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 Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 9:00 am
There were the voices in his head, voices that screamed his name over and over as if they knew him. As if he knew them just as they knew his name. Or were they merely calling because it was what he was? It was his duty as what he was to answer them even if he wasn't sure how.
Things were slowly coming together for the God of Loneliness, but they weren't coming together fast enough. Not for him anyway, not nearly fast enough for him. For instance there was Azraceri, lonely and saddened Azraceri who always smiled when she saw him and tried to wash him yet there was always a sad tinge to it. Like she was seeing another him when she looked at him. And maybe there had been, for certain Athrun didn't know everything there was to know about gods anymore than Azra did, but he tried his best to learn.
What he really needed were answers from someone that would give them. Another god that wasn't afraid to tell a juvenile the answers he needed when he needed them and Athrun desperately needed them.
Needle sharp claws raked the sand around his paws into a lump and gave it a face slowly. Whiskers and a frown, a large nose... but no eyes. Athrun tilted his head to the side slowly and his sky colored eyes tried to make out what it was missing. A sigh passed from his white muzzle and he stood up, putting his paw down on the face he'd made in the sand as he walked towards the crashing surf just beyond. The water always calmed him these days.
It was like a friend from a time he couldn't remember anymore. The water was always there to wash away his pain and his anger at his faulty memories whenever he needed it to. Would it always be there? Yes, because it was the ocean, because it covered so much of the world. Athrun could see that much when he was flying up in the air. The ocean would never go away and the surf would never be gone completely even on placid days. The surf was always there to calm his mind with it's erratic dancing. As if the hyperactive surf could make him forget his pain for the time being and just let him think of something else.
A slow smile spread over Athrun's muzzle as he looked at the surf like an old friend.
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Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 9:37 am
Even though a few weeks had passed the void left within her heart remained in pain, burdened with the loss of her lover whose time had come. Still the questioned plagued her mind- there were so many that had yet to be answered as well as so few answers that she was willing to accept. But unfortunately there was nothing that she could do to bring him back. A God's death was unique as, unlike mortals, they were to be reborn back into that mysterious realm where their life would begin anew. When and where he would arrive was a mystery and even so the God she once knew could appear very different than before. Would she recognize him or rather would he remember her? Memories, if any remained, seemed much like roulette; some Gods remembered everything with concise and clear recollections while others were much like a clean slate- given a new life with nothing from the past to hold them back. Vigilantly, Pele had remained close to the surf as well as lying in the very place where she and Juuku laid together before the surf itself had taken him back. Day to day it seemed she roamed about their familiar home, walking along the shoreline and sitting out on the smooth stone breakers and watching the sun both rise and set below the horizon appearing as if the ocean itself simply swallowed the luminous entity whole. While she still remained loyal to her duties and awakening the slumbering giants that dotted the lands, Pele still felt incomplete- rendered and stripped of something that could not be replaced so quickly nor easily. She felt it; the loss was and continued to still sing a solacing cry within her heart, a song that solaced through her entire being. But even amongst the inner darkness of thoughts and mixed emotions the Goddess knew that one day the sun would come out. This wasn't the end, as much as it felt like, but a beginning. It was nerve racking, yes, but at the same time the Goddess was holding out her faith and stepping blindingly, knowing that perhaps one day they would be reunited and the love that was lost would rekindle stronger. But the light at the end of the tunnel wasn't in sight and, now, it remained a challenge to keep such a optimistic, whole hearted belief in mind.
Lying upon her side, the Goddess's wings laid tucked at her sides while her tail curled around her body. The warming sensation of the sands against her body were soothing, a welcoming sensation as if some unseen invalid was offering its own condolence to the mourning entity. Her head rested upon crossed forepaws as golden, glowing orbs stared out towards the ocean hoping, pleading to find something out there. Perhaps today she would catch a familiar scent and find herself to see if only a teasing sign that he had returned but, so far, it seemed futile. Watching the sea it seemed that the surf remained docile, barely alive as the once powerful surge and sets were no more- the thunderous roars of the surf were silenced and only a slight pull kept the white wash and tide lapping at the shoreline. It was like a pulse- the Surfs faint pulse manifesting itself ever so slightly as an indicator that he hadn't returned yet. A frown crept upon the Goddess's maw.
