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 Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 12:18 pm
This journal is for EvilSilverDragon's use only. Fellow Pae'il owners, and people with explicit permission may/may not post. Dropping off of gifts is also/not allowed. Please contact EvilSilverDragon if you would like to be able to post here.
:[ Name ]:
Morena
:[ Gender ]:
Female
:[ Generation ]:
First
:[ Owner ]:
EvilSilverDragon
:[ Personality ]:
<< to be filled in >>
:[ Likes ]:
<< to be filled in >>
:[ Dislikes ]:
<< to be filled in >>
:[ Current Abilities ]:
<< to be filled in >>
:[ Associated Element(s) ]:
<< to be filled in >>
:[ Weapons ]:
<< to be filled in >>
Pae'il (c) Antidia
Created by - Tiaphanu
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Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2006 4:29 pm
Pae I know Letha: My lady love and mate. Now, I love her more then words can say and I trust her unconditionally. She is the single most important thing in my life, even higher then my ambition for power but a little bit. My first impression of her wasn't positive. When I found her and her two male friends, I had not found my self yet. All I had ever heard from Ru was that I was supposed to find a good male pae. Letha started hitting on me, and I was freaked out. She helped me find who I truly was, and where my heart truly went. I have never been happier and felt more complete. She opened my eyes not only to who I am, Bi all the way, but helpped me to begain to understand a lot more about my self, some of which Mo and Victor really helpped. Mo: He is Letha's friend and hates me even though I have not had a chance to do anything to him, yet. However, because Letha likes him, I won't try to do anything. My first impression of him was that he was a whimp, next to Victor and Letha that thought was encouraged. I still think he is a wimp, and a coward. Mo is very nice, I like him a lot, and I know I was wrong. Mo is not weak and certainly not a coward. I am so happy I learned the truth about that wrong assumption. Mo is a real male. Victor: Now he is an a real male. I think that if I were straight, I'd lust after him badly. He is really strong and Letha respects him. Should I ever think that it would be more fun to have more pae join Letha and I, he would be the one I'd want to join us. Hehe, that is pretty right, only I add that I like him a lot. Kurt: I promised to not let Kurt die, and I keep my word. Thats all I'll do for him, and since Letha hates him so much and he has children, he has our attention. I wonder if he'll mentally break by the time we are done with him. Chael: She is smart, but that about all I can think to say about her. She has the unfortunate fate to be Kurt's mate, and she'll suffer with him. Menolly, Eros and Sunny: They are cute, I'll give them that. They will receive a great 'education' by Letha and I once we get our hands on them. Hi: My favorite guy to torment and my Father-in-law. The man deserves to suffer worse then Kurt, and he will!
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Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2006 4:32 pm
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Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2006 4:33 pm
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Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2006 4:43 pm
Letha is sleeping in the other room, so I will take this time to write up whats been going one. I have had this thing for a while and never looked at it.
We found a lot of 'help' and the lazy males we found dragged their feet through over two days to finish our home. They also began to complain about working two days straight. Well, they wouldn't have to if they actually worked harder. The bums did finish our home though. Its one fit for the goddesses we are.
The best ones were kept and trained as butler's, cooks and maids. I am moderately pleased, they should learn to work harder and stay out of sight better.
The reason why I am in this room then laying beside Letha is that she is sick. She spoke of feeling ill after touching Kurt but even after a shower and food, she still seemed to feel bad and she went to be early.
I love her and want to share everything with her, but I'll pass on getting any sort of bug she might have. So I wait here until she wakes up. If she is still sick, then I'll stay way until she gets better, if not then I I will go back to where I most want to be, by her side.
I love her and want to share everything with her, but I'll pass on getting any sort of bug she might have. So I wait here untill she wakes up. If she is still sick, then I'll stay way until she gets better, if not then I will go back to where I most want to be, by her side.
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Posted: Sun Jan 29, 2006 8:39 pm
Letha's better, thats the good thing that I found out yesterday. All in all yesterday was an Oreo. One cookie, Letha is OK, the cream and other cookie will take longer to explain.
Letha mentioned that it would take a real Male to gain her interest again or something to that affect. They way she was talking, it made it seem that she didn't think I was good enough for her. That she had to go to some male for kicks because I wasn't providing them. I won't lie, that HURT majorly. I tried to just walk off but ended up flying into a room and trying not to cry while sitting in a closet.
