DagdaIV
Her touch
unnerving
but necessary,
like the muck
slithering betwixt your toes
An illuminated text
beneath my wandering digits
as we tumbled through
hours, while
shedding our skins
and I held
her by the spine.
she was ever
simple to mould
but never remained
when the tide returned to rest.
To be quite honest...most of this poem doesn't seem connected to the beginning. A verse break before "An illuminated text" and "she was ever" might help create the proper spacing of ideas, but even then the intial images doesn't carry much meaning to the rest. That isn't always a necessary element in a poem, of course, but... in this case it makes the opening feel rather random. The cut between muck and the text is strange, moving from the image of slimy muss between toes (aka: digits) to a text under digits, it has me thinking of a ruined text getting slimed. Just strange. Was there supposed to be a period after "toes," or is "An" capitalized for aesthetic purposes?
The midsection of the poem, aside from the weird slime-text opening, I quite like the way it is. Passing through time in the artificial embrace while connecting with things greater than oneself conveyed in a series of very brief lines...big smile. ^.^ The ending pretty closely connects to the unnamed party spending time with the reader, though the tide comment is as abrupt as the earlier muck-to-text transfer, leaving me again wondering where it was supposed to go.
All in all, interesting, but unclear.
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