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Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 6:57 am
Okay let me just say as the title says this is my first fanfic so no flames please, constructive criticism is welcomed and well you know the rest. I might post this on ff.net depending on how well it is received here so don't forget feed back. I apologize if the chapter length is too short or if I did anything taboo. This is a Tree of Tranquility fic by the way, anymore questions will have to be PM-ed and enjoy =D _________________________________________
Chapter One: Announcement
Fairytales are stories that more often than not have the following components: a beautiful maiden, a handsome prince, and fairy godmothers; evil step mothers, magical creatures, a far far away kingdom and of course magic to say the least. However this story is definitely not your usual fairytale in the sense and it all starts in a small island called Waffle Island.
It started during the quiet spring days of summer in the countryside of Waffle Town, when a still sleeping farmer girl was abruptly disturbed from her peaceful slumber by a loud knocking at the door.
“MISS SAKAMOTO OPEN THE DOOR PLEASE! IT’S MAYOR HAMILTON AND I WOULD LIKE TO DISCUSS SOMETHING WITH YOU, IT’S QUITE URGENT!”
Akari stirred for a moment, not wishing to get up, she left the frantic mayor at the door.
“AAAAKKKARRRI! AS MAYOR OF WAFFLE TOWN I DEMAND YOU TO OPEN THE DOOR” he huffed out angrily only to add a meek “please” at the end.
“Yeah, I’ll be there in a few minutes” muttered a very groggy Akari before drifting off in sleep once more.
“Akari, I beg of you please open the door. I’m nothing with out you and Gilderoy, besides I’m only an elected official!” said the mayor, who was nearing tears at the moment if not already whimpering.
Akari, finally feeling sorry for the mayor (for she hates it when people cry, especially adults and more so if they are middle aged men), dragged herself to the door.
“Yes?” she asked impatiently, almost glaring at the mayor with her hazel eyes.
“Miss Sakamoto, you really should get some rest you look awful” commented the mayor after taking a good look at her from head to toe. Akari from ‘almost glaring’ gave him the full on ‘death stare of doom’.
“So you woke me up to comment on my appearance? AND WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO ENTER MY PROPERTY?”
The mayor gave a small ‘eep’ in response. He knew all too well of how Akari’s temper can flare at times, especially if it’s early in the morning. Despite the fact it was her third year in Waffle Island, Mayor Hamilton would always remind her, being the ‘good hearted’ mayor that he is, he would come early in the morning to announce festival days in advanced and explain it to her; but what does she do? She would always tell him that she already knows about that festival and slam the door in his face. Now she’s giving the ‘death look like there’s no tomorrow’, leaving him more confused as ever.
“No! Of course not!” he said defensively “I mean you look lovely and all and – ahem – I need you to come to the Square at 12 noon today. There’s a project I want to discuss with you and the rest of the residents”
Akari just stared at him for what seems like an eternity for him and to add to that she stared irritably.
“So you will come right?” he managed to squeak out at last.
“Alright, I’ll go but promise me you will never ever wake me up from my sleep again. Especially if it’s about some festival I already know.” “OH JOY! SEE YOU AT NOON THEN!” cried out the mayor in happiness even hugging a much annoyed Akari, before bouncing off into the distance.
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 7:52 am
SPaG (spelling, punctuation, and grammar) check plz. Beta readers are always extra helpful. Might have to tone down on the shouting characters, too. Not many people like characters who frequently apply the Caps Lock of Rage. Characterization and matters pertaining to the Canon are things I can't help with, to my annoyance. Someone who has played ToT, comment on possible OOCness, or I will attempt to flog things with chainswords. Might not end well, because flogging is more of a whip thing. Mary Sue hair, eyes, abilities, and general appearance for the main character means instant death by chainsword or lots and lots of dakka, so the default in-game character appearance and traits are preferable.
A bit of advice: It's usually a bad idea to mention 'no flames'. That usually elicits guaranteed flames and lots of facepalms. I'm more of the facepalm type, so... *facepalm* And another thing: If you're considering FFnet, try not to mention 'read and review', 'r&r', 'R&R PLZZZZZ', or any variation thereof. It ticks the PPC off... and I'm involved with the PPC to some degree.
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Buta no Kaabii Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 7:40 pm
Oh alright then. I'll hold off fanfiction then until it get's better =D
(Why is the guild still dead though ?????)
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 10:20 pm
YAY! you posted it heart I don't really care if there are errors to the story (I fail in my current story now so... yeah) Besides I like reading the stories you write Carice i find them interesting also yay for tree of tranquility xd I'm now done with the game Please post chapter 2. When you were telling me and Ali about the story you were planning to write when we last met I got curious well anyway ChaseXAkari? (lol).
=Now ignore me (nothing more to say)=
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 10:22 pm
the_great_detective Oh alright then. I'll hold off fanfiction then until it get's better =D (Why is the guild still dead though ?????) I dont know... probably because I dont go online that much also I'm busy with photoshop and upcomming comic (story is a fail) also Galo has successfully destroyed my summer plans with Grand Chase and in return I got him addicted to ToT (LOL)
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Posted: Mon May 25, 2009 1:46 am
I'll mail you chapter 2 instead. If you like it then you may post it. Yeah you told me about Galo, let's get him addicted to RFF now =D
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Buta no Kaabii Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon May 25, 2009 3:57 am
Actually, you can post here in the meantime - I'm just too sodding lazy to act as a SPaG beta. Comes with the whole 'vanishing from the guild for long periods of time' thing. I mostly just check for and mercilessly execute Mary Sues in my visits here. FFN has beta-readers, and the Protectors of the Plot Continuum Boarders are quite helpful in that respect if you can find the Board itself.
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Posted: Tue May 26, 2009 4:27 am
the_great_detective I'll mail you chapter 2 instead. If you like it then you may post it. Yeah you told me about Galo, let's get him addicted to RFF now =D yes we should and YAY heart biggrin /
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Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:35 am
Okay chapter 2 is being rewritten for the 8th time, so Dar this could take awhile...
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