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 Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 10:53 pm
A PRIVATE ROLEPLAY BETWEEN DERIVATIVE'S CELANDINE AND KYAISHI'S KURENO.
From Where I'm Standing
Schuyler Fisk
From where I'm standing
you're the quiet side of the room
you're looking so lonely
and I can't stop looking at you
your head is hanging
trying to beat those goodbye blues
I bet you'll be fine
I bet you'll be fine
I guess it's not the way
you always planned it
looks like you're heading for a
crash landing
that's just the way it looks
from where I'm standing
from where I'm standing
from where I'm standing
I think I caught your eye
are you looking at me
cause I swear I saw you smile
and I'm coming over
gonna take things off your mind
and I bet you'll be fine
and I bet you'll be fine
I guess it's not the way
you always planned it
looks like you're heading for a
crash landing
that's just the way it looks
from where I'm standing
from where I'm standing
let it fall
let it come down
let it crash around you
around you
I guess it's not the way
you always planned it
looks like you're heading for a
crash landing
that's just the way it looks
from where I'm standing
that's just the way it looks
from where I'm standing
from where I'm standing
I might make you mine
I might make you mine
from where I'm standing
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Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 11:15 pm
It wasn't that she was disappointed, per se, but the Kawani lands hadn't been exactly what Celandine had expected thus far.
First off, she'd met a grand total of zero mares, and she was beginning to become slightly suspicious of their existence. Of course there had to be mares, because she'd met foals, but it seemed odd to her that she would only run into stallions, day or night. Was there something about her that sent her own gender trotting off in the opposite direction?
Fluttering her wings thoughtfully at her sides, she mused on the idea. She didn't think she was a particularly intimidating figure, though she'd been told she was rather tall. Still, she liked to think she carried herself in a friendly enough manner to dispel any anxiety her height would cause. Of course, she'd never know unless she asked.
Tilting her head upward, she addressed her constant companion, whom she knew was soaring a slight distance above her. "Vrabel!"
"Yes?" Diving down, he landed atop her back with a rustle of wings, and she smiled. Good, dependable Vrabel; she could hear the wariness in his voice, and imagined he was scanning the area even as he spoke. "What is it?"
Fanning her wings out, she asked, "Am I unapproachable? Be honest," she added, brows drawing together a bit as she did. For some reason, her hawk bonded seemed to think the sun rose and set in her eyes, and while it was entirely too endearing at times, she did want an honest answer.
"Unapproachable as a lamb, perhaps." Sounding offended at the very thought, he demanded, "Who would tell you such a thing?"
"I was just thinking it, that's all." Sighing, she shifted her shoulders, a familiar signal for Vrabel to take flight again. "I've only met stallions, you know, so I wondered if I'm frightening to mares or something."
Bangs flying up in a sudden whirl, she knew he must've gone into a frenzied spin, and tried not to laugh. "Frightening! What a ridiculous notion. I'll tell you why those stallions keep sniffing around - after a pretty piece of rump, that's what -"
Unable to help it, she tossed her head back and laughed, the sound ringing loud and clear across the field. Birds in the distance took flight, startled by the sudden disturbance, and Vrabel scoffed disapprovingly.
"Do not believe me if you choose not to, but I assure you. Most stallions have only one thing on their minds."
Swishing her tail behind her, her laugh faded to a chuckle. "Oh, Vrabel. You're so much fun."
"Speaking of stallions..." Apparently irritated by the very thought of a male, Vrabel muttered, "One's just ahead. Probably best to change direction and leave him be."
"Nonsense! I haven't spoken to anyone aside from you all day." Teasingly, she added, "I love you, but I'd also love some more company."
Furling her wings at her sides, she pricked her ears forward, smiling despite Vrabel's misgivings. "Hello? I hope we haven't disturbed you with our bickering." Amused, she slowed her gait to a meander, cocking her head in curiosity.
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Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 12:03 am
Kureno was not in the mood to deal with talkative newcomers. That was to say the least.
