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Shinjuru)

Angela splashed the cold water on to her face and rubbed her eyes dry. "What is wrong with me?" She screamed at herself while glaring at her reflection on the on the riverside. "It's over!" She punched at her reflection, as the ripples went across the riverside, the tears came and streamed down her face. She tried to shake the images and thoughts out of her head in vain. She started into sad versions of sobs, her body went into convolutions. She took several breaths and finally sighed after calming herself slightly down.
Angela looked at her reflection to assess the damage done by the crying of her reflection. Naturally she was a mess, she looked like she felt which was close to hell. She sighed and took another shaky breath. Her face was pale with a bright red nose, eyes were blood shot and dull gray eyes and even her hair was a horrid mess. She smoothed out her hair and worked on cooling down her face. After what seemed forever she felt like she looked well enough to be seen by humans.
She struggled but managed to stager herself up right. She walked back to the camp and took her seat at the fireside. She sat there next to Ryu and he put his arm around her and he whisper, "I love you." She answered back and told him the same thing, because she did love him and it was Ryu that she wanted to be with. She knew that he saw through her mask, and she knew that Sakura and Freedan could always see through her masks.
She began to listen to what was going on around the fireside. Ryan was fighting with her many personalities. Angela laughed, she loved her simplicity of life. Rye was fighting with Siks. It was entertaining because he didn't like that he was in a girl's body. Everyone had turned to face Angela in suprise that she had laughed. She tried to ignore it. She was laughing so hard that her gut hurt and tears were rolling down her face. Ryu chuckled because he could tell she was really happy.
She felt him before she could see him. She stopped laughing and stood up and walked away. There were glares around the campfire when she left. Darkaveus had sat down somewhere near the back. Angela walked straight to her tent.
She was lost in memories of good and bad that had happened on this journey. That's when Ryu walked in. Tears had already been falling silently. Angela looked up at him. "I'm sorry." That was all she could mange before she was in his arms. He took her into his arms and her head gently put on his chest. She stood there there with him listedning to his heartbeat and breathing. It was calming and it made me feel better. After awhile the tears stopped and she looked up at him and he kissed kissed her gently. His kiss was very soft and warm. The feeling made her felt loved so she hugged him closer, as she did that he tightened his grib on her and held her tightly.
"I'm so sorry , Angela." He whispered softly into her ear than began to fun his hand through her hair.
"I do love you." Angela pushed myself closer to him. "I don't know why," She paused tring to think of how to tell him. "It just hurts remembering how I was betrayed by him in the worst way." She just wanted him to understand. She didn't love Darkaveus; she was still hurting from what had happend though. That much she was willing to admit. Tears started to come again and this time she drifted to sleep drifted into sleep in his arms and he carried her silently to bed.
When Angela woke up Ryu was sleeping next to her on her bed. He had moved us over to the bed last night and she was thankful. She kissed his forehead while he continued to softly snore. She left the tent to get breakfast and to see how long till they would be moving out from this campsite. She was temperaraly blinded by the brightness of the sun.
She got two dishes and it looked like Sakura had led them and got a few birds. It looked like six, maybe more for breakfast. Sakura was the best shooter that we had. She beat Angela everytime but Angela always beat her when it came to knife throwing. Slowly Angela walked with both dishes to the center tent and entered. It was so dark it took her eyes a couple of moments to adjust to the dimness of the tent. She was finally able to see enough to go over to Freedan to find out their position and find out if they were going to move to and when. Her friend stood there in the same stance that looked like he belonged to the military. His dark brown hair flowed around him to his shoulders. His hazel eyes where always alert and on guard. Of course there was his sword at his side. He alawys looked so strong and when he occasionally gave me a hug for comfort, he even felt strong.
"Are we moving out or staying for a couple of days?" Angela looked at him and at her question he looked at her to respond. His hazel eyes seemed duller than usual, they looked almost gray. He looked slightly irritated, most likely something to do with yesterday and Darkaveues. Freedan didn't like Darkaveus after he hurt Angela, not that he really ever liked him. He just didn't hate him before that. The loner and the leader have never seen eye to eye. No one really ever said anything about Darkaveus but the thing is they all knew where he was. To tell the truth Angela was happy he had found someone that made him happy. She thought the fact that she didn't do anything against him was the reason that no one ever said anything. However he was never really welcome like he used to be. There was nothing Angela could do to change that, even if she wanted to. He had after all done it to himself. Angela still saw him as a friend but a very distent one. Who had become slightly crule to her wether intentional or not.
"Well, there is plenty of food," he paused for a moment. "Besides I think everyone needs a rest. Some humans tire easily." He looked over to some other people in the tent. Angela laughed and he smiled. Finally his eyes lit up to there usual bright self.
"So that doesn't include you?" She winked at him. "Would it be okay for two Angels to,I don't know, go off for about a day and a half?" She asked still in a playful mood.
"I don't tire as easily as a certain Angel I know. I don't really see a problem with it just try to get back around noon so ewe don't have to send out a search party for you."
((to be continued))