Soon, soon she hoped.
Her mind was restless and engaged with looking out toward the sea that the Goddess hadn't realized that there was someone else present, a forgotten face and friend of whom she had grown close to. As it seemed silence befell the surrounding and a sub level calm settled within her mind that her senses picked up upon the lingering scent of another, the smell whisked about by the sea breeze as it seized her nostrils. For a moment her excitement escalated but seemed to lessen realizing that it wasn't Juuku's yet it was familiar if only slightly, a small presence which stuck her memories and desperately sought to put a name, even a face, to the smell. Pele struggled. There was only one way to find out.
The Goddess raised her head upwards, craning her neck as her head turned and looked around. At first it seemed that it was no one and she was ready to accept that it must have been an illusion but just as discouragement was soon to consume her Pele caught something from out of the corner of her eye just as a small gasp seemed to escape from her maw. It was a godling! But, upon looking for a bit longer it was too old to be Juuku and its overall appearance and adorning items weren't fitting for her mate- that lumbering, beach bum.
Yet they seemed to be fitting for someone else she had in mind. Someone that she, herself, had nearly forgotten.
Knitting her brows, the Goddess rose to her paws. Surly she could be mistaken yet, at the same time, it seemed likely. When was the last time anyone had seen Loneliness? But then again there were a plethora of unknown Gods and Goddesses, even cubs being born, that were unfamiliar to Volcanoes that it was more than likely that this was one of them. But a persistent feeling only swelled inside of her, causing her to walk slowly towards the young juvenile.
"A-Athrun?" She questioned, arching a brow upwards while her small tail wings fluttered nervously, "Is that you?"
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Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 10:34 am
The white fur of his mane made it's way into his eyes past the snake headband that usually did a good job of holding it back. The crashing surf was silent today and Athrun's eyes slitted a bit in worry. Only the wind was making the waves move to and fro from the ocean, only the oceans natural pull...
Something had happened.
Naturally he didn't know what but Athrun knew that something had happened. Even his faulty memories couldn't deny that something in the back of his head was screaming. What it was screaming he didn't know despite how desperately he wished for the answer every second it bellowed.
Or were those words said out loud?
Twisting his head Athrun lifted an eyebrow in a characteristic motion that he didn't even know he was making. A large black and red tattooed goddess was laying before the waves with the saddest look on her face he'd ever seen. Screaming began in the back of his head again when he saw her, screaming that was louder than last it had. What it was saying he couldn't say himself but it was screaming and snarling.
"People seem to call me that all the time. Is it my name? I hear it in my head, I almost didn't know you were calling me." Athrun responded in a deeper voice than a juvenile should have had. "What's your name?"
The name was something he should have thought about first but even though he knew he was older than what he thought it would appear that he had issues remembering his manners. This was despite what Azra had been attempting to drill into his small white head.
What he did notice was the look of loneliness and saddness that was etched up on the older goddesses face and the lucid way she was simply laying on the sand. As if she were waiting and hoping for something or someone to come back. It was the same sort of look that Azra had when she looked at him, like she was waiting for his memories to come back so he would remember her. Remember what she was.
Did this golden-eyed goddess lose someone that she loved? A mate or a sibling?
Without his knowledge a deep power came from within his white chest and poured out. It wasn't sadness or loneliness, but it was calm. One of the powers that he didn't realize he had was coming off him in waves without his knowledge. As if deep within his own mind he wished to calm the lioness before him and ease the pain of her heart.
It was insane because he didn't even know her name, yet he wished her happiness and serenity.
