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 Posted: Mon May 04, 2009 1:10 pm
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Posted: Mon May 04, 2009 5:52 pm
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You have standards that you value, you deserve a nice guy who will respect that! You shouldn't need to talk to a guy about whether you'll have sex before marriage until you've gotten to know him quite well... If someone asks you about it soon enough in a relationship that it could be an "instant turn-off" for them, then there's little doubt that that's not the person you want to be dating. A half-decent guy won't have the nerve to ask about sex until you're reasonably close to each other already.
It's great that you're waiting for marriage, you're doing the right thing! That might make it difficult to be in a serious relationship with someone who doesn't want to wait, but you shouldn't necessarily be afraid of dating anyone because of it. As long as you are honest with the person from the beginning that you are a Christian, then hopefully you'll be able to be a good influence on them while you're dating.
Also, I think it could really help you a lot if you did get involved in some church or youth group, it would give you a lot of support and you could get to know more Christians your age, hopefully some nice guys. =) If you are devoted to your faith, it will be much easier on you and much more fulfilling for you if you're able to find another Christian to date. It is difficult to be in a very serious relationship with someone who isn't a Christian, without compromising a lot of your values, you know?
The Bible really emphasizes that God wants his people to be involved in his church, it's how we learn about him, how we worship him, and how we serve him. So I really do encourage you to try to find a church you can go to regularly. Is there a particular reason you don't go very much? Are you part of any denomination?
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Posted: Mon May 04, 2009 7:28 pm
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Crimson Raccoon You have standards that you value, you deserve a nice guy who will respect that! You shouldn't need to talk to a guy about whether you'll have sex before marriage until you've gotten to know him quite well... If someone asks you about it soon enough in a relationship that it could be an "instant turn-off" for them, then there's little doubt that that's not the person you want to be dating. A half-decent guy won't have the nerve to ask about sex until you're reasonably close to each other already. It's great that you're waiting for marriage, you're doing the right thing! That might make it difficult to be in a serious relationship with someone who doesn't want to wait, but you shouldn't necessarily be afraid of dating anyone because of it. As long as you are honest with the person from the beginning that you are a Christian, then hopefully you'll be able to be a good influence on them while you're dating. Also, I think it could really help you a lot if you did get involved in some church or youth group, it would give you a lot of support and you could get to know more Christians your age, hopefully some nice guys. =) If you are devoted to your faith, it will be much easier on you and much more fulfilling for you if you're able to find another Christian to date. It is difficult to be in a very serious relationship with someone who isn't a Christian, without compromising a lot of your values, you know? The Bible really emphasizes that God wants his people to be involved in his church, it's how we learn about him, how we worship him, and how we serve him. So I really do encourage you to try to find a church you can go to regularly. Is there a particular reason you don't go very much? Are you part of any denomination?
thank you!
the reason we dont go much is because we just dont get around to, which i know is really bad. There really shouldn't be any excuse for it but Sunday is our only day to sleep in. and the church we go to is pretty awesome and my aunt and uncle go there too so it should work out good. |
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Posted: Tue Jul 07, 2009 12:57 am
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Posted: Tue Jul 07, 2009 6:25 am
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Seraph68 One point that CR missed was patience. patience in waiting for the ONE God has for you. It is worth it to not be going out with guys who are only interested in what is under your clothes, even if that means you don't get a single date until after college. It is worth it to not get romantically entangled with a guy who doesn't love the Lord like you do. Because when you final do meet that guy, he will be relieved that you were prudent enough to not date the guys who wanted to use you. he will be honored to be with a woman who loves the Lord like he does. Honestly, I'm a guy who's 24 and still waiting, I am not thrilled about girls who dated many guys, but who were wise about the ones they did date. I am not thrilled about girls who are just physically attractive, but I like girls who have a sincere heart to serve and love God. To any guys reading this. a good guide line in how you treat the girl you are dating is if you had to meet her future husband. will he shake your hand for treating her with honor and respect or will he punch you in the face for treating her dishonorably and selfishly. Also remember, God is with you all the time, even on dates.