Anger was prominent in his posture as he stalked back and forth restlessly through the dark clearing, azure hues focused into an intense glare upon the ground beneath his hooves. His wings twitched sporadically at his sides as he paced, itching to spread themselves and flap at nothing in their own restlessness. His ears were pinned to his skull, a fierce scowl painted across his dark features as his head jerked with the rough movements.
It was unfair. The childish nature of his thoughts went, for once, unnoticed by the prideful stallion as he dwelled on the most troubling events of recent weeks, refusing to acknowledge the pain and instead focusing upon the bitterness and fury that was left behind.
Underneath it all, a faint trace of inadequacy and insecurity fought to make itself known, though he fought to ignore it... but had it been his fault, somehow? Had he driven her to this, with his inability to voice what he felt? She had known, though! She knew that he was terrible with words, that his actions spoke more of his feelings than his mouth ever could, and she had accepted it! So why..?
Why?
An angry, frustrated bray pierced the night's silence as a loud 'crack!' resounded through the still air when his hooves met the thick trunk of an old tree, slumping back onto all fours when his attack brought him no solace. His livid glare bore itself into the deep gouges on the rotting wood before jerking back towards the clearing's entrance.
A voice had roused him from his musings.
All at once, he was tempted to fight. To charge whoever dared to emerge from that treeline and beat them into submission for no other reason than to assauge his mindless anger. To revel in the physical pain a scuffle would cause and allow him to forget the very cause of his thoughts. It had been a long time since he'd had a decent fight- since he lost miserably to that half-kalona, since he'd given up the meaningless fights in an effort to make her happy.
Uncaring as he was, however, he would never attack a complete stranger without provocation... and most decidedly not a female.
He settled for a withering glare upon the figure that slowly came into view beyond the darkened forest's edge.
Female or not, Kureno was not inclined to offer any hospitality. Not now, not ever again.
"What do you want?" he all but spat, warring with the feelings of livid anger and bitter despair that fought for coherence in his mind.
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Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 12:46 am
Well! If she'd been expecting anything, it certainly hadn't been the abrupt, harsh tone of the one before her. Pausing, ears twitching in slight confusion, she wondered exactly what kind of stallion she'd stumbled upon. Vrabel had only mentioned the one, so she didn't think she'd interrupted anything, but she'd been wrong before.
Head swinging from side to side, almost as though she were looking for others, she replied slowly, "I don't want anything, really."
That was true enough. While company and conversation would be nice, she could just as easily continue making her way across the countryside with Vrabel, none the worse for the lack of companionship. She might not have preferred it, but in life, one didn't always get the things one preferred.
This situation was a little odd, though, and she had to admit, if only to herself, that she was curious. Who would be so hostile upon first being greeted? Surely something had happened to make him be so volatile. In her experience, if someone was in a mood like that, they didn't really want to talk about it, but that didn't deter her in the least. If kindness couldn't lure the story out, she'd been known to poke, prod and tease until she got to the heart of a matter.
Of course, last time she'd attempted to become better acquainted with a surly stallion, she'd ended up the worse for the wear. Unconsciously, she flexed her wing, remembering the sharp pain of the bite, and the subsequent bruising she'd felt. It would do her well to be wary, but she wouldn't let one stallion be the example for all others.
She, out of everyone, knew how different each Soquili really was.
Tone contemplative, though curious at the same time, she inquired, "Why do you think I must want something?"
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Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 1:24 am
It took a moment to take notice of the additional set of wings upon her back, the strange tiny wings situated at her ears and back legs, and Kureno finally registered after a brief minute of contemplation just what exactly this mare was. An... angeni? He had never met one personally before- quite honestly, he had no desire to. Upon only hearing about them, he had categorized them as self-righteous bastards who wore the name of 'angel', no matter how giving or kind they claimed to be.
There were no true angels in this world.
Perhaps that initial thought had colored his perception, and the additional comment that the strange mare had made about not wanting anything only fueled his fury. If she didn't want anything, why didn't she leave the moment it became clear that she was disturbing him? He wanted to be left alone, dammit- he never wanted to lay eyes upon any mare again, other than perhaps his mother. He was well-aware that he was a pitiful sight at the moment- his mane and feathers were in disarray, his hide still freshly scarred and dirtied from the few scuffles that he'd had, and his eyes burning with intense anger that he couldn't direct anywhere but towards the nearest bystander.
