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 Posted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 10:44 am
It wasn't an easy decision to make. Going back to his mother was something that Haya had never thought he would decide to do. He was independent and grown, after all. He had grown children of his own. He had his adult son, his adult daughters...
No, his adult daughter.
It was still a shock to Haya to think that he had lost one of his daughters forever. His mind still tried to believe that she was alive even in spite of knowing the reality of it. One of his children was dead and there was nothing he could do about that. It was that fact among many that made him decide to return home.
Blood. Blood was the other cause of it. It was his kalona blood that had tainted his children and it was his blood tie to his mother that brought him back. She was the only relation he knew. No father, no other siblings that shared his curse and his taint. He hoped to gain understanding by returning home. Maybe by being closer to his mother he could understand a little better why she bred with a kalona in the first place... a topic that they had never quite discussed. Maybe being with her flowery herd would distract his mind from his regrets and sorrows. It could hardly make them any worse. The smiles, once coming easily, had fled from Haya's face and now his gray eyes were tired and full of sadness. He had seen one of his daughters die and now the other slipped further and further away from him.
Because of this, all of this, he returned home.
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Posted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 10:51 am
Vara had been worried about her firstborn son, of course. It was impossible not to be with what she had heard from him. His daughter dead, her granddaughter. The sorrow that Vara felt when she thought of that was deeper than she thought possible... and yet she moved on. She had to. She didn't have the luxury of being lost in grief the rest of her life. She had her herd, her family. Her wonderful, beautiful family. The creation of the Padmapani herd was like the realization of a lifelong dream she never realized she had. All of her family, all of her joy. In her growing age they were all beside her.
She hadn't realized that Haya would be coming. She didn't have any reason to expect him and didn't until the moment she saw him coming down the path towards her favorite spot down by the lake. For a moment she couldn't believe her eyes. After that, a wide and incredulous smile spread over her face. "Haya! My dear!" Her joy at seeing him gave her the dexterity of a filly as she bounded to his side to give him a nuzzle in greeting.
"It is so good to see you!" It was in that proximity that she was able to see into his face, his eyes. There was such sadness there and it stilled her joyful heart some to see. "Are you all right?"
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Posted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 10:55 am
When Haya saw his mother it almost felt like he was a foal again, coming back to her after a day of adventuring. His mind hearkened back to those innocent days and for a brief moment he felt some of that same peace he had held in those days.
And then it was gone, replaced once more with the gray shadow that had fallen over him. "I'm..." he began in response to his mother's query. He trailed off without a finish, not certain even how to end that sentence once begun. "I wanted to ask you something." He looked down at her, his mother and now his refuge from himself. "Mother... myself and my family... can we join your herd?" It was blunt and to the point, but Haya didn't have the patience right now to use any subtlety.
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Posted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 11:00 am
Vara couldn't help but be surprised. Haya? Joining the herd? She had asked him when she first began forming Padmapani and it was to no avail. She had never thought that he felt quite comfortable with the rest of her family, never having gotten the chance to know them. What was it that was going through Haya's mind? It had to be something heavy indeed for him to make this decision after so long avoiding it.
"Of course you can." She replied quickly but gave a pause after. "Haya... just please, tell me why. I would never ask that you leave... I just want to know how I can help you."
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Posted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 11:04 am
Haya jerked his head back and gave it a small shake of dismissal. "I don't want your help. I just-" From the pained look on his mother's face, Haya stopped. He looked away from her, searching for words. Hadn't he come back for her help? It was just nothing so specific. He just needed something right now... Comfort, but not so direct as that.
"I'm sorry." He slowly slid his gaze back to her. "It has been... hard for me lately. I don't know if I really need anything. I just..." He struggled to find the words and Vara watched him silently as he did. His mother had always had a good sense of knowing when not to speak.
"I just need to be here." That was the most simple way he could think of saying it and probably the most accurate.
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Posted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 11:08 am
"Then stay here," said Vara softly. "Stay here and if you want anything else you only need to ask." Haya had always needed his independence, always needed his distance. If he didn't want to speak any more of it then she would not pressure him. The last thing that she wanted was for him to feel smothered and forced to leave again. Though there was nothing that Vara wanted more than to take her son to her and comfort him... sometimes that wasn't what was desired, or needed.
"You said that you were bringing your family?" She shifted the subject, mildly asking the question. She had met Haya's mate and children but had never gotten the opportunity to spend a lot of time with them.
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Posted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 11:14 am
"Yes, I am. Probably." Haya grew a little less tense at the subject change and stepped back to see his mother more clearly. "I've spoken to my mate about it and she's willing... I'm just not sure about the children." It was sometimes hard to even find his children let alone have a profound conversation with them.
"I expect that Auberon will not be coming but that Sam will be." Sam was one that he didn't want to leave alone for too long. He needed to keep her by his side... and maybe the influence of such a kind and peaceful herd would do her some good.
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Posted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 11:20 am
"All right. I'll tell Scythe to expect them." Scythe was Vara's mate, the herd protector. She didn't expect him to have a problem with any of this, though she would still speak to him of it to inform him. Vara sensed a certain reluctance around Haya. Perhaps he wasn't ready to discuss the decision any further. More openness would come with time, Vara reflected... or it would not. In either case, there was no purpose in pushing him further now.
"Would you like to hear a little about the herd?" Vara smiled again, bringing the conversation around once more. "We have two groups of foals currently. It has been a fortunate season for Padmapani."
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Posted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 11:26 am
"Aren't there always foals around? Your side of the family breeds like rabbits." The grump was said with just a touch of humor and Vara laughed cheerfully in response to it.
"It seems that way sometimes yes, but foals are a blessing. It only means that Padmapani is exceptionally blessed of herds."
"I'm sure that's exactly what it means..." grumbled Haya. In his opinion they were sometimes a bit reckless in breeding... even though he was hardly one to judge. He had barely known Ayanna before becoming a father with her. Still, he recognized the foolishness now.
Of course, Vara had more to say on the topic of foals and slowly they began wandering back in the direction of the herd. It looked like the process of joining the herd had taken far less time and effort than Haya would have thought... but the journey did not end there. Now he had to see what life would actually be like living in a herd... and hope that it would bring about the healing which he so needed.
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