|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Fri Jul 24, 2009 1:50 pm
In this sticky is information, resources and links for teen girls who are thinking of having a baby young and becoming a teen mom. Some of it is geared towards younger teens, like those who haven't yet graduated from high school, but most of it can be applied to high school graduates/18 and 19 year olds too.
I understand and recognize that not everyone who reads this will agree. There are people who will read this and think that teens have the right to make their own reproductive decisions - and to a degree, I think they're right.
But the goal of this sticky is to show teens and young women that once they have a baby, their lives are forever changed, and they (either alone or with a partner) are responsible for raising the child and giving it the healthy live it deserves. That includes having enough money and finances set in place, having the ability to provide the baby with the necessities it needs, having medical coverage (or enough money for medical bills), and so on. This sticky will also encourage and show the importance of having an education, or at the very least a good, stable job before having children.
(You will probably notice that some things have been bolded. 9/10 times the emphasis is mine, just FYI. smile )
~
Table of Contents:
- Post 1: Introduction <--- You are here
- Post 2: Why Some Teen Girls May Want to Become Moms So Young
- Post 3: Statistics and Info About Teen Pregnancy [Gaia]
- Post 4: Teen Pregnancy In the Media [internet]
- Post 5: 16 & Pregnant [internet]
- Post 6: Baby Calculators - How Much Does it Really Cost to Have a Baby? [internet]
- Post 7: Other Costs Associated With Having a Baby [Gaia]
- Post 8: "Can We Afford to Have a Baby?" [article]
- Post 9: Questions to Ask Yourself BEFORE Getting Pregnant
- Post 10: Health Risks to Young Moms [internet]
- Post 11: Dr. Phil - Are You Ready For Motherhood? [internet]
- Post 12: Catching Up With 16 and Pregnant: The Girls of Teen Mom [internet]
- Post 13: Reserved.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 2:20 am
Why Some Teen Girls May Want to Become Moms So YoungIn July of 2009, I wrote a 10 page paper for my social work summer class, in preparation for entering my university's social work program. I thought I knew a lot about teenage pregnancy, but I learned a lot more about teen pregnancy in Canada and the US, one of the biggest things being why some teenage girls actually choose to get pregnant so young, often before they're fully prepared to be a parent. You can read more of the stats in my original thread here, but some of the reasons I learned why some teens become moms include: - They want to "do" or "be" someone in life, in this case a parent, since they have no expectations or goals in life and figure they might as well be a parent. - Leon Dash's 1999 book “When Children Want Children: The Urban Crisis if Teenage Childbearing” illustrates really well how in some cultures (specifically African-Americans for the most part in this book), having a child while in one's teens is part of a rite of passage to becoming a man or a woman. Not having children young is seen as a "problem" with the individual, and their "manhood" or "womanhood" is called into question. Leon Dash (Pgs. 25 - 26: "Moreover, at least 23 percent of teenage mothers said they intentionally became pregnant. Forty-eight percent of adolescent mothers said later that they regretted the timing of the birth of their first child.") Teens who have parents or siblings who were/are teen parents are more likely to become teen parents themselves. - They want someone to love them unconditionally. - They think it will hold a failing relationship together and make things better. - They had a troubled childhood, often marked by abuse, and want to "redeem" themselves through motherhood by giving their child(ren) the childhood that they themselves never had growing up. - They are trying to meet their own psychosocial needs, even if they don't realize it. Lea Caragata Although pregnancy, birthday and parenting may appear “romantic” and desirable at the time of intercourse or when pregnancy is acknowledged, [having] a child is strongly associated with meeting psycho-social needs..." [Canadian journal article] If you're thinking of having a child while in your teens, you may fit in with one of these reasons, or you may have your own. That's alright - everyone is different, and it's hard to pigeonhole all teens as fitting into specific categories. The purpose of this sticky is to show teens, including yourself perhaps, that they're young and have so much of their lives ahead of them, and that it's not necessary to have kids so young. Even if they decide to have kids at some point in their life, the goal of this sticky is to show teens how hard it is to be a teen mom, how expensive it can be, and what some of the unforseen consequences of their decision might be. Teen pregnancy doesn't just affect the teen mother and her child - it can affect her relationship with her partner, her family, and the society in which she's raising her child(ren).
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 2:32 am
Statistics and Info About Teen PregnancyThe majority of the stats and quotes are pulled from this thread here. I have included other sources and they will be cited accordingly. -------------------- From: Section 1 findings of the ‘Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Reconciliation Act of 1996. (Findings from Congress) [AMERICAN STATS] Quote: - Pg. 129: ....... B) Data indicates that at least half the children born to teenage mothers are fathered by adult men. Available data suggests that almost 70 percent of births to teenage girls are fathered by men over age 20. C) Surveys of teen mothers have revealed that a majority of such mothers have histories of sexual and physical abuse, primarily with older adult men. Quote: - Pgs. 129 - 130: The negative consequences of an out-of-wedlock birth on the mother, the child, the family, and society are well documented as follows: A) Young women 17 and under who give birth outside of marriage are more likely to go on public assistance and to spend more years on welfare once enrolled. These combined effects of “younger and longer” increase total AFDC (Aid to Families with Dependent Children) costs per household by 25 percent to 30 percent for 17 year olds. B) Children born out-of-wedlock have a substantially higher risk of being born at a very low or moderately low birth weight. C) Children born out-of-wedlock are more likely to experience low verbal cognitive attainment, as well as more child abuse, and neglect. D) Children born out-of-wedlock are more likely to have lower cognitive scores, lower educational aspirations, and a greater likelihood of becoming teenage parents themselves. E) Bring born out-of-wedlock significantly reduces the chances of the child growing up to have an intact marriage. F) Children born out-of-wedlock are 3 times more likely to be on welfare when they grow up. Quote: - Pg. 130 - ...nevertheless, the negative consequences of raising children in single-parent homes are well documented as follows: A) Only 9 percent of married-couples with children under 18 years of age have income below the national poverty level. In contrast, 46 percent of female-headed households with children under 18 years of age are below the national poverty level. B) Among single-parent families, nearly ½ of the mothers who never married received AFDC while only 1/5 of divorced mothers received AFDC. C) Children born into families receiving welfare assistance are 3 times more likely to be on welfare when they reach adulthood than children born into families not receiving welfare. D) Mothers under 20 years of age are at the greatest risk of bearing low weight babies. E) The younger the single-parent mother, the less likely she is to finish high school. F) Young women who have children before finishing high school are more likely to receive welfare assistance for a longer period of time. ..... H) The absence of a father in the life of a child has a negative effect on school performance and peer adjustment. I) Children of teenage single parents have lower cognitive scores, lower educational aspirations, and a greater likelihood of becoming teenage parents themselves. J) Children of single-parent homes are 3 times more likely to fail and repeat a year in grade school than are children from intact 2-parent families. K) Children from single-parent homes are 4 time more likely to be expelled or suspended from school. “When Children Want Children: The Urban Crisis if Teenage Childbearing”, by Leon Dash. [AMERICAN - book, 1999] Quote: - Pg. 25: Beyond human and medical costs, teenage childbearing has a direct impact on local and national public-assistance budgets. For example, it has been calculated that approximately 60 percent of the children who are born to unmarried mothers are the recipients of welfare. Quote: - Pgs. 25 – 26: [Research from the Child health and Development Section of the National Institutes of Health] - Moreover, at least 23 percent of teenage mothers said they intentionally became pregnant. Forty-eight percent of adolescent mothers said later that they regretted the timing of the birth of their first child. - Early unmarried parenthood is generally tied to reduced academic achievement, marginal income-earning capacity, and welfare dependence. Teenage mothers tend to have larger families by the time they are in their thirties and forties compared to women who had their first child after age twenty. Married teenage couples tend to break up at a higher rate than married adults. - The consequences of early childbearing become alarming when you look at the impact of teenage pregnancy on the infants of adolescents. The children of unmarried teenage mothers are generally in poor physical health. There is a consistent tendency for the children of teenage mothers to have slightly lower IQ scores than do children of older mothers when the children are measured at several years of age, up to age seven. The children of girls seventeen years and younger are less likely to adapt to the disciplines of school than the children of older mothers. The children of adolescent mothers are at higher risk to be born at a low birth weight and, therefore, at a higher risk to suffer lifelong learning disabilities. - Children of parents seventeen and younger have lower cognitive scores than children born of parents eighteen years old and older. The children of teenage mothers have a greater chance of living in a disrupted home while in high school, have lower academic aptitude as teenagers, and are at high risk of repeating their parents’ pattern of early parenthood. The best predictor of a teenage mother’s age at first birth is her adolescent mother’s age at first birth. “Day-to-day Ethical Issues in the Care of Young Parents and Their Children”, by Miriam Kaufman. [CANADIAN - journal article] Quote: - Pg. 28: Adolescents who are mothers live in poverty. If they are not poor to start off with, they generally become poor. It is the exception to escape this fate. It seems that these young women (and the