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 Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 3:38 pm
It had been a good two days since Ylva had found the stranger and dragged him to the comfort of her home. Now the dominate hyena female found her self dragging herbs and a freshly killed baby lamb back to her home for this stranger. It annoyed her to think she was doing all this for him but at the same time made her heart glow. As much as she hated to admit it, she liked the idea of someone staying with her.
The hyena nuzzled away the brush in front of her caves entrance and slid the lamb down first, soon there after followed by her self. Ylva would have landed neatly, like she normally did, but the lamb at the base of her landing tripped her up when she reached the bottom. Now she was on the ground , and her rear in the air. Not a pleasant way to land and it just made the hyena grumble more, and hope that her guest did not see her in her worst format. The herbs had spread every where around her in her disgrace.
Slowly, she got up and collected the scattered herbs, placing them neatly on top of the lamb carcass. The hyena acted like nothing had happened, though inside she was embarrassed.
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Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 6:23 pm
Asa looked up a little as she came in, actually almost entirely missing her fall. He had only seen her get up afterwards, and assumed that had happened. Especially since she looked so angry about it... she was very blunt, and not good at hiding her emotions. He had figured that out over the few days he had known her. So he decided he was better off ignoring it, all things considered.
"Good hunting?" He asked. His voice had come back a great deal, and he could even walk a little ways now, though he still limped quite a bit. But he hurt less, all things considered. Not what he had really wanted really... he wanted to be dead. Though it was hard to express as much when Ylva was around, because she was very set against that sort of thing.
He looked at her carefully, knowing that they hadn't spoken much. Really, all she had asked was why he had tried to kill himself, which he had very neatly avoided, and for his name, which he had given to her. Like his rescuer, he wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to talk or not... neither one of them had been sure what to say.
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Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 6:36 pm
Ylva turned her head towards Asa and nodded in response to the hunting question. She returned to gathering the fallen herbs and stacking them neatly on top of the lamb carcass. So she had sneaked her way into a human herding farm, so what? Asa was in need of fresh good food and it wasn't a habit she was going to make. Today the pickings had been slim, not even a wild hare.
Ylva grabbed the lamb by its leg and dragged it over towards where Asa was. She merely took a seat next to the lamb, and huffed "Eat up."
He seemed well enough to eat with out aid, at least to Ylva he did. She was surprised that her care had helped as quickly as it had. She honestly thought she was saving a dead man, but over the past few days, Ylva had been proven wrong as Asa recovered quickly. She was glad he was deep down even though she'd never tell him that. He was good company and hadn't asked her much and vise versa. She liked that.
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Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 7:09 pm
Asa nodded, taking small bites. He could have refused to eat, that had occured to him before. That would have killed him sooner or later... but somehow it was hard to shake the thought of Ylva taking hold of his mouth and force-feeding him until he was full if he tried something like that. Which in some ways seemed like a fate worse than death.
He took the other leg and began to eat slowly. He had always been polite before anything else, and eating in good manners was important as far as he was concerned.
Though... Asa wished he could think of something useful to say to her. He and Biku had always been able to talk and laugh... but now there was nothing to talk about or say. Nothing he could think of. All he could think of was everything wrong with his life.
He was pretty sure Ylva really didn't want to hear about that. But all the silence made him... uncomfortable. He was so used to talking.
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Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 7:18 pm
Ylva was glad to watch him eat what she had brought back for him. In an odd way it made her feel a little like she was a mother. The concept was a little to odd for her to really grasp but she really enjoyed watching Asa eat that lamb. Her face stayed in a cold stony format but her eyes glowed and smiled at him.
"You've... gotten much better I see," The hyena gave him a curt nod, " After your done with you need to eat a few of these leaves. It'll numb the pain some." She was talking in a nonchalant way like she didn't really care. Deep down though she wanted him to get better and not hurt.
The hyena turned her back on him and walked over toward a crystal where she curled up under. Her usually cold eyes watched him in wonder. Secretly she was so proud of him, though he seemed broken on the inside, the hyena was confident that she could whip that in to shape when he was healed physically. Ylva , letting her guard down, gave a pleasant hopeful sigh.
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Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 7:42 pm
"Yes... I feel better." He admitted slowly. In body, he felt better. But he almost missed the pain. It had reminded him that he didn't deserve to be alive. That he should be dead. That he could have died so easily. Inside, he was broken, and every breath he took reminded him of that fact. That he didn't want to be there.
