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 Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2009 9:19 am
to start out with I am 20 years old. I was asked out by some one I thought was a friend. we had a few drinks and then things get fuzzy. I wake up the next morning I am naked from waist down and he is in bed next to me asleep. Some of my sex toys are out of my box and on the floor next to my bed. I am very sore front and back. II get dressed and go down stairs. he comes down and and I ask him what happen the night before and that I really don't remember it. He said it was all my idea and started to laugh. So was it a date rape?
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Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 1:32 am
Was this recent? If so, maybe you can go see a doctor and ask if there's evidence of forced sexual activity. They might be able to see something you can't by examing yourself.
If there was sexual activity between you and this guy, and you were not conscious to consent to it, then yes that's rape. If you can get proof of forced/unconsensual sexual activity, then you can go to the police and ask them to open an investigation. Heck even if there's no medical evidence, you should still go to the police and tell them. Maybe this has happened before with other women but there was no evidence, or they didn't want to testify, etc.
Lastly if you're having a hard time coping, try talking to a counsellor or mental health professional, and you can look into joining a support group for rape survivors.
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Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 10:56 am
Like Niko said, if you were not conscious during it, then it's rape and you should talk to the police about it. There's a decent chance they won't be able to do a whole lot. Rape convictions are tough because there's often a lack of evidence. However, at least they will have a complaint on file if he ever did anything like that again, or it might strengthen any other cases against him.
However, it sounds like you might have been conscious at the time and just not remembered it when you woke up because you were too drunk? If so, that's a fairly gray area. If he knew you were too drunk to think clearly, then yes, he took advantage. Would he get convicted? Maybe, but probably not. And if he didn't realize how out of it you were or if he was a bit out of it too, then he's not really at fault at all.
I agree that counseling might help you cope and heal. Counseling or a support group might help prevent this sort of thing in the future too if you have an actual drinking problem. And don't forget to get tested for STDs just in case. Remember that HIV can take three months to show up on a test though, so you want to test for that three months after the encounter in question. And make sure you use condoms with any other partners until you know for sure that you're clean.
In the future I'd suggest not getting that drunk. It might seem like fun at the time, but if you're so drunk that you don't know what's going on and don't remember anything in the morning, then you can get into some extremely dangerous situations no matter who you're with. And if you're pregnant you should not be drinking any alcohol at all until the baby's out and you're done breastfeeding.
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