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Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 11:21 am
A joy seemed to swell inside of her while a sadness accompanied such an emotion. It was Athrun, a long lost friend of whose very life was taken by her brother, Ezriel, out of anger, confusion and a mix of deadly emotions. Having just awoken with his mind regained its long lost memories had caused her brother to become riled and take it out upon the father of his beloved mate and it was there in the mountains of the Gods realm where Loneliness was lost- killed at the paws of Rebellion. But seeing him reborn made her heart swell, giving her hope that, within time, Juuku would return yet as unsettling as it was that Athrun seemed unable to remember his own name perhaps Surf would befall a different retention of memory. Perhaps he would still be able to remember and recall things of the past within time. The Goddess stepped closer, biting her lower lip as she offered a warm smile. "Yes, it is your name," she chuckled softly. Her tail swayed behind her gently while her body tried to keep the mix of emotions at bay or from breaking through the surface. For a moment Pele perked her ears upward as she settled down upon her haunches, her golden orbs resting upon the juvenile.
"My name is Pele- Goddess of Volcanoes. I knew you in your past life," she replied, "and my mate was rather fond of you. He looked up to you. But sadly he passed away not too long ago and I am waiting for him to return home."
She was apprehensive of telling him too much and rather than giving the juvenile a history lesson of his past life she believed it was best to simply keep the explanation itself brief. Maybe in time young Ath would remember what he had forgotten and be re-awakened to recall the life of which he had left behind. Never had Pele quite understood fully the process of being reborn but if anything she was hoping that it wasn't as bad as it seemed; forgetting ones friends, family and acquaintances didn't sound desirable by any standards. Was it worth it to be reborn into a place that would seem so foreign, unfamiliar and unknown? The thought of such a thing was unsettling and only caused a discomfort within the Goddess to arise. Would Juuku return disoriented and alone? Who would watch over him? Who would be there to protect him? Pele's brows narrowed as she shook her head, lips pursing together with a slight bite. An already oblivious and mindless, easy going God would certainly become an even more oblvious, mindless and easy going Godling who was bound to get into trouble or worse.
The slightest thought of Surf only caused the loneliness and grieving sadness inside of her to abound. It was that longing that pined for his return which made time feel as if it was passing too slowly, mocking her as a wounded heart was made to feel as if it would never endure to feel happiness abide within itself again. Was fate itself simply being cruel to her? Making her, even causing her, to believe that it was hopeless? The Goddess swallowed as she closed her eyes- tears seeping from her eyes as they gently rolled down her cheeks.
But even as darkness began to wrap around her and hope was beginning to flee she felt something almost wash over her, pouring itself out to her and nearly dousing her much like a crashing wave. Although its overall effects weren't aggressive or sudden it seemed to slowly seep into her causing the restless storm inside of her to feel calm and tranquil. Pain, for now, felt vanquished and the afflictions that often seized her were restrained. Her very heart was lifted, feeling freed from the binding emotions and thoughts which had plunged it down into the depths of both despair and a forlorn outlook. Unfortunately such a feeling was only temporary Pele relished in it; her very body felt as if the weight of burdens and pained emotions were lifted just enough so she could find her ground once more.
Pele knew that the woes would be temporary but, for now, she would have to endure it. She could only hope that these trials, these testing times, would only make she and her lovers passions stronger; placed within the refines fire to create a love that could never be broken or severed.
In time she would realize that love was more powerful than any crafted weapon, fang or claw.
Love was eternal.
Coming back into her senses, the Goddess glanced down towards Athrun. "Have you jus' been wandering around this whole time, Ath? Is anyone looking after you?"
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Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 12:23 pm
She knew him!
A smile crossed his normally frowning muzzle and the juvenile sat immediatly down on the sand before the older goddess. Someone that knew him, someone that wasn't afraid to tell him who he was, at last! Azraceri had been telling him she was his mother even though he knew she wasn't. The smell of the other male had dissipated from her body with time, so Athrun knew her mate must have left her, maybe that was why she held onto him.
Of course Azra knew him, yet she wouldn't tell him anything, this Pele had told him more than anyone had thus far. Had let him know that he was really real. That he wasn't just some figment of someone's imagination. Maybe with time his memories of her and her mate that had apparently been fond of him would come back.
"What was your mate's name? Maybe I've met him since, I've seen a few god cubs running around recently." Athrun offered, his forehead wrinkling in a sort of concern for the female that knew him.