But he was happy... happy that he had met at least one person who didn't think otherwise, because he was convinced that his sister must have hated him. He had failed her... let her down and lied to her in every possible way. His whole pride, turning from the famine he had caused... they wanted him dead, he had no doubt. and Kavu... Kavu didn't want him dead. He wanted him alive to suffer, and Asa hated giving him that satisfaction. "You're better than she was. Even now."
He shivered without meaning to as he finished up his food, watching her. "Yes, thank you..." He said softly. Someone who wanted him alive for unselfish reasons... probably the only one who did. The only person left who still thought he, the coward... was worth something.
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Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 8:13 pm
The female hyena frowned at him. She had no idea about his past and she had no idea what he was thinking but she could tell when some one was having a battle with an inner demon. What ever this demon was that Asa was battling must have been some demon.
"Not that I care," Ylva began. Clearly though, she did care since she was asking, " What is with the long face? Its so , just so...." She gave a huff, "Its so annoying." The hyena lifted her head to peer at the other with her blue eyes. Her bangs tilted to one side of her face so that her eyes shown like two cold stones.
Ylva was starting to have regrets on asking him what was up. The airs about him were less then pleasant and it was something he wanted to die over. Perhaps she had made a mistake asking him. However, she stood her ground as she continued to stare. The silence was starting to get to her a little too, though she would never openly admit it.
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Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 8:38 pm
"I..." Asa tried to think of what to say. Always at a loss. "A lot of things you wouldn't want to hear. But mostly how pathetic it is that of all the people I know... everyone still alive... but of all of them, you're the only one who wants me alive. No one else, just you." He laughed, a miserable sound. "I am such a fraud... all this gentlemanly disposition... I couldn't save one person. Not anyone. And even the only one... the only one I wanted to protect, in the end... was the only one, where it didn't matter what I did... She's the only one I couldn't have saved."
He would not cry. He would not cry. But the tears gathered in his eyes as he laughed patheticly. "I've gone over it in my head a million times... everything we did, everything I said... not a single thing... Every single step of the way when I thought I was rescuing her, I just led her into..." He covered his face with one paw, "I'm sorry. I'm acting... I know this isn't what you want..."
Asa was finally speaking, and now he couldn't seem to make himself stop. His sister... what could he have done differently? If he had never met Kavu... would it have even mattered? Wouldn't the next conman or womanizer or rapist or murderer have eventually taken advantage of his naivety, and done exactly the same thing? He hadn't been smart enough or strong enough to protect her. But if he hadn't run... she would have died that very night. Gone forever.
And then his whole back would have survived. His family and friends still alive. But she meant so much to him... and he had let her down.
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Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 8:50 pm
What Asa was saying to Ylva didn't make much sense to the hyena. She didn't know the whole story of the betrayal because she hadn't talked to Asa much while she took care of him. Her expression hadn't changed much, if anything , her expression hardened into an unreadable mask where she hide behind calculating what was being said. His pain was real and it stung at her though she'd not admit that it did.
"Does it have to make since? " By this time, Ylva had gotten up and snaked her way over next to Asa. Some may have considered her presence a little over baring but in her own way Ylva was being sympathetic even if it didn't seem like it.
"Your alive arent you? I mean damn it, what are the chances of that? If life made sense to us then we would all be driven insane by now," Ylva looked up at a stray crystal hanging up over head. Her own memories twisted in her mind for a second before her neck snapped back down to peer at Asa. "What matters now is your here now."
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Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 9:02 pm
"I wish it had been me..." He whispered, her words barely reaching him where he was going. "That I had been the one who was supposed to die, not her... she could have done such great things if they had just given her a chance. I... all I ever did was screw up everything I was supposed to do right. She wouldn't have... she would have done the right thing, and not let her feelings cloud her judgement... she was always sure... I was the coward. I was the coward... I can't even bear the thought of living and every breath hurts..." He tried to stop the sobs from coming out. Tried to stop talking. He could talk about failing Biku... because he had. He had let her down... but what had happened to him... he couldn't make the words come out. He couldn't even say Kavu's name out loud.
"It hurts to breathe... it hurts to think... because every time I see her face or his... or every person who died because of what I did... because I made my mistakes... I'm the only one who was stupid enough..." He looked up at her, trying to get a hold of himself, "Why would the Gods want to keep punishing me? Because I don't need the world to make sense Ylva... because all the nonsense... all the bad things... That's what's made me insane."
He looked away, "I used to be good... I used to be good... I never thought... I never thought someone could make as many mistakes as I have... all I ever do... is destroy everything good in my life... I don't want to... I don' want to... but I..."
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Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 9:09 pm
Ylva frowned deeply at what he was saying. "You know, all your selfish bull s**t is really getting on my nerves. You are acting like the world revolves around your pain and making it worse. Thats so damn selfish!" She shook a little, her anger now burning. She'd lost her temper.
