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 Posted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 3:48 pm
It had been sometime since Sienna had last seen Aquos, and to be quite honest with herself, she still loved him as much as she did when they were cubs together. Since the death of Rosa, Lilac and Cosmo, she'd spent her time running...running for the pain of the loss, running from having to see the sadness in Aquos's gaze when he looked at her, the anger of it all. What had she done to deserve this, she'd often asked herself, going over her life to see what qualities she must of lacked to be dealt such a harsh blow. The voice inside her had fed her insecurities till she'd nearly died, saved only by the intervention of her dead children.
It wasn't until the birth of her demon, Jezebeth, into a physical form, did Sienna finally realize what she'd been doing this whole time was running away. The demon's voice no longer haunting her 24 hours a day had become a very liberating and enlightening time since, and she'd finally come to the conclusion she had one task she must complete before she could move on with her life: She must ask Aquos's forgiveness. It was only then, looking into his face, could she finally stop running and find true forgiveness. Forgiving herself, however, would be another thing altogether...it was still a rather difficult concept to accept that their death wasn't her fault.
So, now she was making her way back to where she knew he lived with his mate....her old home. The thought panged her, deep inside, but she resolved to push it aside. It would only be for a short time, and surely she could handle that much...after all, she'd changed much in the time that they'd passed apart. She didn't know if she could love any one else, but she wasn't going to let her feelings get in the way of his happiness.
So, it was with head held high, that she paced through the meadow, a herd of zebra scattering before her to whom she paid no mind. Her thoughts were to a long time ago...a time when she had been happy, and nothing could make her happier than a good romp with her best friend. How different things had turned out....
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Posted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 4:32 pm
You sure your gonna be ok alone Aquos?
Don't be afraid to come and stay with us.
Hey lil bro, it will be ok, you'll see.
The voices. The voices of his family. This time it was differnet. He wasn't alone. He had them. His family. It softened what he had come to expect. He had stayed, he stayed in his home. She never came. He should have known...It was bound to happen..After this first time...But it was something he hoped for secretly...In his heart he knew he didn't want to be with her. He knew...There was someone else he wanted to be with...
Sienna...
Time was a cruel mistress...Some much had happened since he last saw her. So much....But not to him. To his family, finding his family...So much. He worried about them but what of her? Was she ok? Was she alive? She looked so bad the last time he saw her...Why didn't he go after her? Was he that afraid. Was he so blind? Why was he so stupid, as Aamon would bluntly put it..So stupid.
The white and teal lion was absent mindedly throwing pebbles into the watering hole near the dens. The prided never did get bigger, besides the children Nimus and Sky had. Their last litter was three boys. Aquos helped when he could, but their family was so large now with brothers and sisters, there wasn't much he could do to help. So here he was. Throwing rocks and thinking...Thinking about all his mistakes...Thinking of how he ruinned his chance with the only one who had truly made him happy...thinking of how he would give anything to go back to how things were in Santos's pride...Everything was so simple and clear back then. Aquos missed this fact...Simple and clear.
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Posted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 4:53 pm
Sienna's pace slowed as she once more approached the pride's boundaries, her thoughts once more returning to the present. She paced along the borders for a few minutes, gathering her courage before stepping over into what was still technically her home as well as his, even if she'd never return here again. Maybe to her mother's pride, yes to hers, but not to this one. The pain still lingered here a little too strongly for her to bear alone. She remembered her cub's bodies were buried here as well...she should visit that too, before she left...
Blinking back tears, she took a deep breath and held her head high once more in what was more an act of outright courage than she truly felt inside. She would do this and be gone like she was never here...she didn't belong anymore anyways.
A movement in the corner of her eye startled a squeak out of her, until she realized it was only Lilac, to whom she gave a smile that showed just how scared she truly was, a ghostly purr and nuzzle giving her the strength she'd needed. "Thank you..."
Lilac studied her mother, concerned, before giving her a smile in return, nuzzling her and purring, proud of the steps her mother was taking. She could only imagine how difficult this was, and she hoped it'd go well. "Father is by the river." She gave her mother a simple nuzzle once more before fading away back into invisibility.