The sadness was still there even though he had unconsciously done his best to get it off of her face. What more could he do when he didn't know how to use his own powers to save his soul? There was only so much that one could do with words and gestures. Though Athrun felt the burning desire to hug her and let her cry.
Maybe that was just a side effect of his realm. Sighing slightly he watched her close her eyes and cry. Without thinking anymore, the juvenile godling lurched forward and wrapped his small legs around her neck in the only hug he'd given someone since he'd started remembering the world around him. Pele was crying, she'd lost her mate and she was crying.
"I'm sorry, I wish I could help you more." Tears ran down his face to match hers, unable to control the emotions tied with his unpredictable powers. "Hopefully your mate is trying to find you. When my memories started back up again I started wandering round to try and find who I could, to find who remembered me. No one seems to remember me at all. Azra does but she's lying to me when she tells me she's my mother. I don't know who she is but I know she's not that. Maybe your mate's just trying to find people that remember him too?"
A frown etched itself on his face and he nuzzled her neck like any cub would before he let go of her and hop-stepped backwards. Athrun wasn't one for physical contact, he never had been as far as his memories went back. Sure, Azraceri hugged him all the time but he never initiated them himself. His 'siblings' always tried to lounge all over him as well. Maybe it was because of his large size, he was nearly adult sized even as a mere juvenile, as a cub he'd been the size of a young adolescent.
It was all these things that made him wish he could remember who he was. Had he really been a giant like some of the gods he'd met since he'd gotten his mind back? They were overly large, were all gods like that?
Shaking his head clear... yet again... Athrun stared up at her and pulled his eyebrows together in a knit so tight it felt as though it would never leave. Was this what all the voices in his head looked like in reality? This sad? This tortured and sad? If it was true then Athrun wished as ferverently as he could that he could meet each and every one of the voices someday and fix their problems.
Of course he would have to learn to control his reactions and his powers first, with that came time and time he felt like he didn't have to give to anyone. Let alone himself. There were so many out there suffering and it was his responsibility to take care of all of them.
How could a mere juvenile be expected to deal with all of this?! Athrun didn't even know who he was or who he had been and the world seemed content with throwing things like this at him. How would he ever figure out his past?
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Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 1:31 pm
"Juuku," she replied, rather hastily, "he's the God of the Surf." Perhaps he would remember him- perhaps there was something that Ath knew unknowingly which could give if only a cue to her of his whereabouts or overall well-being. It seemed that her ears perked upwards, eyes widening slightly as she breathed. He had seen God cubs running around? Her heart nearly skipped a beat but at the same time it seemed impossible for her to even give a concise description as to what Juuku would look like- it was uncertain whether or not he had changed and there was a chance that he wouldn't be the same as he once was. The Goddess bit down upon her lower lip as her eyes narrowed, falling to a half-lidded state as she glanced back towards the ocean. Would the wakes awaken once he had returned? Although it was only a theory it seemed to most logical, if not possible, way to tell. As a whole it was all a blur and whether or not her predictions and assumptions were actually right it seemed the Goddess wouldn't quite know until the day she would find him. "I-I'm afraid I wouldn't even know what he looks like or how to describe him if you did," Pele mused, slightly disheartened. "Perhaps I'll know soon enough if he has come home like he promised."
Athrun's own influence and outpouring powers were great as they helped render the pain and bitter sting of loneliness for now yet the sadness would eventually come back and plague her. Pele herself would have to learn how to combat such a demon and for being one who didn't give up so easily the fight would be welcomed and only give her an opportunity to refine herself and her character. She would see to it that she would remain loyal and vigilant; Pele would not let herself waiver. But even still such diligence did not stop the tears from streaming down her face. Fighting through the tears it seemed that, somehow, Athrun himself was becoming emotional- matching her own emotions. For a moment Pele found herself confused yet someone who felt empathy for her, with her, seemed to be a well needed remedy. But rather than just any other needed remedy it seemed something else happened, something which deadened the sense of sadness inside of her as the juvenile godling lurched forward and wrapped his forepaws around her neck in a sweet embrace.
