Here is an entry Miku wrote in AnCafe's blog on 5/19/09 ;__;
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It will be nice if you read this to the end o(≧∀≦)o
Nyappy o(≧∀≦)o It's Miku. I sat in front of the laptop many times, wanting to write an entry, but I couldn't put all my thoughts together..To tell the truth, I myself don't even know what my mental state is right now. I have never had this before. But, the truth is that I just can't stand the pressure.
On 5/17 we did our long awaited 5th anniversary finale live at Tokyo Big Site. That day was like a commemoration live, celebrating our 5 years with the Cafekkos. That means a lot to me. During these 5 years, a lot has happened. When we met, we didn't know each other's names, or personalities, and we were all basically beginner musicians, and we were peacefuly doing lives. Then, all of a sudden our live houses started to become bigger, and we started to understand what our existence was supposed to be. Before we knew it, we were the ones giving Cafekkos hope to keep living, courage, and energy to move towards their tomorrow. Yes, the Cafekkos taught me where I belonged. A shitty person who was worth nothing before starting a band. I think there are still a lot of people who think I am a shitty person. But I recieved many messages from Cafekkos who appreciate me, and I came to know that even I could give influence to people. That is when I vowed. That I will show everyone that even someone like me who lives in the bottom of this world, can shine this much on a big stage. That big stage is Nippon Budoukan. I made this determination when AnCafe was doing the Harajuku three series. I thought even though it's a dream that will not be fulfilled, I will work hard. I am very greatful for the Cafekkos who give me a place to belong. That's why I want to give a place where others belong. I get a lot of messages that say they look up to me, but that is a big mistake. I'm not as strong of a person as everyone thinks of me to be, and I probably get more easily put down than others, and to say the truth, every day, I am taking anti-depression pills and fighting against the sickness. I probably shouldn't be relying on pills, but if I don't take them, I'm scared of talking to people, and I get nauseous when I walk through a busy street, and I sweat cold sweat the whole time. That's why I realize this myself, but I say a lot of stupid things. I think I'm already doing it right now, but...I surprise myself that I am singing in front of everyone. It's definitely like a miracle. But no matter what anyone says, the ones who brought me up this far are the Cafekkos. It is the Cafekkos who have given me a place to be. That's why I want to do everything within my power to give back! I want to show everyone that there is always people who need even a weak person like me who is frightened of the world. Because at least I need you, who is reading this.
And the departure of our precious member, Bou kun. The thought of breaking up came into my head. I was very mad. The fact that this family, that the members and the Cafekkos created, called Antic Cafe was going to break. But with everyone's strength we were able to continue without breaking apart the family. Even if we are apart, it doesn't change the fact that we are family. I want Bou kun's dream to come to true too. And meeting takuya and Yuuki. Almost 2 years has passed, but they are very hard working. It's been 5 years for me. 2 years for them. But now they aren't any different from Kanon, Teruki and I. The fact that we can feel that way, is because they worked so hard. They rescued AnCafe. We have overcome these 5 years with the 6 members, many staff, and the Cafekkos. Even though it felt short, I think there was a lot of drama. It was a live that celebrated that kind of 5 years, so we changed the stance from the usual lives. We wanted to do a "thank you so much for these 5 years" kind of live. The theme within me was love. I thought it would be nice if it became a live that gave you a warm feeling. Usually I try to act cool, but instead of weirdly trying to act cool, I wanted to face the Cafekkos with my real self. When you are your natural self, you don't get tired, and it's nice. I thought this was how I was originally supposed to be. Anyway, thank you so much for these 5 years. I love you.
And, there was an announcement of Nippon Budoukan, an idea I still can't grasp. Because for me this is really an important announcement. Because it's my number one dream. Since that number one dream is in front of my eyes, it becomes an idea I can't grasp. I seriously wonder if a person like me can stand at Nippon Budoukan. To be honest, I'm full of feelings of fright. Even more so because it's my number one dream. It might become a stage that I won't be able to stand ever again, so I told my parents they have to come. My parents who gave birth to me, and the Cafekkos who have supported me, I want these people to definitely watch. I want them to see my last way of living. I get a lot of messages that ask after Nippon Budoukan will you major debut?, but we actually haven't made any plans for after Nippon Budoukan. No lives, or events or anything. I believe for me, the goal of my life is Nippon Budoukan. Right now I can only see Nippon Budoukan. I'm just going to work hard towards that goal. I am definitely going to make my biggest dream come true. But it's not enough to just do a live at Nippon Budoukan. I need to be shining in the Cafekkos eyes. If I do happen to run pass the goal, I would like to find the dream that is ahead of that. I'm very sorry this became so long. Thank you to those who read all the way to the end.
Since my mind is so confused, I'm sorry that I wrote such random things. Right now I will try to sort out my heart. That is what I can do right now. Bye nyappy o(≧∀≦)o
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CREDITS TO NAGISA AND HARUHI AT CAFEXBLOG ON LIVEJOURNAL FOR TRANSLATING!