It was simple bad luck on her part that she happened to be the nearest bystander.
"Why else would you still be here?" he growled through his teeth, one foreleg pawing restlessly at the dirt beneath him, itching to either run or tear into something. "You stated that you hoped you hadn't disturbed me with your pointless bickering- you have. I would prefer you to leave. Whatever it is you want, I'm not interested," he gritted out, whirling again with the intent to wreak further havoc on the unfortunate tree trunk that had become a vent for his frustrations.
It was a bitter truth that had become clear to him over the short period of time that had lapsed since her- he refused to even think her name- abandonment. There was no such thing as selflessness. He had once thought her the very definition of selflessness, of giving and caring- but it had all been out of self-interest, hadn't it? That was what everything, no matter what the scenario, always boiled down to. One did not act on selfless intentions. The act itself, selfless or not, was always driven by selfish intentions.
Her love had been a lie.
With an infuriated snarl, he lunged for his wooden outlet once again, ramming his shoulder into the unyielding trunk and reveling in the physical pain it caused, as well as the satisfying 'crack!' that again resounded through the air.
He didn't care if the mare was still there. He didn't care if she saw, if she judged, or what she thought of him.
He didn't care about anything anymore.
But even Kureno himself knew that that was a lie.
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Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 1:47 am
It wasn't just anger that she heard now. Threaded and veiled as it was, underneath the bitter temper of his voice, she could hear pain. She understood that well enough, having experienced her own fair share of it in her life, but she also knew that nothing she had felt so far would compare to what she felt rolling off of this stallion in waves. Not for the first time, she wished she could see.
As it was, she could only hear strange, violent noises. What was he striking? A tree? Surely Vrabel would have warned her if there was a fight before her, and -
Thinking of Vrabel, where was he?
But she only spared him a moment's thought, her brow creasing in amplified confusion and now concern. Harming others was regretful indeed, but harming oneself spoke of deeper problems, older hurts. She winced against the sharp, loud noises that broke the air, and unconsciously, she pulled her wings closer to her sides, but she didn't step back.
Hadn't she come to these lands to help? Hadn't she promised herself, before leaving behind all that she knew, that she would do her best to mend hearts, uplift spirits, and welcome all? She hadn't met anyone thus far that seemed to need her, and though she was by no means familiar with this stallion or his story, one thing seemed obvious to her.
He wasn't all right. This couldn't be in his nature, his normal course of existence. Not when she could hear the bitterness lacing his words, not when she could feel a pain around her own heart that she was certain resonated with his own.
If she'd been asked to explain it, she couldn't. Celandine didn't think there were words for what powers she possessed, if they were powers at all. She just knew that her heart sought out those that were wounded, damaged, and recognized them. She had been told that it would be so for all her life, but this was the first time she really felt it.
It hurt.
If she hurt, what must he have been feeling?
Ears flattening, not out of anger, she waited quietly until the sounds of his breathing were all that broke the silence. Heavy and a little ragged, each breath spoke to her in ways that words could not, and though she could not see him, in her mind, a picture began to form.
Pain, of the heart and body. Anger, at anything and everything, because whatever had caused it was not there. Perhaps shame, for having someone stumble upon such a raw, private moment? Part of her was ashamed of herself for interfering, but she knew that she was needed. She hadn't felt something so powerfully in all her life; it wasn't a hunch, she knew. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, whether it would be easy or it would break her heart, she was needed here. She owed it, not to him, not to her mentors or relatives, not even to the gods, but to herself to help him.
Not try. She would help him.
Ears flickering forward again, she spoke once more. Her voice wasn't quiet, and there was no pity or sadness in it. Instead, she sounded remarkably clear, remarkably calm. "It certainly wasn't my intention to disturb you."
