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Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 5:24 pm
Continuing from here.lithle Autsu did not press the point, did not press any of his points. Enough that he had mentioned that Kian's mother was worthy of some admiration. Kian's guilt was not something he knew how to assuage, and as someone who lived with irrational guilt of his own, it would be somewhat hypocritical to make such an attempt. He drove. He let Kian keep his hand. Normally, the touch would be a pleasant thing, but this was different. Kian was reaching out for strength, and he was offering what he could. It did not register as pleasant so much as it did as necessary, a manifestation of his devotion to his ally. When the route he was taking was recognized and refused, Autsu nodded, turning in a new direction at the first light they hit. He was not sure of where any 'somewheres' existed, but if Kian wanted the wilds, then Autsu would find them for him. He knew, at least directionally, which way the ocean lay, and so simply drove toward it, knowing that they'd reach it, if not soon, then in time. ... And they did. The route they took was not, clearly, the most popular. Perhaps that's why when they broke through a wooded treeline onto a stretch of rocky coast, there was no evidence of other visitors. There was, however, an apparently abandoned fishing shack, which, after Autsu broke the lock, proved to still have some basic amenities. A bed, anyway, and what looked to be some very old fishing supplies. It was chilly inside, and everything was coated. It would do. The Nozomi By the time they got very far, Kian was curled into a half-fetal position and asleep. Autsus hand was captive within softened fingers, held against Kians chest and covered by loose hair. He slept with the look of someone without any pain or fear or hate, lying as he did so. Had Autsu tried to remove his hand, he would have clutched and probably cut before jerking awake. Luckily, the car stopping woke him before Autsu attempted anything so foolish. His hands flexed before release, eyes opening. Autsu broke the door shortly after. Kian was out of the car. He followed after him to the dust entrenched cabin and... There was a certain amount of ease to him, now. The crying had been done and he had been displaced from the situation. The aliens shoulders were actually lax against the background of the shack. For a long moment, Kian said nothing. All three eyes snaked about that cabin to finally land on the bed. Without a word, he strode to it and begin to strip the sheets from it. Cover, sheet, comforter. Two to be aired out, the other to be used for more useful things. "Do you remember how to use the sling?" He was sure Autsu had his guns on him, he always did, but they were to be used for defense, not for hunting. Kian had... Nothing. He had packed nothing, not even a knife. Autsu was lucky he had found the man clothed, let alone armed. That spurred on his next comment even as he headed towards the exit. "And do you have a knife on you?"
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Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 5:40 pm
Autsu watched as Kian began to relax, gratified to have made the appropriate choice in terms of setting. They needed some space and silence, a place where they could be without expectation and responsibility. And if he was lucky, his Father would think to contact the bar and explain that there had been a death in the family. His Father was usually wise about such things.
As Kian began to calm, and so take control, Autsu began to relax. He took control when it was required of him, and did the best he could. But he preferred to follow, service was in his blood and to serve by leading was at least mildly confusing to him.
As Kian took stock of the cabin, he began to do the same, sorting through the miscellaneous item that cluttered an old workbench for usable tools. There wasn't much. He had a feeling they would somehow make do. If nothing else, as Kian was clearly aware, Autsu always had his arsenal, although having come from work meant that he was less armed than was sometimes the case. Though to be honest, the weapons he wasn't wearing were only as far as the car.
"What size of knife?" He asked, at Kian's request. There was the one strapped to his ankle under his pants, and the larger sheathe beneath his shirt, against his back. Also, a pocketknife, in of all places, his pocket. "I am, I would say, proficient with the sling. It is your area of expertise, Anne."
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Posted: Mon May 11, 2009 7:21 pm
Kian knew of the blade at Autsus back. He had clutched there enough times today to feel the hard danger of it. It was too big for what he had in mind, but at least he knew it was there. It was all that mattered. Right? Right.
"Hand sized." Kian paused in the doorway, one clawed hand on the frame. He turned partially to peer at Autsu, head slightly tilted to keep his hair out of the way. "The one on your back is too large to try and shape things with."
Talking. It was good to do, a distraction. He wasn't going to go off and putter around aimlessly, randomly picking things up and loosing himself in his own mind. Autsu was here, he had a knife, and - and there were things to do, to go through. Such as making slings and spears and things to kill.
