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It was a quiet evening in the Grady vardo. Faoland and Ziazan were out, and the little butterfly proto, Rhian, was dozing on a rafter in the front room. Ellandra was taking advantage of the peace and quiet to do a little cleaning, and was working on straightening up the bed when a book fell out from between the mattresses, landing open-faced with some writing in a script the brunette immediately recognized from a note she (unbeknownst to her husband), kept stored away in amongst the things she'd brought which had never gotten unpacked.

Knowing that it was probably a journal like her own diary (which was hidden with the note), Ellandra went to put it away again without reading, when her eyes caught a few words that alarmed her. Despite herself, she read the journal entry and then hastily closed it and replaced it, sitting down on the half-made bed and dropping her head into shaking hands. So much information in one little entry. . . her worries weren't unfounded about their children, Faolan was - was in danger and not planning on telling her. . . his - his father had. . . it was just too much. . .

For the first time in a while, Ellandra fainted.

This immediately got a reaction from her dozing proto, who rushed into the bedroom the moment she heard the thunk of her owner-mother pitching forward off of the bed and hitting the floor.

"Ellandra? Ellandra? Wake up please!" The butterfly said anxiously, hovering beside the unconscious brunette and tugging on an arm, trying to lift her up. "Wake up, wake up!"

The butterfly proto's antennae twitched rapidly, in time with the accelerated fluttering of her wings as she hovered anxiously near her owner-mother. She turned to look at Ziazan and said, "I don't know; Ellandra was fine and happy, and then all of a sudden more stressed than I've ever noticed and then thunk before I could get in here to calm her! I messed up - should have been faster to calm her!" The little Essentic sounded rather distressed, herself.

Even as Rhian explained to Ziazan what had happened, Elandra began to come around, and, wincing, rubbed at the spot on her head that she'd hit when she'd fainted. "Ouch . . ." she murmured, not bothering to open her eyes just yet, still trying to process what had gone on before she had fainted.

Rhian flicked her antennae at her older sibling and said nothing for a long time. It wasn't all right, not really - she just kept messing up when she tried to help like she was supposed to! How was she to help Ellandra to be a good wife and mother when she wasn't even able to keep her from fainting? "I'm flawed... aren't I? Can't fulfill my purpose, not like I should.... I try but .... I' not good enough. . ."

Ellandra blinked and looked at Faolan for a long moment, her mouth running dry as she thought about what to say. Then, finding nothing, nothing that would cover the situation - because intentional or not reading that journal entry was breaking his trust, she couldn't just tell him that she knew, now, how he felt and what was going on - she closed her eyes for a moment, sighed, and then sat up. "N-nothing important.... j-just . . . g-got a little. . . . overwhelmed by. . . by unimportant things," she said, trying to get to her feet. "I - I need t-to finish cleaning up . . . " She didn't dare let her eyes stray to the bed, where her husband's journal lay, placed between the mattresses again. . . but not as far as it should have been.

Rhian grew more agitated when Faolan spoke to Ellandra, wriggling in Ziazan's arms as her antennae flicked around wildly. "This is bad..... very bad...."

Ellandra couldn't speak, she couldn't even really breathe. A horrible sinking feeling grew in her stomach, cutting off her air supply as she sunk almost immediately back to her knees. She wasn't going into a panic attack - rather, she felt like in this one semi-accident, semi-betrayal of trust, she'd broken something that might nver repair itself. It didn't help that she couldn't tell anything about what Faolan was feeling - his blankness seemed to extend past his expression and to that part of him she had always, always been able to judge at least partially, at least a little. . . right now there was - was nothing.

Rhian stilled, but still was rather distressed, picking it up off of her owner. "But... I need to help...." she whispered softly, hoping Ziazan could understand.

Ellandra ducked her head as tears welled up into her eyes. "It was an accident. . . I was cleaning, and it fell out - b-bookmarking your pages, Faolan, it makes the book more likely to open to them - and - it did. . . I didn't want to read it - I - I wish I - I hadn't - I don't even know why I did -" She cut herself off and grabbed at her head for a moment, trying to gather herself enough to speak more clearly, for at least this one thing - it might notmake anything better, but. . .. she'd inadvertantly found out his greatest, most painful of truths, so . . it was only fair.

"It.... It seems like. . . we - we have more in common than - than I knew..." She paused again, licking her lips as she started to shake. "I - I never mentioned this, Faolan b-but........ the reason my - my father made me forget my mother, why i didn't remember that day, w-why I didn't remember you. . . he'd the one who killed her. . . s-so we. . . I - I know this - this isn't something f-forgiveable, b-but.........." She trailed off for a long moment and then dropped her head into her hands. "I'm so sorry for - for reading that entry, Faolan, I am....... I'm so sorry. . .."

In Ziazan's arms, Rhian resumed her sturggles, needing to get to her owner and comfort her, couldn't sibling-Zi see that she was terribly upset?!?

Rhian stilled entirely, save for her antennae flicking as she looked up at her sibling - she was beginning to understand. "Because...... trying to help now wouldn't be helping..... but bothering?" she asked hesitantly (albeit in a very muffled manner by Ziazan's hand), hoping she'd figured out what the alter meant.

Ellandra sighed softly and relaxed into Faolan's arms. "I don't... you didn't mean for it to be read, Faolan, I can't just. . . feel okay with reading it now," the brunette said, relaxing against her husband a little. "And... well, it's not something that's - that's important to our lives now, so..." she paused for a moment, then continued, "I didn't really think it was - was worth mentioning... not that it would have been easy to talk about, anyway." Ellandra closed her eyes, sighing softly. "And. . . this is. . . going to sound strange but. . . I was - was beginning to think there was something the matter ith me, Faolan; I'd been so convinced that there's something wrong with our children and thinking I was.... losing my mind or being paranoid..." She trailed off and opened her eyes again, tears shining in them, but also a kind of acceptance.

"But... if there really is a problem, then... there's really nothing worrying can do..."

Rhian was happy that she'd figured out what her sibling had meant, but she was also a little upset that she couln't help right now - she wanted to help so much, but if trying now wouldn't be helping, then waiting was the better way of helping. . . right? She thought that was what her sibling meant. "But. . . when will they need us? I can't tell that much yet," the butterfly admitted, rather frustrated with her ineptness regarding her purpose.

Ellandra sighed again, softly, taking strength just from Faolan's nearness. "Well, what's done is done, I suppose," she said in little more than a whisper. "I'm sorry I haven't been able to make anything easier for you, lately. . . I didn't realize how much trouble I was causing for you, Faolan..."