odd father who sticks around) are poor because there are few job opportunities for young people with low levels of education. They are not eligible for the maternity benefits that unionized employees get. There is often only one parent in the household. Many come from poor families that cannot provide enough financial support to make them secure. Many exist on shrinking welfare cheques, augmented by regular trips to the food bank. Waiting lists for subsidized child care are getting longer and longer, and the teen may have to make a choice between staying out of school or using substandard day care. Probably because of increased psychosocial problems, children of poverty are at a higher risk for mental health problems and for health problems related to poor nutrition and overcrowding. Quote: - Pg. 29: Both infancy and adolescence are developmentally dense times of life. That is, both the child and the adolescence parent are changing at a rapid pace. The developmental needs of the teen and her child may clash, and one or both might suffer as a result. Younger teens have poorly developed abstract reasoning skills. This means that they have a hard time generalizing from a specific experience or piece of knowledge, and applying general knowledge to a specific situation. “The Construction of Teen Parenting and the Decline of Adoption”, by Lea Caragata. [CANADIAN - journal article] Quote: - Pg. 107: ... Although pregnancy, birthday and parenting may appear “romantic” and desirable at the time of intercourse or when pregnancy is acknowledged, and having a child is strongly associated with meeting psycho-social needs, teen parenting is in a quite other sense “problematic.” Teen pregnancy is of concern because of how it affects those directly involved: “Teenagers are often unprepared socially (eg – high unemployment, lack of education) and physically to start families. Consequently, they are far more likely than adults to bring a child into a poverty level situation and to be forced to raise the child on welfare. “Changing High Risk Policies and Programs to Reduce High-Risk Sexual Behaviours”, by Maureen Jessop Orton. [CANADIAN - journal article] Quote: - Pg. 126: Why should we be concerned about pregnancy in adolescence? Pregnancy in adolescence is associated with higher health risks, both short and long term, to both mother and child, such as toxaemia, premature birth, and low birthweight. (Direct determinants of low birthweight have been identified as smoking, low prepregnancy weight, poor weight gain during pregnancy, poor maternal nutrition, maternal morbidity, alcohol intake; and multiple births. Socioeconomic factors are indirect indeterminants, including youth, low income, low education, and unemployment. Many low-birthweight babies are premature. Low birthweight is a major risk factor for infant morbidity, especially in the first month. “Social Bonds and Teen Pregnancy”, by LaWanda Ravoira and Andrew L. Cherry, Jr. [AMERICAN - book] [date unknown] Quote: - Pg.2: Teen pregnancy alone puts young girls at risk of increased incidence of severe anemia, pregnancy toxemia, labour complications, and later development of cervical cancer. Although some studies suggest that early pregnancy reduces the risk of cervical cancer, the girls in this study are at risk as a result of their lack of prenatal care, poor nutrition, and lifestyles. The infants of teenaged mothers are reported to be at increased risk of infant perinatal and neonatal mortality. This is largely due to the prevalence of low birth weight. Quote: - Pg.7: Likewise, early childbearing impacts negatively upon society because in many cases the teenagers cannot realize their full potential educationally or in the job market. In the study by Moore (197 cool , these youths were more likely to be dependent upon welfare and to remain longer on the welfare rolls. Because of the young mother’s status of homelessness, several years can be added to the number of years she and her child(ren) will be on welfare. “Teen Mothers and the Revolving Welfare Door”, by Kathleen Mullan Harris. [AMERICAN book - date unknown] Quote: - Pg. 1: Compared to women who delay childbearing beyond their teen years, women who have their first child as a teenager attain less education, work less, earn less, are more dependent on federal aid, have less support from a husband, have more children, and spend more time as a single mother. “Child Development”, by Laura E. Berk. [textbook] [CANADIAN - 2003] (I used this in one of my college classes a few years ago - Nikolita) Quote: - Pg. 209: Teenagers are many times more likely to be poor than are agemates who postpone childbearing. Their experiences often include low parental warmth and involvement; poor school performance; alcohol and drug use; adult models of unmarried parenthood, limited education and unemployment; and residence in neighbourhoods where other adolescents also display these risks. Many of these young people seem to turn to early parenthood as a way to move into adulthood when educational and career avenues are unavailable. Quote: - Pg. 209: The lives of pregnant teenagers are often troubled in many ways, and after the baby is born, their circumstances tend to worsen in at least three respects: - Educational attainment. Giving birth before age 18 reduces the likelihood of finishing high school. Only 50 percent of adolescent mothers graduate with either a diploma or a general equivalency diploma (GED) in the U.S., compared with 96 percent of girls who wait to become parents. - Marital patterns. Teenage motherhood reduces the chances of marriage. When these mothers do marry, they are more likely to divorce than are their peers who delay childbearing. Consequently, teenage mothers spend more of their parenting years as single parents. - Economic circumstances. Because of the low educational attainment, marital instability and poverty, many teenage mothers are on welfare. If they are employed, their limited education restricts them to unsatisfying, low-paid jobs. Adolescent fathers work more hours than their nonparent agemates in the years following their child’s birth. Perhaps for this reason, they obtain less education and are also economically disadvantaged. Quote: - Pg. 209: Compared with adult mothers, adolescent mothers more often have psychological disorders, interact more negatively with the child’s father, know less about child development, have unrealistically high expectations of infants, perceive their babies as more difficult, and interact less efficiently with them. Quote: - Pg. 209: Their children tend to score low on intelligence tests, achieve poorly in school, and engage in disruptive social behaviour. “Family Influences on Adolescent Sexual and Contraceptive Behaviour”, by Brent C. Miller. [journal article] [AMERICAN - date unknown] Quote: - Pg. 1: Several investigators have gone beyond the bivariate relationship to show that single or divorced parents’ more permissive sexual attitudes, lesser parental supervision, and parents’ own dating activity help explain why some adolescents in some single parent families are at increased risk of pregnancy. Quote: - Pgs. 1 – 2: Recent studies have found that traumatic child or adolescent experiences, especially those involving sexual abuse, are related to higher adolescent pregnancy risk, both through earlier onset of voluntary sexual intercourse and less consistent use of contraception. Quote: - Pg. 2: There is abundant evidence that parents’ SES is related to adolescent pregnancy; adolescents whose parents have higher education and income are more likely to postpone sexual intercourse and to use contraception. Quote: - Pgs. 3 - 4: Living with a single parent, and having older sexually active siblings ore pregnant/parenting teenage sisters; residing in a disorganized/dangerous neighbourhood and lower SES family; and being a victim of sexual abuse all place teens at elevated risk of adolescent pregnancy. Several biological variables (timing of pubertal development, hormone levels) are related to adolescent pregnancy risk because of their association with adolescent sexual behaviour. ~ Other Teen Pregnancy Statistics (from the internet) From: http://womensissues.about.com/od/datingandsex/tp/Teenpregancy.htmQuote: In the United States, one of every ten births involves a teen mother. According to a September 2006 report by the Guttmacher Institute, the following statistics characterize teenage pregnancy in the US: 1. Three-quarters of a million teens between 15 and 19 become pregnant each year. 2. Very few teens who become mothers plan on doing so. Out of all teen pregnancies, 82% are unintended. Teen pregnancy accounts for 20% of all unplanned pregnancies annually.. 3. Two-thirds of teen pregnancies occur among teens 18-19 years old. 4. Teen mothers account for 11% of all births in the US. 5. Out of all teen pregnancies, 57% end in birth. Another 14% end in miscarriage. 6. Nearly a third of pregnant teenagers choose abortion. Out of all teenage pregnancies, 29% are terminated by abortion. 7. Black teens have the highest teen pregnancy rate. For young women age 15-19, black teens are most likely to become pregnant (134 per 1,000 women). Slightly lower rates occur among Hispanics (131 per 1,000) followed by non-Hispanic whites (48 per 1,000).. 8. Teens who become pregnant are less likely to attend college. Although teenage mothers today are more likely to finish high school or earn their GEDs than in the past, pregnant teens are less likely to attend college than teens who do not become pregnant. . 9. US teen pregnancy rates are higher than those of other developed countries. US rates are twice as high as in England and Wales or Canada, and eight times as high as in the Netherlands or Japan.. 10. Teen pregnancy rates declined between 1991 and 2005 but are on the rise again. The teen pregnancy rate reached an all-time high in 1990 with an estimated 116.9 per thousand and an all-time high birth rate of 61.8 births per thousand in 1991. By 2002, the pregnancy rate had dropped to 75.4 per thousand - a decline of 36%. However, a December 2007 report by the Centers for Disease Control shows a 3% increase in teenage pregnancy from 2005 to 2006.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 2:59 am
