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 Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 5:38 pm
(Having re-read this, it seems kinda pathetic and whiny. Sorry.)
Ever since I realized that I liked girls (I am a girl, by the way) two years ago, I've been trying to figure out how to tell my dad, or even if I should tell my dad.
I'm bisexual, so I don't technically have to tell him. I could hide it if I so chose, but I'd rather not. I'd like to be honest with him, but I'm not sure how he would receive it.
Let me back up and explain a little better. My dad is pretty liberal. He says that he thinks gay people are fine, but I'm not so sure. My dad is amazingly close-minded. He can't even fathom other viewpoints from his own, and he has a tendency to attack (verbaly, of course) anything he doesn't like. As I said, he says he's fine with gays, but I get the feeling that he would feel differently if he knew his own daughter was bisexual.
To give you a clue why I'm worried, I came out to my friends about a year and a half ago, and they basically abandoned me. I also told my dad before that I'm Buddhist (my dad's a strict atheist), and he pretty much was subtly trying to convert me back to atheism. He only stopped after I gave up on trying to talk to him about it.
So, I'd appreciate any help you could give me. Any ideas about how to broach the topic, or any ideas about how to tell him so he doesn't freak out, would be great.
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 6:27 pm
It doesn't sound whiney at all, I think your concern is a very valid one. I think you just have to be honest with him. There's really now way I can think of to soften the blow. If he doesn't like gays then there isn't any way you can tell him that he's going to accept it.
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 7:00 pm
I have the same problem. I am bisexual and I cam out to SOME of my friends this year, and they all took it well, atleast the ones I told. But I really want to tell my parents, but I am so affraid of how they will take it. I dont know if they will abandone me or just act like it is ok. Ive been hinting them every once in a while, but they still havnt caught on. Ive known Ive been bi for about 2years now, and I just decided to tell my friends. But how in the world will I tell my family, the are really HARD-CORE CHRISTANS. So that will effect it dramaticaly on how they will take it.
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 7:59 pm
My parents still don't know I'm bi. Most of my friends do, and some of them are bi. It doesn't bother them. My parents probably wouldn't mind that much, but I want to make 100 percent sure I am bi before I tell them. Exparement a bit more. I don't know how I would tell my grandparents though. Strict Christians as well. They freaked out when I mentioned a penticle (dabble in Wicca) or that I roleplayed like D&D. rolleyes
But really, I think being honest with your Dad is best. Tell him that your still the same person and nothing has changed. It's just another part of you that he should be proud of.
I hope that helps even a bit. sweatdrop
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 8:40 pm
I've hardly told anyone that I was bisexual outside of Gaia. To this day, my closest friends and family have no idea. Well, my mom has some idea. But I don't want to tell them. If I did, then it's like a part of me would be warped. Everyone I know would say something, and most people would call it weird. But it's not their right to tell you what to be. My advice is, ask your dad if he's against gays, and try to form a conversation. Try giving him hints, leading him on to think that you might be bisexual. If it were me, I'd do that until my dad would ask me if I actually was gay/bisexual/whatever. And then I guess it would lessen the shock of it a little. There would still be obvious consequences in the long run, but it wouldn't really matter.
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 1:03 am
I know what you mean. My mom is a fairly liberal person, but when I told her I was bi, she was (and still is) pretty uncomfortable with it. I called her on it, saying that she supported GBLT rights, why would it bug her if I was bi? She said that supporting a general issue and having it be someone within your own home are two very different things. But there's hope, even though she's less than thrilled that I'm bi, she's still very supportive and are relationship wasn't messed up any. Ironically, my dad, who's somewhat homophobic, has no problem at all with it (though that can be attributed to gender bias.)
