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 Posted: Sat May 23, 2009 1:43 pm
Now, before I post the story here, I want to let you in on some things.
1) This is a COMIC BOOK SCRIPT! Thats why the format is so "weird".
2) "Star of Morning" is the working title. When I can find something better I'll change it.
3) Please don't tell me you hate the story. That isn't helpful. Tell me WHY you dont like it.
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Posted: Sat May 23, 2009 1:44 pm
PAGE ONE biggrin AY
PANEL ONE
SAMAEL, thin and dirty, stands on the side of the road.
Little black wings come from it's shoulder blades, too
small to be real. Prostitutes walk the street.
PANEL 2
(SAM)
A car stops in front of Sam, and it bends forward, leaning
on the open window.
SAM
Howdy there. You traveling alone today?
PANEL 3
(MAN)
The driver looks at Sam's chest from over his dark glasses
MAN
I don't take boys.
PANEL 4
(SAM)
Sam winks.
SAM
I may not be a girl, sir, but I'm definitely
no boy. I'm different.
PANEL 5
(MAN)
The man pushes the lock button
MAN
Get in.
PAGE 2
PANEL 1
A light turns on on the third floor of a cheap apartment.
PANEL 2
Sam, naked, sits atop the man, who is still fully dressed,
just his pants are undone. Sam's hands are clenched, and
it's teeth are clenched behind it's hair.
PANEL 3
(MAN)
The man sits up, awkwardly.
MAN
I-I'm sorry. From your offer I didn't think
this was your first time.
PANEL 4
(SAM)
Sam looks up, surprised, tears in it's eyes.
SAM
It's not that, sir. Sorry. No, this isn't my
first time. I'm sorry.
PANEL 5
(MAN)
The man leans forward and hugs Sam.
MAN
It's okay. You're still new at this, that's
easy to see.
PANEL 6
Through the window, Sam tries again.
PAGE 3
PANEL 1
Sam walks down the street, it's arms wrapped around it's
thin shoulders.
PANEL 2
Sam pushes into a sandwich shop.
PANEL 3
(PETE)
PETE, a tall man with long hair pushed back into a hair net,
wipes his hands on his apron, smiling.
PETE
Hey, Sammybabe! How's it going?
PANEL 4
(SAM)
Sam looks into the glass container at the sandwiches.
SAM
It's gone better, Pete. How's the store?
PANEL 5
(PETE)
Pete leans over the counter.
PETE
It's been really busy today, Sammy. This is
actually the first break I've had today.
PAGE 4
PANEL 1
(SAM)
Sam smiles, small and painfully.
SAM
Well that's good. Your sandwiches will be
famous someday.
PANEL 2
(PETE)
Pete stops smiling and looks at Sam, worriedly, coming
around the counter.
PETE
Sammy...I want you to be here. I don't know
what your doing, but I know it's not good
for you. I could use you at the shop.
PANEL 3
(SAM)
Sam turns it's face down, so it's hair covers it's eyes.
SAM
I'm okay. I promise.
PANEL 4
(PETE)
Pete bends forward, rubbing Sam's shoulders with his big,
muscular hands.
PETE
Are you still in between apartments? Mine's
too big, We could split it.
PAGE 5
PANEL 1
(SAM)
Sam looks up, smiling.
SAM
It's okay. I promise. Just a couple more days
and I'll have my own place. I already have it
set up.
PANEL 2
(PETE)
Pete stands, crossing his arms, eyebrows knit.
PETE
I'm worried about you, Sammybabe.
PANEL 3
(SAM)
Sam leans on the glass counter. It points at a sandwich.
SAM
Don't be. Can I have this one, please?
PANEL 4
Sam digs in the back pockets of it's ultra tight jeans for
cash while Pete walks back around the counter.
PANEL 5
Pete trades Sam the sandwich for a handful of loose bills.
PAGE 7
PANEL 1
Sam walks towards a booth at the window.
PANEL 2
Sam sits, facing a mirror. It reflects Amanda behind Sam, as
she hurriedly tries to cover a black eye with make up.
