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 Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 11:36 am
The following works of writing are for those who wish to excel further and develop their skills of language better.
To start off, I'd like for someone to criticize my poem, "You Treat Me Like I'm No One"
I feel like it's missing something so input is greatly appreciated ^^
You Treat Me Like I'm No One
You treat me like I'm no one.
No heart, no voice, no head.
And to the world that's out there,
I guess I'm just walking dead.
Without the fear of being myself
But yet I still wander alone
Because of that day, you left me for her,
Turning fire into stone.
My heart took all the fury and hurt.
My eyes blocked out the sight.
And dreams went like unguarded horrors
That frigid winters' night.
Yes, you told me forever.
Spoken on the common day.
And now it seems like yesterday,
You took that all away.
Did forever really come that soon?
Only time can tell,
I'm sorry I left in the afternoon,
My little "vacation" to hell.
I might not ever return
But who is full of tears?
And to you, my one lost love,
You'll see me in your fears.
Lost agony, but found again,
One dead winter's night.
He's there alone, he'll try again
To die before morning's light.
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Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 6:29 pm
Oh! I like it. It has a creepy, saddened tone. Like.... I don't know but when I think of it, I get the same feelings as I do when reading Romeo & Juliet. For instance, despite knowing the ending of that play before I read it, I had hope that something better would happen. Like I did with this poem. I read the title and knew it was going to be not-so-happy but I inwardly hoped it would turn out for the best.
It didn't. lol. But, it left a memory on me. I think the images you display are very creative and nice. I def. won't forget this poem.
My favorite part was:
"Turning fire into stone". It had an impact on me.
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Spreading The Word Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Jul 07, 2009 4:56 pm
T.T suuch emotions yet beautiful word in ur poems !! sweatdrop
luv it!!! 10/5 stars i give u
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