Feeling his large paws wrapped around her only ensued a fluttering sensation, a warmth which she had been previously missing. Tears continued to trail as her breath shook; It was almost as if something, someone was whispering into her ear that very moment that it was all going to be okay- somehow, it was going to work out. It was hard to stomach such a thing or thought as to where the light at the end of the tunnel would come about but she believed it perhaps more so than before.
The Goddess sniffled. "No, this- this is enough, Athrun. Thank you," she reassured, choking slightly. "I... really needed that. I feel as if I can do this," she laughed, exhaling a simple breath. "Or at least I hope so."
Often the Goddess didn't like to appear weak or even helpless but at the current moment the walls that she had so diligently erected to keep others out were crumbling and their foundation was faulting and exposed a new part of the Goddess that had been hidden for so long. Like her domain, Pele's personality was one that was fiery, stubborn, feisty and unceasing but slowly her old habits seemed to be molding into something new, something more refined. It was saddening for her to think that it had taken the loss of her mate to bring back a part of her that had been missing yet, perhaps, such a thing needed to happen in order to bring about the best in her and to prepare herself for whatever would come her way in the future.
Unexpectedly the Goddess found herself caught off guard as the young juvenile voiced that no one had remembered him but perhaps the thing that wretched her heart was that his mate was lying to him about being his mother rather than a more important figure who was once a part of the Gods life. Was Ath being told a lie for his own good? Granted that he was only a juvenile wasn't it his right to know exactly who she was rather than having to sort through the lies?
"I can tell you if you want, Athrun," she began, "but perhaps she's tell you otherwise because knowing the truth might hurt you? I can't say, really. But if you want to know then I'll tell you everything I remember if it will help you. I know that I wouldn't want to be left in the dark and would want some light shed on what I was forgetting."
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Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2009 4:39 pm
Both of his white ears flicked up from his cloud of a mane. The distant sound of the gently rolling surf made him wrinkle his eyebrows together. Usually when a god was born the realm reacted savagly. An outbreak of darkness, a rash of storms, pounding surf.
If Juuku had indeed been his friend and he really had died then there was no way that he had made it back yet. Athrun had seen the surf thunder in the past but in recent weeks it had been silent and placid, almost like a serene lake. The ocean wasn't rough anymore, the surf wasn't singing with it's giant pipes. If the God of Surf had been alive the surf would have reacted and danced for his return already. Clearly that wasn't the case, for Pele would have seen it, would have known before him.
He'd asked someone and apparently the lonely hearts of the world had started screaming when he'd come back. It wasn't normal. But then no god was really normal.
Pulling his white eyebrows together, Athrun walked forward and laid himself across her black paws gently, his wings flicking spasmadocially from the touch. It felt odd to be doing it.
"You can do it, hearts are very adaptable I've found. They can suffer in silence or they can cry out, but in the end something always inevitably heals them. Whether it be time or another heart." he wasn't sure where the words were coming from since he was nothing more than a cub, but he felt like he had to tell her all the same, "I haven't heard anything of him and the surf isn't reacting to him... but I know that if he loved you he'll come back. You never leave the ones you love, not really."
His sky colored eyes looked up into her burning gold ones and saw the pain that was there. Pele was suffering for her lost love, for the god who she said was his friend before. The memories felt as if they were locked within his small head, he couldn't reach them though he ran as fast as he could in his mind, hammered on the door that they were locked behind. It didn't matter how much he screamed, it would never open until something happened.
But this wasn't it.
"You'll see Juuku again Pele, I promise. If it takes me until the sun above dies I'll help you find him. He'll come home." Athrun told her gently. "But you don't have to tell me what Azraceri doesn't want me to know for whatever reason. I think if she doesn't want me to know it then maybe I'm just not ready for whatever she wants to tell me? I have a feeling it has to do with the male that left her so many months back, he never came back for her."
His small shoulders shrugged and he glanced down at the bracelets around his ankles. Suddenly he tilted his head and pulled one of them off, glancing up at the goddess with sad eyes. He knew enough of his powers to do this. The bracelet cuff shrunk in size slowly and the young god reached up with a paw, sliding it on her unicorn's horn warily. The cuff adjusted itself swiftly after that to fit the base of the horn.