PANEL 3
(SAM)
Sam turns, looking over at her.
SAM
Looks like your day is worse than mine.
PANEL 4
(AMANDA)
Amanda looks up at it, surprised.
AMANDA
What? Oh, this. No. I got hit in the eye
yesterday by a baseball. Some kids were
playing on my street.
PANEL 5
(SAM)
Sam spins into the seat across from her.
SAM
Mind if I sit with you?
PANEL 6
(AMANDA)
Amanda picks up her purse.
AMANDA
Actually, yeah. My boyfriend is on his way
and he's kind of the jealous type.
PAGE 8
PANEL 1
(SAM)
Sam unwraps it's sandwich.
SAM
What's to be jealous of?
PANEL 2
(AMANDA)
Amanda leans forward
AMANDA
He may think your being here is more than
friendly.
PANEL 3
(SAM)
Sam leans back, truly smiling for once.
SAM
Oh! You think I'm a boy! Wow. You know,
you're the second one today!
PANEL 4
(AMANDA)
Amanda covers her face in embarrassment.
AMANDA
Oh dear! I'm so sorry.
PANEL 5
(SAM)
Sam laughs.
SAM
Don't worry about it. The gender question
helps me all of the time.
PAGE 9
PANEL 1
(AMANDA)
Amanda sits forward, more comfortable, smiling.
AMANDA
Oh yeah? How? What do you do?
PANEL 2
(AMANDA)
Sam stops smiling, looking a bit sick.
AMANDA
What? You okay?
PANEL 3
(SAM)
Sam leans forward on the table.
SAM
Nothing. I do nothing.
PANEL 4
The door jingles as it opens and GREG steps into the shop.
He is short and muscular and square, donning a crew cut and
a muscle shirt.
PANEL 5
(AMANDA)
Greg walks over to the booth. Amanda stands up.
AMANDA
Hey babe!
PAGE 10
PANEL 1
(GREG)
Greg grabs Amanda by the wrist, inconspicuously. He looks at
Sam, who tries to get small.
GREG
You look great today, Mands. Who's your
friend?
PANEL 2
(AMANDA, SAM)
Amanda gestures with her free hand. Sam starts to stand,
hand extended.
AMANDA
Greg this is...
SAM
Ah, it's Sam. You must be the boyfriend I've
been hearing about.
PANEL 3
(GREG, SAM)
Sam's handshake is feminine, so Greg grabs only the tips of
it's fingers.
GREG
Good things I hope?
SAM
Of course.
PANEL 4
(GREG, AMANDA)
Amanda and Greg sit back down across from Sam. Greg looks at
Amanda, expectantly, she bites her lip.
GREG
Did you get me a sandwich, hon?
AMANDA
They had something new today, babe, that I
thought you would like. Pete's toasting it
for you now.
PAGE 11
PANEL 1
(GREG)
Greg's giant hand crushes Amanda's smaller one and he leans
forward, pushing her into a corner.
GREG
You know what I like, hon. This better be
good.
PANEL 2
(SAM, AMANDA)
Sam wipes its mouth with a napkin, setting it's sandwich
down for a moment.
SAM
Greg, your lovely girlfriend-
AMANDA
Amanda
SAM
-Amanda was telling me about how she got a
black eye from being hit by a baseball
yesterday. Were you there?
PANEL 3
(GREG)
Greg looks at him, angrily.
GREG
That's known of your business, is it?
PANEL 4
(SAM)
Sam stands up
SAM
Actually, Greg, it is. You see, pain is one
of the most easily seen things in the world
and the easiest to inflict.
PANEL 5
(SAM)
Sam leans forward.
SAM
It takes a great man to keep from hurting
others. And even though I hardly know you, I
can tell that you are no great man.
PAGE 12
PANEL 1
(GREG, SAM)
Greg stands, teeth and fists clenched. They stand next to
the table, looking straight at each other.
GREG
What did you say?
SAM
I said that your an abusive d**k. You don't
deserve Amanda.
PANEL 2
(SAM)
Greg throws a punch, which Sam dodges.