As if standing next to a stallion as he vented his rage onto an inanimate object was the most normal thing in the world, she dragged a hoof through the grass, tone becoming thoughtful. "Now that I have, though, it seems there's little to be done but try to make the best of things. Perhaps you could tell me exactly what it is I've disturbed, so that I'll have enough of an understanding to decide if an apology would be necessary or insulting."
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Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 2:28 am
After his strength had faded, and the bark of the tree lay as tattered as the skin of his shoulder, the stallion slumped against the sturdy tree, focusing only on his ragged, exhausted breaths. All at once, it felt as though the anger had been drained out of him, and it left him... emtpy.
Hollow.
His features drew back into what he had intended to be a snarl, but instead could only contort into a pained grimace.
It hurt.
The physical pain was tolerable. Physical pain he knew how to deal with, was much more familiar with. But this... this was different. Being snubbed by his mother in early childhood hadn't hurt this much. Laying eyes upon his father for the first time well after adulthood and discovering her mother had decided to stay with him hadn't hurt this much. Coming to the realization that Avalee, his sister, was his mother's true love child, rather than the burden and everlasting reminder of her dead brother as he was, hadn't come anywhere close to hurting this much.
What was left, now? Now that Evelyn had a new lover, new foals to raise with another stallion? Now that Connor would have another role model to look up to? He had finally let his mother go, under the guise that Eve's love would sustain him- the warmth of the family that had accepted him, despite his faults and mistakes, had made him genuinely happy. And when he had merely looked away, they had fled.
His teeth ground together harshly as his form trembled with something that was not anger or exhaustion.
Why, why, why? Was he truly so inadequate that she felt she had to seek the love he could not openly admit to her from someone else? If she had truly loved him as she claimed, then she would not have left him so readily.
The thought left a sick feeling in his stomach.
It took a few moments more for Kureno to realize that the angeni mare had not left, and discomfort warred with annoyance- although the source of his anger seemed to have left him for the moment. He did not turn to face her, simply lowered his head in bitter defeat, leaning against the tree's battered trunk and inhaling shakily. Her words, however, sparked at his irritation, and he glared into the splintered wood. Just because she had seen him in a moment of vulnerability did not mean he would accept her offer- openly share his pain with her? Was she joking?
An indignant snort escaped his muzzle as he straightened, catching himself from a stagger and casting a baleful glare towards the four-winged mare over his shoulder. "I don't care for an apology, just your leave. Share with you? What impression have I given you that implies any sort of inclination towards discussing personal problems with complete strangers?"
Though his words were harsh, his tone lacked the previous bite it held, and the fire seemed to have dimmed in the vibrant cerulean hues. He didn't feel up to shooing her away, really- at this point, it was more a matter of principle.
He hated being seen as vulnerable.
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Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 2:52 am
At the very least, he seemed to have calmed a little. Truthfully, Celandine didn't know if that was a good thing or not. As he had pointed out, she was as good as a complete stranger to him, and he was as unknown as the lands stretching out before her. What made her think he wouldn't turn around and, in a flash, find an anger deep inside himself that inspired him to bring harm to her?
Nothing, really. She had no good reason to have faith that this stallion wouldn't hurt her, especially not after the abrupt and violent scene she'd just born witness to. Common sense dictated that she turn tail and flee, and she knew more than one of her acquaintances would consider her incredibly dense to put her trust in the hooves of such an obviously unwelcoming and agitated stallion. Still, she'd paid little heed to the thoughts and judgments of others in the past, and didn't think that her adulthood was any time to start changing her ways.
No, she was fairly well set in them, and she would trust him. After all, one couldn't expect to earn the trust of others unless they were willing to put themselves on the line, and she certainly wasn't the type of mare who was afraid of being burned. It had happened enough in the past, and she wasn't stupid - she knew it would happen in the future, especially given her mission - but she was prepared for it.
Despite how friendly and open she could be, her heart was guarded. She would offer friendship, trust, affection, but she wouldn't allow herself to be truly damaged by anyone, no matter how hard they tried. It was a promise she had made to herself, and she would keep it.
But now... what to do with this one? He didn't want to share with her, and that was fine. She would just have to share with him, and coax him into trusting her enough to share his pain.