"If you ever need help..."
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Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2009 7:51 pm
Amongst the heartache that still rendered her like a lost soul Pele could feel an aura of comfort, reassurance from Athrun and perhaps even an unseen entity which sought to put the pieces of her broken heart back together again. Since he had departed the Goddess hadn't gone through a day without thinking of him, without remembering one of his reckless antics or remembering one of the many simple yet tender moments which had only drawn her closer to him. Even though the surf remained docile, sub level as whitewash nearly pulled itself to the shore and slowly rolled back and forth, Pele seemed to believe that there lingered a very faint presence of Surf around her. Although the ocean still remained silent the whisperings of the winds had yet to cease and it was almost as if the Goddess herself could hear those all too familiar thunderous roars of the waves breaking out along with his voice- that smooth and bubbling voice that rolled just as wildly as the waves themselves. Treasured memories which she held of him could not wither nor die, they were indestructible; no greater force could render them useless or obsolete for they were locked within not only her mind but her heart as well. Looking down towards the large cub, the Goddess's golden orbs settled with a relaxed calmness while the storm within subsided and found peace from its raging tempest.
As Ath spoke it was sobering- the way he spoke simply didn't register into her brain as the diction of a cub but as the adolescent she knew and loved dearly as a friend. Normally she would have held back, pushing away the tears that sought to trail from out of the corners of her eyes but with such a weakened state and finding herself in the presence of someone she dearly admired it was near impossible to hide it. Pele cried. Tears rolled down her cheeks as each spoken word only seemed to testify to her that when the time was right the inevitable would come and seal the woulds which gauged her heart. Juuku loved her, that she was certain of, and like Ath said he would come back.
The ones that were taken from us were never really lost forever and one could never lose them for they were either waiting beyond the veil for their time to continue their journey or waiting for you to join them when ones own time had expired. But even so, if one was left alone to face the bitter cold nights and darkened days alone one could rest assured that the one was never alone; the ones that we have truly come to love lived on inside of us and in our hearts.
She choked slightly, nodding her head as Ath promised her that such a thing would happen and that he would help her. Hearing that she wasn't alone in this and that someone would see to it to stand by her while she awaited his return only caused her heart to feel as if it would burst from out of her chest. Even as a simple cub Athrun's affection and gesture seemed to be an answer to a silent prayer which she had pleaded day after day. She could only count her blessings and thank her lucky star. She wouldn't be alone in this and knowing that only seemed to fortify her weakened foundation of hope. "I know I will," she replied, smiling just a bit brighter," its just the waiting that kills me, Ath. I just wish he would come home soon. He should be with me, here with me...." Her voice trailed off softly as Volcanoes pursed her lips, biting down upon them as she breathed deeply and exhaled from out of her nostrils in attempt to regain a more stable frame of mind.
"But knowing him he doesn't like being gone for too long. He gets cranky." Pele could only laugh. It was true- for a God who was rather relaxed and quite non-chalant Juuku often got a little cranky and anxious when he had been away from his realm for too long. Being one who had never quite adopted a tolerance for the grasslands and stayed primarily near the beach and the waves it was hard for Pele to imagine that Juuku would willingly stay away for so long.
He would come home when the time was right.
Listening to the young God, Pele nodded. "I'm sure she will tell you when she is ready rather then when you are ready," she commented. "But I'm here if you need anything, Ath. I'm always down by the beach if you want to drop by." Visitors. Certainly that would be a well needed change of pace. Taalis had made the beach her home and she often missed others dropping by to see Surf himself and join the God for a well needed session with the waves. Although the black pelted Goddess hadn't always been a social butterfly and kept a more reserved status when faced with others she was, truly, getting better at interacting with others. But seeing a dear friend from time to time would certainly lift her spirits. That itself was perhaps another remedy which could help numb the pain just a bit more.