Teen Pregnancy in the MediaHere's a collection of articles about how teen pregnancy is often portrayed in the media, for better or worse, and depicts some popular "icons" of teen pregnancy. Teen Pregnancy In Pop Culture - Media Images of Teen Pregnancy in Pop CultureWhat's life like as a teenage baby mama? If you've formed an impression solely from media and pop culture depictions, teen pregnancy on TV and in film is a lot more glamorous than the real thing. A look at some of the most influential images of teen mothers in pop culture. 1. Teen Mother on Teen Pregnancy - Bristol Palin Says "Wait 10 Years"Shortly after Sarah Palin was chosen as the Republican vice presidential candidate in August 2008, her daughter Bristol's pregnancy was revealed, putting the 17-year-old high school senior in the spotlight. After giving birth, Bristol shared her thoughts about teen pregnancy and motherhood. 2. Hollywood's Take on Teen Pregnancy - Academy Award-Nominated "Juno"One of 2007's most talked-about films, "Juno" featured a wise-cracking pregnant teen whose chooses adoption instead of abortion, and whose pregnancy and delivery offered more laughs than tears. 3. Celebrity Teen Pregnancy - Tween TV Star Jamie Lynn Spears Star of her own TV series on Nickelodeon and younger sister to pop star Britney Spears, Jamie Lynn Spear stunned the world when she announced she was pregnant in 2007 at age 16. 4. Teen Pregnancy Reality Series - NBC's "The Baby Borrowers"A behind-the-scenes look at the reality series whose tag line "It's not TV, it's birth control" accurately describes the life of five unmarried teenage couples who were 'loaned' babies and children to give them a taste of parenthood. 5. Teen Pregnancy in High School - TV Documentary "High School Confidential"When 12 girls at a suburban high school in Overland Park, Kansas, agreed to be videotaped over four years to reveal what the lives of teenagers are really like, the producers never expected that a third of them would face an unplanned pregnancy. 6. Teen Pregnancy & the 2008 Election - Candidate's Daughter PregnantWhen Alaska Governor Sarah Palin was chosen as Republican presidential candidate John McCain's running mate in August 2008, nobody expected that less than a week later the campaign would announce that Bristol Palin, Sarah's 17-year-old daughter, was pregnant. ------------------ What "Juno" Says About Teen Pregnancy, Abortion and Choice: Film Avoids Real Issues and Challenges Faced by Pregnant TeensShould we be worried about Juno? The sharp-witted comedy starring Ellen Page as a pregnant teen who decides to give her baby up for adoption won writer Diablo Cody an Oscar for Best Original Screenplay. Nominated for Best Picture, Best Director and Best Actress, Juno is regarded as a critical and commercial success. But for one woman who long ago found herself in the same situation as Juno, and has since become a leading advocate of choice for women and girls, the film has very real flaws. Primary among them is the fact that Juno fails to portray the issues surrounding teen pregnancy in an authentic and responsible manner. Gloria Feldt is an author, activist, and the former president of Planned Parenthood Federation of America. She's written extensively on abortion, choice and reproductive rights, and knows first-hand what it's like to be in Juno's shoes - she was once a teenage mother herself. Feldt spoke to me about why Juno has her concerned and the ways in which it reflects the nation's conflicted attitudes toward teenage sexuality. Author: Juno seems like a sweet little movie, but you've observed that it's an anti-choice film. GF: The dialogue is adorable - snappy, smart, funny, captivating - and who wouldn't enjoy that? But I was Juno once - that sixteen year old pregnant girl, and life isn't like that at all. It delivers messages to young women that arent' realistic. Juno is an adorable fantasy - I think that when you're 16 years old you don't understand that, but when you're 50 years old you do. Author: There's very little angst that Juno experiences over carrying the baby and giving it up - the character is almost disconnected from the many deep-seated emotions that pregnant teens feel. Is that deliberate - or naive? GF: The narrative implies that carrying a pregnancy to term and relinquishing the baby - giving it up for adoption - is nothing. But we know that it isn't so for a pregnant woman. That's totally unrealistic. An adolescent girl doesn't have a lot of power, but one of the ways that she can demonstrate her power is through her sexuality. The power of her sexuality is one of the few things she holds over the adults in her life. Whatever her needs are, the use of sexuality and becoming pregnant is still the same - it hasn't changed since the 50s. I've been astonished how many older teens and women in their twenties thought the film was wonderful. Some of the messages that are so negative went right over their heads. They grow up today in a different context. They've never lived in a country without choice. They don't know that before abortion was legalized, unintended pregnancy was essentially the end of your life as you have known it, regardless of the option you choose. They're also very judgmental of their friends who become pregnant. Many see Juno as heroic for carrying out of her pregnancy. The real issues surrounding pregnancy isn't discussed in the film Knocked Up either. In Hollywood it's verboten. As the former President of Planned Parenthood Federation of America, Gloria Feldt has fought for many years on the front lines of choice. She was a teen mother at sixteen, and later returned to school to earn a degree and work on behalf of women's reproductive rights. Feldt's take on Juno comes from her own first-hand experiences, and she spoke to me about why the film worries her. Author: In the film Juno initially plans to have an abortion. But she changes her mind, partly because she has an unpleasant experience at a women's health clinic. The heavily pierced receptionist is barely older than Juno; she's unprofessional, bored and unfeeling. The depiction of the women's clinic is supposed to be comic. But as the former President of Planned Parenthood Federation of America, you must be bothered by it. GF: The clinic in Juno is terrible. It's a terribly untrue stereotype. My experience is that the people who work in women's health facilities where abortions are performed are so compassionate. Think about what it takes to work there daily. They have to walk through protesters and picket lines; they have to be committed to what they do. They are passionate in their convictions. I worked for 22 years for Planned Parenthood affiliates and have seen how people are dedicated to making women feel comfortable. One man who ran the surgery program (which included abortion and vasectomy) researched what colors were most soothing to women in distress. He found out it was pepto bismol pink and had the walls painted that color. Patients who come in are in a difficult situation and we try to make it as welcoming to them as possible. For Juno to deliver that stereotype to audiences shows you one example of how the anti-choice point of view has begun to influence even Hollywood, which everyone regards as left wing. They've gotten their point of view into the intellectual ether of our county. Author: The screenwriter, Diablo Cody, once worked as a stripper and writes a blog called p***y Ranch. One might expect her to have a liberal attitude but in many ways the views are conservative. Do you have thoughts on this? GF: It would be amusing if it weren't so distressing that a woman whose profession has been in the sex trade would express this in her writing. I have two thoughts about this: The first is "Good for her that she has the talent to write a commercially successful film." The second is that we all have social responsibility for what we communicate through our words. And as a former stripper, of all people she should understand our society's retrograde attitudes toward women and sex. I'd like to to talk to her about it. She may have been edited and her screenplay changed, but her own words indicate she hadn't necessarily thought through what the impact of her words would be. In this film, the storyline had to be that Juno had sex once and that it wasn't an ongoing relationship. The problem is that this isn't a common situation. Though this does happen, in truth most young people ease into sexual relationships over time and it puts them at risk of pregnancy. The film also shows a disassociation of the person from the sexual behavior. The characters are detached from what happened. My guess is that it has more to do with our culture's inability to deal with sexuality. They couldn't have told the story if it had been a more complex situation. Similarly, the parents were also detached from the situation and their comments about Juno's pregnancy were disengaged from reality. They never talked about their daughter having sex. There's a friend of mine, Carol Cassell, who's a leading sex education expert. She wrote a book called Swept Away and its premise is that you can justify your behavior if you were 'swept away,' but you can't justify planning to have sex. We are uncomfortable with sexuality and that's why unplanned pregnancies occur. Other countries have much lower rates of teen pregnancy and abortion even though they have as much sex as we do. We need to examine our attitudes toward sex and address them. Author: Can you recommend any teen movies that you feel authentically depict the experience of teen pregnancy and choice? GF: I have tried and tried, but I can't. I even emailed my friend Nancy Gruver, publisher of New Moon, the magazine for teen girls, and we couldn't come up with any. The fact that we couldn't name one single film that accurately depicts teen pregnancy tells us that America has a difficult relationship with sex. UPDATE: Kimberly Amadeo, About.com Guide to US Economy, recommends a film that accurately portrays teenage pregnancy. It's Mama Africa, produced by Queen Latifah. ------------------ Teens in Reality Show - "Baby Borrowers"Teenage pregnancy is a hot-button issue that keeps bubbling to the surface every few years. A recent spate of headlines - teen star Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy, the film Juno, the 17 girls pregnant at one Massachusetts high school - has adults all worked up once again. Everyone talks about teen pregnancy, but no one seems to have an effective solution. Doing Something About ItIf you'd already raised a houseful of teenagers and you had the chance to positively impact the attitudes of both teens and adults across the country on the subject of teen pregnancy, would you do it? Would you stop talking and start acting? Even if this involved putting yourself out there, placing yourself squarely in the public eye, and opening you and your family up to criticism? That's what Julie Sullivan did when she responded to what she believed was an opportunity to participate in a documentary about teen pregnancy. When the project turned out to be somewhat different, she didn't balk. Instead, she realized that she could help teens grasp the enormous responsibility that giving birth and caring for a baby entails. The Ultimate Teachable MomentJulie and her husband 'loaned' their baby to the NBC reality show The Baby Borrowers, which gave five unmarried teenage couples their own house and a crash course in parenting and adulthood. The first two episodes centered on the care of a baby younger than a year old, and each teen couple parented a 'borrowed' baby for 72 hours straight. During the 3-day taping, the real parents - living in houses just across the street - were able to watch their child round the clock and intervene in person whenever they felt it was necessary. NBC promoted the show with the tagline, "It's not TV. It's birth control." And for many watching at home, the episodes caused discomfort. By immersing the teen couples in a full-fledged parenting experience, The Baby Borrowers exposed the 24/7 reality of life as a baby mama and baby daddy. Setting the Record StraightAlthough