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 Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:09 pm
i feel a little depressed today, i need some jokes to help cheer me up ^^;, if your joke gives me a pretty good laugh, ill give ya 2k :3
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Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:15 pm
I've known this one for a long time
Ok, there is a van driving up the edge of a cliff at a steep incline. There is a driver, a plumber, a carpenter, and a soldier. The driver says "we won't make it, we need to drop some weight" So the carpenter throws out some nails and sees a little girl crying. He says, "Little girl, why are you crying." She says, "some nails fell out of the sky and hit my daddy in the head, now he's dead." "Oh, I'm sorry little girl" Back in the van, the driver says, "We need to drop more weight." So the plumber throws out some pipes and sees another little girl crying. He says, "little girl why are you crying." She says, "some pipes fell out of the sky and hit my daddy in the head, now he's dead." "Oh, I'm sorry little girl" Again in the van, the driver says, "We still need to drop more weight." The soldier throws out some grenades and sees an old man laughing. He says, "old man, why are you laughing." The old man says, "I bent over to pick up my paper and the town behind me blew up."
I used to think that one was hilarious.
but it may be better told in person.
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Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:25 pm
XxShadowXGodxX I've known this one for a long time Ok, there is a van driving up the edge of a cliff at a steep incline. There is a driver, a plumber, a carpenter, and a soldier. The driver says "we won't make it, we need to drop some weight" So the carpenter throws out some nails and sees a little girl crying. He says, "Little girl, why are you crying." She says, "some nails fell out of the sky and hit my daddy in the head, now he's dead." "Oh, I'm sorry little girl" Back in the van, the driver says, "We need to drop more weight." So the plumber throws out some pipes and sees another little girl crying. He says, "little girl why are you crying." She says, "some pipes fell out of the sky and hit my daddy in the head, now he's dead." "Oh, I'm sorry little girl" Again in the van, the driver says, "We still need to drop more weight." The soldier throws out some grenades and sees an old man laughing. He says, "old man, why are you laughing." The old man says, "I bent over to pick up my paper and the town behind me blew up." I used to think that one was hilarious. but it may be better told in person. lawl that one is interesting...but to win, ull have to beat this one that i found: There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years. Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance. "You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained. After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's arse. While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream. Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs. "You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!"
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Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:53 pm
this one has two different endings.. but i'm only using one.
a boy heard these two girls talking about purple passion in the lunch cafeteria and decided to ask a teacher what it meant. He went to his teacher and asked her what purple passion meant. She says, "I'll have none of that. You get to detention." The boy shows up at detention and the detention lady asks, "Why did you get sent to detention?" The boy says, "Well, I heard these two girls talking about purple passion in the lunch cafeteria so asked the teacher what it meant and she sent me here. Do you know what purple passion means?" "Thats it, go to the principals office." The boy shows up at the principals office. The principal asks, "Why did you get sent to my office." The boy says, "Well, I heard these two girls talking about purple passion in the lunch cafeteria so I asked the teacher what it means and she sent me to detention and the detention lady sent me here. Do you know what purple passion means?" "Thats it, you're going home." The boy goes home and his mom asks, "Why did you get sent home?" The boy says, "Well, I heard these two girls talking about purple passion in the lunch cafeteria and I asked the teacher what it means, the teacher sent me to detention and the detention lady sent me to the principals office and the principal sent me home. Do you know what purple passion means?" "That's it, go to your room until your father gets home." His father comes home and asks, "Why did you get sent to your room?" "Well, I heard these two girls talking about purple passion in the lunch cafeteria, so i asked the teacher what it means, the teacher sent me to detention, the detention lady sent me to the principals office, the principal sent me home and mom sent me to my room. Do you know what purple passion means?" "I won't hear that in my house." His dad kicks him out of the house and a hobo asks, "Why did you get kicked out?" "Well, I heard these two girls talking about purple passion in the lunch cafeteria, so I asked the teacher what it means and the teacher sent me to detention, the detention lady sent me to the principals office, the principal sent me home, my mom sent me to my room and my dad kicked me out. Do you know what purple passion means?" "No, but that guy across the street does." The boy heads across the street and gets hit by a bus and gets sent to hell. The Devil asks, "Why did you get sent down here?" "Well, I heard these two girls talking about purple passion in the lunch cafeteria so i asked the teacher what it means and she sent me to detention, the detention lady sent me to the principals office, the principal sent me home, my mom sent me to my room, my dad kicked me out and the hobo sent me across the street. Do you know what purple passion means?" "Such fowlness. Maybe God can straighten you out." The boy appears in heaven. God asks, "Why did you get sent here?" "Well I heard these two girls talking about purple passion in the lunch cafeteria so I asked the teacher what it means and she sent me to detention, the detention lady sent me to the principals office, the principal sent me home, my mom sent me to my room, my dad kicked me out, the hobo sent me across the street, and the devil sent me here. Do you know what purple passion means." " I cannot deal with the likes of you. You shall go back to school." The boy appears back in the lunch cafeteria. The lunch lady says, "Where did you come from?" "Well, I heard these two girls talking about purple passion in the lunch cafeteria so I asked the teacher what it means and the teacher sent me to detention, the detention lady sent me to the principals office, the principal sent me home, my mom sent me to my room, my dad kicked me out, the hobo sent me across the street, the devil sent me to heaven and God sent me here. Do you know what purple passion means?" "Yeah, it's just a phrase to really annoy people."