SAM
Sorry Pete!
PANEL 3
Pete turns, frying pan in hand, trying to get in on the
action
PANEL 4
Sam punches, it's fist oddly red.
PANEL 5
The fist connects with Greg's gut.
PANEL 6
Greg's eyes are open in shock.
PAGE 13
PANEL 1
Greg folds, an arm around his stomach, his shirt looks
burnt.
PANEL 2
(AMANDA)
Amanda rushes to Greg's side
AMANDA
What the ******** is wrong with you?
PANEL 3
(PETE)
Sam takes a step back, meeting Pete.
PETE
Here I was thinking you'd need my help. I
wish I had been able to get to him sooner.
PANEL 4
(SAM)
Sam grabs what's left of the sandwich on the table.
SAM
I have to get back to work.
PAGE 14
PANEL 1
(HOMELESS MAN)
A homeless man stands on the side of the road, a cigarette
in hand. Sam rushes by, trying to contain it's anger.
HOMELESS MAN
You have a light?
PANEL 2
Sam turns, and gives him a light, which reaches high into
the sky. Sam isn't holding a lighter.
PANEL 3
Sam walks to a narrow bridge, where only geese and ducks
hang around.
PANEL 4
Sam leans on the side, spitting anger.
PANEL 5
Sam falls back, leaning on the other side.
PANEL 6
Sam slides down it
PAGE 15
PANEL 1
(PETE)
Pete taps Greg in the gut with his foot
PETE
Hey, mate. Get up. You're supposed to be some
sort of tough guy, right?
PANEL 2
Greg glares up at Pete
PANEL 3
(AMANDA)
Amanda slides next to Pete.
AMANDA
Go on, Greg. Get out've here.
PANEL 4
(GREG)
Greg stands, slumped.
GREG
What's wrong with you, Amanda?
PANEL 5
(AMANDA)
Amanda crosses her arms and looks at her feet.
AMANDA
I don't approve of what Sam did. But she was
right. I'll come by tomorrow to pick up my
stuff.
PAGE 16
PANEL 1
Greg spits on the ground
PANEL 2
He pushes himself out of the shop
PANEL 3
(AMANDA)
Amanda sits in the booth, holding her head.
AMANDA
Oh s**t. What am I going to do? Greg'
probably going to kill me.
PANEL 4
(PETE)
Pete sits with her, an arm around her.
PETE
Here. How about I come with you? Keep the lug
away?
PANEL 5
(AMANDA, PETE)
Amanda looks up at Pete.
AMANDA
How did she knows?
PETE
Sam? She's got a way of knowing what your
problem is. She's great at solving them too.
Just not her own.
PAGE 17:NIGHT
PANEL 1
Sam walks through the night, headlights lighting the way.
PANEL 2
Sam looks at a car window, seeing it's reflection.
PANEL 3
Sam looks away, brushing some stray hair behind one ear.
PANEL 4
(HOMELESS MAN)
Some homeless men stand around a trash can. One looks at Sam
HOMELESS MAN
Hey, Spare a light?
PANEL 5
Sam turns and joins the men. It tosses some garbage into the
can.
PAGE 18
PANEL 1
A great fire comes from the can. They all huddle around it.
PANEL 2
(TOOTHLESS MAN)
The men look at the fire at each other and at Sam. One of
them, whose missing teeth and hair, points at Sam.
TOOTHLESS MAN
We were all just telling stories. You want to
join us?
PANEL 3
(SAM)
Sam warms it's hands
SAM
If I may. Who's turn is it?
PANEL 4
The toothless man points at Sam.
PANEL 5
(SAM)
Sam smiles
SAM
Well, I'll bet you haven't heard this one.
PAGE 19
PANEL 1
(SAM)
Two angels stand side by side, holding hands, a city of
silver behind them.
SAM
We all know that God awoke in the void and
decided to create something new. The first
things He made were His angels, Michael and
the Morningstar. He then built them a city,
so they could learn and grow.
PANEL 2
(SAM)
The two angels stand at a pedestal, a crowd of others
surrounding them.