"Don't want to use all your ammo finding things to eat." He said finally, lamely. The words fell loose to the sky, but at least he knew it this time. Kian felt as if he had to keep talking, now. The world was large and spacious with plenty to do, a long list of things to finish. It was worrying.
There was always sex.
Autsu was cast a sideways glance, almost lingering. Kian just threw the sheets he had forgotten he had been holding out onto the front lawn area of the home. The comforter was picked up, shook out. Other than the whipping, bladed tail, he looked almost peaceful. Sex solved nothing, and needed clean sheets to happen. Otherwise, Autsu wouldn't taste so sexy.
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Posted: Mon May 11, 2009 8:47 pm
As Kian began to spread the sheets out on the ground, Autsu knelt, lifting the leg of his pants to get at the knife he kept against his ankle. It was of the size that should suit the purpose of 'shaping things' though, having never attempted to use it in such a way, he was not entirely sure of this fact. His mother had been a 'shaper of things'. The thought surprised him. It was long since she'd crossed his mind. Kian's loss summoned odd memories. Nevermind. It was not memory that required focus now, but the present, and for once, Autsu was able to set the past aside in favor of current need.
He held the knife out without speaking, not sure what response was best in the face of Kian's sudden need to talk after the intermittent silence that had recently reined.
"My guns are not meant for hunting." He agreed, his words as calm and still as the evening air that surrounded them. And then, without changing tone, "You will have to teach me, ally. I lack experience in such matters."
Growing up in a large city before transferring to the palace had not encouraged experience in surviving the wilds. Meska would be better suited to such an experience.
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Posted: Mon May 11, 2009 9:01 pm
"All that is required is a good eye and balance." Another vicious shake of the comforter before it was spread, rather delicately, on a small area of something that wasn't covered by bugs or dirt. The base sheet came next; Kian took Autsus knife to cut lengths out of it. He wouldn't use it all, just enough to make a few slings and they would keep the rest for whatever. The regular sheet and comforter, he had planned on leaving whole.
Kian tested the bit of cloth with a few firm tugs to it. When it didn't rip, it was tucked into a pocket, and another part cut from the sheet. Cut, stretch, tug, tuck. After another three rounds of that, half the blanket gone, Kian squinted off against the horizon.
He turned to face Autsu like he would have for any other thing. This time, brows pressed tight towards the center of an otherwise placid face. Another look, this time at the sky, just the vaguest of flickerings, and then back to his ally.
"Autsu," He reached out to hook knife-less fingers into the pocket of Autsus pants. Kians next word was slow, heavy. Reluctant. "Stay."
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Posted: Wed May 13, 2009 3:33 pm
Autsu was silent. He didn't avoid Kian's gaze, as he might have, other times. As he likely would in the future, and had in the past. No, if Kian wanted to confront him, to really demand a response, then he could have chosen no better time. Because, for the moment, Autsu was all about Kian.
His breath hissed out between his teeth, it was obvious enough that he wished to take refuge in words that Kian wouldn't understand, a language they didn't share. But he didn't.
Oh, but it would be so easy to lie, or dodge, or pretend he had misunderstood the question.
"I made oaths, Anne. I can not break them." And that was true, but it wasn't the whole truth, not really. So he kept speaking. "It is not in me to turn against Narin, and my people are not given to... we do not let go."
Another breath of silence and this time Autsu's gaze sought something beyond the horizon before returning to the moment. "Come with me."
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Posted: Wed May 13, 2009 10:29 pm
"Oh," Kian said, hardly more than a gentle brush of air over lips. His hand rose from Autsus pocket and pressed its palm against the soft, scratchy cheek. The alien allowed himself the luxury of an actually affectionate stroke of thumb against cheekbone. Unlike the last time he had given his companion such a touch, he had spoiled it with sharp words and anger over the very same subject.
This time, there was no anger, no bitterness. Kian didn't think that he would truly leave... And on that train of thought, he had never honestly held onto the guess that Autsu may have wanted him. He would have Narin, answer A on a multiple choice quiz that had two right answers. He wouldn't need Kian, so there was no reason to want him there. That could have been why Kian did not hesitate with his answer, voice ever so soft with honest regret twitching at the edges of it.