The pain that she already felt, a little.
"Wouldn't it be more difficult to share with someone you knew?" Boldly, she began to walk, circling around to where she knew his voice was coming from so that she could face him. Lacking in sight or not, she knew face-to-face conversation was important. "There are already preconceived notions of how you will act, misinterpretations of what you say based on a history together..."
Shaking her head lightly, she eased the tension in her wings, rustling them softly as she spoke. "I am a stranger to you, true. After this day, you may never see me again. Why shouldn't you take this opportunity to air your problems, lessen your burden a bit?"
Cocking her head, Celandine closed her eyes, ignoring the burning around her heart. Was his pain really so much? How could he bear it?
"What do you have to lose by telling me? I am a stranger, nothing to you. From where I'm standing, it seems like you need someone to be angry with. So, be angry with me."
Trust.
She wondered what he would do with it.
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Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 3:47 am
Kureno didn't move, even as he heard her approach. His ears twitched, though his head remained down, leaning against the splintered wood with weary eyes focused on nothing in particular. At her insistence, though, his ocean blue gaze sparked with annoyance once again, and he lifted his head to meet her gaze.
He was a bit startled to find it unfocused, half-lidded, looking nowhere in particular... was she blind? The thought stirred up some sort of emotion, but it was quickly suppressed and buried under the more prominent feelings of irritation and reluctance. She still wanted him to share his problems with her? Hadn't she learned her lesson already? He spoke to no one about his problems, least of all... well, he supposed that was true, Eve would have been the last- he'd have loathed admitting any sort of issue with her over a stranger any day. Still, it didn't mean anything, and he wasn't about to admit he was wrong.
"Even if I was inclined to share my secrets with a stranger, why would someone such as you take the time to listen to my problems?" He snorted audibly as he jerked his gaze away from her own, glaring into the distance with a deep scowl. "Don't preach to me about trustworthiness when you seek a story for little more than entertainment or self-satisfaction."
Perhaps her offer to hear him out and not judge was genuine. Perhaps she meant that she wanted to help. He didn't really care about her reasons, but it was obvious that her motivation was something self-serving. What else could it be? No one truly helped others for the sake of helping others- she had taught him that well enough. There was the added initiative of drawing a personal sense of satisfaction from doing it, or perhaps just to brag to others that they had.
Either way, it would be a cold day in hell before he gave in to her self-righteous preaching. She would probably have no idea what to say about it anyway, and it certainly wouldn't help him-- wait, was he actually thinking about this?! Absurd!
"I don't need a person to direct my anger at," he growled, shifting his weight uncomfortably as the ache in his shoulder slowly increased to a throbbing pain. "I don't lack control. As you can see, I am perfectly capable of dealing with it on my own."
He turned then, under the guise of simply brushing her off, but inwardly... he shuddered at the mere memory of those imploring eyes. Unseeing they might have been, but they spoke of more than he would have cared to see. Still, he didn't let it deter his callous brush-off, casting a glare over his shoulder, even though he was aware she could not see it.
"I don't need your help, and I certainly don't want it. So I'll tell you one more time: Go. Away."
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Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 8:43 am
Of course it wouldn't be easy. Hadn't she been told that her offers to help would be met with more scorn than joy? She'd only half-believed her mentor's warnings, thinking he was simply trying to dissuade her from being so light-hearted about her lessons, but if this stallion was any indication of things to come, he had been correct. She knew, body and soul, that he needed her, in ways that she couldn't explain, but he didn't want the help.
On the one hoof, it made no sense. Why would anyone refuse an offer that had been made with only their benefit in mind? Sure, he didn't know her, but there was really no inherent risk in talking out a problem with a mare he'd never seen before, and from his perspective, would hopefully never see again. From what she'd gathered, though, the hurt was an old and deep one, whatever it was, so it likely wasn't easy at all to share.
How was she to do this? Drawing her lower lip in, she nibbled it a moment, ears flickering as he turned and prepared to walk away. If this was the end of things so soon, she would have to think, and quickly, of a way to get him to open his heart to her.