How she found me, I have no idea but she did. We talked for a bit, and she explained that she loved me and that the male would have only been a toy. That no one would be my equal. Somehow this is all Kurt's fault, I don't know how but Letha says it is, so it is.
I found out something, I am possessive. Just the notation of Letha being with another was enough to make me want to pretty much claim her right in that closet. To show her a level of love that I had yet to show. I held back, starting off slow. But, if she were wearing socks, they'd have been knocked, probably, by that kiss I gave her before racing to our room.
I remember before we left to see Kurt and his family, she gave me a kiss like none we had shared before, I am sure I returned the favor in the closet. Before we even kissed in our room, I already made up my mind. I was going to show her everything I have, put every emotion, every ounce of my self into proving to her that she didn't need nor could want anyone but me! I will not stand for sharing Letha with anyone, oh and I will show that no one else was even a possibility!
And, that is the cookie cream cookie, the Oreo as I call it. The good, the bad and the very good. Of course, I am leaving out some details, like the tail end of that cookie, but there are somethings that are better left in the mind.
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Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 7:56 pm
I don't know where this came from, one of my odd moods and a byprouduct of Letha's talk of boytoys.
Letha
You are my weakness
The only one that can hurt me deep inside.
How can you be my strength
When your words make me want to hide?
Can you heal me
My lover and fellow love goddess?
Can you add to my power
Pae far above all others?
Will you always be mine
Or will I need to fight
Your unchangeable, lover, and murderer
No one can know my plight
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Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 3:31 am
There are things that shouldn't be read, my poems are one of those things. Letha may not have understood that she was the subject, well my own weakness, of that poem, but this one she does. Here is what she read
My heart is yours to keep
Yours to distory
My soul you tainted
My destruction you reap
I think I will add a bit to it.
My heart is yours to keep
Entrusted forever
Yours to distory
Only you could pierce
My soul you tainted
With love by it so fierce
My destruction you reap
When you fail to keep
My heart that lies only with you
Now I have to deal with explaining where those come from if I can get Letha still for two minutes! Blast, it would have been so much eaiser if she'd just listen to me, I have my reasons for everything I tell her.
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2006 11:57 am
Damn, everything is falling apart.
I tried to talk to Letha, she was calling me a slave. ME! I am no one's save, not Letha's and not anyone else. Well, she said we should spend the night apart. Thats fine, it won't be fun but thats fine with me.
What got me mad, was her walking away from me. I had things to say and she was going to hear them. More arguing and loud voice then Letha did something I may never be able to forgive her for. She slapped me, several times. It was HER fault that an argument about equality turned into an abusive fight over who was dominate. For that, I am most angry with her. It probably hurt me worse to beat her back as it did her to be hurt by me.
I then left, just went out side for a while. Then after punching a tree until my knuckles bled...I am too tired right now, I'll write more in a few hours.
All right, I'll finish, well, I tried to sleep in the house. It just wasn't working so I got up and wrote four notes, two, a letter and a poem, were on the bed and a copy of each were on the dresser. If Letha is still unreasonable, then there will be a back up for the one that was burnt.
Now, I am leaving, on my own and will challenge her. If Letha wants me still, then she is going to have to come after me and work for me.
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Posted: Wed Feb 08, 2006 9:22 am
There is only one word for the events after my last entry, HELL.
I am not sure what I was thinking, but I fell asleep in the Dragnid forest. The awakening I got was strange, it felt like cold fingers were messing with my hair. It was deliberate, I knew that for certain, but when I opened my eyes, my illusion was still there! Reacting quickly, I made distance between me and what ever touched me.
Instead of feeling danger, I was attracted to the dark hybrid looking male pae. He spoke of giving me power, Guardians know I am attracted to power as a moth is to a flame. As I got closer to him, it tried to possess me. There is no term other then mind rape. I wasn't aware of to much happening around me. Somehow I knew Letha was there but other then that, all my mental processes were on hold as I tired to fight off my attacker. Not only did I want to get him out of my head, but I still wanted his power!
The battle I waged with him took up pretty much everything I had. Letha was a regular selfish careless wretched afterwards. She tried to talk to me! After what I just went thorough, she wanted to sit down and have a bloody freakin' tea party!! She says she loved me, but all she did was prolong my suffering. Hello, I just spewed up everything in my stomach, think I may be a little hungry and thirsty? Not to mention feeling really crummy?
