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SO I had a wisdom tooth out an my head hurts and codine apparently makes me weepy, and suddnel the other day I got hit with these huge waves of 'you suck. nothing you do matters. you're only there to make life eaiser for other people.
And you SUCK AT THAT.
you'll never accomplish anything.
Stop wasting resorces. And money. And other people's time.
you aren't worth the food you eat let alone the little s**t you get to try and pretend people CARE about you.
no one wants to talk to you. They all hate you but can't be bothered to actualy tell you, waitingfor you to get the hint.
After all you're stupid, and silly and imature, and you dont' like the same stuff they do. They're all going to leave you. You aren't trying hard enough. You're trying too hard.'

... and then I got my tooth pulled.
And then my sister and my mother just SUCK at communicating and they BOTH talk to me and I'm like... uaha? only I want to help, because after all, I'm only here to make life eaiser. only I can't, because they seem to ******** WANT to not communicate.
Mother says she does, but she never seems to make any effort to actualy CHANGE her speaking habits so it's eaiser, and my sister seems to get off on being offended.

evil yeah, you know what? Whatever. Sick sick sick of it. I know you're trying. but you have so many hang ups it's like breeding wire hangers in a drycleaners. Sometimes I'm just sick of dealing with it, but what am I a saint, I gotta pretend that I'm not. gonk

And my head hurts and my art is looking really good in pencils, but I can't seem to force myself to ink, and no one cares, and Val was SO NICE about getting me into Baku AA, and all I can do is cry, and we need money, and I can't seem to do anything and I';m so tired, and it seems like everyone is depending on me, only they shouldn't because I SUCK and it's hot, and I'm grubby and sweating so much I'm DISCOLORING THE PAPER I'M DRAWING ON and I'm not getting anyhting done,
and I want someone to read this, and I don't want anyone to read this, and I hurt, and I'm tired, but I'm not sleepy, and I'm SICK of hearing about other people's problems and MYLEY CYRUS showed up in the ******** request meme I was hapily reading and all of my Fandoms scare the s**t out of me, but I love the thing they're about I just can't stand the people and EVERYBODY LAUGHS when I say that because I never act like it because I'm nice, and I feel like a ******** liar and a hypocrite.
And We dont' have any money, and I dont' know where it goes, and so I can't buy more materials to make things that I think people WILL Buy, because the money is gone. Somehwere. IDK, into my mother's fishtank, 5$ at a time. So I can't buy any books.
Or things to make things. and I have too many clothes, and none of them fit, and I'm hungry and I'm naucious and I drank too much tea and no one cares about me, just who they think I am, and I'm such a hypocrite. cheese_whine

And I must have a specail kind of suck at art, given what people do like.