For a moment she watched him, curious of what exactly he was up to. As she tilted her head ever so slightly it seemed that the unblemished God of white removed one of his bracelets and shrank it down in size if only to place it around her horn. The thought and very gesture of it was moving and in thanks the Goddess lowered her head.
"Thank you, Ath. You don't know.. how much this means to me." For once she felt protected, watched over by another pair of eyes which was reassuring and all the more comforting. Being without her mate had left her feeling vulnerable, weak and pathetic. But with an assortment of friends keeping tabs on her Pele believed that, yes- everything was going to work out for the better. Although it wouldn't happen nor follow the time frame she specifically had in mind everything would work out. When it would happen would remain a mystery yet it was something she looked forward to. Gently wrapping her front paws around the God, she embraced him tenderly. "I'll just holler if I do," she replied. "And if you need anything I'm here too. Don't forget it, okay?"
Parting from the embrace, the Goddess smiled as a paw rose up and swatted at his fluffy mess of mane. "We'll just have to keep dreaming until the morning comes. We'll find what we lost in time, you'll see."
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Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 8:42 am
Sadness, anger, frustration, happiness, exhaustion, and fear all flashed across Athrun's face at once before settling on a neutral expression that conveyed none of what he was feeling at all. Deep within his heart something screamed at him louder and louder, it was deafening both inside and outside.
'We'll find what we lost in time..'
The words pinged around inside his white head so savagely that suddenly the cub didn't believe it. Didn't believe that it was possible. Athrun loved everyone with his heart that it felt as if he didn't have enough room to house the whole world. Like everyone and everything was bashing at his ribs for attention and love and he didn't know how to give it to any of them. Being with Pele had helped him today, but what would he do tomorrow when he woke up with Azra hugging him desperately, like she would lose him if she let him go?
It didn't help that he could barely control his powers or his expression or even his reactions. Everyone was lonely and hurting around him and his own realm was betraying him with his erratic powers. Why couldn't he help any of them the way he wanted to? He was just a cub, why couldn't anything work out for the better like it seemed to for every other cub.
Of course Athrun knew better, he could hear the screams of sorrow and pain of loss from cubs as well as adults. But in his mind everything seemed as if it were fragmented suddenly, all he wanted were answers. He was trying to be brave by telling Pele he would wait until Azra felt he was ready, but he felt weak rather than brave. Like a kitten that couldn't open it's eyes and see the world around it.
Taking a deep breath and screwing his face up, Athrun looked up at Pele and put on a smile for her.
"You're welcome. You know I'll help you in anyway that I can, even if I'm useless at this point. Someday I'll get control of my powers and know what I can do. Still... even without them I'll help you." His voice snapped at the begining from the strain on his heart. Slowly his words got stronger but inside his heart nearly fell apart as she hugged him.
The cub opened his muzzle as if to say something else, to try and respond to her smiling comment but it didn't come. Slowly he closed his muzzle and dropped his head to his chest. Sadness and pain traipsed across his face again, this time he was unable to hide it from his friend like he wanted to and hot tears slid from his furiously closed eyes down his cheeks. Big, salty, hot tears dripped from his fluffy cheeks and whiskers despite how desperately he didn't want them to.
Athrun didn't know where to start looking for what he'd lost. No one was around to tell him what he lost, or would tell him what he'd lost. Only Pele would tell him and even though he knew he should listen there was only one lioness he wanted to hear the truth from.
"Pele... do you really think we'll find it all?" His sad eyes peered up at her from the face of a snowy cub. "Is it possible to find everything you lost someday... somehow?"
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 9:12 am
For the moment the Goddess only watched in silent as the young God's mix of emotions seemed to quickly flash upon his face before becoming something of a more neutral state. Pele was left confused, uncertain of what exactly was going on as she canted her head slightly and ruffled her wings with a sort of discomfort. Long had she been aware that the domain Athrun ruled was something which was painful, an element which could render ones soul with such great suffering and an abounding forlorn sensation that one could feel as if they were consumed within such a thick darkness. Loneliness was something everyone felt or would feel in their lifetime and much like a plague it spread; its presence was infectious and like a virus it never did discriminate or shy away from those who could become potential victims. It welcomed one and all to fall into its grasp. Like her brothers realm, it seemed that Athrun also could become easily betrayed by both his emotions and powers. One perhaps would be surprised as to learn that often the powers of an immortal were linked so closely to their emotions.
