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It's not that I had lost my sense of adventure or had developed a particular aversion to risk; I just wasn't that interested anymore.

That night, I balanced myself and walked slowly, one foot in front of the other, along the protruding curb that separated the sidewalk from the bike lane, which in turn was separated from the street by a series of small reflective nubs running parallel along the asphalt.

Wandering back from a pub that I had found to be curiously out of place, the slow, steady drizzle that had been gathering on my coat and reflecting the glow from the street lights looked more like a curtain of delicate snowflakes through the pint vision I had acquired. Despite the chill in the air, I had unzipped my coat because it was a windless night and I had developed a sheen of sweat on my forehead with the effort of keeping myself straight on the curb.

A cigarette I had lit after leaving the bar still dangled from my mouth -- more ash than anything -- but still I tried to drag from it. I let the smoke roll from my nostrils and at the same time spit what was left of the cigarette on the ground.

I looked forward to seeing the decrepit building looming in the dark, so I set to walking at a steady pace on the sidewalk. The drizzle had all but stopped at that point, and some quick gusts of chill air convinced me to zip up my jacket and pull my collar up close to my neck and face. Large dollops of water dropped from the trees where they had been gathering in little pools, now shaken free thanks to the wind.

I tried to avoid walking directly below where the trees hung over the gates of the park, but still some water managed to eke its way under my collar, crawling its way down my neck; it sent shivers throughout my body. I stopped only for a moment to peek through the iron gates of the park -- all I could hear was was the rustling of leaves. The lights had been extinguished throughout; those in the cemetery park were likely still on, I thought to myself. It was up the street only a little farther, so I didn't rush.

Another slight breeze and the lights up ahead that had been leading me home flickered and went out. I was still in the glow of the streetlights near me, and it made the darkness beyond that much more so. But I was almost at the cemetery, and just beyond that was my apartment, so I continued into the dark.

It was this stark blackness that made the headlights coming toward me that much more noticeable. As if emerging from a soupy fog, the car cruised along at a reasonable speed. I thought nothing of it until it came closer and slowed almost to a stop next to me. It was a cab; the driver leaned over and popped open the passenger door.

Wanna lift? I leaned down and looked over toward the voice. A beautiful girl was hunched over the wheel, he head cocked to see me lean in. She looked small hanging on the oversized wheel, but I could see her chest swell underneath a tight black shirt, her hair done up, but strands loosely hanging around her face, and her eyes reflecting light like a cat.

She blinked slowly at this and stared off into nowhere. When Laura and I moved into our apartment, it was like nothing I've ever felt before. It was exhilarating and terrifying. She was looking for a job, but for the most part, she was content to wander the city. Coming back from work, she would almost literally throw pictures and brochures in my face. We HAVE to go here, she'd say with a childish twinkle in her eye, and we would go. She giggled and laughed at everything, trying to experience so much at once.

At least we know where we are, I told the girl, even if we don't remember where we've been or know where we're going. With this, I told her my address.

She passed me the last of the joint. Ah, there we go, she said as if she were waiting for it. She took her feet down, adjusted the seat, and started up the car. s**t, she looked at the meter and then smiled again at me. This is going to be the cheapest cab ride you've ever had, and she clicked the meter on.

I puffed on the roach until it burnt my fingertips, but I didn't mind. It smoked itself out and I tossed it out the window. The girl turned the radio up a bit and sang along to another nameless song.

I had called the police; I had called the embassy; I had called everyone I knew, but it was useless.

We were back on that dark, lonely road again -- passing the park, the cemetery, heading back into the darkness that had enshrouded the cab until it had come to me. Driving headlong into it I counted: 1...2...3...

This is me, I said and pointed up to the left at a tall apartment building whose only lights were flood lights at the top corners, barely visible through the damp haze of the night. She pulled over to an abrupt stop and I paid her, generously. She flashed those eyes at me again; it was almost painful.

You take care, she told me as I climbed out. Maybe next time we can figure out where we're going together.

Maybe, I said as I closed the door and tapped on the roof. The red eyes of her taillights blinked at me as she drove off.

Fumbling with my key, I eventually made it through the front gate and glass doors to the elevator. My heart was beating in my head, and my fingertips felt cold and clammy. This was why I always dreaded going home, why I had taken the long way, past the park and past the cemetery.

The doors slid open to my hallway; the motion lights tried to come on, but instead just sputtered a bit and gave up. I leaned my forehead against the door to my apartment, and rolled it to one side so my ear was pressed squarely against the wood --- nothing.

Mechanically I lifted my key to the lock and opened the door. It creaked a little and the light in the entryway made it hard to see anything for a moment, but I knew the first thing I would see; it was always the first thing I saw. Setting my keys down on the counter, I felt the little scrap of paper with writing hastily scribbled in blue pen.

I think I found a job today! I'm going to go check it out. I'll probably be late, so don't wait up!

Love you.

Laura.