"No, Tsu. No. No," A mockery of that day, near whispered in a completely different tone than it had been. "I cannot go with you. Under different circumstances... I will not bow to any prince. I do not like your Narin. It would be a mistake for me to go with you." Another hesitation before the hand slid from his cheek to the back of Autsus neck for a near-tender squeeze. "But it is my anger that keeps me here, Ally. Nothing of you. Understand?"
He wasn't quite sure why he was trying to reassure Autsu that it was not his fault. It'd be easy to gouge at Autsus guilt and sense of honor by using the idea of him being the reason against him to try and twist the taller creature into agreeing to stay. All it took was a different tone. This course of action meant he would have to go after Narin, physically, when he finally came for his Autsu.
The thought was rather appealing.
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 1:00 pm
There was a reason Autsu had not spoken this request previously. He'd known it was selfish, and known, at least at a gut level, that Kian would say no. He wasn't even entirely sure why. Even now, with explanation, he couldn't quite understand why. But his own nature was so different from Kian's, there was no point in struggling for understanding.
Were situations reversed, he would have agreed to accompany Kian. Were situations reversed, Kian would likely have agreed not to leave him. It was the way of things.
"We bind ourselves." He murmured, his words calm. "It is to be expected."
He looked to the ocean, then to the task that Kian had set for himself. "Let us not talk of this. We will fish, we will hunt. We will not think of the future." He grabbed Kian's shoulder, offering a squeeze that hinted of desperation that did not enter his words, "For now, there is nothing that could make me leave your side."
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Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 7:36 pm
Kian never imagined Autsu would expect a 'yes'. They both knew the others position n the whle issue Kian pushed for him to stay, urged the move with each tense moment they were together. He wanted his Tsu, HIS Tsu, to stay with him.
The fact that Autsu loved another, wanted someone else - it was ifferent. Sex was sex. It had little to do with the emotional part of it all (although he would willingly admit that it helped him in forcing them closer emotionally by pushing them physically) and if Tsu wanted another... Not his business. Even if there was love elsewhere, he still had something. It was the surrounding factors that ate at him.
Autsu wasn't just leaving him, but leaving him for someone of a lesser quality. Kian burned with a strange micture of jealousy and indignant anger each time he thought about it. Narin was 'better' and came first but - but -
Kian wanted to be the one. Not first or most important (it would have helped a great deal, either way) but - he wanted. He needed Autsu to stay. Kian did not want to break. The easiest path would be to start the distancing that moment where Autsu touched him. Kian did noto want to lose him sooner than he had to.
So he reacted in the same manner he would have any other day: a lean into those fingers and a near delicate flare to his nostrils.
"If I am right, we may be able to kill something of substance with these slings we will be making." He said, instead of anything forboding, anything having to do with love. "Carve some things down and fish without those hooks. Depends on the fish."
Love wasn't what his father often spoke of. It's happiness lasted brief moments when Kian was so at ease that he didn't realize he was happy until the moment had passed. And he didn't know if he had ever made Autsu happy. When they spoke of it, Tsu's facial palate usually showed those that tilted to the negative.
Maybe they were doing it wrong.
Kian looked around. "When we are done here, you will be able to survive wilderness with ease."
They could find moments of happiness that lasted long enough for them to realize it.
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Posted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 7:53 am
The moment, and it had not been a pleasant moment but it had been of import, was gone. They had stepped outside the deep intensity of honesty and pain and moved on to simpler, safer things. If anything about a relationship such as theirs could be called safe.
Autsu, dutiful, as ever, turned his attention to the task at hand. To the making of slings. To survival. What could be more important than that? Of course, were things desperate, they could always drive back to civilization. But it was important to not need such things. To not need anything, except each other.
"I know little of such areas as these." He admitted looking away from the water, toward the treeline. "You think there will be something to hunt?"
He really only knew of hunting through stories and the like. Hunters, like everyone else on his island, had been specialized to the sport. Lithe and graceful, keen to scents, accurate of aim. There had been some in the palace, for when the Ex craved exotic fare.
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Posted: Wed Jul 15, 2009 7:50 pm
"There is always something to hunt, Ally." Said Kian, his tone simple. He even shrugged, squinted, looked out at the place where water met sky. Opposite to Autsus current view. The alien flexed his fingers against the cloth he held and bit at his lower lip with sharp teeth. He tasted blood, but it was mild.
