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B3autiful_trag3dy Vice Captain
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 Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 12:42 pm
They say he never meant to do it,
but i know different.
He lurks in the shadow of my room
just waiting for me to give in.
He whispers, " you'll never win."
Even through i always try to fight it,
he normally is right
he consumes me.
He smiles a sinister smile knowing,
i'll give in
every night i beg for him to leave
he taunts my pain
he disappears suddenly
his laugh echoing my room
My heart Races
knowing that tomarrow
he'll be back again.
okay that was my first poem i tired right? ahh tell me what i should fix...
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Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 2:49 pm
-rubs arms-
That gave me chills Em.
I really liked that. It was short, but good.
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B3autiful_trag3dy Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 8:22 am
Mrs Gey -rubs arms-
That gave me chills Em.
I really liked that. It was short, but good. Oh thank you So much ^^ It was my first poem ever, i normally write songs and books but i wanted to try something different. ^^
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Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 11:05 pm
I dunno, it wasn't edited well. "He normally is right?" That's a terrible line, you could've done better there.
It also doesn't flow too well, some lines are WWAAYY longer then the one's before and after.
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