Sienna watched her disappear, and she felt better...even if she couldn't see her, their daughter was near and giving her the strength she lacked. Taking a deep breath, she changed course and being careful to keep her gaze away from the dens, made her way to the river nearby. Seeing him, even if only from behind, nearly broke her resolve and into tears but a little nudge from her invisible daughter helped her keep her mind on her mission. "Aquos...we...need to talk."
She sat down about ten feet behind him, curling her tail about her toes. She'd filled out since he'd last seen her, she was still a bit thin, but definatly lean and muscular, her coat no longer the dull and lifeless thing it'd once been. She had changed alot since he'd seen her last, and she wondered for a brief moment how he might react to her sudden reapparnce after so long a time...
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Posted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 7:52 pm
The world froze. Everything was still. He drew no breaths. Was he dreaming? It couldn't be...She wasn't here...She didn't want to be here but...But...That voice...He knew that voice anywhere. "S...Si...Sienna?" And with a turn around tat felt as if it took centuries to complete, Aquos faced Sienna.
It was she was. There she was. It wasn't a dream. She was right there! Right in front of him. Her colour had returned and she looked so much better....He felt like a cub again for a moment, stammering a few steps forward as if to pounce on her. He wanted to! Every fiber in his body told him to too...Until that little voice spoke to him. was she better because he wasn't there? What if she found someone else? Talk...She wanted to talk...Just talk. that's what she said..talk about what? Aquos planted his butt back down to the ground, curling his own tail around his paws, looking away from her out of shame. "I errmm uumm....What are you doing here?" He barely manged to mutter out....but he missed her...So badly...So so bad...In that brife moment of joy, he could feel himself fall for her all over again.
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Posted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 8:15 pm
Sienna's own eyes dropped, partially because she was afraid to look at him, to see any sign of sadness, shame or anger that might undo what little bravado she had at this moment. For a brief moment she'd entertained the fantasy that he'd pounce her like he'd used to do, and then maybe he'd take her in his paws and all would be well with the world...but it wasn't to be. Despite the fact she was merely staring at a spot of ground in front of him, she could see him sit down and turn his own gaze from her. An echo of Jezebeth's voice flitted through her mind...
"He can't even look upon the failure that is his former mate...how funny..."
It didn't matter anyways, the past was over, and it was something she had to accept. Taking a deep breath, and keeping her gaze locked on that patch of ground like it was her only lifeline, she spoke aloud. "I...I came to seek your forgiveness. I failed both myself and you as a mate and a mother. As a mother for nearly striking your son in anger at the truth, and as a mate for...many reasons. Your life has moved on while all I've done is run in hopes that I could outrun all the pain and anger I've felt." She paused, wanting to say how angry and hurt she'd been to find out that he'd turned to Stryker's mother once more, angry to know he didn't seem to be in as much pain as she was.
Closing her eyes tightly to block these thoughts, it was evident she was still in alot of pain even if she did look better physically. Her voice dropping in volume, she said in a sort of whisper, "All I want is for you to grant me forgiveness, and then I will leave. My part in your life is over, and I accept that. You need never hear from me again."
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Posted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 8:40 pm
"Wha...What are you talking about?" This got the male's attention, as he looked to her confused. "Forgiveness..." He muttered to himself..He should be the one asking her for forgiveness...Not her..He should be groveling at her feet..."You never failed...you have nothing to be sorry for..." He half whimpered to her....Moved on...That was a laugh...He hadn't done anything. It was the same as before. Had he moved on? No...'No...nothing has changed." He half muttered to himself, half to her...She wanted forgiveness..But she'd leave..She'd leave again...He didn't want her to leave. Not again. "Forgiven...if that's what you want." But...But..."I'm the one who should be asking you for forgiveness..."
