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 Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 6:51 pm
 Mawu was glad her mother took the cubs for the day. Koi had been suspecting it was getting to her daughters nerves, so she offered for her and Liza to take the little ones for the afternoon. Mawu couldn't be more grateful. There was a great big spot in her heart for her mother, whom she always thought would hate her because of her high status mother giving birth to a low status child. Mawu took this opportunity to rest in her favorite spot. The water trickled lovely over the stones and such, so that she would lay with her paws in the water. She was feeling rather relaxed today-which was not usual for her. She was high strung. Especially by Vestip. Vestip was more high strung than Mawu was; being a father was taking a hard, heavy toll on him. His nerves were fried, his personality was slipping and he was hardly around anymore because, on more than one occasion, he'd snapped at their Gasht daughter because she almost let it slip that she was blind like Vestip was. He didn't like this, being a father, but he couldn't just leave Mawu to deal with that many cubs by herself, now could she? Even though most of their children were low status, like Mawu, she did have help raising the cubs. He knew that, but he couldn't bring himself to leave. At least not yet. Oh, the thought had crossed his mind plenty of times, to just leave, never come back. There was someone he truly wanted to be with, though they could never be together.
He wanted to see her; had went to see her several times despite the distance from their pride to the Swamplands. He knew Mawu was getting suspicious, but he didn't care. With a hard sigh, Vestip shuffled towards his own favorite spot, only to find Mawu there. Blinking, he shrugged and settled down beside her, dipping his paws into the cooling water, claws extending and then retracting a couple of times. "....Your mom and dad taking care of the babies today?" he asked, fully knowing the answer already.
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Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 6:54 pm
Mawu lifted her head and her lilac eyes gazed at him as he approached. Her cheeks grew flushed and she had to look down at the water as he approached. She felt so humiliated almost-that he was at her side so unwillingly. It hurt her really. It was tough, knowing he wasn't there for her but only for the little mistakes he made; literally. She watched the water, intent on not speaking to him first. She sort of shuffled a bit as he settled down beside her. "Yes. My mother and Father have them for today..." She said softly, feeling really awkward.
Of course Vestip saw how uneasy he made her and he shuffled further away from him, brows knitting together. He was hurting her, he knew that, but he didn't see any solution to it right now. Swallowing thickly, he nodded and turned green eyes to her, a frown pulled his handsome muzzle into a face that he shouldn't be making. "....That's good... You... You need the break," he heard himself saying. He knew it was his fault that she was in this situation. "I'm....sorry."
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Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 7:02 pm
Mawu sat and listened to him speak with lowered eyes. She knew that there was something that drug him. If only he could see how great she was, how lovely and wonderful. Was it her pelt? Now that he knew how lowly she was in this home. Was it her dull daughters that shamed him. She shut her eyes and sat with her head away from him. When he started to talk to her, she turned her head to gaze at him with sad lilac eyes. "...Sorry... why?" She asked, her gaze falling. "There is nothing to be sorry about. I don't know-" She paused. "-Why you even bother to come around me."
He knew she was going to say that, and it didn't bother him that she did. To Vestip, every slight that passed between them, he deserved. He wasn't doing right by her. He lowered his head and looked to the side, not able to meet her hurt gaze. "....Sorry.... that I'm not helping. That I'm not around. I just.... I don't know... How to do any of this. It's so damn hard. I didn't have a father that I remember. You know I love them, right?" He asked, sounding almost desperate, like that needed to be understood. And to him, it did. He needed to let her know that he did love their children, no matter how he acted. "...I wish... I could love you, that I could settle down and be here for you... for them, I just.." I don't think I can and be happy. That part hung in the air.
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Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 7:12 pm
Mawu felt her chest grow heavy. It hurt her to hear the words fall from his mouth. He loved them at least. She had to squeeze her eyes shut to stop any tears from falling. If only she had just told him no and left him on the borders. "Thats not the reason you aren't around me Vestip... you don't have to lie." She said, swallowing hard. She lifted her chin to take a deep breath. "The cubs... they know... that you don't want to be here... it hurts them. Little Onalim... she-she said somethings..." She shook her head. "Is it because of my status?" She turned her head to look at him with watering lilac eyes. "Is it because you learned how low I am... how horrible and how-how I birthed more low status children? Do I shame you?" She said, starting to bawl.