That’s kinda creepy...
You assume there is one and only one partner per set
we do not know this is true, however, is you think this is true then more power to you but I would hate to see someone pass up any chance for love. That is not to say we all should date everyone we see but rather not pass up someone because they don't appear to be "the one"
and what does faith in God have anything to do with love
is it not possible to find the truest love outside of faith?
again if that’s where you are looking then fine but don't suggest that kind of limitation on others or perhaps by your own guideline you will be punched in the face numerous times.
I am also not sure misty knows what she wants or what potential and or future bf's want or what you or I or anyone for that matter
We may think we know but the truth is more than just thinking or believing |
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Posted: Tue Jul 07, 2009 6:41 am
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misty-ducklicious I need some advice Recently I've been thinking about relationships and stuff. I don't have a boyfriend yet but i just wanna be ready for when i do. I'm a christian and i want to do the right things and honor god but i don't attend church much and I'm not in a youth group or anything and i go to a public school so its pretty hard to find a good decent guy. And in school all everyone talks about is drugs and sex. i don't do drugs or anything and don't plan on it, but when i get a boyfriend I'm scared all he'll want is sex and i plan on abstinence until marriage and that's unheard of with the people i hang around and in the school i go to. -i just don't know how to tell any of my future bf's that i want to wait until marriage to have sex without it being an instant turn-off Help please thanks redface
You will know when you are ready
and if it turns out you are ready the second you say "I do" or even years later that’s fine...then you know but thinking there is something in the moment of marriage that suddenly makes you ready is rather constricting and it is that thinking that will often be an instant turn-off
and waiting until you know may or may not be enough for the men you meet
and now the question
Are you ok with that? that waiting may or may not be enough?
I find the answer varies with an individual’s perception of sex
now the follow-up question
What does sex mean to you? Is sex just simply the mechanical clash of flesh and serge of chemical and physical reactions...or is it more? |
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Posted: Tue Jul 07, 2009 11:48 pm
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lordstar and what does faith in God have anything to do with love is it not possible to find the truest love outside of faith? again if that’s where you are looking then fine but don't suggest that kind of limitation on others or perhaps by your own guideline you will be punched in the face numerous times.
There are many reasons why I think that marrying within your faith is important. First, by loving them you'd be concerned about their eternal destination. I don't want to go into a debate about it, but if I believe that Jesus is the only way to heaven, I am not going to let anyone I love not be a part of that (I can't force them, but I will not just let it be for someone I truely love). Having them already believers helps with this a lot. Also, it helps in harmony of the relationship, it is commanded in scripture, and so on.
In addition, how important is your faith? I know for some it is almost a name tag thing (just choosing a religion that they like most), but as for me, I see my faith as being an integrated part of my life. It is involved in the major decisions in my life and also many smaller commitments (like Offerings to the church). Who ever marries me, also marries my commitments to Christ. I find myself very busy in the ministry and I would prefer a wife who does not just acknowledge it as a good deeds, but also serves by my side as much as possible. and in an extreme case, I have considered doing foreign missionary work for anywhere between 6 weeks to 10 years, how would a non-believing wife react to that idea? (honestly, it's a little easier to consider that because I am not married at this time. But knowing some Christian girls I've gone out with, they would have started packing the moment I mentioned it). If you can't love the God I am ministering for, then all that stuff is just vein effort and there is less about me to love. I also hope to get to the point where I follow Christ enough were it would be hard to love me and not be a believer. But I am a bit of an extreme case at times. in any case, as serious as you are about your faith, be as serious about marring within your faith. |
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Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 8:37 am