Oh no, that was too much to expect from Letha right then. Still she finally got it through her head to help me get home. Along the way, she told me she had important information. I responded back rudely and tried to walk to the house on my own.
That didn't go too well and Letha FINALLY realized that I wasn't 100 percent and went to go and get the servants to help me. That was sooo kind of her, really. She even had a heart enough to let me eat and drink and get something for the pain. Of course, that moment of morels left and she promptly stomped on my heart and dreams for the future. She loves me and Mo, come on, I told her I didn't want to share.
Not only could I not think right -- hello, nearly possessed here!-- but my emotions were going off the wall. When she hit the bed post, I thought about the night before, and our argument and slapping fight. So I told her that if she aimed lower, she'd hit me full on and that I couldn't fight back.
With my power to so much as keep my eyes opened fading, I finally listened to. She was suggesting an orgy!! Now, Victor I don't mind in the least, but Mo? I don't like Mo, he hates me and I don't see that working well at all. If Mo wasn't that awful shade of Red, pink isn't a color for me, its a shade. and if he didn't hate me from the moment he laid eyes on me, then things would be different. Since the first real night with Letha, I had decided I needed to try things at least once, but with Mo, I just will not.
Any way, to appease Letha, since I didn't have it in me to stay awake, I agreed to have Mo and Victor over so that we can talk. That was all I agreed to, ALL
Now I will sleep and pray this was all a bad dream.
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Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2006 8:41 pm
Wow...um..wow, yeah that about says it pretty well. I'll break it down for you:
When I woke up in the morning, a show was my first goal. Simple and normal, my second was to figure out how to deal with what is going on. Letha's idea makes me uncomfortable--I am writing this as I best remember feeling at the TIME you'll understand later. She came in and said that Victor and Mo were coming over. I betted that she had at least kissed them, so when she asked me for a hug, I wanted to punish her a bit. So I played it hard to get of sorts, I did hug her, but there was a towel separating our bodies.
Letha hadn't slept, and as displeased I am about everything, I still love her more then words and don't want to cause her grief or do anything that could have a negative affect on her health. So I told her I would make lunch for her. I don't know why I am putting this much effort into lunch. This isn't what I want, maybe I desire Victor, but I don't want Mo at all. So why do I care? For Letha, thats why, its all for her.
Once lunch was set, I went out side and sat on the roof. It may sound selfish, but I was thinking all about what did I want. In a way, I think that Letha was thinking of what she wanted not considering my own wants beyond promising that if I was still against this, she wouldn't so anything with Mo..The cold got to me after a while and I went back inside, only to see Letha sitting there waiting. I don't believe for a moment that she was waiting for me. I convinced her that we would hear them knocking and to go to the sitting room. She was concerned that I was so cold, at least I know that in this instant, my comfort was over her wanting Mo and Victor.
We didn't even kiss while waiting for Victor and Mo, well on the cheek but not on the lips. It was like we were on hold. I hate waiting, waiting for two males that would take my Letha away and turn her from me, was worse. Turns out we got ready too early, the clocks were wrong. And I am positive we are out of help forever now.
By the time Victor and Mo arrived, I was so board out of my mind that I must have looked like an eager teenager whom had been waiting for her date all day. I am not eager about any of this, perhaps I was eager for Mo to insult me, or yell so Letha would see that he and I could never get a long and get this whole sharing thing.
Boy was I surprised! Victor was as hot as I remembered him, but Mo..he was so much like a gentleman. Never saying anything mean, I felt..almost like a real Lady of Southern ladgon. Don't get me wrong, Letha treats me very well, but this was different in a way. I am not sure how to put it, I think the best way was that Letha and I are both female, besides having more to play with and flaunt, gender really wasn't something that was thought of nor acted on. I think we acted as much like genderless pae as ever could be.
Mo, made me feel like a female, made me almost more aware of it. I didn't know what to expect, but I thought a lot less of Victor when he pulled out the beer. I dislike that stuff so much, I am sure he'll turn difficult at any moment. Not that he had much of an outward personality as it was. However, I can't really hold that last thing over him, all of us seem to be on pins and needles.
