|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 4:23 pm
So I am just trying to understand something. How exactly do most Asexuals go about choosing a S.O. (Significant Other)? I just come to a blank when I think about this. Especially when I go by the definiton of Asexual as the guild as posted it. So anyone care to answer this very broad question for me? Words of Warning Look I start these kinds of threads to start understanding things. It just does not make sense. I like to probe so be prepared to answer my questions. Sorry if I come of as an a*****e.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 4:35 pm
Questions are good. =D
As for a significant other..I currently don't really ever want one. M'not sure if there's any questions to that.. xp
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 7:58 pm
As a younger teenager, it doesn't quite matter as much as I think it would an older person, seeing as you don't deal with sexual relationships as much, if at all. This is of course for the asexuals who do want relationships in their life. I am one of those, I think.
As for what you look in somebody, that differs as much as it does in sexuals, just with a few slight changes. It would be nice if our perfect s.o. was also an asexual, wouldn't it? It so happens not to be the case, most unfortunately. I am in love with a young man who I have found out quite recently, much to my dismay, that he is a sexual. Don't know why I was getting my hopes up in the first place. But if we stay together, and the time would come when it seems there is no other choice to tell him about the me he didn't know about, my new hopes are that he understands, still accepts me, and still loves me.
I think those are some of the key things an asexual should look for if they are interested in relationships, is understanding, acceptance, and love. And to those not interested, all the more respect given from me.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 8:07 pm
ParisArkw Questions are good. =D
As for a significant other..I currently don't really ever want one. M'not sure if there's any questions to that.. xp HOLY CRAP GROUP ACTIVITY sweatdrop sorry... just seems to me that this group does not have much interest in it any more... I am hoping to change that Anyway no that does not answer my question. I ask because I am trying to gain a better understanding of asexual life.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 8:11 pm
OldSoulSong As a younger teenager, it doesn't quite matter as much as I think it would an older person, seeing as you don't deal with sexual relationships as much, if at all. This is of course for the asexuals who do want relationships in their life. I am one of those, I think.
As for what you look in somebody, that differs as much as it does in sexuals, just with a few slight changes. It would be nice if our perfect s.o. was also an asexual, wouldn't it? It so happens not to be the case, most unfortunately. I am in love with a young man who I have found out quite recently, much to my dismay, that he is a sexual. Don't know why I was getting my hopes up in the first place. But if we stay together, and the time would come when it seems there is no other choice to tell him about the me he didn't know about, my new hopes are that he understands, still accepts me, and still loves me.
I think those are some of the key things an asexual should look for if they are interested in relationships, is understanding, acceptance, and love. And to those not interested, all the more respect given from me. I ask because just because I don't feel sexual desire does not mean I don't want to feel loved.... I went through a stage where I could live alone.... but that was because my family and kitty were around. Now that I am truely by myself I get sad and stuff. Anyway... that is my personal problems So your saying that you were able to choose this young man because you loved him? What brought him to your attention in the first place might I ask?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 9:41 pm
Personally, I am not (and never was) ever "looking" for anything in a SO. I don't have a specific set of ideals or anything in mind that I am looking for in someone.
But that's not to say I could never be in a relationship. I'm the kind of person who just makes friends and doesn't think about or try for anything else. But then... it happens, you end up falling in love at some point. It even happened to me, which took me completely by surprise. I didn't "choose" anything... my feelings just happened.
