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How far is too far?

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xion-dono

PostPosted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 3:53 pm


A question that I'm sure all of us has always been wondering. I sadly do not have the answer, which is why I've come here. I'm taking a purity class at my church and according to this class "Purity is not going near 'the line'. It's not allowing yourself or someone else to be aroused - in any way". This class is based off of the teachings of Lisa Bevere in her book Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry. But at the same time I am told by other people, whose opinions I trust, who tell me that sex before marriage isn't right and then they will vary on what is "right" and what isn't.

It's urgent for me to find the answer, even though I've been looking for months, because I am in a relationship now and I don't want to mess it up. We've french kissed but that's as far as it has gotten and I hope it will get. [I can't see into the future]-think bubble.

I hope that you all have something valuable to add to this, hopefully you can help me find the answers I so desperately seek. I am also sure that it will help more people than just me in this guild. Thank You.
PostPosted: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:29 pm


Well I disagree with any type of sex before marriage... intercourse,oral, whatever. I think that well hugs and kisses are okay, but not much more than that.. Hope that helps... sweatdrop I'm not very good at expressing my oppinions

Chaos Aroura


Vladimir Lugosi

PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 12:26 am


My suggestion is that you wait until marriage to go any further than you already have. I can tell you, even if you think you're in love with the person, you just never know. Marriage is God's plan. Stick with it and you'll do just fine. ^_^

I don't think hugging and kissing is wrong if you love the person you're with. Sometimes people can take purity TOO far IMHO.
PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 2:23 pm


Hey this email was sent to me in perfect timing! Out youth group leader sent us this!

From the way it's flaunted all over TV, magazines, music, movies, and books, you'd think sex was one of humanity's greatest inventions. The world takes a lot of pride in its sexual knowledge and ingenuity. Society seems to think the biological differences between men and women had no purpose at all until someone got this crazy idea of trying to fit Boy Part A with Girl Part B.

Which makes more sense to you--Adam and Eve accidentally inventing sex after bumping into each other one day in the garden? Or sex being part of the original plan when men and women were created?

In my opinion, it's obvious that sex was part of the original plan—why else would male and female bodies be different, and how else could the human race have survived? In that case, which makes more sense to you--that sex was intended only for reproductive purposes? Or that it had some deeper purpose involving a special relationship of love between two people?

What's more, it's obvious that sex was never intended to be a simple biological function whose sole purpose was to produce more humans. If that were the case, the only reason people would ever have sex would be to create another human being. When's the last time you heard of some guy using this pick--up line:

"Hey, baby, I'm feeling a deep desire to produce another human being, so whaddya say we have sex even though it's blah, boring, and neither one of us really wants to do it"?

Right.

In fact, creating another human life is the one thing many people don't want to do when having sex. Think about it for a minute: what are sexually active teens most afraid of? Pregnancy. Clearly, then, they aren't having sex in order to carry on the human race.

Let's review--

1. Humans did not create sex, God did.

2. Since God created sex, he's the one who understands it the best.

3. Since God understands sex better than anyone, a person who wants to have great sex (and why would anyone want to have rotten sex?) needs to know what God says about sex.

Lucky for us, God isn't keeping the truth about sex a secret. He's one hundred percent willing to give us the inside scoop. Here it is--

Sex was created for one, and only one, situation--marriage. Sex will be all that it can be in one, and only one, situation--marriage.

People who are having sex can be divided into two groups-- those who are married and those who aren't. Some people would like to add a few more groups--those who are almost married, those who think they might get married, those who've discussed getting married, etc. Those labels are just an attempt to blur the lines between two clear alternatives, something we're all really good at. If the lines are blurred, it's easier to make excuses for our decisions.

How many times have you had a conversation like this--

Parent: "Did you take out the garbage?"

You: "No, I forgot. I lost track of time. I was busy doing homework. But I meant to take it out."

Parent: "Oh, well if you meant to take it out, that's good enough for me."

Whatever.

Either you took out the garbage or you didn't.

Either you're married or you're not.

If you are not married, sex is not meant for you.

It's that simple.

Unless my Bible is missing a few pages, I've never read anything about Adam or Eve saying, "Hey God, before committing to this whole man-woman-lifetime-relationship thing, can we have a few weeks to, you know, try things out and see how it goes? I mean, if the sex isn't good, you're going to have to do a little more of your dust magic and create some options for us."

What a nightmare that would have been.

Or how about this scenario--Adam to God: "Hey, thanks for the woman. I'll use her to learn the ropes, you know, get this whole man-woman-sex thing figured out. Then when I'm really experienced, I'll let you know, so you can create someone new and exciting for me."

Please.

Here's another one--Adam to Eve: "I'm interested in hooking up with you now and then. Let's have sex whenever I'm feeling the need. But the rest of the time, I expect you to stay on your side of the garden. And don't be calling me every night just to talk and stuff. I'm not looking for a commitment or anything. If you need to talk, call God."

So much for the sensitive guy.

There are probably a million reasons why God made marriage the dividing line between those who should have sex and those who shouldn't. I'm going to give you two.

First, sex is best in the context of marriage. God's guideline gives you the best.

And second, God's boundary provides the best and protects from the worst.

Clearly, God's way is best. There can be no more blurring of the separating line. It is marriage.

If you haven't said, "I do," you'd better not be doing it.