The calm, mature approach wasn't working. In a heightened emotion state, she supposed it only seemed out of place and irritating to have her stand there, so wholly unconnected to his pain, and offer her assistance. His words stirred a spark of temper in her, but she swallowed it quickly, refusing to allow his questioning of her motives to get a rise out of her. He didn't know her, so of course he would assume the worst. That, at least, seemed to be natural enough for him, at least just then.
It hadn't ended well the last time she'd stood her ground and refused to leave when a stallion told her to, but Celandine was a stubborn individual, especially when she thought she was right. So, once more, she found herself shaking her head, remaining rooted as she was in the grassy stretch of land they shared.
"I won't go away." Though quiet, her voice held conviction, and she pawed the ground as if to emphasize it. "It isn't because I care about you, because I don't even know you. It isn't because I want to feel better about myself for listening to your pain, because that's..." She bit back the next few words, realizing that, despite herself, she had taken offense to what he'd said.
Swallowing the need to defend herself, she paused a moment more, then sighed, pawing the ground again. She didn't even realize she was doing it, but she'd slowly torn the grass away from where she stood, and beneath her hoof, a thin line of dirt was exposed, slowly crumbling and clinging to the feathering on her leg. She was agitated, and even if it didn't show in her voice, her actions were a vent to it.
"I understand that you have no reason to trust me, and maybe that's wise of you. But I also know that holding all your hurt inside, no matter who you are, will destroy you. That, sir, is not strength - it's a fool's errand, and proves you a fool, if nothing else."
Perhaps it was harsh and unkind to say to someone who was suffering, but he had just released his anger on a piece of flora, and then claimed that he possessed the control and mindset to deal with his problems. It was clearly not true, and whether or not he wanted to hear it, he was being absurd.
If honey would not tempt him, perhaps a light slap to the face would provoke that temper again, draw him back. If anything, she really just wanted to keep him talking.
She had no idea how to help him, and this was the only way she knew how to find out.
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Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 8:48 pm
What was she aiming for? The situation failed to make sense in any conceivable way to the angry stallion. Her motivations just didn't make any sense. Was she doing this for the entertainment value? Out of boredom? If she were truly in it for the self-satisfaction of 'helping' him, wouldn't she have already realized that he was a lost cause? Even if, in some small, insignificant way, she did manage to help soothe his raging soul, he would never give her the pleasure of saying those words out loud.
His own frustration and anger grew as she denied his accusations, but didn't offer any alternatives of her own. Was she trying to prove him right? She was doing a lousy job of proving him wrong- though, admittedly, that cause seemed to be secondary to the self-righteous mission she had appointed herself to undertake. He didn't care about her reasons- he just wanted to be left alone.
As he readied himself to simply ignore her pleas and vacate himself from her presence, the spoken words made him freeze, and all at once, newly fueled rage coursed through his veins. How dare she?
"Who are you to pass judgement on me?" he all but snarled, at his wit's end with the nosy mare that insisted he needed to share his burden. He had tried that once. He would never do so again. "You, who only seek to entertain yourself by seeing me as some wounded soul in need of healing?"
Infuriated, he barreled on, inhibitions lost in the face of his fury as he rounded on her. "Do you find it amusing that the only family that I ever believed I had is lost to me forever? Do you find it funny that the love of such a family was never within my grasp to begin with?" the words spilled from his mouth in torrents as he raged on, unknowingly giving her exactly what she had been asking for, though not of his own volition. He was lost in a red haze of pain and anger, and admittedly not himself, but the words were true. "But of course you must have some wise, all-knowing words to offer that will make the pain simply disappear, don't you? Or will you try to tell me that their love, her love, was not a bold-faced lie? Oh, please, do go right ahead and give me your best advice," he spat, cerulean hues fixed in a livid glare upon her unseeing gaze.
All at once, he realized that he had said too much. Far too much. Damn it, he never lost control like that... and he had given her what she had asked for, and he so adamantly refused to volunteer, as well. Mentally, he withdrew, literally taking a step back as his head lowered to let ebon' forelocks fall over his eyes once more. He said nothing else, but his wings were itching to spread, to take him as far away from here as possible. This place held far too many memories, far too much beneath the surface for Kureno.