That is arguably the longest post i have ever done.
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Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 9:08 pm
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Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 6:31 am
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Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 6:38 am
Heres mine, Not ment to be racist but take it as you will. (I got 3 different ones, if you wanna hear more just tell me)
There was an old indian man who sold trained hunting dogs. So the white gentleman comes out and asks for his finest dog. The old indian man brings out the dog, sells him for $500. The white man decides to go hunting that night. The dog jumps into the bushes, runs aroud for a minute, but doesnt scare the birds out. The man starts to wonder whats going on when the dog comes running out, humps his leg, grabs the stick at his feet and starts shaking it. The man yelled GET BACK IN THERE AND FIND ME SOME BIRDS. The man gets the same result and decides to take the dog back. When he told the indian man what happened, the indian man shakes his head and tells the white guy: "He's telling you there more ******** birds in there than you can shake a stick at!"
(I havemore like i said. thats not the best one. but i cant remember the other ones right now D: They're my grandfathers jokes, being on the rez we hear them alot haha)
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Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 6:48 am
evans174 Heres mine, Not ment to be racist but take it as you will. (I got 3 different ones, if you wanna hear more just tell me) There was an old indian man who sold trained hunting dogs. So the white gentleman comes out and asks for his finest dog. The old indian man brings out the dog, sells him for $500. The white man decides to go hunting that night. The dog jumps into the bushes, runs aroud for a minute, but doesnt scare the birds out. The man starts to wonder whats going on when the dog comes running out, humps his leg, grabs the stick at his feet and starts shaking it. The man yelled GET BACK IN THERE AND FIND ME SOME BIRDS. The man gets the same result and decides to take the dog back. When he told the indian man what happened, the indian man shakes his head and tells the white guy: "He's telling you there more ******** birds in there than you can shake a stick at!" (I havemore like i said. thats not the best one. but i cant remember the other ones right now D: They're my grandfathers jokes, being on the rez we hear them alot haha) lawl, interesting
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Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 11:43 am
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Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:37 pm
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xXx Zack Fair SOLDIER xXx
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Posted: Fri Oct 16, 2009 9:35 pm
well i guess i might as well try one time when i was in the movie theater with my friends some stranger behind me asked his mom "mommy!! why is the floor so sticky?" and i turned around and told him "oh i just came.." it got silent then everyone started laughing it was funny. blaugh
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Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2009 8:34 am
Dream Catcher Kid well i guess i might as well try one time when i was in the movie theater with my friends some stranger behind me asked his mom "mommy!! why is the floor so sticky?" and i turned around and told him "oh i just came.." it got silent then everyone started laughing it was funny. blaugh thats just wrong xDDD
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xXx Zack Fair SOLDIER xXx
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Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2009 12:03 pm
sweetycatgurl Dream Catcher Kid well i guess i might as well try one time when i was in the movie theater with my friends some stranger behind me asked his mom "mommy!! why is the floor so sticky?" and i turned around and told him "oh i just came.." it got silent then everyone started laughing it was funny. blaugh thats just wrong xDDD yeah it was wrong but everyone started laughing ther asses off and mostly noone got the chance to see the movie by laughing to much
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Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2009 8:33 pm
ok so this is the best joke ever! my friend told it to me..
so a bear walks into a McDonalds
he waits forever in a long line so when he finally gets
to the teenager at the register he's feeling pretty edgey
so he says to the guy
Bear: "hey i'd like a Big...... ...... ...... ...... ......MAC!"
and so the guys like
Guy: "whoa why the long pause?!"
Bear: "DUUUUUH I'M A BEAR!!" *waves paws in face
yay! blaugh
ok and heres a stupid one!
Q: Why do Canadians call Canada... Canada?
A: Cause they can a DUUHH! rofl
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filigree hummingbird Vice Captain
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filigree hummingbird Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2009 8:49 pm
christmas joke!
ok so this guy is last minute shopping for his wife and he has to find the perfect gift or he gonna get the can, so he's looking around all the department stores but he cant find the "perfect" gift.
well somehow he ends up in a pet store and he looks around still looking for the perfect thing. he's still looking when the owner comes up and ask "can i help you sir?"
"yeah you can, see my wifes really mad and if i dont find the perfect gift she'll divorce me! got anything perfect?"
the man smiles " come with me" he says. so he leads the guy to the back of the store and uncovers a cage with a scrawny looking parrot in it. the guy look at the owner skeptically but the owner just smiles "watch this" he says
so the owner takes a lighter and holds it under one of the birds wings
"jingle bells jingle bells!" the bird sings
he lifts the other "Deck the hall with boughs of holly! it sings
the owner looks at the guy "this is Perfect I'll take it!!!" he exclaims
so the guy brings the bird home and on christmas morning he bring in his wife to show her the "perfect gift" he has found. when she sees the bird she not pleased but the husband just says "watch this"
he takes a lighter and hold the flame under the birds wing. NOTHING
he holds it under the other. NADA ZIPPO
finally in desperation he holds the lit lighter under the tail and the bird swells
"CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE!!"
rofl blaugh whee
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