the series focused on the teens, the parents found themselves the subject of much speculation and some criticism online. Within hours of the show's debut, Julie Sullivan's decision and the decision of the other parents to loan their babies out came under fire. Yet despite the online buzz in mom blogs and parenting forums - and the many questions about why she and the other four mothers would do this - she hasn't regretted her participation in The Baby Borrowers. In an About.com exclusive, Julie talks candidly about what it was like to be involved in a teen parenting reality show. She sets the record straight on a number of concerns, including how closely the babies (all infants under a year old) were monitored, and why she decided to participate in The Baby Borrowers. In Julie's Own Words"I am one of the parents of the babies on the show. My son is Shay, and he was cared for by Sasha and Jordan.... "The babies were never 'given' up by their moms. The moms and dads were on set 24 hours a day. Every mom and dad went over to help the teens as needed during the experiment. The editing of 72 hours and 5 houses into the two 'baby' episodes only shows the drama. The parents who participated were not seeking fame and received no money. We believed in The Baby Borrowers 100% and were 100% happy with the respect and safety on the set.... "It was a great experience for us and our son. Of course, we had Sasha and Jordan, so there was very little drama. But there were many struggles we helped them through that were not edited into the show because there was so much drama with some of the other teens and moms. "I have read so many articles about the show, and keep hearing the same question: Who would do it? I don't feel the question has been adequately answered, although I do realize it’s not about us, it's about the teens. It's just hard to hear over and over, and since we are friends with the other 4 sets of parents, and I can assure you, they are all quality parents. "We have 4 teens/young adults: ages 21, 20, 19, and 17. I have also 'fostered' 4 teenage girls in my home during their high school years, so my husband and I are very connected with teenagers. We participated in the project at first because we thought it was an NBC documentary style show about teenage pregnancy, but even though it turned out to be a reality (unscripted) show, we were very pleased to be part of it. The producers on the show put us parents completely in charge of when we wanted to go over to the teens' house (we were across the street watching on TV). All of us went over more than once to coach or motivate or correct as needed. "But this is what I want people to know: We spent about two hours with the teens before we left to go watch them, so we did not know them, but we felt 100% confident in leaving them in charge with us watching. We spent 2 hours talking to the nanny before that, and she was completely capable and committed to our son's safety. We never left the set, not because we were worried, but because we were very interested in what was going in our teens' house as well as the other teens' houses. There was a producer, camera man, sound guy, and assistants in every house, although none of that is seen on the show. But that’s what we saw. "My son had been psychologically tested before being included....He was very capable of being away from mom and dad for a time, and it in no way was distressing for him or we would have stepped in immediately. There was a psychologist on set watching all the babies, and we did talk to him to ask questions when needed. "Everyone leaves their child with a care provider at some point. We felt better about this than leaving our other children when they were young with a trusted sitter when we went out of town. "No one wants to say this but I started this process originally because I wanted to see my beautiful son on TV. That makes it sound like we are just seeking fame, and that’s not true, so no one wants to say that's why they did it. It turned out to be so much more than that to us. And just to clarify: we were paid nothing. "The Baby Borrowers was an awesome experience for everybody involved." ------------------ TV Series - "High School Confidential" - Inside the Lives of 12 Teenage GirlsTwelve girls. One small town. Four grades of high school. Five hundred hours of footage. Eight emotional episodes. It all adds up to what may be the most important and honest depiction of what teen girls face during adolescence in the first decade of the new millennium. And it makes for a powerful eight-hour series aptly named High School Confidential. From Freshmen to Seniors: Full Exposure Over Four YearsExecutive producer Sharon Liese didn't set out to break new ground when she conceived the documentary and began filming in 2002. As the single mother of a 13-year-old daughter about to enter freshman year, Liese went looking for resources and material specific to the experiences of girls during the transition years of high school. Finding very few reality-based accounts of the challenges and changes girls face, Liese decided to document these four years herself, and convinced a high school in Overland Park, Kansas, to allow access to the school and its students. To find girls willing to have their lives recorded over a four-year period, Liese invited incoming freshmen to apply. Forty girls submitted applications, 25 were interviewed, and a dozen were chosen to appear in High School Confidential. For most of the 12 girls, we see their high school experiences condensed into an hour; most are featured in a single episode depicting four years of change, growth, loss, and emerging independence. Throughout eight programs, their stories are told individually or grouped together (with up to three per episode.) Watching them grow from shy, innocent-looking freshmen through sophomore, junior and senior years, we see the stresses take their toll. We hear their frustrations, fears, hope, dreams, and disappointments. We watch as they learn to negotiate high school with greater confidence. And we feel their losses as intensely as they do through candid confessions, tears, and emotional breakdowns in the face of death, pregnancy, miscarriage, suicidal thoughts, and peer pressure. What Parents Don't Know...But Should KnowThroughout the series, interviews with parents expose a sad truth - most are clueless about what goes on in their daughters' lives. By the end of high school, daughters and parents frequently come together; but the interviews remind me (as a mother of two teenage girls) never to be too smug about my daughters' lives and to realize that I - like most parents - probably will never see the full story of what goes on. I've been watching the series with my 16 and 14-year-old daughters. And they've been intensely obsessed with each episode and with the girls' lives. Most painful for all of us was the story of Jessie, whose dreams of an acting career are threatened by her bouts of depression, alcohol and drug use, and pregnancy - all aspects of high school that initially terrified her as a freshman. (And the pain ins magnified by Jessie's mother, who struggles with her own issues and poor life choices that impact her daughter.) Some girls reveal themselves fully and completely, and give us access to their deepest thoughts. Others seem to hold back a little initially, but loosen up over time. The same might be said for viewers of the series. What may seem initially disturbing becomes commonplace over time as three of the 12 girls experience the stresses and anxieties of pregnancy in their lives, and all face drinking, premarital sex, social pressure, and the relentless push to do better and make something of themselves. You may be surprised at what you see, but as it's repeated again and again, the message comes home: high school is a very tough time for most teen girls. Something to Talk AboutIf I could wave a magic wand, I'd wish every mother in America could sit down with her teenage daughter and see this series together, or at least make time for one or two episodes. There are so many opportunities to launch life-changing discussions about the difficult topics many parents shy away from. And for teenage girls, there are real-life examples of what really happens even in 'the best of schools' and ways to say, "This is what I face as well." Without judgment and with a great deal of compassion, High School Confidential opens the doors wide open to what high school life is really like for teenage girls. It's up to us - as active, engaged parents and viewers - to step up and take a look inside.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 07, 2009 12:28 pm
16 & PregnantIn June of 2009, a new series on MTV debuted called " 16 & Pregnant". Quote: 16 and Pregnant is an MTV reality series produced by Morgan J. Freeman that was first broadcast on June 11, 2009. It follows the story of pregnant girls in high school. It typically follows a different teenage girl in every episode beginning when she is around 6-8 months pregnant. The episode usually ends when the baby is a few months old. There were 6 episodes, each covering a different girl's life, and then there was a "Life After Labor" special follow-up with all the girls (episode 7), and an episode of unseen moment (episode 8 ). You can actually watch the Life After Labor Special here. I heard about this show and initially didn't like it. I thought the show was glorifying teen pregnancy and it was a bad idea. Well, one middle of the night later with nothing on TV, I ended up watching my first episode, Farrah. The first part of the episode was frustrating, because she was still ridiculously naive and didn't know what to expect. I was happy to see a bit later that the show does show in detail how hard it is to be a teen mom, because it IS hard. And of course each girl has their own circumstances to deal with, making each episode unique. Episode 1: Maci Issues Dealt With: Relationship problems; dealing with college, work, extracurricular activities and being a new mom at the same time. Episode 2: Farrah Issues Dealt With: Being a single mom; family relationship issues; getting around with no car. [Nikolita edit: For some reason, out of all the baby gifts she got, no one apparently thought to get her a stroller.]Episode 3: Amber Issues Dealt With: Being a new mom; relationship disagreements. Episode 4: Ebony Issues Dealt With: Being a new mom; relationship issues; lack of parental support; struggling to finish high school (Ebony) and to get into the military (her boyfriend Josh); living situation. Episode 5: Whitney Issues Dealt With: Being a new mom; living situation. Episode 6: Catelynn Issues Dealt With: Giving child up for adoption; lack of parental support. If you are thinking about becoming a teen mom, I would highly encourage you to watch this show, or at the very least the "Life After Labor" special with Dr. Drew. The girls on the show love their babies, but they also bring up lots of good points about why it's good to wait until one is older and more capable before having a baby.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 07, 2009 1:59 pm
Baby Calculators - How Much Does It Really Cost To Have a Baby?