Volcanoes watched as a smile seemed to conjure across his lips but it seemed almost as if it was misplaced. The expression on his face did little to cover what tempest seemed to be raging inside of him. Rather than calling him out on it she only nodded her head, listening to him although every fiber of her being sought to call the bluff which was being dealt.
"I know Ath," she commented, nodding her head once again. "But don't rush into your powers. You'll find balance and control with them when you're ready for them. They know when to find harmony with you better than you know how to find harmony with them."
Powers were something that were elusive, tricky, and forces that often couldn't be contained. It often became a mystery of when a God would be able to harness such great power correctly and wield it as it should be but such a thing wasn't always possible and, besides, there were some who often put their powers to foul use. But if it was anything which she had learned it was that when the time was right for something you would know one way or another. Although it seemed to become an unpredictable waiting game things would, eventually, fall in to place how they were suppose to. Impatience and restlessness often got the better of those who waited yet the reward which was to come in time was well worth it; finding balance and harmony seemed worthwhile compared to much of anything else.
Just as she had tried to ignore the mixed signals she had received from the God cub before it seemed that the pent up emotions and sorrow only weighed upon him even greater- sadness and pain induced themselves upon the God like a deadly virus and manifested itself more clearly. The sudden transformation of grief and long suffering caused Pele to feel uncomfortable as her very heart seemed to cry, becoming riddled with emotions and the sensation of mourning. Watching as tears streamed down his snow white fur and down his cheeks the Goddess knitted hher brows in concern.
"Athun..." she spoke, somewhat uncertain of what to say or what exactly she could do to mend such fragmented emotions inside of him.
Even before she could continue Loneliness spoke, looking up toward her with eyes that sought answers and truth which he had been deprived of. Pele was left speechless for a moment as she bit down upon her lower lip. Did she think they would find it all? Those words continued to ring withtin her ears as she looked down towards the Godling. Was it possible to find everything they had lost someday, somehow? The two questions he had asked couldn't have been more conflicting and difficult to answer. Lately Pele herself seemed to reflect upon those very questions, searching and pondering if it was possible. The world around them was a tricky place, a realm where it seemed secrets were buried and well hidden and the past itself seemed obsolete. Everything around them was constantly changing, never staying the same and leaving what history was known before to become rendered useless and nothing but fiction. Truth itself was often given a face lift as it adhered to the twisted and manipulative standards of the world and others who found same in holding true to truth and to its very knowledge. Whether or not they would find what they sought wasn't a matter of how much effort they put in; whether they found what they were looking for depended upon the very belief that it was possible.
If one was to search without hope and faith then what was the purpose of searching. An individual had to know that it was possible or else the heart would certainly be unable to press on during the journey.
She had thought for a few moments as the cogs of her mind turned, slowly mulling over the questions poised at her. The goddess sighed, looking down towards the cub as she pursed her lips thoughtfully. "I... I don't think its possible," she answered, her voice somewhat hesitant at first before it seemed to find its strength, "I know its possible. If you don't believe then why search for what you think is impossible? You have to at least have faith that you can find what you're looking for and sooner or later whatever's suppose to happen will happen. We can't control what the outcome will be but having faith sometimes makes the difference."
The Goddess had been a skeptic of her own words at first but the concept which seemed to make sense to her was slowly finding root within her mind and her heart. Having to part with her beloved was hard enough and now waiting for his return only made it feel as if the days themselves had nearly doubled in the hours which comprised them. Through Ath she had come to find, and believe, that the love of her life would return to her but it wasn't until now that she knew that whatever was suppose to happen would happen. Yes, at times there came about results that no one agreed with or had even considered to be the best end result but having a perfect knowledge of all things was pointless.
One had to endure the worst to be able to experience the best things in life. And certainly this was no different.
"Someday, somehow it'll all come together."
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