Otacon's nightmares are full of crimson. He can't wrap his head around what he has done and why it is causing him so much pain. One shot.Blood stains my dreams. The color crimson engulfing everything until I can no longer glance any where without the constant reminder of what I have done. I can't get away from it, the blood that covers my hands and the darkness of the nights, too long for comfort. I can't get away. I am running. Faster until I am almost into a steady sprint, yet my footsteps barely echo against the walls. I can finally see the end. I am almost out. But then a person rounds the corner. One minute he is standing in front of me and the next he has fallen to the ground, crimson gushing onto the floor underneath him. I take a step back and look down at my hands, shaky yet holding a gun between them. I did this. I took this person's future away with one motion of my finger. The darkness is coming. It is coming to take me from this world and into another where no light can penetrate. I open my other to protest but all I can do is scream. In the distant, I can hear my name being called and I want to reach out to it, but I am losing my footing and I fall into the black.
"Hal! Wake up!" My eyes snap open and the screams fall short in my throat. I am staring about an arms length away from David, who is looking at me with a great concern. "Are you okay?" He asks gently, but I am unable to answer. Instead I break free of his grasp and barely make it to the bathroom in time to throw up. I sit on the cold tiles feeling low and sick to my stomach. I don't even hear David shuffle behind me so that he could sit on the tub until his hand is placed on my shoulder. I jump slightly at the soldier's touch, but calmed almost in the same moment when I remembered where I was and that I was with David.
"You're going to be okay." David offered, patting the shoulder his hand was resting on.
The tears broke the dam and flowed freely down my cheeks and onto the tiles below. I threw up again and again until all I could do was dry heave, the sobs still coming strong even though David kept telling me that I was okay and that everything was fine. I was safe. I was home, but yet I felt so out of place. Like this wasn't my body, my world. I just couldn't stop shaking and crying even though I wanted to stop. Even in the state I was in, I felt bad for David, who always seemed so strong, but I was making him deal with me in such a childish state of mine.
"I..I'm sorr..ry.." I sobbed as the darkness once again took over and I welcomed it.
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I awoke to the sun streaking through my cracked blinds. I lay staring at the dust the shimmered in the rays while the events of last nights episode ran over in my mind. I hate myself. I do. I wish that I could be strong. All I ever feel like I am doing is pulling David down from where he should be. I curled up into the fetal position and shivered. It is amazing that he put up with me for this long. I shivered again and wondered if the only reason David kept me was because of my hacking skills but I pushed that thought away angerly. I didn't want to push David down such low levels. I knew he was better than that. My head snapped up as the door creaked open and David's head slipped in.
"You awake?" I nod and he enters as I let the smell of coffee take over my senses. He stood by my bed as I pushed myself into a sitting position and relieved him of the cup. I sip at it slowly and let the dark liquid burn at my throbbing throat. David settles himself on the edge of my bed at just stares. First at me, then at the wall. I wonder if he is thinking of something to say , but he doesn't open his mouth or look back at me. I welcome the silence. I am afraid to bring up last night because it makes me feel stupid at my reaction but I still feel really bad about it, so I simply say, "I'm sorry".
At first he simply grunts at my apology, which makes me blush with embarrassment. I shift uncomfortably and dread the silence the is growing heavier by the second. He looks at me, but his eyes aren't angry or regretful, they are just sad. I don't know if I was just seeing what I want to see, because I had never been all that good at reading David for he hide behind a poker face, but it didn't seem to fade or flicker. He smiled at me, gently, and said,
"Hal. You don't have to be sorry about everything you do."
That took me off guard and my head spun trying to think of a reply. "Well, I feel bad."
"About what?"
"Last night, the whole scene I made."
"Hal, it's hardly a scene with only two of us." He smirked but it quickly fade when he saw the look on my face, and it turned into a sigh. "You know, everyone goes through rough patches. You took someone's life," I flinched, "so it's expected for you to feel," stop, I wanted to beg him,I can see it happening again, "these feelings. You're not going to do something like that and feel no.." His next words were stopped as I stood and threw the cup onto the hard wood, making coffee splatter and pieces of ceramic fall with a tinkling sound. He looked up at me and I told him to get out. He blinked and said,
"Hal.."
"Get out NOW!" I screamed at him and picked up the closes thing at hand, which was one of my anime models and threw it at the wall and it broke apart, falling with a thud to join the coffee and ceramic on the floor. David walked toward the door and I followed him. He stopped briefly at the door but he thought better of saying anything and kept walking. Once he was out I slammed the door behind him and turned the lock on the nob. The leaned against the wooden door and slid to the floor, wrapping my arms around my legs,pulling them close to my chest and broke into more sobs. I can hear a soft shuffling from the other side of my door and knew that David was still hanging around. The shuffling noise stays in one place and then wanders away and is accompanied by the front door slamming. I am the end I am always alone. I want the darkness to over come me, but it keeps it's distance. I am left to deal with my pain as the tears keep running like a broken sink. I don't want to be alone, but yet I can't bring myself to go out and find David. Instead I wander down the hall and into the kitchen, find a bottle of vodka and settle in a chair with a glass because there is more then one way to step into the darkness.
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