Calculator #1 (American): http://www.bankrate.com/calculators/savings/raise-child-calculator.aspx
*Note that when you go to this page, you can change the values and play around with the calculator. If you leave them as they are when you visit this webpage, you'll see the total at the bottom of the page, for the cost it will take to raise the baby from 0 - 18, is approximately 190,528.00!
---------------
Calculator #2 (American): http://www.babycenter.com/cost-of-raising-child-calculator
Let's play with this one. Say I'll be having a baby, due to be born later this year, I live in a city/suburb in the Western US, my family makes between $38,000 and $64,000 a year, we have a two-parent household, and I'd like my child to one day attend public college. Total cost? Cost for first year (excluding college) is $11,973. Cost from 0 - 18 years? $266,698.
Now let's change it up. Baby will be born in 2009, in a city or suburb in the Southern US, with an annual income of less than $38,000, to a one parent family (we'll say me for this example), and I'd like my child to attend public college. Total cost? For the first year (excluding college), is $7,568. Total cost (0 - 18 years) is $187,408.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 07, 2009 2:02 pm
Other Costs Associated With Having a Baby A big thank you to Preston Trelsly and her guild "Mommy Haven" for providing the information in this post. You can see her original thread here. (The slideshow link at the bottom was retrieved by Nikolita.) ~ Taken from: http://www.surebaby.com Costs of Having a BabyAnd you thought the home pregnancy test was expensive! The costs of raising a baby to age 18 costs between $125,000-$250,000 and that's not including college tuition! In your baby's first year alone, you can easily spend between $9,000-$11,000 (for diapers, formula, baby furniture, clothing, baby gear, etc.) Two things that can save you money right off is deciding to use cloth diapers, using 2nd hand items and breastfeeding. If you go back to work right away, childcare can cost as much as $3,000-$4,500 in your baby's first year, not to mention the higher insurance premium for adding an additional person. If you can stay home with your baby, you can save money. ------------------------ Taken from: http://www.thelaboroflove.com/articles/how-much-does-baby-formula-other-baby-supplies-cost/ How Much Does Baby Formula & Other Baby Supplies Cost? Having a baby is not cheap and in fact it can get downright expensive. Of course, you can buy generic brands and do your best to save money, but baby formula and other baby supplies cost money. You may be planning for a baby and are curious about the average costs of these products on a monthly basis. The following overview will help you better understand how much it costs to meet your babys basic needs. First of all, there are all kinds of formulas on the market. Some are organic while others are soy. Still others have special enzymes and are specially formulated for different types of babies. You will need to buy the type of formula recommended by your pediatrician. Keep in mind, though, that you may have to try several formulas before you find the right one for your baby. In general, a good formula may be purchased for 12 cents per ounce. Although there are definitely some that cost more than that. Your baby will drink about 30 ounces of formula per day. That relates to $3.60 each day. However, at two months of age your baby will start drinking 40 ounces per day at a cost of $4.80 per day. This results in $146 per month in formula through month six when your baby goes back to about 32 ounces of formula per day. Overall, in your first year of formula feeding you can anticipate to spend about $1500 - $2000 just on the formula. That doesnt count the bottles, liners, nipples, and the like that are also required. Other baby supplies include diapers and wipes. Most babies go through 8-12 diapers per day in their first few weeks and months of life. This means just as many or more wipes are used. On average the diapers will cost you about $80 - $150 per month until your baby is a little older. Wipes will probably cost you $30 per month since they arent quite as expensive. Then, you have the other baby necessities like clothes, furniture, car seats, and the like. The list goes on and on and the prices keep going up. It is estimated that the family with their first child spends somewhere between $9,000 and $11,000 in the first year of their baby's life. -------------------------- Taken from: http://www.naturalmomsblog.com/the-cost-of-baby-formula.html The Cost of Baby Formula October 20, 2008 by Alexis What is the real cost of baby formula? Breastfeeding is not just a healthy choice, it’s also an economical choice. And the longer you breastfeed, the more the savings add up. As babies mature, they eat more. If you’re bottle-feeding, that means your expenses grow along with your baby. Nursing, by contrast, costs no more at six months than it does at six days. In a 1998 study, Dr. Marta Sovyanhadi of the Long Beach, California, Department of Health and Human Services estimated it costs a mother only $90.36 in extra calorie intake to breastfeed an infant for the first six months. You also are saving in healthcare costs for your baby. Studies show breastfed babies get sick less often, need fewer doctor visits, and are hospitalized less often than formula-fed babies. For working mothers, that means an added savings of less time lost on the job. The chart below shows what not having to buy bottles and formula saves you, based on how long you nurse. * By breastfeeding you are saving well over $1,000 the first year. That’s money you can spend on other things, like education, savings, or a special treat to make nursing even easier! * Figures include the average cost of brands of premixed and powdered formula available in grocery stores here in Northampton, Massachusetts, as well as the purchase of four bottles and nipples every two months. Cost of Formula and Bottles Month Cumulative Nursing Savings Month 1: $102 Month 2: $196 Month 3: $320 Month 4: $443 Month 5: $567 Month 6: $691 Month 7: $815 Month 8: $938 Month 9: $1,062 Month 10: $1,186 Month 11: $1,309 Month 12: $1,433 ------------------------ Cost and Nutritional Benefit of Baby SolidsThis article is about the cost and nutritional benefits of baby 'solids'. It is very long, but very informational to pregnant mothers who are wanting to know what is best when it comes to nutrition and money. Here is the link: http://www.cspinet.org/reports/cheat1.html ------------------------ Slideshow: The Biggest Costs in Having a Baby
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 27, 2009 10:26 pm
"Can We Afford To Have a Baby?" [article]
Taken from: http://www.redbookmag.com/money-career/tips-advice/can-we-afford-a-baby?link=rel&dom=msn&src=syn&con=art&mag=rbk
Like many young couples, Breanne and Larry Stone can't wait to build a dream nursery filled with cute little onesies and a sparkling new crib. But as much as they're looking forward to cuddling a newborn, this Terre Haute, IN, couple wants to make sure their bank accounts can stand up to the $15,000 a year on average that it costs to raise a child, according to a government study. "Last summer, I got a case of baby fever when a girl I work with got pregnant," says Breanne, 25, a payroll clerk who earns $26,000 a year. "But since we have outstanding student loans, credit card debt, and house and car payments, I really would like to get our finances on track before we start trying for a baby."
"Breanne jokes that we can't afford kids because we can't even afford ourselves," says Larry, 26, an assistant department manager at a hardware store who earns $35,000 a year. Two years ago, the newlyweds bought a 90-year-old house that quickly turned into a money pit. "I'm sure we've spent at least $5,000 on home repairs," says Breanne. The house still needs a new roof and windows, and it's not the only source of the couple's debt. "Every time we get a card or a loan paid off, we say, 'We're not doing so bad,' and end up buying something, like a computer or a new car," says Breanne.
Another factor at hand: Larry would like to get a college degree and boost his earning power, but because of scheduling constraints with his current job and their cash flow, Larry's not sure the timing is right for this dream — let alone their shared goal of building a family.
"There's never really a perfect time when a couple feels 100 percent financially ready to have a baby," says Carmen Wong Ulrich, author of Generation Debt — and there's no magic number on your bank balance that means you're ready. "But you should feel in control of your money, be clear on your financial goals, and have certain systems in place — like a monthly budget that you stick to — to make sure you remain on track financially," says Ulrich. Just as important as financial stability, however, is a couple's emotional readiness to parent, says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., REDBOOK Love Network expert and author of the upcoming Money, Sex, and Kids. "I think it's smart that Breanne and Larry want to think it through," she says. "They just need to have a clear plan."
Breanne and Larry's balance sheet:
Annual gross income: $61,000
Monthly take-home: $3,120
Monthly expenses:
Mortgage: $590
Car payments: $655
Satellite TV/cable: $60
Phone/Internet: $145
Utilities: $180
Water: $40
Groceries: $240
Gas or fun money: $400
Debt payments: $565
Savings: $180
Total expenses: $3,055
FINANCIAL ROADBLOCK: "We can't get on top of our debt."
MONEY-SMART SOLUTION: Conquer your cards, paying off the highest-interest–rate card first.
