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 Posted: Tue May 12, 2009 10:04 pm
Taa sighed, one part exasperation, second part desperation. It was ridiculous that she should feel so nervous about entering her own den, but that was part of her life. She was never certain as to what the mood of her mate would be when she returned, so she had to tread with caution.
Taa often felt ashamed about the situation between her and her "mate". They were still mates in name only, as Bavu often gave her the cold shoulder. Granted, she didn't completely blame him for it. He'd cared for Taa's sister and had been ready to settle with Adia. Instead, their father had decided Taa would be Bavu's mate instead. Heartbroken, Adia had left. Since then, Taadhima's life had been a nightmare. Her brother hated her, Bavu treated her civilly at best and indifferent and spiteful at worst.
She knew that she was often the topic of pride gossip among the remaining members, and it took all of her strength not to break down in front of everyone.
Taking a deep breath, Taa set her shoulders and set a neutral expression on her face before walking sedately into the den.
"Bavu?" she called, "I'm back. Are you here?"
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Posted: Tue May 12, 2009 10:15 pm
His ears flicked sullenly at the sound of her voice, having been aware of her entrance the moment her pawpads had hit the floor of their stony den. He was in a sour mood, admittedly. Bavuwajali was an expert at shielding his emotions in the open forum of the pride; charming the girls, joking with the gentlemen and generally making a nuisance of himself.
Then again, since the plague... He found himself hiding out in his den more often than he used to. Kibwana had turned down his proposal to go out and find rogues; he knew why. The Ufalme was well aware that Bavu had intended to search out Adia, even if it hadn't been at the forefront of his thoughts. The Ufalme also knew what kind of turmoil that would cause in the pride; even with the death of Ufalme Konokubwa, there was no tradition for divorce, especially without grounds. Taadhima had done nothing to deserve desertion and abandonment.
And as much as Bavu knew that, as much as he even pitied her for the situation she didn't ask to be put in, he couldn't help the anxious gnawing at his heart.
Still, no point in being completely uncivil. With a sigh that heaved from the depths of his barrel chest, he raised his head and turned an irritated expression towards the mouth of the cave, "I am." He would be civil, but that didn't mean he was going to invite conversation.
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Posted: Tue May 12, 2009 10:24 pm
Taa struggled to hide her disappointment when she heard the tone of Bavu's voice and saw his expression. It had been too much to hope that this time would be any different from the rest. For the past several moons, his mood has been generally worse than usual and he'd taken to spending a great deal of time in the den, which meant that it was difficult for Taa to find some sort of tranquil place to relax. Her own den was not a home for her, but an obligation, a responsibility.
The truly sad part was that a part of Taa really did care for Bavu and longed for him to forget his sister and accept the fact that she was his mate. She often sent silent prayers up to the heavens in hopes that one of the gods or goddesses would hear her request and a miracle would occur. Of course, it never did.
Forced conversation was never pleasant, but the tension in the stone space became too much to bear, she she plastered a pleasant smile on her maw and attempted to be pleasing.
"I'm glad to see you are home, Bavu."
That said, Taa fished around desperately for something else to say, but nothing came to mind, so she moved quietly about the den and settled, tense, a safe distance away from her mate.
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Posted: Tue May 12, 2009 10:37 pm
This would never do; these silent stand-offs that left the air so tense and his muscles so tight that he usually suffered indigestion for days. That seemed to be the only thing on the menu as of late, anyway. Tension and indigestion. Sounded about right, unfortunately, and there hadn't been even the most minute change for some time which certainly didn't help his mood in the least bit. His stomach gave an answering pang of a cramp as if on cue, and his nostrils flared for a moment before he glanced away at the wall.
He could sense that she was trying to fill the silence just by the change in her body language or the tension or whatever it was; he could tell. He could not tell whether he wanted her to break the quiet, though; whether he wanted to hear her voice or to go own pretending she'd left again. His brow furrowed, waiting and yet not waiting for her to say something.
When she did speak, he could help the bark of laughter that exploded past his lips. It was nearly mirthless, and he certainly did not smile, but it was a sound of dry amusement nevertheless and it was something more than nothing. His green eyes darted towards her, narrowed as if he was suspicious of her intent. Had she meant to be funny? Probably not. When she settled so gingerly across the den from him, he figured that she hadn't meant to make fun or even be funny.
After a few indecisive moments, he visibly shifted into a more comfortable position as his muscles relaxed and he shrugged, "Glad to see you home as well."
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Posted: Wed May 13, 2009 4:45 pm
Taa heard the bark of laughter of reply from him and was unsure of how to respond. What could she do, if her own mate thought she was joking when she said she was glad to see him. How could she fix that? If he assumed those feelings in her, was that the way he felt? How could she live like this.
Her posture and expression dropped visibly and the slight bit of hope that she'd had fled. She was left waiting for the encounter to be over.
She was about to say something again when he spoke. She glanced at him, surprised, but smiled. At least he was trying. Someday, maybe they wouldn't have to try, wouldn't have to pretend. At the moment though, it was still hard, and she fished uncomfortably for something that she could say. There had to be something neutral for them to discuss.
"H-How are you feeling today? Oh, I saw our nieces today! They're doing very well."
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Posted: Tue May 19, 2009 2:21 pm
He could almost hear her smile, without even really looking at her. It made her skin crawl, though he wasn't sure exactly what it was that made it do so. Was he happy that she was smiling? No, but he couldn't tell if he hated her for it or simply didn't care for such an expression from anyone just then. The rolling twitch along his spin caused his tail to slash suddenly across the cave floor before he was still again.