Instead, he only stood, waiting to be proven right.
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Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 9:48 pm
Silence reigned, heavy with the remnants of anger and hurt, and Celandine did nothing. She hadn't expected so much at once, and as the pieces began to arrange themselves in her mind, she considered them, considered him. It had all been spoken in a rush, words crashing together with the force of emotion behind them, and she was certain she'd missed some of it.
Still, she knew enough to have an idea of what troubled him. Her heart went out to him, and words of comfort were on the tip of her tongue, but she knew they would be scorned. This wasn't a stallion that wanted kind words and gentle nudges, not yet; he wouldn't believe them, would throw them back in her face as quickly as she could utter the words. She understood it - didn't agree with it, but understood it - and respected it.
Willingly or not, he had shared parts of himself with her. While she would have preferred to coax them out of him easily, somehow, she thought this might have been the only way for him to speak to her, or anyone, of what had happened.
What could she say to that? What could anyone? She'd never felt, or known, a pain like his.
She would just have to lead with her heart.
"If anyone tells you that pain disappears... they're lying."
Lifting her head, she closed her eyes, ears trained on the sky for the sounds of her familiar. She hadn't heard from him in some time, and she was glad he hadn't swept down at the stallion's outburst. He seemed to have realized that she was in the midst of something important, and she would have to remember to thank him later.
Shaking her mane from her face, she looked toward him, unseeing eyes searching the area she knew he must stand. Suddenly, pointlessly, she wondered if her gaze bothered him. During her childhood, she'd been told that she ought to close her eyes while she was playing with the others lest she frighten them. The thought was terribly out of place, but nevertheless, it gave her pause.
Canting her head slightly, she said slowly, "Pain... can be a comfort, sometimes. It reminds us that whatever caused it meant something to us. I don't think that if it disappeared, it would really mean anything at all."
She stepped forward, bumping a hoof into a fallen branch. Carefully, she walked over it, tail swishing behind her, leaves rustling softly. She was really no closer to him than she had been before he turned to leave, but she wondered how he would take it now.
Sighing a little, she murmured, "But that doesn't make it hurt any less. And, you know, I still don't have any advice for you. I only want to listen, if you want to talk."
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Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 10:43 pm
Shame boiled with indignance beneath the surface of the dark stallion's composed exterior, though his face betrayed nothing. He hadn't intended to reveal anything of his problems with this overly insistent mare. As soon as she validated his suspicions, he could be on his way.
He didn't stop to think about exactly why he needed this validation before he could be satisfied with simply walking away. The fact that maybe he wanted to be proven wrong was not even conceivable.
Whatever he was expecting to hear from her, however, her softly spoken words were most decidedly not it. His ears twitched once before pricking forward, eyes lifting slowly from beneath the veil of his heavy forelocks to watch her carefully, wondering if he had heard wrong. Well... this was unexpected. The honesty and truth, while obviously more appreciated than the false comfort and condescending sympathy he had been expecting, was not exactly in her favor.
Still... her words were sincere, and he could actually sympathize with their meaning. As much as he was loathe to admit it, a glimmer of something akin to respect flickered in his heart at the genuine understanding she seemed to be offering. It didn't change anything- he still didn't trust her, and her motivations were still suspect... but, perhaps... this was slightly more worthwhile than he had given it credit for.
It didn't mean he would make it easy for her in the least... and she was-- wait, was he actually considering this? It was absurd! It was foolish, it was pointless, and... and he actually hadn't thought of her face at all in the past five minutes.
A long, contemplative silence followed this revelation as Kureno actually stopped to consider the ramifications of this arrangement.
A distraction would be welcome. After all, that was what he had been attempting to do before, albeit in more violent ways... but he always found himself sinking into reminiscence and old habits, which started the cycle of fury and denial all over again. It was becoming detrimental, as evidenced by the fresh wounds on his shoulder and chest, and the matted blood still clinging to his thick mane. Not that he cared- but perhaps other methods would be slightly more productive.