I thought that this was a very sad and touching entry T__T
I teared up as I read it..;~;
I respect Miku even more than before after reading this~
I hope that he knows that he has the support of all of cafekkos around the world no matter what n__n♥
~~~~
It will be nice if you read this to the end o(≧∀≦)o
Nyappy o(≧∀≦)o It's Miku. I sat in front of the laptop many times, wanting to write an entry, but I couldn't put all my thoughts together..To tell the truth, I myself don't even know what my mental state is right now. I have never had this before. But, the truth is that I just can't stand the pressure.
On 5/17 we did our long awaited 5th anniversary finale live at Tokyo Big Site. That day was like a commemoration live, celebrating our 5 years with the Cafekkos. That means a lot to me. During these 5 years, a lot has happened. When we met, we didn't know each other's names, or personalities, and we were all basically beginner musicians, and we were peacefuly doing lives. Then, all of a sudden our live houses started to become bigger, and we started to understand what our existence was supposed to be. Before we knew it, we were the ones giving Cafekkos hope to keep living, courage, and energy to move towards their tomorrow. Yes, the Cafekkos taught me where I belonged. A shitty person who was worth nothing before starting a band. I think there are still a lot of people who think I am a shitty person. But I recieved many messages from Cafekkos who appreciate me, and I came to know that even I could give influence to people. That is when I vowed. That I will show everyone that even someone like me who lives in the bottom of this world, can shine this much on a big stage. That big stage is Nippon Budoukan. I made this determination when AnCafe was doing the Harajuku three series. I thought even though it's a dream that will not be fulfilled, I will work hard. I am very greatful for the Cafekkos who give me a place to belong. That's why I want to give a place where others belong. I get a lot of messages that say they look up to me, but that is a big mistake. I'm not as strong of a person as everyone thinks of me to be, and I probably get more easily put down than others, and to say the truth, every day, I am taking anti-depression pills and fighting against the sickness. I probably shouldn't be relying on pills, but if I don't take them, I'm scared of talking to people, and I get nauseous when I walk through a busy street, and I sweat cold sweat the whole time. That's why I realize this myself, but I say a lot of stupid things. I think I'm already doing it right now, but...I surprise myself that I am singing in front of everyone. It's definitely like a miracle. But no matter what anyone says, the ones who brought me up this far are the Cafekkos. It is the Cafekkos who have given me a place to be. That's why I want to do everything within my power to give back! I want to show everyone that there is always people who need even a weak person like me who is frightened of the world. Because at least I need you, who is reading this.
And the departure of our precious member, Bou kun. The thought of breaking up came into my head. I was very mad. The fact that this family, that the members and the Cafekkos created, called Antic Cafe was going to break. But with everyone's strength we were able to continue without breaking apart the family. Even if we are apart, it doesn't change the fact that we are family. I want Bou kun's dream to come to true too. And meeting takuya and Yuuki. Almost 2 years has passed, but they are very hard working. It's been 5 years for me. 2 years for them. But now they aren't any different from Kanon, Teruki and I. The fact that we can feel that way, is because they worked so hard. They rescued AnCafe. We have overcome these 5 years with the 6 members, many staff, and the Cafekkos. Even though it felt short, I think there was a lot of drama. It was a live that celebrated that kind of 5 years, so we changed the stance from the usual lives. We wanted to do a "thank you so much for these 5 years" kind of live. The theme within me was love. I thought it would be nice if it became a live that gave you a warm feeling. Usually I try to act cool, but instead of weirdly trying to act cool, I wanted to face the Cafekkos with my real self. When you are your natural self, you don't get tired, and it's nice. I thought this was how I was originally supposed to be. Anyway, thank you so much for these 5 years. I love you.
And, there was an announcement of Nippon Budoukan, an idea I still can't grasp. Because for me this is really an important announcement. Because it's my number one dream. Since that number one dream is in front of my eyes, it becomes an idea I can't grasp. I seriously wonder if a person like me can stand at Nippon Budoukan. To be honest, I'm full of feelings of fright. Even more so because it's my number one dream. It might become a stage that I won't be able to stand ever again, so I told my parents they have to come. My parents who gave birth to me, and the Cafekkos who have supported me, I want these people to definitely watch. I want them to see my last way of living. I get a lot of messages that ask after Nippon Budoukan will you major debut?, but we actually haven't made any plans for after Nippon Budoukan. No lives, or events or anything. I believe for me, the goal of my life is Nippon Budoukan. Right now I can only see Nippon Budoukan. I'm just going to work hard towards that goal. I am definitely going to make my biggest dream come true. But it's not enough to just do a live at Nippon Budoukan. I need to be shining in the Cafekkos eyes. If I do happen to run pass the goal, I would like to find the dream that is ahead of that. I'm very sorry this became so long. Thank you to those who read all the way to the end.
Since my mind is so confused, I'm sorry that I wrote such random things. Right now I will try to sort out my heart. That is what I can do right now. Bye nyappy o(≧∀≦)o
~~~~
CREDITS TO NAGISA AND HARUHI AT CAFEXBLOG ON LIVEJOURNAL FOR TRANSLATING!
I thought that this was a very sad and touching entry T__T
I teared up as I read it..;~;
I respect Miku even more than before after reading this~
I hope that he knows that he has the support of all of cafekkos around the world no matter what n__n♥
