Welcome to Gaia! ::

Try to stick it out, I'm sure things will get better eventually.

I obviously have no idea how difficult this is, but I am of the school of thought that believes that there is always something to live for. Some experience or person in the future. I know this is a low point but it is serving a purpose, as it contrasts the good things in your life. You should definitely vent these bad feelings, maybe rant about them? But suicide should be your last option if one at all.

I've had that feeling for, oh...about 7 years now, since I was 8.
Going on super-strong antidepressants I am feeling a little better, but really the only way you can get rid of the feelings is to get rid of the reason.
btw I cut, I know the feeling, but even if it dosn't hurt you it hurts everybody else that knows, they can't understand, so try to stop.

Yep. Been there.


No, not a fun situation.


May I suggest pouring it out infront of someone that you can trust or some random person that is physically infront of you. You can get a lot of steam off that way. I found that it works wonders for me when I hit rock bottom with the f**ked up life and the razor blade in my left hand.

Yep.

Life may suck, but be glad that you are participating in it.

uhhm.....gee didn't expect to be getting this personal this quick.

Nadira wrote:

Wierdly enough I both agree and disagree with what she said. Yes you must do what is needed for you. However you can stop for others, on my third and most successfull sucide attempt I stopped for others.
I appologize for the following it's kinda graphic.

As I laid on the floor of the bathroom holding my slit arms in the tub to prevent cauterization. Having just finished writing my goodbye note on the wall in red. My thoughts oddly turned from the rage I felt at my circumstances and how fkd up my life was (ontop of all my other life complications of the time I had earlier woke upto my best friend romping my girl) to my nephew. I suddenly realized that if I continue what I'm doing I'm setting the presendence for him. It was totally for him that I stoped, it was consideration of how he would feel that stopped me. In light of that many years later he and I are very close, in fact of all my family he is now the closest to me. I've helped him many times in his life and wouldn't have been here to otherwise. The circle kinda completed itself that way.

Life will get better if you work to make it better. If you want it you can make it happen.

I understand how you feel. I havn't gotten to the same point as you, but I still do understand partially. It pains me when I get to the point where I have to consider myself depressed, and then I look back and see that I was merely here so many times before. And how do I get out? Can I? Should I? What's the point of changing my outlook on life if a couple of weeks down the road, I'm just right back where I've started? Is there an end to all this? "And if I stumble and I fall, should I get up and carry on, or will it all just be the same?"

The thing is, I've been observing myself for a while, and though it seems I've made absolutely no progress in times when I do feel depressed, when I look back I can actually see that I've made some. The periods when I feel completely broken have actually decreased somewhat since last year. I'm not falling as hard anymore and I'm not falling for as long a time. I guess that sort of made me happy for a while.. but it's still not enough to stop me from feeling like crap.

Sometimes I look at the things I'm depressed about and I see that it really isn't a big deal. But that just makes me feel worse. I don't need anyone to tell me that everything's going to be alright later on, because frankly I'm living in the here and now, and the here and now isn't right. I usually like to figure out what's wrong with me, but when I'm depressed, I can't think straight so I often can't find out what's wrong.

I dunno. Just know for now that you're not alone. I agree that you can get out of this for someone, I have a really close friend who actually stopped attempting suicide just because I showed her I cared. But it's a hard battle to fight, and one that will take all of your effort.

If you do need someone to listen to you, well I know this has probably been told to you before, but you can pm me anytime. Sometimes people just need to riff, and there really is nowhere to go to. I really hate going to people I see every day sometimes, because you just can't trust them with everything and if you're talking to someone who doesn't go to your school or whatever you know nothing will get out. But other than that, you're right. People have their own junk to deal with, and that's often frustrating because you really need to get some stuff off your chest. If you don't talk to me, I'm fine with that, but please oh please do talk to someone else, if not in person than here on gaia. I'm sure loads of people would be willing to listen.

The first thing that went through my mind as I was reading the thread was, "Please don't." And that's originally what I wanted to start my post off with. But then I thought you wouldn't really understand what I'm trying to say. So I say it now, please don't. Don't do anything you might later regret. You're probably thinking "why would she care," or "she doesn't even know me..." but the fact is, everyone who's read this thread probably now knows you better than most of the people you see day in day out at school. I think I'm speaking on behalf of most here when I say that we've been there and we feel with you: which is why we're concerned. We really do care, which is why we're trying to give advice and help. We've gone through what you have, or are going through what you have, and remember how it felt, which is why we're trying to give what we think would have been helpful when we were/now that we're in these stages.

That's really all I've got to say for now.