SAM
In this city were other angels, and they
taught each other through their skills and
abilities.
PANEL 3
(SAM)
The angels do all sorts of tasks, showing each other how
each is done.
SAM
This entertained Him and he sat and watched
for a long, long time.
PAGE 20
PANEL 1
(SAM)
The Earth sits alone in a black sky.
SAM
But he is easily distracted and quickly
becomes bored. He decided to create a new
world, one where the beings created
themselves.
PANEL 2
(SAM)
Two more angels appear, these ones with genitalia.
SAM
For this He created his first experiment,
Atiell and Myrael were placed in the Silver
City to procreate, so He could see how the
new life forms should exist.
PANEL 3
(SAM)
A group of angels throw stones at Atiell and Myrael.
SAM
But the angels did not like the newcomers.
They were afraid that He would love them
more and forget about the other angels, so
they threw things at them, called them names
and chased them to the edge of the city.
PANEL 4
(SAM)
Myrael leans against Atiell, hands around her swollen tummy.
SAM
They completed their function, and soon
Myrael was pregnant.
PAGE 21
PANEL 1
(SAM)
Michael flies out of the city, into the void
SAM
Michael was sent out of the city to inform
Him of the progress of the experiment
PANEL 2
(SAM)
Angels stand shoulder to shoulder, swords drawn
SAM
He became afraid. A child would be a new idea
and a new idea is just as powerful as an old
one. He ordered the child killed, before it
could be born.
PANEL 3
(SAM)
Myrael lies on the ground, swords sticking her wings to the
ground, one through her stomach and one through her heart.
SAM
The angels carried out their function. They
cut out her heart and stabbed it through.
Threw their swords into her to kill the
fetus.
PANEL 4
(SAM)
Atiell sits, next to Myrael's body, head in his arms
SAM
Atiell stayed by her body for the rest of the
day.
PAGE 22
PANEL 1
(SAM)
The Morningstar sits beside Atiell, holding him to it's
chest.
SAM
The Morningstar came to Atiell,the only one
of the angels who had no hand in Myrael's
death. They sat and spoke and decided.
PANEL 2
(SAM)
The Morningstar walks through the city, carrying Myrael's
body. The city around them is on fire.
SAM
The Morningstar showed his anger the next
day, carrying Myrael, it burned everything
it came into contact with. Michael stopped
the Morningstar, warning it with the wrath
of God. But the Morningstar paid no heed.
PANEL 3
(SAM)
An angel escorts Atiell through the Silver City
SAM
Atiell came and as soon as he entered the
garden where the Morningstar and Myrael
waited, the area was enclosed in fire.
PANEL 4
(SAM)
The three of them stand around Myrael's body, which rests on
a pedestal.
SAM
Here they held the first of all the burial
services. It closely resembled those that we
have today for the richest and most famous.
PAGE 23
PANEL 1
(SAM)
The Morningstar steps out of the garden only to be ran
through with the sword of Michael. Atiell and the other
angel stay by his side.
SAM
Upon leaving the service, the Morningstar was
run through by the sword of it's kin,
Michael. Not for the wrath of God, but for
the wrath of it's equal.
PANEL 2
The Morningstar stands, emotionless
PANEL 3
Sam looks the same way.
PANEL 4
(BLACK HOMELESS MAN)
One of the homeless men, a tall black man with dreads, looks
at Sam quizzically.
BLACK HOMELESS MAN
Excuse me, but, I was a priest for 30 years.
I've never heard this story.
PANEL 5
(SAM)
Sam looks at him and smiles
SAM
And you probably never will again. I tell you
though, it's just as true as any other
stories you may have heard from your book
though.
PAGE 24
PANEL 1
Sam walks away from the fire and the homeless men, a thin
smile on it's lips
PANEL 2
The men watch Sam walk off, black burnt remains of wings
sticking from it's back.
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Posted: Tue May 26, 2009 3:31 pm
PAGE ONE biggrin AY
PANEL ONE
An overweight, balding man with an eternal frown walks down
prostitute alley, checking out the merchandise. Sam sits on
the curb, tying it's shoe.