It's a personal preference, but that's the way I feel most comfortable with. It's very slow and gradual, but that's okay.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 10:12 pm
himitsudane Personally, I am not (and never was) ever "looking" for anything in a SO. I don't have a specific set of ideals or anything in mind that I am looking for in someone. But that's not to say I could never be in a relationship. I'm the kind of person who just makes friends and doesn't think about or try for anything else. But then... it happens, you end up falling in love at some point. It even happened to me, which took me completely by surprise. I didn't "choose" anything... my feelings just happened. It's a personal preference, but that's the way I feel most comfortable with. It's very slow and gradual, but that's okay. So it just happened? Lucky you
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 10:36 pm
Good looks, good humor, easy-going attitude, intelligence, and wit.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 10:59 pm
Inkou Good looks, good humor, easy-going attitude, intelligence, and wit. Asexuals are supposed to be indifferent to a persons physical apperance.... or at least that is how our fearless leader has described Asexuality.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 12:51 am
XenoReiji himitsudane Personally, I am not (and never was) ever "looking" for anything in a SO. I don't have a specific set of ideals or anything in mind that I am looking for in someone. But that's not to say I could never be in a relationship. I'm the kind of person who just makes friends and doesn't think about or try for anything else. But then... it happens, you end up falling in love at some point. It even happened to me, which took me completely by surprise. I didn't "choose" anything... my feelings just happened. It's a personal preference, but that's the way I feel most comfortable with. It's very slow and gradual, but that's okay. So it just happened? Lucky you The feelings just happened... not a relationship. In fact, even though the feelings are there and have been for close to two years, there is still no "relationship"... :/ Also, this is the first and only time I've felt this way, and I'm just about 19.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 11:27 am
himitsudane XenoReiji himitsudane Personally, I am not (and never was) ever "looking" for anything in a SO. I don't have a specific set of ideals or anything in mind that I am looking for in someone. But that's not to say I could never be in a relationship. I'm the kind of person who just makes friends and doesn't think about or try for anything else. But then... it happens, you end up falling in love at some point. It even happened to me, which took me completely by surprise. I didn't "choose" anything... my feelings just happened. It's a personal preference, but that's the way I feel most comfortable with. It's very slow and gradual, but that's okay. So it just happened? Lucky you The feelings just happened... not a relationship. In fact, even though the feelings are there and have been for close to two years, there is still no "relationship"... :/ Also, this is the first and only time I've felt this way, and I'm just about 19. I see, only feelings. Well I guess that happens. Never happened to me though.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 5:37 pm
I would think that those who don't look for significant others would feel lonely at some point. But, I could be wrong. Whatever floats their boat.
I look for people who understand me. What I mean by understanding is when the other person can predict what I'm going to say, know what I like to eat, and know exactly how I'm feeling without ever saying anything to me. It's that silent understanding that I seek.
Intelligence, wit, humor...those are vital as well, but I tend not to worry about them as much. After being with someone for a long time, I tend to accept someone for who they are. Some people may not be smart, but they might have something to balance that, such as the ability to make me laugh.
Well...that's basically it for me. Yeah.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 6:01 pm
Hm... if I have really good close friends, I don't feel like there's much of a need for anything else.
The understanding thing sounds nice. Of course there's also intelligence and humor and all that. It's true that I'd need that too in a SO, but I don't think about it consciously. It's more like I wouldn't end up falling in love unless there were certain qualities present, but I don't go around thinking "oh, I like that guy, he seems smart and funny... I hope he's loyal and friendly too." :/
So for me, the qualities I'd be looking for are only subconcious... not some kind of list of things I look for in people.
Man, this is tough to explain.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 9:58 pm
Well, I'm not currently looking for a S.O. (and just went through a bunch of drama about that), but I'll throw in some input.
When I'm attracted to people... guys, girls, whatever, it's on the premise of becoming very good friends. Therefore, I seek out people with similar interests, similar values, intelligence, sense of humor... friendship qualities like that. But I also seek for someone I can open up to and be totally honest with and trust on a level deeper than what most people would consider a friendship level.
But that's it. And unfortunately, as I've recently been victim of, it's impossible for me to seek out a guy friend without one or more or all people assuming I want to date and make out and be a little sex kitten. Apparently a straight guy and a straightish (asexual) girl cannot be friends and just hang out and do things.
And I don't agree with the statement that we can't find other people good looking, or be attracted to someone's looks. I think a painting is attractive, but I don't want to have sex with it. I think my dog is cute and adorable, but I certainly don't want to have sex with her. I think anime characters are some of the most beautiful people I have ever seen, but there's no sexual attraction. I think some of my friends are very handsome, and my friend in Japan is gorgeous, but I'm not running off to sleep with them. There's a difference.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 12:05 am
Illuminescence I would think that those who don't look for significant others would feel lonely at some point. But, I could be wrong. Whatever floats their boat.
I look for people who understand me. What I mean by understanding is when the other person can predict what I'm going to say, know what I like to eat, and know exactly how I'm feeling without ever saying anything to me. It's that silent understanding that I seek.
Intelligence, wit, humor...those are vital as well, but I tend not to worry about them as much. After being with someone for a long time, I tend to accept someone for who they are. Some people may not be smart, but they might have something to balance that, such as the ability to make me laugh.
Well...that's basically it for me. Yeah. Yeah well that is the way it was for me.... when I thought I could be alone I had others around me.... so I was unconsciously satisfied socially. But once you are truely alone you realize how bad loneliness can hurt Anyway, how do you go about finding these people?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
