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 Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2009 10:17 pm
I'm trying to wow my man by showing him an out of this world poem letting him know how I feel. But I've never been one for love poems =/
So I have a rough draft but I'm not happy with it. It doesn't flow.
If anyone wants to help me edit it, I would love love them forever.
Here it is.
Forever
Silence blanketing the air
Holding the moment
As you hold me
Pressed together
Two bodies becoming one
we kiss
Butterflies swarm my stomach
Lifting me into the clouds with each touch
Ecstasy dripping from our fingertips
We are Gods
Perfect beings ruling over our own Heaven
As we gaze into each others eyes
Finding new reasons for life
This is love
Not the over-worked, meaningless
Disney fairytale term
But a real bond, meant to last forever
Let's stay like this forever
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Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 10:46 am
I love your poem!
Your emotion is overflowing with purity; it's brilliant.
I just have some changes I would suggest you make:
arrow "Lets" should be "Let's" or "Let us"
arrow I think you should take off the period after the last word to keep it consistent with the punctuation-less format of the poem.
These are just suggestions; you do not have to follow them. All in all, wonderfully done! *applauds*
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Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 12:41 pm
Thank you thank you thank you =]
I shall take your suggestions and edit my poem.
♥
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