Taken from "Sex Has a Price Tag" by Pam Stenzel, copyright 2003, Youth Specialties/Zondervan. Used by permission. Order the book here: http://www.youthspecialties.com/product/249716

Chaos Aroura


Vladimir Lugosi

PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 12:54 am


Quite informative but very opinionated. I agree with what's said, but most people who are teens aren't going to buy into that in my humble view.
PostPosted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 3:03 pm


I wasn't asking if sex was ok, but that was informative anyway! We know that that is definately out of the question.

xion-dono


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 16, 2005 10:13 pm


Ok well i think that how you said that someone said that you shouldnt even let yourself get aroused.. that is rediculous cause if you cant get aroused by the person you are with then there is something wrong but if you are deeply in love with the person then you will get aroused(unless i am confused).. the thing is that self control shows how much you love the person because you want to save the beautiful thing that making love is for marriage.. umm the boundaries are a personal thing and have to do with your personal beliefs but dont even let anything sexual happen cause that can lead to it.. when i mean dont let anything sexual happen i think yuo know what i mean by that

@ Chaos Aroura that guy is really cool and the way he says things i kinda funny.. i wish there was some more people like that around
PostPosted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 9:47 pm


Hmm, I would say if it violates your conscience then it's most defenitly gone too far. What is a sin for one person may not be a sin for another. (1 Cor 8. In which eating idol meat isn't a sin for Paul, but was for weaker Christians who's consciences would be violated if they ate it.)

DieiNoctis


Chaos Aroura

PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 8:58 am


Dragon Warrior X
Ok well i think that how you said that someone said that you shouldnt even let yourself get aroused.. that is rediculous cause if you cant get aroused by the person you are with then there is something wrong but if you are deeply in love with the person then you will get aroused(unless i am confused).. the thing is that self control shows how much you love the person because you want to save the beautiful thing that making love is for marriage.. umm the boundaries are a personal thing and have to do with your personal beliefs but dont even let anything sexual happen cause that can lead to it.. when i mean dont let anything sexual happen i think yuo know what i mean by that

@ Chaos Aroura that guy is really cool and the way he says things i kinda funny.. i wish there was some more people like that around


He's halarious not many people say that kinda stuff, but I think it does help some teens understand... To put it in a convesation that they'd understand...

Anywho, I don't know if that's exactlly what you were looking for but I hoped it helped a bit. If not it atleast gave you a laugh right?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 08, 2006 10:46 pm


It depends, read "my story" in the Premarital Sex thread (on page 4)

LouisCyphre13


Lizzy_Lord

PostPosted: Mon Feb 13, 2006 1:37 pm


Where you and your girlfriend are at right now is the best place to be and stay. You don't want to go any farther than that because physical and sexual attaction aren't the things that make a relationship amazing. So just stay where you are and don't go any further. biggrin
PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2006 3:51 pm


this is obviously a really common questions for unmarried couples. well, i would say that, duh, anything involving the sexual parts (touching, oral sex, etc) isn't acceptable. there are a few things more involved than kissing that don't involve the sexual parts, but i wouldn't really advise them. kissing on the neck, ear nibbling, stuff like that. the problem w/ them is that they can be really arousing (duh) and when you get aroused, your brain seriously gets fogged and you can't think of anything other than your physical needs. so you may not wanna do that stuff, especially not in a situation where you're, say, alone in the backseat of a car. the real trick to it all is to not put yourself in situations where you could slip up. like, being all alone in the dark or in the backseat of a car can lead to stuff that you wouldn't originally want to happen. i would also suggest not laying down, or at least not kissing when you're laying down. as far as a guy feeling up a girl, i'm not really sure where that falls, but it probably wouldn't be the greatest activity to participate in. it's (obviously) very exciting for guys and, if a guy does it right, it can be for a girl too (i've never done it, so i wouldn't know lol). stuff like that can lead to other things that shouldn't happen, so you should probably hold off on those things for as long as possible.

musicalberry88


preoccupication_megan

PostPosted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 1:06 pm


DieiNoctis
Hmm, I would say if it violates your conscience then it's most defenitly gone too far. What is a sin for one person may not be a sin for another. (1 Cor 8. In which eating idol meat isn't a sin for Paul, but was for weaker Christians who's consciences would be violated if they ate it.)

I agree. It's good that you're trying to do the right thing. If YOU think it's wrong, chances are, God does too. I think you're doing the right things. Just....Stay where you are, that's my advice.
PostPosted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 7:08 pm


First off I wnat to say that getting "aroused" by the one you love is a must if you are truely in love with someone, It is the way God created men and women, to be attracted to each other.
I will have been married for 3 years in May. My husband and I got married when we were only 19. My parents, for some reason or another, never gave me the "no sex before marriage talk", but both of us knew in our hearts it was wrong, so we never let it get to out of hand. There are times I had to halt his advances because I felt he was getting carried away (this can sometimes be a problem for guys, don't be afraid to tell your bf if he is crossing into territory you are uncomfortable with, if he really cares about you he will avoid doing it) and there where times he had reign me in. We actually set down and had a talk about what we were comfortable with and what we considerd "to far" and it helped us a lot. Mabey the two of you shoud have a talk about what you consider right and wrong, it would help both of you respect each others boundries, and establish exactly where that "line" is.

Alaundria

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Christian Gothic

 
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