Moving to her when she turned to look at him, he put an arm about her middle and drew her close, taking a deep, pained breath. He pushed his face into her neck and shook his head quickly. "Mawu... You haven't done anything shameful! I think the whole status thing is really stupid anyway. I look at you and I see a beautiful female in so much pain because I'm an a** who can't stay with one female," he said, finally being honest with her. He nuzzled her as she cried, knowing this would happen. It seemed she was always in tears when they met up. "I'm... not here... because my heart is with someone.... I met her before I met you.... But I know it's impossible for us, me and her. ...I just can't seem to get over it," he whispered softly. God, he hated making things so complicated. What did their little Onalim say about him? "...Tell me... what did... what did Onalim say..?"
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Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 7:20 pm
Mawu wanted to crawl away from him and deny any contact but it felt so good to have him at her side, to know that some male did sort of kind of like her in some stupid way. She trembled, pressing herself against him with sadness bursting from her. "Then why not go to her Vestip. Go to her and be with her... it is pointless staying here... It's not worth it. You aren't happy with me... so why stay...'' She said sadly, her lilac eyes burning with pain... "It is not only Onalim. She won't tell me but... she talked to someone about it." She shut her eyes and took a deep shuttering breath. "She said that she thinks that you hate them or something foolish like that...."
It broke his heart to hear the children speaking of him like this. He knew he should show them so much more affection then he did. He wanted to, Gods, he wanted to, but how did he go about doing that? Vestip cursed himself mentally for not knowing anything about children and how to interact with them. He continued to nuzzle against her, tears threatening his own eyes. He was NOT going to cry, damn it. Licking his muzzle, he let out the breath he didn't know he was holding and shook his head. "....I-I can't... I can't do anything right," he mumbled. "I can't make you happy, I can't make them happy..." Now he was feeling almost nothing but self-loathing and self-pity for himself.
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Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 7:28 pm
Mawu looked at him and felt her heart breaking at his tears. "Then go Vestip... there is nothing here for you..." She said, her eyes spilling tears. "Vestip... you don't love me... you can't love the cubs the way you wish because we have no bond... you don't want to be with me and those children are half of me... They feel it." She said, shaking her head side to side. "You just-you can't just keep trying Vestip.. it won't work... I am meant to be alone."
Could he leave like that and feel comfortable with it? No; but she was right. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't be here. The tears spilled down his cheeks as he pressed closer, shaking his own head. He didn't want to, but it was probably the best for both of them. If he didn't lave, Liza would probably attack him or something for hurting his daughter like this, and he knew Koi would hate him even more than she did. He felt the hatred from most of the pride, actually, though he never talked to any of them. "Would..... would it make you happy?" he whispered, voice harsh and tight with the sobs he was trying to hold back.
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Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 7:36 pm
Mawu felt he pain rip from her chest in a sob and she stood, climbing down off the rocks so she could be away from him. Away from his handsomeness. Away from someone she wanted to love. "Happy... no... i will never be happy. The gods birthed me black... they birthed my daughters black. My destiny is not to be happy until I die and am reincarnated into a brighter pelt... until then I will be frowned upon. This is my fault-i should not of let this happen..." She shook her head frantically. "I am the one to blame. It doesn't matter what you do... the queens already can see how you do not like me-no male will ever mate with me again, so I a happy with my children now."
Vestip's heart tore at the sound of her sobs and he stayed frozen in the spot as she left him, swallowing again as he pressed his chin to his legs, eyes squeezed shut. Yes, he knew the queens knew that he wouldn't last long in this pride, but it was worth a shot. "I.... am glad you have your children. ....May you be blessed with more; colorful ones that I couldn't give you," he whispered softly. He'd leave tonight while she slept. He couldn't face her right now. At least this parting would be mutual; painful still, but mutual and not angry. ".....I'm so sorry," he said again. He apologized for everything up until now. "Sorry for all of the heartache I've caused you, all the confusion..."