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Posted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 9:13 pm
"I have everything to be sorry for," Sienna said, finally looking at him in the eyes, flinching a little at what she saw there, a hint of anger in her voice, her tears falling freely as she spilled out her thoughts. "You're not the one who nearly tore her own adopted son to pieces, you're not the who ran away, unable to bear the pain of being unable to losing her own cubs, and being a coward tried to run away from it all. You have any idea what it's like knowing and seeing others bear you live cubs, and I could not. Do you even know what it was like when you first left my family's pride without telling me goodbye?! Of finding you gone. Just gone?! I was selfish to want you all to myself, I know that now. I was foolish and stupid. You had every right to leave and seek a family for yourself ever since you were old enough to do so, and I hadn't wanted to accept that. All I've been is a waste of your time, honestly. I finally got my wish to be your mate, and I couldn't even handle that..."
"Stop it, Mom!"
Lilac's barely heard pleading voice was enough to bring Sienna back to the present and her gaze dropped as she stopped speaking. A few moments of silence passed as she gathered her thoughts once more. Her voice soft once more, full of heartbreak as she added, "How can you say nothing's changed? You have your mate...your first love. You have your true family. Why ask for my forgiveness?"
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Posted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 9:26 pm
She had a right to be angry...She was angry. Aquos took a glup as Sienna finished her outburst, waiting a moment before speaking again. "I want your forgiveness....For messing my chance up to be with you...." He paused again. "I shouldn't have done what I did..I should have waited for you...I was an idiot...I know that now....Now that it's too late...No, I don't have a mate..She said all the right things, of how she wanted to be with me...But she never came..I've been alone since the day you left...I haven't been happy since I was with you..."
"...If I could do it all over again, I would...So I could be with you and only you."
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Posted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 10:07 pm
These were the words she'd dreamt of hearing for months, the idea that he wanted to be with her and only her. In fact, she honestly thought her mind was playing tricks on her, that he couldn't possibly have said what he did. She looked up at him, searching his face for the truth, and seeing it plain as the pain that echoed on her own. Perhaps they had both been wrong in doing what they had, each attempting to fine respite from the pain in their own way, doing nothing more than hurting each other worse in the end.
Her eyes still locked upon his, she got up, and with hesitating steps, closed the distance between them till they were a hair's breath away from touching noses. Pausing only the briefest of moments, she finally closed her eyes and closed the remaining distance between them, physically and emotionally, by resting her cheek against his. She breathed his scent like it was her last dying breath, scared that it was all a dream and she'd wake up to reality any moment now.
"I have...and will always....love you, Aquos," she whispered in his ear. "I forgive you, but I'm...I'm scared." She didn't have to say what she was scared of...she was scared of everything...of being alone, of being in love, of being his (or anyone's) mate, and she was terrified of becoming pregnant once more and going through hell again. Life in general, at this moment, terrified her beyond words, and so she kept her contact with him like it was her lifeline in a storm that continuously raged, threatening to sweep her back off her feet...
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Posted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 10:51 pm
Aquos could feel his own eyes well up and he didn't even try to hold back. Her touch, her scent...He had missed her so much. He gently put his paw on Sienna's back and embraced her whispering lowly so only she could hear him. "As long as I have you by my side..Nothing else in the world matters."
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 6:37 am
Sienna was so overcome with emotion that she dropped the cheek to cheek contact, her head hanging as she sat on her haunches, the weight of his paw on her back giving her some courage. "Aquos...I've not been happy since we were cubs. Things seemed so simple back then, but the reality has been far different...to be honest, I'm no longer sure if I'm even capable of being happy anymore. All I'm positive about is two things...that I love our children, I love you, and that I don't want to be alone anymore...I'm tired of running, but I'm even more terrified of what may come in the future..."
Leaning close, she buried her face in his mane and started to bawl, letting out the frustration she'd felt since he'd initially left and her happiness had faded away. It was a healing cry, finally letting out all that she'd bottled up inside for so long. It was some time before she finished, but admittedly, it was the best she'd felt since being little, and that scared her. Pulling back, she sniffed, rubbing one side of her face with a paw before smiling sheepishly, feeling slightly ashamed. "Sorry..."