For advice (which I'm horrible at giving, so feel free to ignore it) I'd say, make sure you talk about it calmly, and make sure that you have enough time to talk about it. With my mom, I told her because I was a bit annoyed at a comment she made, so I let it slip. It was on the way to a party, and I we were picking up a friend of mine. I told her a few minutes before we got to my friend's house, and we had to stop the conversation once my friend was in the car in order to keep things from getting awkward. I had to spend the whole time at the party wondering how my mom was taking it. Not fun.
You could try to, as specter said, drop hints and let him come to his own conclusion or tell him after a while. That's what I did with my dad, and it worked quite nicely. Apparently he asked my mom if I was a lesbian, she said no, I was bi, and the conversation was over. I found out a few days later ^^;;
I suppose I have nothing terribly useful to say, but if you need any help, feel free to PM me.
And I'm sorry about your friends. Well, at least they showed their true colors. If they're going to abandon you like that, then they're not worth waisting your time on.
...Sorry, I seem to be a bit wordy today...
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 2:13 am
This is in no way whiny
I don't really know what kind of advice to give you, but I think I know how you feel
I'm bisexual too and I asked my parents what they thought about bisexuality itself, not letting them know I am
They said that ''it wasn't normal'' and my mum said that if I'd ever bring a girl home with me, she'd ''hope that it would pass quickly''
This has brought me to decide not to tell them, until I really have a girlfriend and I want them to meet her
Right now my girlfriend lives 6000 miles away from me, so it's not really necessary
However, she wants to come over next summer, so my parents would need to know
I figured that that's enough time I can use to let them know
But only by taking small steps at once, nothing too sudden
I don't know if this is of any help at all, I hope it is
oh yeah, I once went up to my dad and said: ''Dad, I'm bisexual.''
His reply was: ''No you're not.''
<33
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 5:27 pm
Thank you, everyone, for your replies. I've decided to try and tell my dad some time this week, assuming I get a chance. I intend to be completely honest with him, and hopefully he'll be understanding. Thank you again, all your replies were very helpful.
3nodding
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 7:33 pm
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Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 3:57 am
Spirit Falconer Thank you, everyone, for your replies. I've decided to try and tell my dad some time this week, assuming I get a chance. I intend to be completely honest with him, and hopefully he'll be understanding. Thank you again, all your replies were very helpful.
3nodding
If you need to talk about anything, you can always PM me!
<3
Good luck with telling your dad 3nodding
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Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 5:53 am
It's sad to hear that your parents don't accept it..
My whole family knows exept my little brother.
My sis came first. and she was like. Aha okey.
And laughed and seems like, was there nothing more to tell..?
She have knew some lez since school.. But she's straight.
Dad knew next, he became a bit chocked. But accepted it.
Mom said this after I told her.
" I have been thinking about that"
ninja My mom thought I was bisexual, but not told any...
x3
But well, none in my family talk so much about it. and me neighter..
Not more then needed. ^_^
I feel like they accept me anyway.
and to add. my family are not thining and believing so much in god and so..
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Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2005 4:52 pm
Wow a buddist what does budda say? and if you dad truely loves and respects you he will let you live your life and be kwel with it without damaging family.
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Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 6:46 pm
*nods* I agree, try to give him tips. For me, those tips were COMPLETELY accedental.
1. pictures of my two friends kissing (girlxgirl)
2. I think the lack of boy talk
3. I have this picture I took last year on our band trip. it was on the wall of the wax museam that we were visiting. "Gay is good. Gay is proud." I put it in my clear view binder.....she found said notebook...looked at it, looked at me, put it back down, then looked at me again with a weird look. Then walked away.
of course she hasnt said anything (yet), I think shes waiting for me to say something. sweatdrop
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Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 7:53 pm
You don't sound whiny. I haven't come out to my parents at all and I won't until I can grab my own place and handle my own life.
Anyway, beside the point, I think you should be honest with him, or at least give him a few tips.
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Posted: Sun Jan 01, 2006 8:37 pm
You don't technically have to tell your dad anyway... when it comes to other people, your sexuality is none of their business unless you're intending to have sex with them..
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