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Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 7:44 pm
Mawu sat with her head hanging. "I will not have anymore... It is obvious that the gods do not want me too... My sons will give me grandchildren someday because they have your lovely red... but otherwise I will remain barren." She said, shaking her head. He had shown her how pitiful she was. How low and disgraceful she was. "I should have left when my brother did... I should have left... but my family is here-I am loyal to my queens. Leave Vestip... at least you have the option." She said, looking at him with tears streaking her dark face. "I hope she is what you truly want... more than a physical attraction." Which was what he must have had for Mawu. It must have been her personality that threw him off... or something.
"Very ....well," he whispered, staying where he was. He'd leave; obviously she wanted him to. It was the right thing to do, wasn't it? Yes. It was the perfect thing to do. That way he could stop hurting her and his children. ".....I'll leave tonight after the cubs are asleep..." Vestip's voice was no more than a whisper this time, straining to keep himself together, to try to stop his crying. He knew he had to do this, but it still hurt to know she thought so little of herself and he'd only made it worse.
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Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 7:54 pm
She started to bawl. Her one chance at having a mate like her mother was finally coming to an end. And the horrible truth was that-she loved him. The little time they spent together and she was heart struck. Could she tell him before he left? "Vestip-I..." She started to speak but lost her cool and started to cry again-her had sagging. If she told him, he would feel worse. But it would be stuck in her soul the rest of her life. "Vestip. I love you..." She said quietly, her eyes tightly shut.
He turned to look when she said his name and then took in a sharp breath as Mawu continued. He hadn't been expecting that. That made leaving so much harder, but it shouldn't have. How many females had said the same thing to him and he'd just simply left? But how many of them had his children? Only her. His eyes squeezed shut once again as he turned his head to the side to look away. He loved her, but differently, as a friend. "I love.... you too.. As a very, very special friend," he said, forcing a smile upon his face as he turned back to her, tears running down his cheeks again.
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Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 8:10 pm
Mawu didn't know why but for some reason she would be more miserable with him gone-because that proved how her life would be in the future. She turned so that she could see his expression. Would he care that those words fell from her lips. Already it hurt. As a special friend. As a mistake. As a faulty move that left them with cubs.. and fatherless. How would her sons grow to be proper males without a father figure. She supposed her father would take care of that. She lowered her head. "Does this lioness... love you like I cant?
"I.....don't know," he said honestly. He'd be leaving her with an uncertain future. Kile loved him, she'd said she did, and he wanted to be with her, but their last meeting had left him with unanswered questions. But he'd be able to go to her to be with her even if it killed him. And it did; some part of him was dying as Vestip and Mawu had this conversation. He sniffed a bit more before pawing at his face, wanting to get rid of the tears that seemed to be flowing freely. "...I can't... say for sure... I'll... visit from time to time.."
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Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 8:16 pm
Mawu shook her head. "Vestip... why would you visit? Is it because you feel guilty about the cubs. They will not lack in anything, I can assure you. You can go away and not worry about them, like you want too... you can forget..." She said, shaking her head.
So she was bitter now. Maybe it'd be best if he left right now. "..Fine.... I won't come back. Happy?" he snapped at her, getting up, fur starting to bristle as he stalked away. "Tell them I said goodbye, won't you?" he called back over his shoulder, tail stiff behind him as he headed for the boarders; where they'd first met. His heart heavy, so many thoughts filled his head, but he wanted to get out of here. To just leave and not have to worry about any of this confusion anymore.
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Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 8:22 pm
She lifted her head and watched him start to leave and made a small noise of pain. She then tucked her head against her chest, before lowering herself to the ground shaking. This was the first step in a long line of changes Mawu was going to start to go through. She lifted her eyes as she watched him leave, then broke her silence. "Vestip-wait!" She called, standing up quickly and running to him. She didn't know what to say to him... if she could say anything. She stepped up slowly, pressing her cheek against his momentarily before turning away and starting to run...
He stopped when she called, as angry as he was with all of this; mainly with himself and felt that cheek against his. Just as quickly as it pressed, she'd ran and he shook his head again, sighing hard. He watched her, not calling to her. Turning away, he moved towards the boarders once more. So this was it, back to the old way of living, back to a stress free life, right? He hoped. He hoped his children didn't hate him, he hoped that Mawu would find it in her heart to continue on with her life and not dwell on him. No one should think twice about him since he was a playboy. "Bye, Mawu," he whispered, stepping past the boarder and into the Rouge Lands.
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