The muscles between his brows clenched convulsively, almost an unceasing twith as he wrestled with his internal emotions. His face remained a stony mask, tinged with irritation, but instead he was broiling with indecision. Why couldn't he simply give and accept her? Why couldn't he enjoy the life that he had been given, if only in testimony to the possible life that he had lost?
Because you're stubborn. The answer that echoed through his mind was in the voice of his father, and one side of his mouth twitched with what might have been amusement. Well, at least that made more sense than anything else just then.
At her words, his shoulders tensed at the sudden intrusion into the silence. It took a few moments for him to process the question, and then a few more to come up with an answer... and then a few more to make him care enough to respond. Rolling the words around in his mouth a few times, as if they were something new and untried, he finally drolled, "Are they?" He couldn't tell if he was inviting an explanation or not, "I'm fine."
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Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2009 4:33 pm
Taa saw the familiar lashing of the tail and cringed. She pulled back a step or two from him and sighed. It was like this every time. She felt her feelings of despair move to the also familiar feelings of irritation. Why did she have to try so hard to please him? Why did she feel she had to try so hard to prove herself to him? Why couldn't he just accept her and move on?
Because he was stubborn. They both were. Taa shook her head quietly, wondering not for the first time what her father had been thinking when he'd matched the two of them together.
She responded, if only to break the awkward silence.
"Yes, they seem quite well. They seem to be growing bigger each day."
She wondered if she ought to drop the subject. For her, it only brought back the painful reminder that she did not have cubs of her own. Yes, she knew the relationship between the two of them was tense, but she had to wonder if the presence of cubs would help that. Also, she almost desperately wanted to be a mother. Taa loved her nieces dearly, but she longed for cubs of her own. However, she would not mention that to Bavu for anything. She would simply have to keep waiting until the time was right.
If that time ever came it all.
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Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 11:49 am
The lion knew exactly what her father had been thinking. The old Ufalme's mind had been malicious and coniving, manipulating the masses of his pride into subjects of fear and anger. Rage, injustice, fear and depression had raged through the pride's blood during the time of his reign, and that had been no different with Bavuwajali. Adia had been his one ray of sunshine and that had been swept from him with one devastating blow from the insane leader.
Of course, there was some poetic irony in the match. With Adia it had been a fairy tale, but were he and Taa to actually get along - if he were to try to make things work - their relationship would likely, eventually, come to love. It would be the antifairy tale, but it would work.
But, again, he would have to try and he wasn't exactly willing to do so. That stubbornness was like a wall within him, completely and entirely too wrapped up in himself and his losses to open himself up to her. He felt stiff inside, which wasn't exactly surprising, all things considered. Arching his brow toward her, he ventured, "I'd imagine they would, being growing cubs and all."
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Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 11:59 am
Taa had to suppress the urge to simply lash out at her mate and keep those feelings in check. Instead she sighed, shook her head and turned away. At least she could say she'd tried to talk to him again, but like usual, his replies only made her feel inferior.
She knew that their relationship could work. Yes, he'd had an amazing relationship with Adia, Taa's sister. And she knew that a part of his heart would always belong to Adia. She'd resigned herself to that fact long ago, though she still ached with how unfair it all was. Taa had never been given the chance to fall in love, never had her own fairytale. And she never would. Still, she knew that if Bavu actually tried, they would be able to make this broken relationship work. There could be love if he tried.
But he wouldn't.
Taa snarled under her breath and stalked towards the entrance of the den, her tail twitching with barely checked irritation towards her mate. She paused at the entrance, wondering if he would have anything to say that might make her stay.
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Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 12:07 pm
A part of Bavu's heart had gone with Adia, out past the pride's borders and into the world beyond. He knew she lived, somehow, but that didn't lend well to his mood typically. Not that he wished her dead, or ill, but he wished that she didn't have to know at all. Why did he have to have any sort of inkling of her life beyond the pride at all? But all the same he knew, with a staggering degree of certainty, that she was alive and would never return.
As far as Taa went, she looked nothing like her sister and yet was a despairing reminder of the life Bavu didn't have all the same. Perhaps his reluctance to try was rooted not only in his stubborn nature but a gripping depression - not that he'd admit to such a weakness. It wasn't so far off base as to be difficult to see, though.
He heard the low snarl under her breath, and was aware of her twitching as she approached the entrance to her den. He knew what she wanted; the tension in the air could leave room for little other desire than for him to break it in someway. He could not, and would not. Instead, he lay his broad head down so that his chin rested on his forepaws, and he devoutly ignored her presence.
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Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 12:15 pm
Taa didn't hear a sound from her stubbornly silent mate. She knew that she shouldn't have expected anything, but a small part of her always continued to hope, and was always continuously disappointed. Taa shot a withering glance over her shoulder at Bavu. Not bothering to hold back the sound anymore, she snarled angrily and bounded out the entrance of the den.
She ran for awhile, as long as it took to cool her down before she slowed, her sides heaving as she worked to catch her breath. Slumping down on the ground, she rested her chin on her paws and stared off into the grass.
Why couldn't he just try harder? It didn't have to be much. She needed some sign that it was worth it to continue here. There were days that she contemplated leaving. There was really nothing that kept her here, besides her sense of duty and responsibility. She could just get up and cross the borders and never look back. She could leave all of the hate and bitter sadness behind and start a new life.
And yet, she did not. Taa was too afraid to leave, so she stayed. For now, she would just continue to dream of the day when Bavu would look at her the way he looked at Adia. The day when Bavu would return her love.
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