PANEL 2
(SAM)
Sam looks up at the man, JOHN, from the pavement.
SAM
You looking for a ride, sir?
PANEL 3
(JOHN)
Sam stands up, pulling down it's skirt. John stands, arms
crossed over his broad chest.
JOHN
You could say that, yes. I'm looking for
something a bit exotic.
PANEL 4
(SAM)
Sam smiles and scratches the back of it's head.
SAM
Well, I'm exotic, all right. I've also been
known to cry like a virgin, if you're into
that sort of thing.
PANEL 5
(JOHN)
John points down the street.
JOHN
Your hired.
PAGE 2
PANEL 1
Pete closes the door to the shop, making sure the sign is
turned to "closed".
PANEL 2
(AMANDA)
Amanda stands behind him, leaning on an old beat up Honda.
AMANDA
Thanks for coming with me, Pete.
PANEL 3
(PETE)
Pete walks up to her, a frying pan in hand.
PETE
No problem.
PANEL 4
(AMANDA)
Amanda looks at the frying pan.
AMANDA
What's that for?
PANEL 5
(PETE)
Pete waps it into his hand, smiling.
PETE
Just in case Greg tries something.
PAGE 3
PANEL 1
John pushes Sam up against the side of a wall. Sam's mouth
is open and it's eyes clenched closed.
PANEL 2
Sam cries as it slides up the wall.
PANEL 3
Sam looks more calm as it slides down.
PANEL 4
John breaths heavily.
PANEL 5
Sam looks up, teeth clenched in pain.
PANEL 6
Sam's eyes open and it looks down.
PANEL 7
John sweats, loosening his tie.
PANEL 8
(SAM)
Sam cries out.
SAM
Hnnahh!
PAGE 4
PANEL 1
(PETE)
Amanda drives while Pete leans against the window.
PETE
This is dangerous area. Lots of drugs and
sex.
PANEL 2
(AMANDA)
Amanda looks over at him.
AMANDA
I know. I've had to drive through here to get
to Greg's all the time.
PANEL 3
(PETE)
Pete looks over at Amanda.
PETE
I don't understand it. You're a beautiful,
intelligent girl, why were you dating that
scumbag?
PANEL 4
(AMANDA)
Amanda sadly looks at the road.
AMANDA
We went to high school together. I had really
short hair that year and a lot of people
would make fun of me, saying I was a dyke.
He stood up for me.
PANEL 5
(PETE)
Pete looks out the window, shocked.
PETE
But, still-Holy ********/> PAGE 5
PANEL 1
John grunts, a smile changing his face.
PANEL 2
The smile disappears as a hand grabs him by the shoulder.
PANEL 3
Pete pulls John off of Sam, throwing the man off balance.
PANEL 4
Pete punches John in the face.
PANEL 5
(SAM)
Sam sits on the ground, where it dropped, it's face angry
and hurt.
SAM
******** hell, Pete! What are you doing?
PANEL 6
(PETE, SAM)
Sam pulls itself up, Pete turning towards it.
PETE
He was-
SAM
You have no right to barge into my business!
PAGE 6
PANEL 1
(PETE)
Pete looks taken aback and sad.
PETE
I...
PANEL 2
(SAM)
Sam helps John to his feet.
SAM
You get the ******** out of here Pete. This is my
life and screw you if you disapprove.
PANEL 3
Pete backs away, revealing Amanda behind him. Her eyes are
huge.
PANEL 4
(SAM)
John rubs his jaw, glaring at Pete as he walks off.
SAM
I'm so sorry. If it would make it up to you,
you could do what you want with me. Free.
PANEL 5
Pete and Amanda drive off.
PANEL 6
Pete rubs the edge of his frying pan, scowling. Amanda looks
off, silent.
PAGE 7
PANEL 1
(PETE)
Pete hits himself in the leg with the bottom of the pan.
PETE
I ******** hope that Greg does try something.
I need to beat the s**t out of something.
PANEL 2
(AMANDA)
Amanda looks over at Pete, sadly.