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Seraph68 lordstar and what does faith in God have anything to do with love is it not possible to find the truest love outside of faith? again if that’s where you are looking then fine but don't suggest that kind of limitation on others or perhaps by your own guideline you will be punched in the face numerous times. There are many reasons why I think that marrying within your faith is important. First, by loving them you'd be concerned about their eternal destination. I don't want to go into a debate about it, but if I believe that Jesus is the only way to heaven, I am not going to let anyone I love not be a part of that (I can't force them, but I will not just let it be for someone I truely love). Having them already believers helps with this a lot. Also, it helps in harmony of the relationship, it is commanded in scripture, and so on. In addition, how important is your faith? I know for some it is almost a name tag thing (just choosing a religion that they like most), but as for me, I see my faith as being an integrated part of my life. It is involved in the major decisions in my life and also many smaller commitments (like Offerings to the church). Who ever marries me, also marries my commitments to Christ. I find myself very busy in the ministry and I would prefer a wife who does not just acknowledge it as a good deeds, but also serves by my side as much as possible. and in an extreme case, I have considered doing foreign missionary work for anywhere between 6 weeks to 10 years, how would a non-believing wife react to that idea? (honestly, it's a little easier to consider that because I am not married at this time. But knowing some Christian girls I've gone out with, they would have started packing the moment I mentioned it). If you can't love the God I am ministering for, then all that stuff is just vein effort and there is less about me to love. I also hope to get to the point where I follow Christ enough were it would be hard to love me and not be a believer. But I am a bit of an extreme case at times. in any case, as serious as you are about your faith, be as serious about marring within your faith.
That was very nice of you to break down what faith in love means to you. That kind of commitment is rare...and I understand what you do and why and why it is important.
It seems to me you want what everyone wants from their compainion
Love and Support
Try looking on a more fundemental level and maybe you will see that not everyone will find love the same way you do |
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Posted: Sat Jul 11, 2009 1:10 am
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Posted: Sun Oct 18, 2009 12:25 pm
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i pretty much agree w/ everything cr said, so i'll just quote him to startCrimson Raccoon You have standards that you value, you deserve a nice guy who will respect that! You shouldn't need to talk to a guy about whether you'll have sex before marriage until you've gotten to know him quite well... If someone asks you about it soon enough in a relationship that it could be an "instant turn-off" for them, then there's little doubt that that's not the person you want to be dating. A half-decent guy won't have the nerve to ask about sex until you're reasonably close to each other already. It's great that you're waiting for marriage, you're doing the right thing! That might make it difficult to be in a serious relationship with someone who doesn't want to wait, but you shouldn't necessarily be afraid of dating anyone because of it. As long as you are honest with the person from the beginning that you are a Christian, then hopefully you'll be able to be a good influence on them while you're dating. Also, I think it could really help you a lot if you did get involved in some church or youth group, it would give you a lot of support and you could get to know more Christians your age, hopefully some nice guys. =) If you are devoted to your faith, it will be much easier on you and much more fulfilling for you if you're able to find another Christian to date. It is difficult to be in a very serious relationship with someone who isn't a Christian, without compromising a lot of your values, you know? The Bible really emphasizes that God wants his people to be involved in his church, it's how we learn about him, how we worship him, and how we serve him. So I really do encourage you to try to find a church you can go to regularly. Is there a particular reason you don't go very much? Are you part of any denomination?
now that we have that, here's where i stand on the issue. i believe that sex should be saved for when a person gets married, and whether you want it till then or not is your business. in any relationship, it is certainly a good idea for both parties to know where the other stands. you shouldn't have to tell him if you don't want to. if he's a decent guy, he probably won't even mention it until well into the relationship. at that point, he's probably been dating you long enough that it won't be a turn-off. and if it is, the probably doesn't deserve you anyway.
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Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 12:22 pm
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I read the first post and that's it. So if this repeats anything, I'm sorry.
First, let me tell you my story. I started dating this guy. And I told him that I wasn't going to have sex with him and made him promise not to ask. To me, if that was what he wanted, he wasn't worth the relationship. He agreed and life went on. However, I started making little compromises and before I knew it, I had gotten to third base with him. To me, that's sex enough that I'm not a virgin anymore. Later, he was hinting that he wanted to go further, and I denied him. And then he broke up with me. Praise the Lord that I didn't go any further than I did but I compromised myself to the point of no return.