Shifting his weight uneasily from one foot to another, for a long time he simply observed her, watching the half-lidded milky irises that were focused in his general direction. Her proximity made him slightly uncomfortable, but he would be damned before he revealed such a thing to her. Only what was necessary.
Inhaling deeply, a rough, annoyed sigh was heaved from his lungs with a slightly overdramatic roll of his eyes.
"I don't speak with strangers."
As callous as the words were, they weren't meant as a dismissal. It was as much of an opening as Kureno would ever give. If she misunderstood it, misunderstood him, it wasn't worth the effort of a conversation, anyway.
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Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 11:42 pm
She didn't know what, but something had changed. It was a subtle shift, but as surely as she could scent rain on the air, she knew that a tiny bit of his aversion to her company had been dislodged by something she said. What, she didn't know, but she was grateful for it.
Still, nothing would be gained by rushing headlong into a tiny opening. If it even was an opening - she still didn't know him, was still, as he had so aptly phrased it, a stranger - but she thought it was. Thus far, her intuition had led her well, but with each forward step, she felt that the ground beneath her hooves was becoming more precarious.
Well, she'd stood on shaky ground before.
Because it was in her nature to smile more than it was to be somber, she did so, the motion a gradual curving of her lips. As she'd so boldly asked him, what did she have to lose? She may as well be herself, or as much of herself as she could, and try to be his friend.
If anything, she knew that everyone needed those, and he seemed to be in dire need of a steady, honest friend.
"Let's not be strangers, then." Ducking her head, she took another step forward, her bangs falling across her forehead in a careless sheet. "I'm Celandine. You can call me Cela, if you want."
Tone becoming more lively, hinting at the vibrant personality that lurked beneath the serious aspect she'd offered him, she asked, "What's your name?"
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Posted: Tue Jun 23, 2009 12:31 am
Although he had half-expected to be met with more obstinance and the continued pushing for more openness, Kureno wasn't entirely surprised by the odd greeting. The smile, however, genuine and kind, caught him slightly off-guard, and he only raised one brow in response. He didn't smile for anyone but-- ...anyone, and most were put off by the permanent scowl etched darkly onto his features, but he supposed that aspect was null and void for someone who could not read facial expressions.
Unwillingly, the tentative respect he had for the mare grew a smidgen as he considered how she would have to have adapted to being at such a disadvantage.
Her own introduction, simple and cheerful, made him reluctantly relax a tiny bit, though his muscles were still stiff in waryness. Inclining his head just enough for it to be considered a sign of acknowledgement, he simply stared for another moment, considering this. Her.
Despite his initial reservations about the category he had unconsciously placed her into, he found himself having to adjust his perceptions about the stereotypes he had created for those he encountered. He didn't- wouldn't- trust anyone so easily anymore... not that it had ever been easy to begin with, but she had warped his view somewhat. However, this mare... it seemed she was different.
While she was kind and demure to the extreme, she would never dream of standing up to him. Celandine obviously could not be placed into the same category as her, but at the same time, she held her own extreme of care and kindness in a way that was wholly different. Being sympathetic without pity or condescension was a rare feat that Kureno could- reluctantly- appreciate, and he found himself a bit intrigued, and even a tiny bit curious about this mare.
"Kureno," was all he offered in his customary gruff tone, but it lacked the hostility it held before.
He wasn't about to say it was pleasant to meet her- he still had his doubts, after all, and he didn't care for the petty niceties that other soquili seemed to offer by the dozens in pointless conversation. And it wasn't as if he had asked for her company, but at the same time, there was a tiny bit of gratitude lingering in the depths of his eyes for, at the very least, the distraction that she provided.
He wasn't sure if that was what she intended- actually, he was sure that wasn't what she intended. She had urged him to speak about his feelings, about the depth of hurt and pain that she had caused, but he wasn't sure he could share those things, even if he wanted to.
He had lived with his burdens alone his entire life, simply letting them rot and fester within before she came along. Was he truly even capable of opening up again?
Somehow, he doubted it.
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