AMANDA
You really love her, don't you?
PANEL 3
(PETE)
Pete hides his face in his hand.
PETE
What? Oh, yeah. But it's pointless. She's
already in love, although I don't know who
with.
PANEL 4
The two of them drive down the road in silence.
PANEL 5
They stop in front of a warn down house. Amanda steps out.
PAGE 8
PANEL 1
Amanda stands in front of the door, pushing the bell, Pete
standing behind her, frying pan at his side.
PANEL 2
(MARTHA)
An old woman, Greg's mother, MARTHA, opens the door. She's
short and bent, not too old but looking it behind giant
glasses.
MARTHA
Oh, Amanda! So nice to see you! Greg's out
right now, but he should be back soon. Come
in!
PANEL 3
(AMANDA)
Amanda and Pete step into the house. Pete bends down,
setting his frying pan against a wall.
AMANDA
That's nice. We're not staying long though.
Just came by to pick up my stuff.
PANEL 4
(MARTHA)
Martha waves them off.
MARTHA
Yes, I heard you two had a fight. Oh, young
love! Still, he put it all in a box for you.
It's in his room.
PANEL 5
(AMANDA)
Amanda heads down the hall.
AMANDA
Thanks.
PAGE 9
PANEL 1
Sam lays on the dirty cement of the alley, crying, even more
a mess than usual.
PANEL 2
Sam's hands are tied behind it's back with John's tie, blood
stains it's skirt and the ground around it.
PANEL 3
Sam's feet are tied together with John's belt.
PANEL 4
(CANDY)
Two prostitutes looks over at Sam. Candy and Dee.
CANDY
Sam? You okay?
PAGE 10
PANEL 1
(SAM)
Dee works on the knot at Sam's back.
SAM
Thank you. I'll be fine.
PANEL 2
(CANDY)
Candy unties Sam's feet.
CANDY
You sure? That's a lot of blood. You should
go to the hospital or something.
PANEL 3
(SAM)
Sam pulls itself up with the wall.
SAM
Nah, I'll just go sleep it off.
PANEL 4
(DEE)
Dee grabs Sam by the arm supportively.
DEE
We could walk you home, maybe?
PANEL 5
(SAM)
Sam smiles a painful little smile at them.
SAM
I'll be okay on my own, I promise.
PANEL 6
blood trickles down Sam's legs as it walks away.
Page 11
PANEL 1
Pete looks out the window as the drive through prostitute
alley.
PANEL 2
Candy waves at the car.
PANEL 3
(PETE)
Pete looks at her, quizzically.
PETE
Hey, Amanda? Can you stop a moment?
PANEL 4
Candy runs up to the car sitting on the side of the road.
PANEL 5
(CANDY)
Pete rolls down his window as Candy leans forward, hand on
the door frame of the Honda.
CANDY
You! You're that guy who punched Sam's
client!
PANEL 6
(PETE)
Pete looks up at Candy, fighting to look into her eyes.
PETE
Yeah. I'm so sorry about that. What happened?
Page 12
PANEL 1
(CANDY)
Candy looks sad as she looks back towards the alley, wiping
her hair from her face.
CANDY
Sam gave her services for free. Let him do
whatever he wanted. He hurt her, bad. I
tried to get her to go to the hospital but
she wouldn't listen to me.
PANEL 2
(PETE )
Pete's face turns red with rage.
PETE
Where is she now?
PANEL 3
(CANDY)
Candy steps back and points down the street.
CANDY
I don't think she's gotten very far. You get
her and make sure she's okay, okay?
PANEL 4
Pete and Amanda drive off.
Page 13
PANEL 1
Sam walks, hair over it's face, arms around itself.
PANEL 2
Sam stops and leans against a wall, breathing hard.
PANEL 3
Sam slides down the wall, bringing it's arm down around it's
knees.
PANEL 4
The Honda pulls up in front of Sam.
PANEL 5
Sam looks up at the car.
PANEL 6
Amanda gets out of the car, watching. Pete leaps from the
car, heading straight to Sam.