The moral of the story? Being a Christian at a public school is hard but having a few crummy relationships where guys walk out of your life because you deny them sex can be a good thing. To me, if it means that much to them, they're not worth it. The thing to remember is that God has the perfect guy out there for you. You might have to wait and go through a few bad relationships to get there but it's worth it.
Try a promise ring. Even though I feel a little hypocritical wearing mine after what I did (I did get it after I compromised myself) it's a good reminder that I've promised to save myself for marriage now and to trust God to bring the right man into my life who will not ask of me what I should not give.
I hope that helps.
Sorry if it was really repetitive of what other people have said.
<3
Just Listen. |
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Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 10:02 pm
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Clearly, God doesn't want you to engage in sexual relations with anybody else or yourself until you're married.
Obviously, that's why he gives you the urges to perform sexual acts upon yourself (or another) at such an early age.
To test you, and if you fail it's all your fault and you're going to Hell and you better get to enjoying your nipples being toasted over a fire because Satan is having a cookout and ETERNAL HELL BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.
If God doesn't accept that people are going to have sexual contact before marriage, he would have taken the urge from us to pursue sexual gratification until after we've already married.
I find refraining from sex until proper BC methods are in place is smart, but I wouldn't dream of using religion as an excuse to not have sex.
That's a slippery slope, because in certain sects of Christianity, sex is only to be used for procreation, and not enjoyment.
God would have to be a real d**k to give you sexual urges before he wanted you to utilize them, only to command you not to enjoy it.
Needless to say, I disagree with everybody here.
To anybody reading this, stay safe, stay smart, GET SOME ******** LEARNING IN YOU, and screw the night away.
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Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 1:02 pm
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Zahmen II Clearly, God doesn't want you to engage in sexual relations with anybody else or yourself until you're married. Obviously, that's why he gives you the urges to perform sexual acts upon yourself (or another) at such an early age. To test you, and if you fail it's all your fault and you're going to Hell and you better get to enjoying your nipples being toasted over a fire because Satan is having a cookout and ETERNAL HELL BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. If God doesn't accept that people are going to have sexual contact before marriage, he would have taken the urge from us to pursue sexual gratification until after we've already married. I find refraining from sex until proper BC methods are in place is smart, but I wouldn't dream of using religion as an excuse to not have sex. That's a slippery slope, because in certain sects of Christianity, sex is only to be used for procreation, and not enjoyment. God would have to be a real d**k to give you sexual urges before he wanted you to utilize them, only to command you not to enjoy it. Needless to say, I disagree with everybody here. To anybody reading this, stay safe, stay smart, GET SOME ******** LEARNING IN YOU, and screw the night away.
did you hear what God did to Job?
what a d**k move on God's part |
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Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2009 9:22 pm
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Zahmen II Clearly, God doesn't want you to engage in sexual relations with anybody else or yourself until you're married. Obviously, that's why he gives you the urges to perform sexual acts upon yourself (or another) at such an early age. To test you, and if you fail it's all your fault and you're going to Hell and you better get to enjoying your nipples being toasted over a fire because Satan is having a cookout and ETERNAL HELL BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. If God doesn't accept that people are going to have sexual contact before marriage, he would have taken the urge from us to pursue sexual gratification until after we've already married. I find refraining from sex until proper BC methods are in place is smart, but I wouldn't dream of using religion as an excuse to not have sex. That's a slippery slope, because in certain sects of Christianity, sex is only to be used for procreation, and not enjoyment. God would have to be a real d**k to give you sexual urges before he wanted you to utilize them, only to command you not to enjoy it. Needless to say, I disagree with everybody here. To anybody reading this, stay safe, stay smart, GET SOME ******** LEARNING IN YOU, and screw the night away.