Kian turned, sharp, and squinted as his eyes met the shine of the water. His tail twitched in mild irritation, despite the calm slope to his shoulders. "What was it like where you grew up? I always knew trees, and water."
Except when he knew his mother and the sibling, before he knew anger and violence or -
No. Another turn and Autsu had a hand on his elbow and the soft, almost insistent squeeze of Kians fingers. Even as he waited for Autsu to respond, Kian started to tug the two of them back towards the trees. It would be dangerous in there, if there were wild beasts, but they could handle them.
Bunnies could be skinned! Kian liked that thought.
"Tell me about where you grew up, Tsu, and we will see how well you remember our one and only lesson."
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Posted: Wed Jul 15, 2009 9:28 pm
Autsu allowed himself to be led. Of course, he always did. That was the problem. But for now, as Kian directed them into the trees, it was not a source of conflict. They were simply together, seeing to necessity. They would need food, it was that simple.
The question, though--
It was an odd question. Speaking of the past was not something they did. It wasn't something Autsu did with anyone. Odd, how suddenly, with the order to call things to mind, he found memory slipping from him. There were things he remembered still, too clearly. But the details, the small things, grew fuzzy. He had lived another lifetime, since.
"When I was young, we lived in a small place. A town in the desert. The sand was red. I spent so much time outside, my scales took the color. My sisters were wiser. I never saw the ocean until I joined the military. There were a number of little islands, and some of them rebelled, or hadn't yet joined the empire. I remember Meska's island mostly. It was so green. It was the first time I had seen so many growing things. She would take me for walks, while I was still recovering, and name all the plants. I remember the way they smelled, after the noon rains." His description began dry, a simple listing of facts. It wasn't until he mentioned Meska that his words took on the quieter, thoughtful tones of someone actually reaching a memory. His accent became slightly more pronounced then, a soft hissing around the words.
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Posted: Wed Jul 15, 2009 9:40 pm
That was right, Autsu had been red. Esuth had been red, in either case. Bright and large, with horns and a prominent Adams apple, no facial hair. Kian remembered seeing that photo so long ago, followed by the drawing of Narin and then a kiss. A comment from Iamel, a conversation of shame and learning of the same weapon Kian was about to use to kill the first small animal to cross their paths.
"I like the red," said Kian, absent, and, yes. Yes, he narrowed in on the change in tone and a name that was somewhat familiar. Her name had cropped up in a conversation, once - maybe twice? There had always been another noise in front of her name but - Kian shrugged it off and kept his eyes on the foliage before them. "You are close to Meska?"
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Posted: Wed Jul 15, 2009 10:02 pm
At Kian's question, a slow smile began to appear on Autsu's lips. He didn't smile much, but it did happen. Still, a smile, untouched by irony or anger, in conjunction with his past, well, that was rare indeed.
"Soldiers should not be red. It clashes with the imperial colors." The response was mild, almost amused. But, as he turned his thoughts back to Meska, the trees that now surrounded him echoing his memories, his voice gained warmth and affection. "Yes. We were close."
Anyone else might have said 'she was like a sister to me'. But Autsu had never been particularly fond of his sisters.
"Her island was my first real engagement. I was leading a platoon of Ne'. There was some resistance. I was not wise then, and found myself with a concussion and a broken arm. Meska's parents shared a three way bond. It was common on the island, but odd to us. One of them was a doctor. He saw to my wounds, set my arm. When she was old enough, she followed me into the military."
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Posted: Wed Jul 15, 2009 10:16 pm
Kian decided not to ask what a three way bond was as he had a vague idea. Outside a flicker of interest, there was nothing more to it, and plenty of Autsu's other words held much more to listen to. He looked over when he heard that affection trickle into Autsu's voice, caught the last glimpse of the smile. He didn't know what to think of that, either.
"Nothing clashes with red. It's - What are the imperial colors? Pastel blue and neon pink?" Kian loved colors, though he had no talent for art or coordinating clothing. It's why his grandmother purchased most of his clothing outside of those for working out. He liked to talk about those colors.
A slight twitch in the brush caused him to stop walking, the hand on Autsu's elbow tightening once again. Kian turned but saw nothing.
Still, he asked questions. Why he wanted to know escaped him. He just did. "Was Meska green, if her island was? Or the color of water?"
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