Victor asked to have a word with me, and I went, teasing Letha amount about having fun without us, no fun would be had so long as I had something to say about it, at least it wouldn't involve me. Getting from that, Victor and I walked out of the room and he closed the door. At first, it was a pretty normal conversation for two pae that were in our situation. First he asked about how I felt, and I told him candidly. Next we spoke of the shadow, and I told him I'd help kill that son of a B*tch.
He speaks of having the same feelings I have, only I haven't gotten past hurt and angry. Again, Victor was a better pae then I am, he understood that Mo had tired to change for him. I know that was the same for Letha, only I don't want to change. Okay, part of what I said was about how I didn't want to be touched by someone who didn't feel anything for me. What does Victor do, he touches me, just my cheek but still. Then he tells me that I am very attractive, I blushed, Only Letha seemed to be able to make me want to blush. Mo was jealous of me, well that was different. I felt bad for Mo in that instant, he had felt inferior, or thats how I interpreted it, and with me, a fae, with his best friend...Well I could understand why he was so upset. It made a bit more sense, but I also disliked begin discriminated against because of what I am.
Letha told Victor I was interested in him. She TOLD him! He said I could have him, a very attractive idea, but I had to accept a pae who didn't accept me..Lehta wanted Mo, she had to also wan Victor. I wanted Victor, I had to also accept Mo. I felt bad again, I make Letha happy, but maybe I was afraid that Mo would make Letha more happy. I wondered if I would be able to bend, then Victor kissed me. Again I know he understand me, that either meant that he did at least like me, or could it be that he was only doing this to make Mo happy.
I decided, that I would take the first idea, and one of my 'blocks' started to dissolve. Only, he pulled back before I could do anything. Frankly, I was sure I wanted to smack him for that kiss. It wasn't right that I didn't have any say in it, I hate being forced into anything, including a kiss!
The talk about the shadow, made me feel more for him, I understood a bit of it, more then probably anyone but Hi. The poor guy had to go through so much. That plus the fact that I was used and spit out, made me want to kill the shadow even more. It was the soft female in me that wanted to comfort away the pain that Mo healed but Victor seemed to still be affected by shown by his actions.
So, I kissed him, because to be honest I thought he might have been repulsed by kissing me. Ohh, I enjoyed finding out that he at least can act like he may feel something for me. It was that moment, when he pulled back and asked if I accepted things, I had a want for more of Victor. I also wanted to know, if kissing Mo might feel as good, and taste as good.
They were kissing, but it just didn't bother me this time, Mo didn't hate me, and he was trying to prove that. So, I sat watching Letha sit in Mo's lap. It occurred to me again, I am not the odd pae out, while Letha had Mo, I had Victor and the partners might change, and possibly often. Sitting on Victor's lap was nice, it wasn't something I'd so with Letha.
There was another way that it was different, Letha and I were the same weight, thereabouts and pretty much the same size, I might be bigger chest wise, but other then that we are the same. Sitting on her lap wasn't an option, but sitting on Victor's, possibly even Mo's was very much so. I don't know why, but when Victor asked what to do, my desire for Letha and Victor spoke up. First, I wanted to just send us all to the sitting room in our room. Another idea came to mind, the hot tub. I got a not only positive responses, but a stroke along my back by Victor.
I had to tell Mo then, that I accepted him, and I had to know, if I really could. So I kissed him, his lips felt nice, and I was more sure that this was something I could stand, perhaps even enjoy if Mo really wasn't repulsed by me either. Then I told him clearly that I understood and forgave him.
Then, I tried to show off my best. I wanted to make them all want me. I know Letha loves me and would always, but I wanted Victor and Mo to as well. Well, I believe its too much to ask them to love me, but it was reasonable to want them to want me and care about me.
I couldn't tell at first if I was having any affect, but I still tried. I looked to them with a challenge in my intentions, but really. I just wanted to show off. In my heart, I believed that if they wanted me enough, desired me enough, that I could buy the time to try and make myself mean something to them. Letha meant something to them, I wanted to mean something too.
Well, I won, I out distanced even Letha and as I dived into the water, I gave them all a perfect unobstructed view of my body as more enticement. Heh, I wasn't done yet. Once under water, I took my hair out and came back up, resting on the edge of the tub with the top of my body out and dripping.
Truth be told, I was surprised that Mo was the first into the water. So, either I had succeeded, have way too little confidence in the whole thing, or both. I started the next round of action, I splashed Mo and just waited to see what he would do. That was my main goal, to try to understand how he reacts to things. What things appear to be more affective and what were not.
