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Acheron I
Captain

PostPosted: Wed May 27, 2009 1:13 pm


Okay, so maybe you don't really have an affinity for the finer arts, but you're a kickass writer with a great imagination! Feel free to submit your short stories here for other reader's pleasure, as well as respetctful criticism.
PostPosted: Fri May 29, 2009 9:45 am


Heres an Untitled Unfinished Short story i wrote a few years ago. Still never finished it...

edit....not all of the story is here....some of the story is a bit sexual and upon futher reading of tos...apparently its not alloud


The dark amplifies the chill of the falling snow as each flake falls sharply to the ground. It slows down only to land gently onto the surface of his eyelashes.

He is a dark mysterious creature with an almost alluring mystique about him. His cold piercing stare chills you from within, yet, it also tempts you with an almost certain lust for this being. He calls you into the shadows and lures you with the sweetness of his penetrating voice. The glimmer of the moon shows only his lips, bright red glinting from his previous feed. He licks his lips and for a brief moment you see his sharp fangs growing inch by inch, preparing itself for dessert. You cannot move, You just stare, unable to speak, unable to scream. You are left helpless and prey to him. He takes you slowly but swiftly beneath his cape, and for almost an instant, you feel safe, despite the circumstances. You can hear a low growl coming from him. He takes in a deep breath and caresses your face. You’re in his web now, trapped. At the last second you realize where you are and what’s going to happen. But its too late. He disappeared into the shadows, as you are left on your knees with blood running down your neck. You try to get up, but you fall down again, and lay in the snow as a pool of blood surrounds you. You are on the verge of dying. As you breathe your last gasp of air, you see him again, and he picks you up and you sleep in his arms.

Crystal tears form in your eyes as you awake from your deep slumber. He calls out to you.
“My love, you are awake.”
You look into his eyes. The same dark eyes who called to you in the shadows. You jump,
“Who are you?” you ask, though your voice quivers in fear.
“I am Ahasurus, you wonder why you are here, correct?” You nod softly. “You are one of us now, a creature of the night, your long awaited dream! You called to us numerous amounts of times. IT was only a matter of time we would come to you. You are now what you always longed to be.”
You stare silently. He is right, this IS what you wanted, freedom. Freedom from home, freedom from the world. You have everything you desire. Well, almost. Your stomach starts to grumble and your new sharp fangs start to emerge.
“A little anxious to feed aren’t we?” You gulp with enthusiasm. “Woah little one, it is still too early for you. Here this shall calm your hunger.”
He picks up a bottle and breaks it. He cuts slowly along his wrists to open up his veins. Dark sweet blood starts to flow from the open wounds. You look at him and start to drink. The blood seems to burn you, yet warm you from within.
“Now its official.” You stare, perplexed at the short comment. Then at that moment you realize that once you drink the blood from the one who turned you, there is no turing back. You are a true vampyre now.

The room has a sick eerie feel to it. The walls are painted a crimson red and there is only one light, dimly illuminating the room. The chair in the corner is a deep beige, stained with old dried up blood. There is a single window in the room, draped with black satin. You peer out the window and the sun is just setting. A thick fog surrounds the house and visibility becomes limited. The moon tries to peer out from the thickening clouds. A storm is approaching.
You start to walk down the winding dust covered staircase and on your sides you notice paintings by Van Gough. One particular one caught your eye. The painting is called “Starry Night”. You’ve seen this painting many times, for it is one of your favorites. You remember a while back, you longed for the freedom of the night.
Ahasurus calls out to you; “A storm is brewing my love, it is best to keep in for the night.” You look at him and softly reply,
“Its OK. I live for storms.”
He nods at you and walks off. You fling open the chamber doors and you feel the strong breeze flow gently through your long black hair. It feels refreshing upon your pale skin. You step into the center of the yard and flutter your arms open, enjoying each breeze. Thunder grumbles in the distance. You lay on the grass, sprawled out upon each blade as it gently caresses your skin. It feels so soft, so welcoming. You can just lay here for eternity.
“Weather here is strange” You think to your self. “From snow to rain, a thunderstorm no less, No matter.”
A few rain drops brush against your face. you take in a deep breath and close your eyes. It starts to rain lightly at first then heavy. The water pounding on your body soothes you as you fall into a deep sleep.

You wake up and you are drenched, cold and alone. You start to walk back into the house when you get a weaking in your knees and you fall. You start to crawl to the house when Ahasurus runs and picks you up and brings you into the house.