A woman's dead lover
A woman stood there tears streaking down her face as she clutched the necklace around her neck. A doom that was worse then death was soon to happen and she knew it was coming. Though knowing it sometimes makes it that much more worse. She sank to the floor slowly her legs no longer being able to support her. “Why did you choose them over me?” She whispered as the tears came silently at first. She couldn't hold it back the flood of emotions and sadness soon overwhelmed her as she began to sob and tremors took over her body.
He left with that a single man with a crazy notation to defend his country. To take up arms and fight the enemies of his country. To most likely die for you and her. He made sacrifice after sacrifice for you and her. More for then me. He is going to die for you and for her. Hope you feel your life is worth it at night. Hope you feel like you deserve it. Hope that you do something worth his sacrifice because he gave up his life with her. He gave up being a husband and a father for you. He gave up everything last thing he had left. While you sleep in your bed at night, hope you remember the man that is out there fighting and dieing for you. She loved him and yet because of people like you he's so far away from her. His side of the bed is cold as he soon will be and she's now alone. She had a life and a love. Her heart has been torn out for the 'good' of the United States of America. Will she ever be able to tell you how much bullshit that is? Will she ever be able to explain the black hole that is now her heart? How nothing can ever change this and make it okay?
Word came months later that he was dead. A single man that meant more then the world to her. If she could choose between the world and him she'd have choose him. She loved him with everything inside her being and you people aren't even grateful that he died for this country! He lost everything for people like you! He died to protect you from the guns that killed him. You don't know, and you don't care! I hope you wake up to the reality I hope you understand very soon just what that meant for him to DIE for you, because the woman that he would have married and had a baby with will remember it for the rest of her life. She will morn his death for the rest of her life.

Thrusday, March 12, 2009

Possible to let go

The woman was not tall yet not short, she ran through the trees never seeming to lose her breath. She just kept running doing so let no one see her face she had no fear to let the tears run down her face as she ran. She ran as far as she could and as fast as she could. She didn't want to be here she didn't wish to be living anymore. She ran on through the darkness wishing it would swallow her up forever and allow her to never feel again. She wished it so despreatly. Running the same steady beat on the earths surface. Her hair swept back from her face because of the wind. She would be someone most people would remark as pretty or other such words.

The woman ran on never faltering until she saw the moon. The moon came up and she saw it out of the cornor of her eyes and it was something that made her stop. She stopped and as she did the memories came back. Everything came back. She dropped to her knees already sobbing what she could no longer hold back. How often was she to do this? How many tears could she shead because of this?

"....why?..." Was the only thing was whispered in between her sobs. Why was I wrong? Why did I trust it? Why didn't I know better? Why did I let my gards down? Why was I so foolish? Why can't any man prove me wrong? Why...am I only that...? Why....was it not worth it? Why? Why????

She sobbed quitely as she always did. Never wanting anyone to know the pain she was in. She was running trying to excape from something that couldn't be ran away from, an impossible endevor. It never mattered...was what she kept trying to convince herself. It didn't matter. It never mattered. It's never mattered, now certianly doesn't matter. How stupid do I have to be to not realize that it never mattered?!?!?! Obvously it doesn't. Why do I still care?!?! Why does this still hurt?!? Why do I still cry? It's over it's done with! I'm done! I won't see him yet still the tears come worse? What must I do make myself cold again? What must I do to make that hateful part of my heart die? Why didn't I learn not to let ANYONE in? I did and I'm stupid hateful creature for it.