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 Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2009 3:41 pm
A Private RP between Kaosu (Count Kaosu) and Rhian (Redbud-Tree)
Location: Farstep Carnival
Time: Wee hours of the morning (Somewhere between 3-5 a.m)
Weather: A bit chilly, but clear
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Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2009 3:59 pm
Rhian fluttered through the carnival grounds, careful to keep out of the way of anybody who was out and about at this time . The carnival was closed at the moment, so fortunately there weren't too many people to avoid. She's started sneaking out during the wee hours of the morning just a few nights ago, and was still a bit skittish about it. She'd started doing it just as a method of gaining freedom, but it was quickly becoming a way to test her ability to hide, to think, and learn without causing problms for her family - something she seemed to do more often than not.
The first time the flutterby had done this, she had only been outside for about ten minutes before she snuck back inside and had to pretend nothing had happened, spending the entire day terrified that she was going to be found out in one way or another. Now, though, she was beginning to grow more confident.
This did not, however, mean that the young Essentic was confident enough to risk not hiding whenever someone walked (or usually, stumbled), by. Fairly soon the proto reached the outskirts of the carnival. Her antennae flicked this way and that as she realized someone nearby was very, very upset and sad and - and just a mess of bad emotions, really. Her urge to help overtook her caution and the butterfly made her way to the source of the emotions, wondering what, exactly, she should do, and how she could help this stranger.
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Posted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 2:19 pm
Aimless. Free. Uninhibited. Kaosu had lived that way all of his life. So why was he having trouble leaving Vargash? What was holding him back? His bridges may have burned, but somehow their charred wood and rope survived, binding him to civilization yet. No matter how he tried to lose himself in the wastelands, he could not forget those months with Trystan. He could not bury his emotions as usual. The towns and landscape of the wilderness no longer seemed familiar. Piece by piece, the memory of that stupid kid drove a crack deeper and deeper into his armor. Piece by piece, Kao became a mess. He could not sleep. He could not survive. He could not escape.
This must be what guilt felt like. Or could there be something else wrong? Something worse?
Whatever the cause, his spirit was bleeding. No -that was an understatement. His clothes were ragged. He was dead tired. His shoulder leaked scarlet rivulets. He had ripped his limb open scaling a barbed-wire tipped fence while fleeing Red and Dave. Those persistent fools had been hot on his trail the moment he stepped out of Trystan's apartment. He was not in the condition to deal with them... What condition was he in, then? "Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for love," he scolded himself quietly. Grow up. Calm down. You'll be fine in a week, right?
He was not broken, but he was cracking. That was the only reason he would have unconsciously come to hide here of all places. Farstep. A dangerous place full of dangerous thoughts. Thankfully, he arrived after hours. In the middle of the night, he had no fear of encounters that might be... uncomfortable. Or so he thought. Not daring to venture far into the carnival, he lounged in a sort of restless, fragile peace against the wall of some building he did not recognize. He relaxed. Or attempted to. When he spotted movement in the shadows, in this sorry state, he did not have the energy to react. In his exhaustion, he could not be paranoid. What did it matter who came? Dryly, he called out, "Do you want something?"
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Posted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 2:32 pm
"...I want to help," Rhian said, after debating the merits of approaching or not approaching this stranger. She fluttered over to him and perched near him, tilting her head and lficking her antennae. "You're hurt, and sad, and feel bad. I want to help you," she said again, wondering if perhaps the man had been drinking that funny yellow stuff and she could pretend to be a part of a dream.
"I'm not supposed to be outside, but you seem so sad, I don't like it when people are sad, is there any way I can help you stop being sad?" Fluffy treat helps me not to be sad, and funny yellow-drink helps Sibling-Zi. . . and kisses and hugs help Ellandra nd Ellandra-husband Faolan... what would help you?" The butterfly spoke quietly, and a bit slower than she usually did, both because she didn't want anyone but this sad and broken-ish man to hear her and because he seemed just a little. . . um, what was the term? Out-of-it?
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Posted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 5:44 pm
Kaosu ignored Rhian's approach, watching the ground in front of him with the sort of absent determination that betrayed he was attempting to not think. He could not afford to think about anything. Anything or anyone. Guilt... yes... that had to be what this strange depression was. I want to help you. Such innocent words elicited a weak laugh from the red head. He dragged himself out of his sulking (scolding himself again in the process) and finally glanced up at the friendly Essentic.
His first instinct was to tease her. To dislike her. To shy away from her because of her species. He did not. He was too out of it to care. "Help me? You?" He wanted to sound incredulous but his tone lacked its normal harshness. "I don't think alcohol or sugar would suffice. I don't think you should hang around a guy like me." He might have tried to shoo her away, but he was somewhat taken aback by her altruistic behavior.
Sure, that he was upset was obvious. But how many random strangers, even humans, would bother talking to a dangerous, angsty tramp like him?
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Posted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 6:23 pm
"Well," Rhian said, then paused for a moment. "Probably not, but if I don't, then I'd feel bad for not trying to help! And then who would try to help you if I left?" She hovered closer to him, flicking her antennae.
"Bcause you need help, even if it's just someone to listen; you look like you have stuff you should talk about, to someone who's not you - because if you just talk to you, then you'll never understand clearer, I don't think." Again, the butterfly paused and flicked her antennae. "Besides, it would give you something to do besides just sit here!"