"What happened out there?"
"I had a vision"
"Tell me about it" Ahasurus says as he sits on the velvet sofa.
“As the sun sets I stand at the end of the bridge. The wind blows soft waves in the lake. Things are changing. Mentally and physically. But I just don’t understand what. On the brink of the horizon I see a bright light flash, and suddenly I am in a green field. As my cape blew in the breeze, I smell the fresh pines in the air. I open my eyes, and I am back on the ground where I fell asleep, cold and alone. I heard a voice call out to me “Gabriella let go, Gabriella, become me.” I got up to look, Nothing. As I was walking back to the house the voice kept on repeating in my head. I just didn’t understand what it meant. Then I heard “Anáil nathrach, ortha bháis is beatha, do chéal déanaimh” From what I know it is old irish, but I don’t know what it means.”

Ahasurus just looks at you. His piercing eyes, wide open.
"Serpent's breath, charm of death and life, thy omen of making."
"Meaning.....?"
"This charm invokes the dragon... I shall tell you what's out there... A beast of such power that if you were to see it whole and all complete in a single glance it would burn you to cinders. It is everywhere. It is everything..."
Still confused, you walk to the window and peer out. The vastness of the land just seems to wisk you away with everything you know, everything you loved.
"I have a lover out there somewhere. Zeronous. He knows everything about me, yet he knows nothing at all. We have been having a bit of a quarral latly, and well I don't know what much to do anymore."
Ahasurus comes up behinds you and wraps his arms around you tightly. He kissed the top of your head leans on it.
"Don't fret about it too much, I will be here."
He spins you around and lightly kisses your chin. You close your eyes and bury your head in his arms.
Still wondering about the meaning of the vision, you ask again.
“Ahasurus, can you please explain to me about my vision?”
Ahasurus had that terrified look on his face again. “That’s the charm of making. Like I said before it means Serpent’s breath, charm of death and life, thy omen of making. This charm invokes the dragon. Was the voice male or female?”
”Female”
His eyes widened “It’s your inner being, your Maka love. Each person has a good side and an evil side. Despite you being a vampyre, you still have a pure heart This voice is your Maka trying to emerge. No matter what happens, you MUST NOT let it take over or you will become lustful for blood and the ultimate blood lust can occur and vampyre kind can be doomed as we know it.”
You just stared at him for a bit.
“Your not saying that I can destroy vampyre kind?”
“No, but if it gets that strong, it could happen. You must be careful Gabriella”
He comes to you and drapes his cape around you. He looks deep into your eyes and slowly plays with your hair, running his fingers to your neck, lightly touching it to give you a chill.
© Copyright 2003 Jessica Jones

Delleyntar


Acheron I
Captain

PostPosted: Mon Jun 01, 2009 9:08 am


I like that. Not much of what I read personally is from a first-person POV, so that caught my interest. I also like Ahasurus. He seems like an interesting character.

Alright, so here's the thing. While I can't tell you to post a link to sexually explicit content, I CAN tell you that if you'd like, you can post a link to the full story, if you'd like.
PostPosted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 4:58 am


*Looks around*

http://postpoems.com/cgi-bin/displaypoem.cgi?pid=725023

*Whistles*

Delleyntar


Acheron I
Captain

PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 7:16 am


*laughs, smiling* You're so subtle! But I liked that, at the end. It got prety lustful there. lol So have/are you written more?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 12:18 pm


no i havent written anything in years....i keep looking back at it and i try to sit and write but i get so distracted now....i swear since ive been out of high school my whole attention span when down the drain

Oh look a Kitty!

Delleyntar


Acheron I
Captain

PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 12:24 pm


*laughs* I've never had much of an attention span, but still people tell me i'm a good listener when they have a problem. o.O Don't really get it. Ah, well. You should try and write again, though. You're good at it.
PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 12:34 pm


yea i do.....another thing is too....alot of that was kinda based on trueish events and also based on a lifestyle i have long left so my mind isnt in that same state as it was........ill do it one day.......

Delleyntar


Fenrier Arlius

PostPosted: Sun Jul 26, 2009 1:51 pm


Acheron I
I like that. Not much of what I read personally is from a first-person POV, so that caught my interest. I also like Ahasurus. He seems like an interesting character.


That would be known as Second-Person POV. First person is when the narrator says, "I" third person is when there is no "You" or "I" and second person is when it's the narrator speaking to the reader.

@ Delleyntar

I see too many vampire things, but I won't diss on this one. Nice work on making it more than a few paragraphs. A lot of the ADD people usually can't manage that many words and lose interest, and thus end it early. Keep working on it!
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