Welcome to Gaia! ::

Infinite possibilities-A writer's guild

Back to Guilds

This is a writer's guild where all can gather for feedback and advice on all mediums of writing. Plus it's a great place for conversation. 

Tags: Writing, Writer, Writer's Block, Critiques, Friends 

Reply Poetry and Lyricism
The Journey

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

Isianya

Aged Gaian

1,900 Points
  • Happy Birthday! 100
  • Gaian 50
  • Member 100
PostPosted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 3:32 pm


This is my first attempt at what I call "deeper poetry". Normally, I'm for the easy ABAB, bubblegum, pop poetry. What can I say? It works for me. But I thought I'd try something different. Here it is. Criticism always welcome.

For best results, read aloud (because that's how I wrote it):

The Journey

    I take the road less travelled
    not knowing where it will end
    rejecting the guided path
    and hoping to find a friend.
    A companion to share this journey
    and one to hold my hand.
    One who will lead me
    when my own certainty fails to command.
    But the road has room for only one
    to travel aimlessly into the rising sun.
    I cry out to the sky
    and reach out for the wind
    regretting the good-byes
    and praying this journey will soon end.
    And when the journey is done
    when all the steps have been taken
    I will emerge
    reborn
    refreshed
    and awakened.
    I will look back upon the bridges
    now ablaze with change
    their smoldering ashes
    whispering my name
    calling me back to the past
    and beckoning my presence
    and refuse
    for I have learned my lesson.
    The road less travelled now lies beneath my feet
    but the journey is now
    ever-changing
    ever-growing
    and incomplete.


.:~o*'Isianya'*o~:.
PostPosted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 7:27 pm


I like it, but I don't see the structure. Is it 'ABCB' and so on, perhaps?
Overall, this is a great freestyle poem

Deepfake

Snow Elder


Isianya

Aged Gaian

1,900 Points
  • Happy Birthday! 100
  • Gaian 50
  • Member 100
PostPosted: Wed Jul 15, 2009 8:55 pm


Well, yes, it started that way. ABCB. Then, it just kinda faded into free flowing. That's why it has to be read aloud. Or, rather is better aloud.

Thank you for reading and commenting! (:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 7:48 am


This is more of a song structure since it has a free flow to it. Words that flow well together, but really do not have any line structure.

Your Welcome, by the way >.<

Deepfake

Snow Elder

Reply
Poetry and Lyricism

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum