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 Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 8:18 pm
[This could apply to all nationalities, but I grew up in a neighborhood where there was mostly just one: black folks. I grew up in what could be called the "projects." It was no Cabrini-Green, but it was bad enough that I spent over a decade wishing I could fly away from it. ...But I digress...that's not the point I'm trying to make. sweatdrop
When I was there, mothers and fathers alike (many of them young, ignorant and careless) would scream and yell at their kids for no apparent reason. "Get your a** up!" "Pick that s**t up!" "I will beat your m*f*in' a** if you don't get in here NOW!"
What exactly is the point of yelling at a two year old in this way?
One woman told me, "If I say it all 'nicely' and stuff they won't listen to me, but if I swear at them, they know I'm serious."
Yes. "Seriously" emotionally deranged. stare
Am I the only one who sees this as a step backward instead of a step forward? Especially when you expect your kids to have respect for you...How is that possible if every other word out of your mouth is disrespectful to them?? confused ]
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Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 9:57 pm
some parents or so called "parents" have not learned that just because you are the parent doesn't mean you have to disrespect your kid!!
just because someone is young doesn't mean that they deserve any less respect as a child and as a human being!!
how would you like some cursing at you when your five years old?!?!?! scream
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Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 8:31 am
[That's exactly my point. 3nodding It's not necessary to curse at someone who is still trying to get a grasp on the regular language. How are they supposed to know that it's not okay to swear? How do they know to respect you if you don't show them respect? Little humans learn by imitation afterall.]
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Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 1:29 pm
I have a father like that. But he doesn't really say it anymore because he knows that I'm bigger than him and that just because he's my father doesn't mean I won't hesitate to punch him in the face. domokun
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Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 2:42 pm
Moby Jones I have a father like that. But he doesn't really say it anymore because he knows that I'm bigger than him and that just because he's my father doesn't mean I won't hesitate to punch him in the face. domokun [...The violence is a bit counterproductive but I get your point.]
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Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 6:25 pm
Moby Jones I have a father like that. But he doesn't really say it anymore because he knows that I'm bigger than him and that just because he's my father doesn't mean I won't hesitate to punch him in the face. domokun my dad was like that too, it used to affect me when i was younger, but just like getting hit in the same spot continuiosly i grew numb to it. now he's calmed cause he knows that if he pushes the wrong button we would have some issues.
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Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2005 4:21 am
...
My parents never swore at me.
I grew up around people who used nice polite words..
Doesnt mean as a kid I didnt get hit though.
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Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2005 1:32 pm
it really doesn't help when you get up by the world around you, it just makes it worse for the next generation
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Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2005 11:15 pm
It's the fear factor. Parents think that they can scare their kids into doing what they want them to do... which does work in a lot of cases. But there is NO reason, whatsoever to tell a 4 your old to, "Sit your little a** down before I beat it." So what's going to come out in the long run? Maybe a disrespectful individual when they get older, and they might use what they.. learned on other people. stare Or it could be flipped. Defiance may result in submission... and you can't let people grow up to give in to what other people say due to fear.. understand?
When I was little, if I did the same thing over and over agan. I got in trouble. That's a given. I didn't hear my mom cuss until I was like.. 14.. and it was because someone cut her off driving.. I was shocked. She didnt start swearing at me until... like... now [16]. But I took the car.. with no license... biggrin
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Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2005 6:20 am
Disruptive It's the fear factor. Parents think that they can scare their kids into doing what they want them to do... which does work in a lot of cases. But there is NO reason, whatsoever to tell a 4 your old to, "Sit your little a** down before I beat it." So what's going to come out in the long run? Maybe a disrespectful individual when they get older, and they might use what they.. learned on other people. stare Or it could be flipped. Defiance may result in submission... and you can't let people grow up to give in to what other people say due to fear.. understand?
When I was little, if I did the same thing over and over agan. I got in trouble. That's a given. I didn't hear my mom cuss until I was like.. 14.. and it was because someone cut her off driving.. I was shocked. She didnt start swearing at me until... like... now [16]. But I took the car.. with no license... biggrin [Tsk, tsk. xd Bad, Disruptive...taking the car with no DL...
But, I do agree. There's no reason to swear at children. I haven't really witnessed a kid becoming submissive because of it, but I have witnessed them flipping the script on mom--trying to be defiant, getting in her face, starting fist fights or arguing til the cops are called.
Damn, I don't miss any of that. I've seen kids and their parents arguing so bad, I wished I could go out and mediate. Once, a girl (being defiant) jumped out of a moving car because she didn't want to go to school....I saw a mother smacking the s**t out of her son as she followed him to school....Another mother chased her daughter around the parking lot, trying to beat her up for skipping school. The daughter was in tears, trying to dodge her mother's blows....
Being a Momma is a tough gig; these kids get taller than your knee and all of a sudden they try to disrespect you back, just like you did to them when they were little. Now you have to not only curse, but you have to use violence and perhaps get the police involved. It's horrible to watch. if anything, swearing at your kids breeds disrespect and animosity, and makes the kids sit back and think of how they are going to retalliate when they are older. confused ]
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Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2005 6:27 am
[On another note...my mom has changed quite a bit from when I was a kid. She didn't swear (at us) back then, and she doesn't swear at all in the house now (unless by accident, which just cracks me up every time; I do it too, and we both laugh). I've kind of adopted her policy of now swearing in the house, especially because I have a little brother here who has no business cursing. Of course he does anyway, a product of my other younger brother being an idiot...I mean...a "bad influence" on him. You don't have any reason to swear out loud in this house when you're 12, I'm sorry. I go to work everyday, have to deal with complete ******** idiots from every walk of life, have financial issues...I have a reason to curse, but I choose not to out of respect for the others in this house.]
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Posted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 1:43 am
Passion_Dragon [This could apply to all nationalities, but I grew up in a neighborhood where there was mostly just one: black folks. I grew up in what could be called the "projects." It was no Cabrini-Green, but it was bad enough that I spent over a decade wishing I could fly away from it. ...But I digress...that's not the point I'm trying to make. sweatdrop
When I was there, mothers and fathers alike (many of them young, ignorant and careless) would scream and yell at their kids for no apparent reason. "Get your a** up!" "Pick that s**t up!" "I will beat your m*f*in' a** if you don't get in here NOW!"
What exactly is the point of yelling at a two year old in this way?
One woman told me, "If I say it all 'nicely' and stuff they won't listen to me, but if I swear at them, they know I'm serious."
Yes. "Seriously" emotionally deranged. stare
Am I the only one who sees this as a step backward instead of a step forward? Especially when you expect your kids to have respect for you...How is that possible if every other word out of your mouth is disrespectful to them?? confused ] LOL this situation is explained by alot of comedians and people who grew up in the seventies and eighties when things were more aggressive and less talking it out. Parents did it to evoke fear and respect in the child of the parent. To tell them when I hear this voice I did something wrong or something wrong was done and I shouldn't do it ever again. Plus at the same time the child doesn't grow up being extremely sensitive to the world but grows a tough outer shell. Sometimes this method works, sometimes it doesn't. I find it to work to an extent like with old grandmothers and parents with more then four or five kids. Not with the teenage parents. My mom never personally did it. But my aunts and grandma did.
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 2:02 am
I tell you what, these seem to always be the same little smart alec, angry, bitter young'uns that come up later on in life. Not that I kept tabs with them but I can only assume it's why they have no shame in cussing in front of their elders and being unnaturally loud and rowdy on public transport.
Parents don't seem to realize (some just don't care) that other people have to deal with all the anger and bitterness their kids have witnessed and later have harnessed. My parents never talked to me that way. When I acted a fool they tanned my hide. When I cut up, they talked to me like a person. Sure they yelled and got mad. But I had ultimatums. If I didn't do right I got punished. I obeyed and reap the rewards of a loving, caring (though sometimes hard) relationship with those who have raised me. I don't feel anger or resentment because I was cussed at as a kid. Indeed it is a step backwards.
But on the other hand, not all kids who experienced that have come out bad. Some moms and dad show that kind of tough love to toughen their little soldiers up for the big bad world. So I can understand "tough love". But there's a big difference between tough love and just flat out verbal abuse. Some kids really don't mind you when you're soft spoken to them. They're born hard headed... xp
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