I had forgotten about Mo's use of ice before, so getting hit by cold water was a shock that so worked to my advantage. As I went under, I am sure he thought I was just trying to warm up or something. No, I was curious about how his chest felt, and how he would react. So, I reached out and touched him with a finger before backing up and coming out of the water to see how he reacted.
I wasn't just focused on Mo, and the sound of Letha laughter was such a mood booster. I love her so unbelievably much, that it seems she makes me happy even when she isn't trying. I understood Victor's thought line too, Letha being happy made me happy. However, I am not doing this just because Letha wanted me to, I think I may just want it myself.
How Mo found my ticklish spots so fast, I don't know, but with him holding on to my wrist, I couldn't squirm very far. Again, he proved he was a gentleman, when his hands wandered to two certain places, he let go of my wrist so that I could react or get away. I didn't have time to think about it, Letha jumped in to help me, and Victor took over my tickling. I found a spot or two on Victor but didn't have time to exploit that just yet.
His arms went around me, my heart I think sped up. In retrospect, I think it was Mo tickling me that put the last of my reluctance behind me. He wouldn't be that playful if he didn't like me, I don't think. So when I had the chance to go for it, and get this action into a more...love mood, I took it and tired to pin Victor.
I really think he let me, but then with a kiss...things heated up. It kind of reminded me of a dance, switching partners and such. I really shouldn't talk about their performance, but I will a bit.
Victor: Meow! Who could have guessed Victor was such a tiger. Oh, Mo has such great tastes, loving Victor and Letha like he did. Both were incredibly good.
Mo: He was different from Victor but just as very, very enjoyable.
Letha: Great as Hell, like always. I giggle writing this for I know now that nothing will change in some respects, Letha proved that she still loved me and was still intrasted in me even with two as very good as Mo and Victor there. No one was better, for I refuse to even try to think of comparing. I am satisfied, I hope they were too.
I know I am not competing now but a fear grips me. I want to have children, Letha and I talked about that before. But if we keep doing this, and I get pregnant, I fear how it might turn out. Say the baby turns out to be half me, and half Mo, would Letha and Victor take themselves to also be its mother and father? Or say its half me and half Letha, would Victor and Mo want to be its fathers? I can say I would want to be considered a mother to Letha's baby, should she have one and it not be mine, but I just don't know right now.
I doubt that will come up any time soon, but the thought still scares me a bit. Here is another I don't know about, what happens next? Will Victor and Mo leave to go home? Will we pare off for each night, try this group stuff every night, or what. I don't like not knowing what will happen next.
I kind of feel left out to the elements, like not knowing if I am about to get bitten or taken in. Letha wouldn't leave me, but, I find myself really not wanting Victor or Mo to leave me either. I just have to wait and see, won't I?
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Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2006 3:43 pm
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Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2006 8:39 pm
Oh my ... how could this have happened? Uhm... Congratulations ... I think ...
Keep an eye out for the birth announcement in about 2 weeks when you new little ones arrive!
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 8:23 am
DON'T tell a soul this, journal, but I think I am... Er, even thinking about writing it makes me both mad, and a feeling of cold ice in the pit of my stomach.
...I think I am pregnant. There, I wrote it down. I promised Victor that I would speak to Hi, damn it I promised! I had to go and get pregnant instead. I highly doubt that Hi would allow me to do anything while I am pregnant. Hell, this child is pretty much his grandchild the same as if Letha were pregnant. With that note I say this, I think she is too. Her stomach is getting quite round, as mine is, I am ecstatic about her being pregnant, and if I did not have something very important to accomplish, I'd be happy about myself too.
That shadow will have even greater incentive to attack my family, what if he attaches to one of my children--even if the child Letha is caring is one of the boy's, its still mine too--that would be awful and I would have failed them! Damn their timing! One thing is for sure, I, or the both of us, need to go and tell the boys the big news. If they will not take responsibility for these children, I'll drag them both back to our house by their ears!
I can't write anymore, these raging hormones have me up in a tizzy.
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Posted: Sun Dec 24, 2006 2:28 pm
Someone has been thinking about you during the holiday season! 
To: Morena
From: Mo (momoiro)
Message: Merry Christmas, I love you.
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