"You think your the only one who lost some one? You think your the only one who's been tricked well boo freaking who gives a damn!" She gritted her teeth, anger burning bright like fire in her heart. She wanted to stop but she couldn't she was shaking she was so mad at what she was hearing. "You want me to lick away your tears and tell you its alright? I'm not your mommy so grow up and stop shitting all over the gift of life you were given. "
Then her own tears started. They ran down her cheek as she sobbed feeling like she her self had broken but not sure why. "Damn it! DAMN IT!" She pounded her paw into the ground.
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Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 9:26 pm
Asa blinked as she yelled. He didn't know what he was expecting... but that hadn't really been it. He had made her cry. Stupid. He was being selfish... he hadn't given her a single thought. He didn't know any more about her than she did about him. Stupid... STUPID of him to get emotional. He had held it in for so long he hadn't known when to shut up. STUPID.
"I'm..." He stood up, limping over to her and putting a paw on her shoulder. "I'm sorry. You're right... that was... stupid and selfish of me." Always a gentleman before his own opinion. Always caring about others before himself. Somehow that always screwed him over. But he hadn't wanted to hurt her... he had never wanted to hurt anyone. "Believe me... I didn't want you to tell me everything is going to be alright. I should have... I should have considered your feelings. It was wrong of me."
It was. She was his saviour. All he had to hang onto now... without her, he would have pushed himself back into the river and died the moment he could have. And maybe he didn't want to be alive... but she did. And that meant something. She had saved him. That made her responsible for him. It meant he owed her, whether he wanted to live or not.
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Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 9:34 pm
Ylva sniffled some, not trying to hide what she clearly expressed. She wasn't sure why she was so upset over what he was saying. Perhaps she just was having one of those irrational days.
"You're not stupid," Her voice was quiet and strained from the shouting she had done earlier. If you don't talk for a while and shout with emotionally charged feelings your bound to strain your vocal cords some.
"Look, I just want you to know that the worlds .." she cleared her throat some, "The worlds not after you." Her expression returned to stone. The hyena got up and tore a large piece of flesh from the lamb, swallowing it whole. That yelling had given her some hunger.
"Better eat up to before its gone," With that she took another large bite. This was a challenge.
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Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 9:50 pm
Asa looked away for a moment. "I know... That the world isn't." He said quietly. "I made my own choices... and I'm still not convinced that a lot of them were wrong." Though some undoubtebly were. He had trusted Kavu. Told him all his secrets. And then the other hyena had used every single one against him. His failure had been in trusting someone he hadn't fully understood... or cared to understand. Kavu had been someone who listened to him. Who had been interested in what he had to say, and in his life. Someone he could tell his mistakes to... someone he had trusted.
Someone who had listened to everything he said with such an honest, kind smile. Someone who had taken in every word, and then spit them back in his face at just the right moment... just the right time to destroy Asa, body and soul. And yes, he had been stupid. He had trusted the first friendly face he had encounted, and it destroyed him, and his sister. But this girl... Ylva had saved his life. She had proven she cared.
Not that he had anything left to lose anyway.
He walked over, wiping the tears out of his eyes adn taking small bites out of his food. "The world isn't out to get your either, Ylva. And I... I'm certainly not." He said quietly, almost too quietly to hear. Because no matter what happened now... he never wanted to make her cry again.
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Posted: Mon Jun 01, 2009 4:52 am
The female was shocked at what he had just said, and this time it broke the stone hard mask clearly showing on her face. No one had ever said anything of that sort to her before ever. Here she was trying to fix some one who was broken when she had never really healed completely her self. The hyena still didn't trust other hyena's completely for the most part and still did her best to hide what she was thinking. But under it all she was still as damaged as she had been since that night. A lone hyena crying in the night for something that wouldnt ever come back.
Her ears lowered some but she didn't frown or look saddened by her thoughts. It was a realization if anything and she hadn't known that she needed one. Was this going to change her snarky attitude? Course not, but it did make her realize she had some work she needed to do as well.
"Your right," Ylva nodded towards Asa, "Your completely right Asa, the worlds not out to get me either," With that she let her guard down again and smiled, awkwardly. He deserved a smile at least for that.
"I suppose we both have some healing to do," She took another big bite, in attempts to act like she was completely fine. Though on the inside she was a little shooken up. Afraid what else Asa might see inside of her. The hyena had worked long and hard to hide her thoughts yet now there was someone who had seen through her like glass. Couldn't blame him though after the episode she had just preformed.
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