Breanne and Larry each brought debt to the relationship: She had $15,000 in student loans (that's now down to $13,000), and he had $2,000 in credit card debt and a $20,000 car loan (they ultimately sold that car in order to purchase their house). Together, they have four credit cards with a total debt of more than $6,000; they currently put about $400 a month toward paying them off. "I think we would be a lot less stressed if we paid off our debt," says Larry. "Things are tight already, and if we had a kid, we would have to watch every dime we spent." Adds Breanne: "If we take the plunge and start a family now, I'm afraid we'll be pinching pennies for years to come."
To reduce their debt as quickly as possible, Ulrich suggests that Breanne and Larry make it a priority to pay down the credit card with the highest interest rate, while paying only the minimum on the other cards. The couple should also transfer the balances on the two retail cards they have — both of which have interest rates of over 20 percent! — to their credit card with the lowest interest rate. "This will put all the debt at close to 11 percent interest, which will save Breanne and Larry at least $20 a month in interest payments," says Ulrich. Once all the balances are transferred, they should cancel those retail cards. Finally, Breanne and Larry should make a pledge to each other to stop using their credit cards until they're paid off. If they need to make a purchase, they should pay for it in cash.
FINANCIAL ROADBLOCK: "We live from paycheck to paycheck — and we can't seem to save a dime."
MONEY-SMART SOLUTION: Scrimp to start an emergency-cash cushion.
The Stones' goal: to have three to six months of living expenses set aside for emergencies and a future baby fund. But it's hard for the couple to curb their spending. "There's hidden money everywhere," says Ulrich. "You just have to look for it." Breanne and Larry should tally all their expenses and receipts over the course of one month, Ulrich says. This should include everything from a 99-cent coffee to a tank of gas. By looking at their spending in black-and-white, they'll see places where they can make cuts and immediately set aside that found money in a savings account. "Say they're spending $35 a month on ATM fees," says Ulrich. "If they just hit the ATM less often and resolved to stick to their bank branch ATM — or even shop for a new bank that has lower fees and is more convenient for them to get to — they'd be that much better off each month," she says.
And because Breanne and Larry spend more on their cars each month ($655 — and that doesn't include gas) than on their home, they should consider downsizing to one car, or at least switching one to a much less expensive, more gas-friendly model, Ulrich suggests. "By bringing down their car payments, they can save over $200 a month and put that cash toward their cushion or paying off their debt." Breanne and Larry can also lower their utility bills (they spend $180 per month on electricity and gas) by being vigilant about turning off lights and computers when they're not using them. "They can log on to lowermybills.com to check for better deals on their Internet service, phone, and insurance," says Ulrich.
Next step: Start saving. Once Breanne and Larry make a dent in their debt, they can start stashing 10 percent of their take-home pay in a high-yield savings account (check bankrate.com to find one with a rate of 5 percent or higher); they should fund that account with direct deposit or automatic transfers from their checking accounts. "Setting aside money will be hard at first," Ulrich warns. "But with automated savings — which practically every bank offers — they won't even notice it," she says. "And they'll be pleasantly surprised by how much money they save in just one year." Breanne and Larry should also contribute at least 2 percent of their take-home pay toward a 401(k) retirement fund (log on to irs.gov/retirement to find out how to open an individual IRA if you're not employed or if your employer doesn't offer a retirement plan).
The couple should also look for ways to bring in more cash. "Larry should work as much overtime as he can since he gets time-and-a-half, and perhaps Breanne can babysit for friends once or twice a week," Ulrich suggests. "She could bring in an extra $100 or more a month." Breanne and Larry can get creative, too, and reap even more monthly earnings. "Breanne likes to jar her own salsa," Ulrich says. "If she prints some labels and sells the jars for $5, selling several jars a month will net them another $25 to $35 — a nice windfall for doing something she enjoys."
With all this strict economizing, however, Breanne and Larry risk losing motivation and possibly going back to their old spend-y ways. That's why they should pay themselves $50 each week in "fun money." "Total deprivation can result in a binge later," says Ulrich, "so it's important for them to feel like they get the chance to enjoy some of their hard-earned money."
FINANCIAL ROADBLOCK: "We feel pressure to keep up with our friends!"
MONEY-SMART SOLUTION: Wait to make major decisions until you're both financially — and emotionally — ready.
When faced with the ever-popular question of "When are you going to have kids?" Breanne gets frustrated. "Even though we both want kids, I wish people would leave it be," she says. "I feel rushed and sometimes guilty that we haven't gotten pregnant yet." Larry agrees. "Of course I want kids," he says, "but I just don't think we're ready." They're smart to know their limits, says Tessina. "It's important for them to get their emotional connection and financial situation secure before having children," she adds. "Parenting is stressful and demanding, and if they're not ready they will have a very rough time." Fact is, failing to prepare for all the consequences of big life changes — whether it's buying a house that needs a lot of renovations or having a baby — will always put you in the hole. "But if you plan for life's big moments," says Ulrich, "you'll never be surprised or weighed down by the price tag."
When family and friends pressure Breanne and Larry to start thinking about having a baby or wonder why they haven't started trying by now, the couple needs to maintain a united front about their relationship time line. Talking to each other openly about their future wants and hopes will help them eventually attain the life they desire, Tessina says. She suggests that they draw themselves a life map — with sections for home, kids, money, fun, and work. In each section, they should write down their dreams. "This will make their long-term plans more real to them," she says — and will help them figure out when they will be ready to become a threesome. "Things will come up that neither one of them could predict, but that's the part they're good at," Tessina says. "For example, they were able to make big decisions together when it came to buying and renovating their home. So long as they keep working to take charge of their future, they'll be taking steps to create the family they always dreamed of having."
THE COUPLE'S REACTION
BREANNE: "We now know how to reach our overall goal of having a baby instead of letting things 'just happen.' Tina helped us figure out a better way to talk to each other, and Carmen helped us financially prepare ourselves for the family we'd like to have. We made the life map Tina suggested. We still need to get more detailed on how to attack the goals we've listed, but just sitting down to discuss them was helpful. We've also started paying off the highest-interest credit card first. I've looked into some online savings accounts that offer a higher interest rate than our current accounts do. I also started doing more bill payments online, which I like because I no longer worry about my payments arriving late."
LARRY: "Carmen's and Tina's advice opened my eyes to our situation. We've really been going along just reacting to things that pop up instead of laying out a plan to get ahead. Tina helped us open up to each other about what we would like to see in our future. We've talked about how we want to reach our dreams and have set up doable time frames. I've started to get more involved in bill paying and I've rearranged my priorities a bit. I'm going to start my 401(k), too. It was good to talk to Breanne about what we want in the future, and we are getting along better now that we are talking about things more."
Update from Breanne:
We aren't using our credit cards anymore, although we do use our debit card because it's easier than writing a check (but it doesn't really count since we can only spend what we have in our checking). Larry just got a promotion at work this week, so that was some exciting news and will help our budget to come. We are basically paying minimum payments on all our cards except one, which we are paying about $200 extra on, so we are starting to see a small dent in our debt, which is wonderful. We are also on budget billing for our electric and gas utilities and have agreed to conserve energy, so that's begun to lower our utility bills slightly. Also, before we stop at a gas station for a soda, we stop and think first. If we are headed home, we'll just wait and have a drink there now, which is saving a little money. Unfortunately we just can't downsize to one vehicle; we really do need a car for each of us. We are grouping our errands together still to save gas that way.
As for our relationship, we are sitting down and talking a lot more than we used to. We've even gone on a couple of dates, which don't have to cost a lot if you look around for cheap things to do. We are closer now, and have our goals in mind and our treasure map to keep us in check.
We really appreciate all the help and advice that was given to us and feel like we are right on track to start expanding our family soon, and we won't have the stress of extra debt hanging over our heads when we do.
Update from Larry:
Since we have talked to the experts I think things have been going better here. For starters I have been promoted at my job, which is very helpful for our finances. This new raise will certainly help to pay off some of the debt quicker. Unfortunately, the fact that we have two cars is basically a must for this area, because of our jobs and the schedules we work. With the pace we are at I still feel it will be at least a year before we are comfortable financially having a baby. I think Breanne and myself are more open to each other about our financial status and the goals that we have to prepare for a baby.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 9:29 pm
Questions to Ask Yourself BEFORE Getting Pregnant
There are many, many questions you need to ask yourself (and your partner if he/she is in the picture). Here are some of the basics, grouped by topic.
(While I'm aware some guys may read this sticky, this is written as if I'm speaking to the girlfriend in the relationship.)
~
For single moms:
Finances
- If you're working, how much can you save up before you need to quit your job/go on maternity leave? How much will your income be reduced? Can you get government aid to help somehow?
- Are you going to have to pay for prenatal care during the pregnancy? If so, how much will it cost? Will you be able to get/have medical coverare during/after the baby is born? If not, where will you get the money to cover the necessary costs?