Page 14
PANEL 1
(SAM)
Pete sits next to Sam, on hand on it's chin so he can get a
good look.
SAM
I'm fine Pete. I just need to sleep.
PANEL 2
(PETE)
Sam looks away from Pete, eyes closed.
PETE
Sam...
PANEL 3
Pete picks Sam up, carrying it back to the car.
PANEL 4
Pete lays Sam down in the back of the Honda
PANEL 5
Pete sees the blood drying on Sam's legs.
Page 15
PANEL 1
The Honda drives off, in silence.
PANEL 2
Pete sits in the back, holding Sam against himself. He looks
out the window, crying silently..
PANEL 3
(AMANDA)
Amanda looks back at them, worriedly.
AMANDA
Is there...Is there anything I could do?
PANEL 4
Pete looks down at Sam, biting his lip.
Pete
I don't know. Just take us home please.
PANEL 5
The Honda stops in front of Pete's sandwich shop.
Page 16
PANEL 1
Pete carries Sam up to Amanda, who holds the door of the
sandwich shop open.
PANEL 2
Pete carries Sam behind the counter and pushes through an
employees only screen
PANEL 3
(AMANDA)
Pete carries Sam up the stairs. Amanda stands in the doorway
behind him.
AMANDA
Shouldn't we call an ambulance or something?
PANEL 4
(PETE)
Pete looks back down at her from the top of the stairs, a
look of worry on his face.
PETE
I don't know. I just don't know. Can you get
this door?
PANEL 5
(PETE)
Pete pushes through the open door into his apartment.
PETE
All I know is that I want to get Sam off of
the street. We can ask her if she needs to
go to the hospital when she wakes up.
Page 17
PANEL 1
(PETE)
Pete lays Sam down on his bed.
PETE
I don't even know if we should clean her up
or not. It would completely freak her out if
we did.
PANEL 2
(AMANDA)
Amanda pulls a blanket up over Sam's shoulders.
AMANDA
We just have to weight now.
PANEL 3
(PETE)
Pete falls into a chair tired and angry with himself.
PETE
This is all my fault. If I hadn't been so
******** dumb Sam would be okay.
PANEL 4
(AMANDA)
Amanda sits by his side, holding onto his hand.
AMANDA
It's not! You had no idea what would happen
and you tried your best to protect her.
There was no way you could have saved her
from her choice.
PANEL 5
(AMANDA)
Amanda looks over at Sam
AMANDA
You should go downstairs, open the shop. It
will take your mind off of this. I'll take
care of Sam.
Page 18
PANEL 1
Amanda sits in a chair next to Sam, sun coming through the
window.
PANEL 2
Pete stands downstairs, handing sandwiches to customers
PANEL 3
Amanda sits next to Sam, a sunset outside.
PANEL 4
Pete sits next to Sam, still in his apron, darkness beyond
the window.
PANEL 5
Night time, Sam sleeps alone.
PANEL 6
Pete sleeps on the couch in the next room
PANEL 7
The sun starts to rise, shining through the window, where
Sam sleeps.
PANEL 8
Pete lies on the couch, awake.
PANEL 9
Pete sits next to Sam as the sun gets high up in the sky.
Page 19
PANEL 1
Sam's eyes open slowly.
PANEL 2
(PETE)
Sam sits upright, looking around confused.
PETE
Woah, woah! Sammybabe!
PANEL 3
(SAM, PETE)
Sam looks over, seeing Pete and calms down.
SAM
What happened? Is this your place?
PETE
Yeah. When I found you in the street you fell
asleep. I took you home. How are you feeling?
Do you need to see a doctor?
PANEL 4
(SAM)
Sam slides out of the bed, looking completely healed, dried
blood still on it's legs.
SAM
Nope! I'm all better! See?
PANEL 5
(SAM)
Sam looks down herself.
SAM
I'm a mess! Can I use your shower?
PANEL 6
Pete points towards the bathroom.
Page 20
PANEL 1
The water runs in the shower, Sam holds it's hand into the
stream, testing it's temperature.