Hm, I found this post..quit interesting to say the least. Oh, where do I start..? We are not talking about all religion, just Christianity, and some Christians do not even consider it a religion but a relationship..You've probably heard that before. Moving on to sexual urges. How young do you think teens have sexual urges? Hm? 10? I sure hope not. Anyways, to my point. Back in Biblical times, women got married young. A boy was considered a man at 16, I believe, and girls as soon as they had their periods. I had no 'sexual urges' before I had my period, that's for sure. Once a girl was a woman she could be married and begin having children. Young, right? Experts believe the Jesus's mother Marry was no more then 15 when she had Jesus (If you believe that).
God does not just give sex for the procreation aspect, but also for enjoyment. I REALLY am to lazy to find the versus, but it is some where in Corinthians. God says for a man not to withhold sex from his wife and for a wife not to withhold sex from her husband basically because it is for enjoyment and bonding. It goes on to say that there is a certain aspect of 'oneness of the flesh' that you get from sex. Love is oneness of emotion, marriage is oneness before God spiritually, and sex is the icing on the cake: oneness of body. That is why God calls for sex only inside of marriage. Would a person want to become one with a woman who has had many partners? Maybe some would, but I cringe.
Anyways..moving on..Who said anything about Hell? Just because a person falls does not mean that they are going to be sent to Hell. I mean really.. thats just silly.
I may have missed something..
___________________________________________________________
ANYWAYS~! To OP. Do what you feel is right. Mr. Right will come along sooner then you know it. I met my Fiance at this Club for Christ deal three years ago. He had made a decision that he would only date the woman he married, and (this has nothing to do with it) he had loved the name Anastasia since he was a small child. I had a bad dating experience and I was focusing on God at the time we met. Well, guess what? My name is Anastasia and five months later he asked me out. Fun times. We have never had an argument and sex was never to focus of our relationship in the first place. This spring we plan to tie the knot. |
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Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2009 4:37 am
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misty-ducklicious I need some advice Recently I've been thinking about relationships and stuff. I don't have a boyfriend yet but i just wanna be ready for when i do. I'm a christian and i want to do the right things and honor god but i don't attend church much and I'm not in a youth group or anything and i go to a public school so its pretty hard to find a good decent guy. And in school all everyone talks about is drugs and sex. i don't do drugs or anything and don't plan on it, but when i get a boyfriend I'm scared all he'll want is sex and i plan on abstinence until marriage and that's unheard of with the people i hang around and in the school i go to. -i just don't know how to tell any of my future bf's that i want to wait until marriage to have sex without it being an instant turn-off Help please thanks redface
I agree with a lot of being said. I am 23 years old and I have not "dated" or courted anyone yet. But I am actually joyous because of it. I am living under the Will of the Lord.
Patience
Patience is one of the major things in seeking a relationship. It says, "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength." If we fully trust God, He will send someone to us according to His Will, not our own. Remember, there is a song that says, "His way is best, I will not murmer although the end I may not see; Wherever He leads me, I will follow. God's way is best for me."
Faith and Love
This one is probably the major thing out of a true relationship. Faith in the Lord that He will send someone to you. I read about, "Can you have true love without faith?" The answer is no or at least "true love." It says in in 1 John, Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love."
So there's love and true love. True love is born of God. Love is an emotional love that its works are dead to God. And I tell you, a lot of "dating" will do that. If we go out and date people after people, just by going after our own flesh, something happens into that individual that I could barely describe. It wouldn't seem like he/she isn't as special as you once first started dating.
Fasting and Prayer
Another major key. I believe if we are attempting to seek someone or if we have our eye on someone, we should do these 2 things first. Fast for a couple of days with prayer. Seek the heart of God in this matter. God will reveal the answer to you when the time is right.
Anyways, I have to get ready for Church. So I'll just leave it at that. I won't be back on until later tonight because I have a ministry to go to in Lancaster, PA. But if you have any questions, feel free to ask or even to PM me if you want to. Either tonight or tomorrow, I will hit some more points about it. |
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