- How much will it cost for baby supplies, to prepare for the baby? Clothing, stroller, crib, toys, blankets, and other supplies? Go to a department store and talk to friends/family who've had babies and ask how much the necessities cost. Would getting some secondhand items help? Would family/friends be willing to help cover costs? (By this I don't mean have them be your source of baby gear - I'm referring to baby showers, sharing used baby clothing and other supplies among friends, etc. If you're having a baby, YOU should be the primary source for the baby, not your family or friends. But it's fine to accept some help if you need it now and then.)
- How much will post-birth supplies cost? Diapers? Formula and bottles if needed? Wipes? Baby food (later down the line)?
- How much money can you save up as an emergency fund, in case the baby has some medical complications, or if you have some health concerns?
- If you go back to work/school not long after having the baby, who will watch the baby and how will you pay for any necessary costs? If you choose to stay at home with the baby, how will you make ends meet?
- If you are not living at home and are renting, how will you come up with the money for rent? Groceries? Utilities and other bills? Car payments and maintenance if you have a vehicle? Will someone in your family (or roommates if you're living with other people) be able to help, or will you have to find that money yourself?
Support Systems
- If you need outside help and support, do you have family members and/or friends who would be willing to step up and give you a hand? Are they supportive of you having a baby alone?
- Do you know what community resources (daycare/childcare, play centers, etc) are located in your town? If you have a hard time getting out alone, do you know how to reach them if you have questions or are having an emergency?
- Do you know of online resources you can use if you don't have many available if your town?
- Is the baby's father going to be around to help, or be a part of the baby's life? If not, are you going to get child support from him?
Impact on Life Plans
- How will having a baby affect your job? Will you be able to go back once you are finished your maternity leave? If you quit, will you be able to find another job when your baby is a bit older?
- How will having a baby affect your education? Are you in post-secondary now, or was it an option you were considering for your near future? How will finances, daycare availability and time management impact any future post-secondary plans?
- If you have to rely on government aid, how will this impact your life? Will you be able to provide for your baby until you are able to work again?
Other
- If you have a car, where will you come up with the money for gas? Maintenance and parts?
- If you don't have a car, how will you get around? Is public transit an option? Do you have someone who can help give you rides? If there's a medical emergency with you or your baby, how will you get to the hospital?
- If you're still in high school, will you have to drop out to have a baby? Are there resources/options in your school that will allow you to go back to school and continue with your education once you've had a baby? If you have to drop out, when would you be able to go back/get your GED?
For couples:
Most of the questions that apply to single moms also apply to couples, so if you and your boyfriend are wanting a baby, be sure to read through those too! There are some different questions that couples have to address specifically though, such as:
- If the father is supportive of having a baby, what role will he play in the baby's life? Will he help his girlfriend during her pregnancy, and be supportive? (financial, emotional)
- Will he be helping to cover the costs associated with having a baby? Will he help cover the cost of baby supplies? What about medical costs (if applicable)?
- Will he help look after the baby so you can go to work/school? Will you be able to share the task of raising the baby so you both can go to work/school?
Support Systems
- Are your families supportive of you two having a baby? Would they be willing to help out (financially, emotionally, etc) if needed?
- Would someone in your family/friend circles be available to help watch the baby on occasion if needed?
Impact on Future Plans
- How will having a baby affect your future plans for the both of you to go to school/work?
- What happens if you the relationship fails and you two break up before/after the baby is born? How will this affect your options and decisions?
- Do you think you two will have another baby after this first one is born? Would you prefer to wait a few years until you had another? How would this impact your finances, options and decisions in life?
Other
- How will having a baby impact your social lives? Are you prepared to make sacrifices and spend more time at home with the baby and each other?
- Do either you or your boyfriend have medical coverage for the baby? How will you cover the baby's medical costs if you don't have coverage? What will you do if the baby has a medical emergency?
What to do?
Make a budget. Add up your living costs now, whether you're by yourself or with someone in a relationship. Go to a department store that sells baby supplies, talk to friends & family members with babies, and do your research. Find out how much baby supplies and other associated variables cost (medical care, food, etc) each month.
Once you're done your research, make another budget that includes the costs of having a baby. Do you have enough money to make ends meet? Will your partner be able to help you cover the costs? Once you are on maternity leave/quit your job, will one income be enough to cover all your required costs? If not, will government aid be needed, and if so, how much can you get and for what?
You're Telling Us Not to Have a Baby!
Yes and no. I'm generally not overly supportive of teenage pregnancy, especially when it's intentional. And of course, everyone has the right to make their own choices. What I hope this sticky, and especially this post, will illustrate is the importance of waiting until you're older before having kids.
Are all teens bad moms? Of course not. Many teens are good mothers, especially when they have support from their family and friends. But most teens lack the resources and capabilities to fully provide for a child, even with help. Research has shown, both as cited in this sticky and available on the internet, that teenage moms are often prevented from reaching their full potential when they have kids really early and/or before they're ready.
And of course, in the end it all comes down to providing a healthy, comfortable life for the baby and for yourself. What kind of life is it where you're a mom but you're forever stressed about finances, relationship issues, or being a single parent? The goal is to not have a baby and scrape by - being a parent should happen when one or both parents can comfortably support a child, preferably without relying on government aid.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 9:56 am
Health Risks to Young Moms [internet]
Taken from: http://www.essortment.com/all/teenpregnancyh_ryot.htm
A girl can become pregnant even before she begins menstruation. For most girls, a regular menstrual cycle will begin between the ages of 11 and 16. During these formative years, bones are not mature, and over all growth is not yet finished. Becoming pregnant as during the teen years pose some serious health risks, not only to themselves, but to the unborn child.
First and formost, getting the professional health care needed during the early months greatly reduces complications. Many soon to be teen moms neglect to seek care during the first 4 months of the pregnancy because they are either scared or in denial. Not seeking care puts not only the teen mom in danger, but the unborn child as well. It is important for a pregnant teen to be especially vigilent about nutrition, excersise, proper health care, and rest, because her body is still growing.
Teen moms are more likely to have a baby that is premature and low birth weight. A premature baby is one that is born too early. Some of these babies do die. The ones that make it tend to have problems later in life, mental and physical problems are included. A low birth weight baby is one that is born with a weight of less than 5 1/2 pounds. These babies have a greater risk of being born with major birth defects.
The risks for the teen mom are great as well. Pregnancy and birth can put a tremendous strain on a teenager's body. If bone structure is not fully developed, she takes the risk of injuring her spine and pelvic bones, altering her life forever. It is also well known that the irresponsible behaviors some teens exhibit may put them at risk for sexually transmitted diseases. These diseases can be easily spread to an unborn baby. If untreated, disasterous consequences can occur.
~
Taken from: http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/4592/1/Problems-Associated-With-Teen-Pregnancy.html
Pregnancy is one of the pivotal moments of a woman's life but not when you're young with a bright future ahead. Teen pregnancy is one of the most difficult experiences any young woman can go through. The stress of pregnancy, revelation of pregnancy to parents, and moving on despite the shame and worry can be nerve-racking. Indeed pregnancy especially during teenhood will never be easy.
According to studies, teenage pregnancies in the United States have decreased steadily over the years. In 1991, there were 60 out of 1000 young women who gave birth and in 1998, 51 out of 1000 gave birth. This decrease may be due to the effective use of birth control and decreased sexual activity among teens.
Yet teen pregnancy rates remain high. According to Women's Health Channel, in the United States alone, approximately 1 million teenage girls experience pregnancy every year. At least 5% of young girls give birth and in 1997, at least 13% of the births in the US are of teenage girls. Health risks to the baby and children out of teen pregnancy are more likely to experience health, social, and emotional problems. An increased risk for complications such as premature labor in teen pregnancy and socioeconomic consequences are present.
But there are more serious problems for the teenage mothers-to-be than the statistics and how the world views them either negatively or positively. Both the baby and the mother are at risk in major areas of life such as school failure, poverty, and physical or mental illness.
Pregnant teenagers may not seek proper medical care that may lead to a bigger risk of medical complications. In their pregnancy, they need understanding, medical care, and education - particularly in nutrition and complications of pregnancy.
Pregnancy to teenagers brings all sorts of emotions. Some do not want their babies while others feel that its creation is an achievement. Some feel guilty and anxious while others feel that they need to baby to love but not aware of the special care it would need. Also, depression is common during pregnancy in teenagers. And when worse comes to worst, a pregnant teenager may even require the help of a mental health professional.
Teen pregnancy can be risky to unborn babies. Teen pregnancy results to underweight babies, poor eating habits of the teenager, and smoking and drinking tendencies of the pregnant girl. Lastly, pregnant teens are less likely to seek prenatal care.
Unwanted pregnancy can be prevented through open communication and providing guidance regarding sexuality, contraception, and risks and responsibilities of possible pregnancy. Sexual education and family life in schools can also prevent unwanted pregnancies. Finally, support of family and love will greatly help pregnant teens.