PANEL 2
(PETE, SAM)
Pete leans in the doorway.
PETE
Sam. I'm sorry this happened to you. It was
my fault-
SAM
It doesn't matter.
PANEL 3
(SAM)
Sam looks over at Pete, smiling meekly.
SAM
There's not enough time to feel bad about it.
None of this will matter come Thursday.
PANEL 4
(PETE, SAM)
Pete looks confused as Sam takes off it's sweatshirt.
PETE
What?
SAM
I'm going to strip now, if you wouldn't mind.
PANEL 5
(PETE)
Pete closes the door and leans against it.
PETE
(shouting)
What happens Thursday?
Page 21
PANEL 1
Sam is in the shower, water hitting it in the chest. It's
eyes are closed as it enjoys the warmth.
PANEL 2
(SAM)
Sam looks back towards the door.
SAM
I can't hear you! Get in here!
PANEL 3
Pete nervously opens the door, looking around.
PANEL 4
(PETE)
Sam is hidden behind the shower curtain, Pete walks through.
PETE
What happens Thursday?
PANEL 5
(SAM)
Sam finger combs it's hair, fingers tangled in thick knots.
SAM
Thursday? It'll be December 12. The end of
the world.
Page 22
PANEL 1
(PETE)
Pete sits on the closed toilet.
PETE
(laughing)
You can't possibly believe that, do you?
PANEL 2
(SAM)
Sam looks at the shampoo bottle.
SAM
The Mayans, Incas, and Aztecs all predicted
the same date. December 12, 2012. That's too
much of a coincidence.
PANEL 3
(PETE)
Pete shakes his head, smiling.
PETE
But what signs today show that the end of the
world is coming?
PANEL 4
(SAM)
Sam rubs the suds through it's hair.
SAM
Maybe the "end of the world" is too harsh.
More of...the world changing to the extent
where nothing can ever return to how it is
now.
PANEL 5
(SAM)
Sam rinses the lather out of it's hair.
SAM
I'm coming out soon.
Page 23
PANEL 1
(SAM)
Pete stands outside of the room when Sam steps out, towel
drying it's hair. It wears the same clothes as it had the
day before, but with tight jeans instead of the blood
stained skirt.
SAM
Look, Pete. Thank you very much for taking me
in, but I should really go.
PANEL 2
(PETE)
Pete grabs Sam by the shoulders.
PETE
I don't want you to.
PANEL 3
(SAM)
Sam looks down at it's feet.
SAM
That guy from yesterday made an appointment.
I don't know what he'll do if I'm late.
PANEL 4
(PETE)
Pete pulls Sam's face up by the chin, smiling.
PETE
Well, isn't the world ending in three days? I
think you can take that time off.
PANEL 5
(SAM)
Sam pulls itself away from Pete.
SAM
Speaking of time off. Don't you have to get
to work?
Page 24
PANEL 1
(PETE, SAM)
Sam hurries down the stairs, Pete close behind.
PETE
I called in sick.
SAM
Aren't you your own boss?
PETE
Yeah...
PANEL 2
Sam opens the main door to the shop and lets a group of
customers in.
PANEL 3
(PETE)
Pete puts on his apron.
PETE
Sorry about that everyone, can you please
make a line?
PANEL 4
(PETE)
Pete looks over the crowd as they shuffle into a queue.
PETE
Sam?
PANEL 5
Sam is gone.
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Posted: Wed May 27, 2009 11:52 pm
I don't know about anybody else, but you still have my attention. I can't really offer much feedback, though, as I'm unfamiliar with the format and rules. Some of your dialogue has basic grammatical errors in it, like "weight" instead of "wait," but other than that, it seems fine.
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Posted: Thu May 28, 2009 12:36 am
Thank you! I do have that to fix, but I want to take care of that once the whole thing is done. I might even create a novelization of it too. But the novel I'm writing now is awful so it may not be the best plan.
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Posted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 3:28 am
I think the comic format is fine, you just need to work on the story a little. I think it has potential, but without some pictures, I think it's lacking some context. So: linearts pls, kthxbai.
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