Welcome to Gaia! ::

Ya here is some advice. CHILL OUT!! You have an entire lifetime to have children, you must wait until your dam sure you are ready. Recklessness is not the answer. You must wait, I know it sux but it’s the best plan I can tell you.

It helps me to concentraite on the steps I know I need to complete before it's baby time. Ie.
1. I want to move to another city for a career that can only be done there.
2. I want to start said career
3. I want to buy a house that I'm going to be happy with for a lot of years
4. In the 'if I win the lottery' option I have a house that I would really love to build before I have a child. I want that house to be their home.
5. I want to learn a second language so they can grow up bi-lingual
6. I want to get married (but that's only 36 days away at the moment)

If you concentait on the things you want to give your child and have in place before they are born it will make you a better parents and it helps focus your mind. You may not be pregnant but you are definatly moving towards the goal.

I've been having strong maternal urges for the past few months too, though they've finally eased a bit, and like you I am also 19. I work around kids a little at my work (I'm a janitor at a local mall, and there's a kids play area), though I don't baby-sit anymore or anything like that.

I basically focus on 3 things:

1) I am not in a good financial position to support a child, and neither is my boyfriend. We've discussed it, and figured if we both worked full-time for awhile we might be able to support the baby, but we'd most likely need help from our families. And we don't want to do that. I've been on birth control since I was 17, and I intend to stay on birth control until my boyfriend and I have decided we are ready to have children (if that's what ends up happening).

2) If I were to get pregnant now, I know it would not be fair to the baby. Not only would I feel like I could be a better mother if I were older, more mature and financially prepared for a child, but I would not ever want my child feeling like a mistake because I had a baby at 19 or 20, when I was just getting my life started. I would not ever want to have my child asking me, "Mommy, why were you pregnant with me at 19?" Or 20, or whatever it ended up being. It's one reason why I feel sorry for many children of teenage mothers (but that's just my personal feelings).

3) I refuse to become a statistic. I will not have a baby at 19, and allow people and society to lump me in with the other percentage of young teenage mothers.


On how to lesen the desires, I'm not really sure. You could always change jobs, or find another one where you're not around children as much. Or don't volunteer as many hours, or something like that. Basically just removing yourself from the situation.

it is definately because of the hormones I am having the same problem myself I had my son before I was ready and it jump started me and now my hormones are telling me to have another before its to late. I find the best way to fight the urges is to think of how wonderful it will be to have a planned pregnancy rather than unplanned. I have done that before I would seriously not suggest it razz

It's not very fun to feel like that. I used to really hate children. Never wanted one, never wanted near one. But about two years ago I started to mature, and started to think about it maturely, and realized I wanted a child badly, with a passion. It's gotten worse lately, but like you, I won't be reckless about it.

Should I be pregnant as I speak, I know it will be very hard, and very unfair on the child. But I also know I'll have be responsible for it, therefore I'll do everything in my power to give it at least a decent, if not wonderful, life.

It's really hard to get rid of the urges. It helps me to think about all the down sides to having a child, and all of the sacrifices as well. For instance -

Sacrifices -

-Depending on your income, and since you say you won't be able to afford a child anyways, consider that you'll never have money to spend on yourself. No more new clothes, no more new CDs, or books, or video games, or whatever you're into. No matter, you can't get them

-No more dating. If you and your guy are the "out on the town" type, that will be gone, at least for quite a while, unless you can find a trustworthy, free babysitter, which is unlikely.

-No more easy sleep. It's general knowledge that babies wake up whenever they want, and that's usually in your sleeping hours. You could be up for hours tending to baby's needs, and it will emotionally and physically drain you.

And I'm sure there are more.

Down sides -

-Changing diapers. I've never met anyone that likes that.

-Endless worry. It comes with being maternal and loving your baby, and it gets old fast. "Oh is he/she still breathing? I should check." "Is he/she sick?" "Am I doing good?"

-The large messes they make with food alone. Not to mention toys when they get older, but still. It can be a hassle to clean up, and deal with as well.

-Being spat up upon. Surely not fun. My aunt still won't leave me alone about the time I threw up all over her.

-When they become toddlers, imagine the tantrums, and the crying, the fits they will throw, and the mischeif they will cause. Surely very drainging and stressful.

And most importantly -

-They're adorable as babies, but terrors as teenagers. It may be more than a decade away, but it's coming nonetheless, and it won't be fun.

XD Hope that pessimistic view helps a bit.