Source: http://www.healthguidance.org/authors/11/Charlene-J.-Nuble
With all this in mind, it is still unclear why so many teenaged girls end up pregnant every year. However, proper care is key if pregancy does occur to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the mother and child.
~
Taken from: http://www.womenshealthchannel.com/teenpregnancy/index.shtml
Teen pregnancy is an important issue. There are health risks for the baby and children born to teenage mothers are more likely to suffer health, social, and emotional problems. Women who become pregnant during their teens have an increased risk for complications, such as premature labor and socioeconomic consequences as well.
Teen pregnancy rates in the United States declined steadily from 1991 to 2005—from 60 out of 1000 teenagers in 1991 to 40.5 out of 1000 in 2005. However, the teen pregnancy rate increased for two years in a row in 2006 and 2007—to more than 42 out of 1000. Approximately one-third of young women in the United States become pregnant during their teens. More than 80% of teen pregnancies are unintended and unintentional. The highest teen birth rate occurs in Hispanic women (83 out of 1000 in 2006).
Declining teen pregnancy rates are thought to be attributed to more effective birth control practice and decreased sexual activity among teens. The most dramatic reduction in teen pregnancy—23%—has occurred among African American teenagers.
Still, teenage pregnancy rates remain high and approximately 1 million teenage girls become pregnant each year in the United States. About 13% of U.S. births involve teen mothers and about 25% of teenage girls who give birth have another baby within 2 years. To lower teen pregnancy rates, older children must be educated about sex and about the consequences of pregnancy.
Other Consequences of Teenage Pregnancy
- Teenage births are associated with lower annual income for the mother.
- Eighty percent of teen mothers must rely on welfare at some point.
- Teenage mothers are more likely to drop out of school. Only about one-third of teen mothers obtain a high school diploma.
- Teenage pregnancies are associated with increased rates of alcohol and substance abuse, lower educational level, and reduced earning potential in teen fathers.
- In the United States, the annual cost of teen pregnancies from lost tax revenues, public assistance, child health care, foster care, and involvement with the criminal justice system is estimated to be about $7 billion.
~
Other results: http://www.google.ca/search?hl=en&source=hp&q=health+risks+associated+with+teenage+pregnancy&meta=&aq=f&oq=
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 8:30 pm
Dr. Phil - Are You Ready For Motherhood? [internet] Taken from: http://drphil.com/articles/article/614Having children isn't always about baking brownies, going to soccer games and taking family vacations. Dr. Phil says there is a level of emotional and financial commitment that many women don't anticipate. Before you take the plunge to become a mother, ask yourself the following four questions to determine your readiness: 1) Have you thought of the long-term commitment?Motherhood can be a 20-year or more commitment. Are you willing to make the sacrifices of money, emotion and energy, and put your life on hold? Dr. Phil says, “There is an implied contract with the child that you are saying, ’I will become your fiduciary. I will protect you along the way.’” 2) Have you looked at it from the child’s point of view? You may be trying to fill your immediate needs, but are you in a position to offer a stable environment emotionally and financially? Babies don’t have a vote. If you’re not ready, get ready before you take the plunge. 3) Are you and your spouse on the same page? Do you and your significant other have a game plan for raising the child? Do you agree on discipline, religion and education? 4) Are you having the child for the right reasons? Have you examined why you want to be a mother? “Children shouldn’t be born with a job to save your marriage or to create someone who will love you forever,” Dr. Phil says. ~ Clips and segments from the show: http://drphil.com/shows/show/1313/"Obsessed With Motherhood""I've wanted to have babies since I was 2 or 3 years old," says Katie, 15. "I like to work at my mom's daycare and play with all the kids. I'd like to have 10 kids. I'd like to start having kids before I'm 20 years old." Katie's folks weigh in. "She doesn't understand that having the child is so difficult, let alone what it entails for the rest of life," says her mother, Leah. "She's still a child at heart. I think, in her mind, she's going to be more of a partner to play with than a mother," says her father, Pete. "I'd like to go to college to study musical theater, even if I do get pregnant before then," Katie says. "Katie is not dating yet. She's not allowed to date until she's 16. I'm sure that if Katie had to choose between motherhood and college, she would choose motherhood," says Leah. "That means more to her than her schooling, unfortunately." "We're hoping you can help us out, Dr. Phil. Help her see that education is first, then family," says Pete. Dr. Phil turns to the teen. "So your idea is to have a big family," he notes. "Yes," Katie responds. Pointing out that Katie doesn't have a boyfriend yet, Dr. Phil says, "Your parents both say that you are level-headed, that you have great values. They're not worried that you're going to go out and do something stupid. You're not, are you?" "No." "Do you know how much it costs to raise a child?" Dr. Phil asks. "Yes. I know it's over $1,000 for the first few years," she says. "You're correct. It is over $1,000," Dr. Phil says with a big grin. The estimated cost of raising a baby is $7,236 a year, and $148,320 to raise a child to 18.(Clip of Katie spending the previous day with a previous guest on the show, Erica, to get a feel for parenting: http://drphil.com/slideshows/slideshow/5257/?id=5257&slide=2&showID=1313&preview=&versionID= ) When the videotape ends, Dr. Phil turns to Katie. “So how does being a nun sound?” he jokes. “I still want to have a big family. I just want to wait longer than I did at first,” she says. Dr. Phil addresses Katie’s dad, Pete, in the audience. “I think she changed her mind, Dad. What do you think?” he asks. “There were several things she hadn’t anticipated with the kids. Even though Erica’s kids are wonderful, the things that happen during the day keep coming,” Pete replies. Dr. Phil turns to 18-year-old Michelle, who became a mom at 16. “It’s very hard, having to go to school, take care of my baby. It’s a lot of work,” she says. “I go to a trade school, and I have to go at night, because during the day I don’t have a babysitter, and daycare is too expensive. It’s hard for me to study.” ------------------------- (Added Dec. 9/09) Taken from: http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/27It's one of the biggest decisions we make in our lives. And sometimes, spouses don't see eye to eye on the matter. Ideally, you should talk to your partner about having children before marriage. If you're already in a committed lifelong relationship and debating whether or not to become parents, Dr. Phil offers the following discussion points. •Consider the statistics: The reality of 3 a.m. feedings, changing 10,000 diapers and the fact that a baby born in 2002 will cost $250,000 by age 18! Are you ready to sign up for this? •A child should be wanted, not needed. Don't give a child a job before they're even here — the job of saving your marriage, of making your spouse settle down, of living out your unfulfilled dreams, etc. •Remember that everyone loves puppies, but they do become dogs! Likewise, adorable babies do become teenagers. Make sure that you're not fixated on the infancy stage of a child's life and are in it for the long haul. •Keep in mind that if you're happy with your home life as it is, a new addition may disrupt the balance. You have a responsibility to keep the family healthy and intact for the kids you already have, and not strain it by having another if it will threaten your marriage or family. •In order to have a baby, it takes a yes from two people. But it only takes a no from one person to stop it. Both of you need to be comfortable with having a child. Don't force your partner into parenthood. It could lead to resentment, threaten your relationship and be bad for the child. •If one of you wants to have a baby and the other one is concerned about the financial demands, ask yourselves if you are willing to downgrade your lifestyle in order to afford a child. If so, negotiate a budget that makes both of you comfortable. •If you're in disagreement, ask yourself whether the problem is not that you're not getting an answer, but that you're not getting the answer you want. Could you not be hearing your partner's differing opinion? Or could you not be hearing that your partner is not committed to you? •Don't feel guilty if the desire to have a baby isn't there. A lot of women think there's something wrong with them if they don't want to have a family. There isn't. •This is a big commitment. If the decision to have a child is a close call, don't do it. No matter how much you estimate what the sacrifices and demands will be, you're not even close. •Life is about choices. You choose your behavior, and therefore you choose your consequences. Don't choose the behavior if you can't deal with the consequences. Babies are a lot easier to make than they are to raise. Video clip: http://www.drphil.com/shows/show/41
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 8:38 pm
Catching Up With "16 and Pregnant": The Girls of Teen Mom [internet] A spinoff series from "16 and Pregnant," the series "The Girls of Teen Mom" has started. http://pccollecting.blogspot.com/2009/12/tonite-dec-1st-on-mtv-girls-of-teen-mom.html Quote: Catching Up With 16 and Pregnant: The Girls of Teen Mom airs at 6PM tonight on MTV. "Teen Mom" starts next Tuesday Dec 8th and will follow the Mom's and Girl's of "16 & Pregnant". I'm watching it right now on MTV. It looks interesting and gives more behind the scene information from "16 and Pregnant", including stuff that might not have been included in the original episodes. ~ There's also another main series called "Teen Mom", featuring the same girls and what's going on in their lives right now. :nod: "Catching Up" was more like a highlights episode.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 8:52 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