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 8:11 pm
Aquos reassuringly wrapped his tail around, hanging onto her every word like it was the last he'd ever hear of her's again. What had happened was hard to deal with...Very hard...But it was part of the healing. Yes, they could start to heal. " I love you too Sienna...And I will make it my sole duty to see you smile once again. I promise you that." He paused to let Sienna cry. He could feel that it was a good cry...One she needed. He softly nuzzled the top of her head, letting her know he was their for her...He'd always be there for her.
"You have nothing to be sorry for." He spoke softly to her.
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 6:12 am
Sienna half buried her face in his mane again before nuzzling the bottom of his chin with a soft lick. "I'm sorry that I couldn't bring myself to come back sooner...I thought you'd be angry with me for running away. I was at the end of my rope, and running was all I could think to do. I couldn't stay here any longer, my anger was tearing things apart....our family apart. I hated everything and everyone, but mostly I hated myself for what happened."
Gazing toward the horizon over his shoulder, she got a far away look in her eyes. "I thought if I ran far enough, all my pain and anger would leave....but it followed me. I nearly took my own life." She turned her gaze to his, to study his reaction to the news. "If it hadn't been for the actions of our children, if not for Rosa, Lilac and Cosmo, I would have. I know now it would of been nothing more than another form of running away from dealing with it, but that seemed to be the only way to gain the peace I craved." She thought then of revealing what happened on Halloween, but decided against it...she'd tell him soon, but not now. This was a happy time, or supposed to be, and time for revealing Jezebeth's existance would come soon enough.
Laying her head back against his neck, she purred for the first time in what felt like centuries, closing her eyes as she felt some of the ache that was her constant companion disappear as she began to accept the fact that she wasn't dreaming, that Aquos still did truly love her and want her back. "I only came back, after hearing you had returned to your former love, in hopes that I could close out this portion of my life with you, and then I would leave....go as far away as I could before trying to start over with my own...at least attempt to. I never truly believed this is what would happen instead. I can't decide now if I should be happy you were lied to by her, or mad at her for continuing to treat you so...."
Lifting her head up once more, she nugded him playfully and asked, "Speaking of former loves...you don't have any more kids for me to adopt, do you?" For the first time, she realized she felt no pang of jealousy for the idea that he might have more kids. Yeah, the thought did hurt a little, but no jealousy...she wanted to adopt them because they were HIS, and he was hers now and forever. She felt no doubt at his words, his admissions of love and devotion. And speaking of adopted children, she wondered what Styker would think of this...certainly Lilac had already left to spread the happy news. That idea made her smile a little in amusement.
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 3:27 pm
Aquos chuckled softly and shook his head. "I have not had any cubs since I was with you but..." How could he explain it to her? His family had left their mountainous home and found him..How did he tell her he had a sister, a brother and a father now when he had none before? And what happened to his sister after she arrived...Her cubs...His father finding a mate and had more cubs of his own. How Styker and his mate split, though he is with another female that has giving him children of his own? How his brother was with Aurore now and had sons with her...So much had happened around him..Though nothing happened to him. It was...An odd feeling.
"Well..It's not important right now...Right now...I only want to be with you." He licked her cheek lovingly ans echoed her purr with his own. This was a time for them, and only them.
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 10:21 pm
Something was bothering him, and her smile dropped from her face to a look of concern. She was just about to ask him to tell her, but he pushed aside the topic, and she decided to let it go for the moment. As it was, she felt the same...whatever he didn't want to tell her yet could wait, as it wasn't important enough as just being together and enjoying something they'd both thought would never happen. She cuddled closer to him, every now and then she'd half-bury her face in his mane just to revel in it's feel.
Then another thought hit her, and her look of concern came back...she wondered what Nimbus and Sky would say. She wondered if they were angry she'd run off without telling anyone or getting permission to leave. Was she still considered a member of this pride anymore? "How....how did Nimbus and Sky react to my leaving?"
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