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Posted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 10:01 am
"Don't worry about it. I don't deserve help," Kaosu mused absently. Ooh. That was bad. He almost sounded like an angsty teenager. Slightly disturbed by this strange behavior of his, the redhead pinned his gaze again on the ground. He did his best to ignore the innocent creature floating closer and closer.
Under any other circumstances, he would have considered Rhian a pest. Stupid insect had no right to preach to him. This time, however... he did not object because she was right about him. "I don't know what's wrong with me, but whatever it is I have to bear it. There is purification in punishment. Not : 'God forgive us our trespasses', but 'Smite us for our iniquities'," he quoted absently. "I need some purification. I wronged another: I can wrong myself. What's wrong with sitting around, anyways?"
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Posted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 10:50 am
"But the people who don't deserve help need it morethan ayone else," Rhian said simply, finally fluttering over until she was eye-to-eye with the sad man. She flicked her antennae once, twice, how many negative emotions were there here? too many, that was for certain!
"Would talking about it make it easier to bear? Or at least help you denough so that you could clean up that cut? It looks painful, and Farstep isn't very clean. And if you wronged someone, then feeling guilty about it's normal - but it won't fix it, it will just eat you up and then the person you hurt will always hurt, but if you go say sorry and try to make it up then neither of you will have to hurt any more!" There might as well have been little hearts floating around Rhian's head as she talked, the happy-go-lucky little flutterby.
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Posted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:07 pm
"Need it, maybe. Yet what I need and what I want are two different things." Ignore her. That was the prevailing thought on Kaosu's mind. He did not need a machine to console him. When she fluttered directly in front of his face, though, he faltered slightly. What was this foolish Essentic? A butterfly? Why was she so determined to bother him? Admittedly, the behavior WAS... cute. Hoping to not be drawn in by her innocent, kind behavior, the flustered redhead turned his head away.
"Why should I talk about my life with some Essentic? You couldn't understand human emotion," he added, strengthening his resolve to drive the cheerful creature away. Sick creatures preferred to die alone. "There's no point in talk, anyways. I can't fix things. I have to hurt him. Hurting him is much less painful than the alternative."
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Posted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:16 pm
"Why would you not want help, though?" Rhian asked, fluttering around so she was face-to-face with him again. She'd never met someone so determined to hurt before! What a sad man.
"And I'm trying to understand emotions better, I can feel them and sense them, but so far I can only tell good and bad when I'm sensing them; I think I'll get better at it once I grow," She said, not at all ready to leave. "Have to hurt who? And why? Hurting still hurts."
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Posted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:31 pm
"I'm a weak person. I struggle with resisting temptation. If I cured this pain... there would be nothing to stop me from making things worse than they already are," Kaosu replied smoothly. Why was he talking to her about such a dangerous subject? Why had he grown so chatty lately? Her, Uzi, Trystan. When had he started seeking company? For as long as he could remember, he thrived on being alone. Conversations such as these were against his nature.
"Don't count on improving. You'll never understand human emotions. You can't feel them yourself," he purred stubbornly. "I have to hurt my...er... friend. Because... er... Putting it lightly, I am a bad influence. I have a dark past and a dark future. I have no right to drag him through hell with me, so I pushed him away." She wouldn't comprehend. An Essentic couldn't comprehend. Right?
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Posted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:36 pm
"In other words you'd go back to him, wouldn't you? And you're too scared - of yourself."
Rhian puffed up then, her fluttering picking up speed. "Yes I€ will and I do! You don't know, silly, how would you know what I feel, hmm? You're just being all stubborn now!" Rhian said, starting to flutter in high-speed circles around this stubborn, hurting man. "And isn't it his choice to go with you if he wants to?"
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Posted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:46 pm
"Go... back to him? Chilling words. Ones that forced Kaosu to stop and think. He had been trying to avoid thinking for quite some time. Now he could not help it. "I-I don't know. I'm not afraid of being alone. I'm not afraid of death. I'm not afraid of torture. How could I be afraid of myself?" She had to be off the mark completely. That could not be true. He had perfect self control. He never shot unless fired upon first. He trusted himself. There was no room left for fear.
How do you know what I feel? Stumped, Kao flushed a little. Why did this little pest have to talk so much? As soon as she started talking, she raised a thousand questions he did not want to answer. "If you love someone you don't want to give them that choice."
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Posted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:06 pm
"You're scared you'll hurt him worse than you have, I can tell that," Rhian said, stopping her manic circling and hovering in front of him again. Something was happening to this man, if something she didnt' quite understand. This was a hurt that would take a long time to heal, maybe, but if she could just get it started healing, that would be enough.
"But by not giving them that the choice, isn't that saying you don't trust them enough to make their own choice?" She was honestly curious, now, and plus he was talking, which was good.
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Posted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:18 pm
"That's an easy one. Yes. I don't want anyone to hurt him," Kaosu admittedly flatly. Reluctantly, he glanced up and tried to face Rhian. She did not understand his situation. She could not even imagine it. But for an Essentic, she came pretty close. She must have a very interesting owner.
Only vaguely aware that he was being manipulated into spilling his guts, he continued, "No. That's different. I trust him perfectly. Too much. I know he would stay. I know he would risk it. I know he would try to help me, no matter how black the scenery became." After all, Trystan probably had some pretty black scenery of his own. Hit men were hard to scare. "And that is exactly why I can't let him make that choice."
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