hm, comfy bed...


Wait, who the heck is shouting right outside my cell? Goddammit, I'm going to--


Would you stop playing League of Legends while you're on the clock and shut Ventrilo down? Some people are TRYING to sleep, it's incredibly rude!


I just want to punch you in the face for waking me up from my comfortable nap! Seriously, you have to be more considerate!

BUT THEN


Dad saves the day!


But he proceeds to never speak to us directly and show off his ability to walk through walls in order to leave the room.
...Dad never hugged Vika enough when he was a child. :c


Yeah, you BETTER. In fact...

One punch to the face and one new pair of headphones later...


Let's see what this place has to offer.


We can't leave thanks to this idiot, but at least we know better what's going on now. Doesn't explain how there can be NEW gods, or why they're spying on these guys, but... it's something!
Clearly we need to step up our investigation game.


He and Vika look NOTHING alike. He's a mutant with the ability to cure people with a touch and kill things with ice, fire, and lightning. Via his mind. Dad... just beats the s**t out of things with swords and hammers.


Maybe using MAGI creates some kind of strange violation of the laws of physics. Or maybe a violation of the law of equivalent exchange?


That always seems to happen in games. You've got a super-advanced society from the past that gets wiped out and the current day has NEVER progressed far enough to catch up to them. Typical.


More exploring... this area of the game has probably been the most fruitful in terms of plot information thus far. Very nice.


I'm still not convinced that you can become a god by collecting baubles. I mean, we're not gods and we have near half of the things by this point!


Well, we'd better hope they don't collapse before we can finish collecting the MAGI!
(Spoiler alert: They don't.)


That was a boring dialogue snippet. I already gathered that.


Seriously? He's given us maybe one MAGI this entire time, save for that Prism at the very beginning of the game. He's not very good at this MAGI collecting business.


Clearly this will not be important later.


Only one room left...


Hey, it's Dad!
And he instantly tells us to rest more. ...All right, then.


Ooh, down pillows...

Multiple cracks of lightning later--


Oh, what the hell. No one wants to let us have a good night's sleep, huh??


Whoever attacked was EXTREMELY methodical, to destroy every single ceiling tile in such a neat pattern.


Better go check on those NPCs...


WAUGH, HOW DID TREES AND MUSHROOMS GET IN HERE??
They both go down easily, though.

Hey, wait, if this room is open, then...!


DAMMIT!


More enemies. MechBugs are bitches, take them out as fast as you can. Claymen are tough, but not much of a threat. P-Toads aren't very dangerous. The brawler-types can be dangerous if you let them, but as long as you take them out quickly, you'll be just fine.


Lose Warning again, get an ability that would be fine as long as it WASN'T at the cost of Warning. I'd remove something else, but his other spells are attacking or Cure, the latter of which I am NOT removing, so...


Okay, tubby, out of the way!


AUGH I'M SORRY STOP HURTING US


We do get this, though.


And the stairwell blockage drops a MAGI for us. Thank you!


Hey look, it's Dad! About time, jackass!


Well, at least he's being useful for once. Let's see...


Dad, can you be part of our team forever?


Strange that these monitors keep scrolling, despite everything else being broken...


Oh, screw you.


O-Bakes are dangerous, but...


Ghosts are apparently deathly afraid of fire. Wipe 'em out before they can Touch you.
No, not like that.


Beat up another sentry, get another MAGI, lather, rinse, repeat.


You guys seriously even destroyed this room? Wow, d**k move.


P-Worms and Hornets are both non-threats.


Did get this, though!


Okay, time to tackle this sentry...


Augh, spellcasters are such BITCHES. But we have the gender-confused Joey, so...


AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

After we poke the Magician to death, we collect a Defense MAGI and move on.



So THAT'S where those guys came from...


STATS


They even destroyed every single chair...


Convenient that the coffee shop's door remained intact.


Aww... we can't even loot like this.


Another sentry, but first we stick Vika with the ability to Kick in the hopes of increasing his AGI.


So of course, he gains a grand total of ONE AGI over the course of 30 Kicks. Good job, Vika.


Might as well kill this a*****e.


Infi ends up firing a bullet at his head before he can finish. No one really minded him getting cut off.


And so we went!

TIME SKIP


Well, that explains why Dad was hanging out with some bimbo, and Lynn proceeds to be as useless as ever. Thanks, Lynn! Knew we could count on you.


"How long were you holding out on me with this thing?"


"But what about me??"
"No time, Vika!"
"But--"
"NO TIME"


And then he proceeds to crash into the enemy so hard that he explodes.
Well, that just...
Maybe he WAS a mutant after all.


Except for the part where it totally is, you useless brat.


We seriously had to trade out Vika's dad for this ten-year-old girl with Chun Li hairbuns? This just... doesn't seem fair, man.

BUT THEN


We decided to cut his bragging short. So you managed to get a guy to use Explosion to try to take you out. So what? We'll still kick your a**.


Why





Mari is smart enough, at least, to pluck the good weapon off of his corpse. Way to go, Mari!


...
...
...
WELL, THAT'S ALL, FOLKS! UNTIL NEXT TIME!