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Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 7:03 pm
Yeah...random short story...product of about 4 hours in front of my computer. Actually, it stated as a story for some freinds, with them as the characters..but I've changed that and fixed a few things^^' any input would be appreciated smile I'm most worried about the action-y scene and such. I did a little research into guns and grenades, and nothing look obviously off to me, but I'm not at all familar with weapons outside my 360. Sooo if anything is ridicuously wrong, point it out please^^ Enjoy and thanks for the read biggrin
“3-01.…3-01” My comlink buzzed incessantly in my ear, static but still understandable. I ignored it, scanning the horizon while the instruments downloaded their various info into my data pad. Not much to see, really. Dry as hell and hotter, a typical post doomsday early morning. “3-01, call-in! Goddamit , Senna, I know your there!. Answer me already!” “Um..ok…42.” I said, enjoying the evident exasperation in my friends voice. “Cut the s**t, Senna, everyone else reported in like a good little outrider-now shutup and do yours.” His sarcasm was obviously meant to wound, but I was used to it. After all, pissing people off was one of the few joys left in life, and I like to believe that I have perfected it to an art. “Hmmm…..” I pretended to take my sweet time reading the data, even though it was the first thing I had done upon reaching the dissolute station. “Most everything’s normal, I guess, except, well, hm,….” “Except what?” Jarek practically hissed through the mike. It was amazing how much frustration a cyborg could inject into it’s voice. “Rad levels are higher than norm,” I was being serious now, “but that’s to be expected, right? The bombing run was pretty close, and the models did say that it all would be slower to dissipate cuz buildup this year…” I trailed off, uncertain. Jarek was slow in answering, probably running various computer something or anothers….or maybe giving me a taste of my own antagonism. With him, it’s hard to tell. “Well, the models are right, but that don’t mean we have to like it. This area’s gonna be too hot before long.” He finally replied. “Uh-huh…how long is that?” Jarek didn‘t answer right away. I heard him sigh over the mike, a normal sound but surprising to picture coming from his mostly metallic face. “Do you think we should move, Senna?” The question had been in the back of everyone‘s mind, but that was the first time I had heard it phrased aloud. “Why you asking me?” I snorted “ I ‘m just in charged of the outriders, my opinions don’t count with the council, remember? Besides” I added, “where would we go?” Silence. Again. Either he was actually thinking or I had pushed him too far. “Get back to base, the sun’s up in less than an hour-” like I didn’t know that “-and Command wants another meeting. Your supposed to be there” “Alright!” I replied, feigning resignation. “I’m serious. I’m tracking multiple metallics a few miles north of your present position. I wouldn’t have mentioned it except I know you’ve already spotted them” Damn. I had spotted them on scope just before he had buzzed me. I wanted a look. “And bring in Tagan, if you can find him. Paranormal wants to grill him ‘bout the sprites” “ Again? Even after what happened last time?” “Idiots” He muttered. “Anyway, stay away from the UO’s, it’s not worth checking out, got it?” “Scout’s honor!” I said as brightly as I could. I could almost hear him grit his nonexistent teeth. “We do not have enough people for a search and rescue, Senna. Base out.”
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I crouched low, just under the ridge, wishing I could wipe the sweat off my forehead. The sun was well above the horizon now, but at least it was December, so I was merely stewing in my rad suit instead of roasting alive. Cautiously, I peered over the ridge, and nearly got my head blow off for my trouble. ********. So they had seen me. Sliding lower down the shallow slope, I checked the round in my rifle. Admittedly, it was a few years…decades… out of date. But it was reliable. A bolt action Garven SSM29,firing .50 BMG rounds. Single shot, which was decidedly inconvenient at times, but usually I was smart enough to only need that one shot. Usually. My handgun was strapped to my leg, but I didn’t even consider drawing it. It’s .32 calibur rounds would be next to useless against their armor excepting extreme close range, and if they were that close I was dead anyway. If it isn’t obvious, I lied. I went to look at the UO’s, the “metallics”. I wasn’t technically disobeying orders, since Jarek doesn’t really have a rank, but most likely a dressing down awited me back at base. If I made it back. The UO’s turned out to be a MAI transport (Carries 20 or so people, including pilots and gunners, and is enviously air conditioned) , two smaller LAF’s and a tank. A “Marauder” to be exact. I had gone dark, which meant turning off all my suit’s electronics, communications, and the internal ac, so as not to show up on any scans, then crept in close enough to see the flaking, pockmarked paint on the vehicles in my scope. A faded open hand in green on a black background identified them as the Earth’s Liberation Army. Ironically, they’re the ones responsible for the majority of the nukes. I had been wondering why they’d be stupid enough to travel out this way and not have any guards out when I nearly had my a** shot off. Definitely a big dressing down when I got back. Grumbling under my breath, I shifted my rifle, debating my predicament. The only reason I wasn’t dead was that they assumed it was a possible ambush, and that there was more than one of me, plus the guard was a lousy shot. I considered making a run for it, but the ground quickly leveled out, and there was no cover inside a half mile. There were some hills farther out, but, unfortunatly, I can’t teleport. I stiffened as I heard the rasp of boots on loose stone. They were coming closer. By the sound of it, more than one but no more than three. Most likely spread out in a semi-circle. That decided It. No way was I gonna sit around and get captured, but there was no way I could face them head on either. I’m not suicidal, whatever Jarek says. Pulling two of my three grenades from my side pouch, I silently armed them. I tensed so I could toss them and run. If I was lucky, it would cripple all of them. If I wasn’t….well, maybe only the lousy shot would be left. I waited. Once I released the button, I would have two seconds to get out of it’s range or get it out of mine. I waited…I could hear them getting closer…..closer…..now! I lobbed the two frags over the ridge and jumped to my feet, running even as I grabbed hold of my rifle swinging from its shoulder strap. Two seconds doesn’t seem like much, but when it’s your life it’s an eternity. I heard a shout of surprise, and a scream of “Grenade!!” then - Ba-Bang! Twin explosions, almost simultaneous. Half turning, I looked back. A body was sliding down the slope where I had just been, and further to the right-” “s**t!!” I yelled, diving to the dirt, just as a trio of bullets ripped through the air above me. Reacting by instinct more than anything, I rolled to my side, pulled my rifle up and fired. The crack of the round was followed by a blossom of blood from the man’s helmet, and he fell with a thump to the ground. I could of fainted from sheer relief, if my right arm hadn’t been radiating pain from elbow to fingers. The awkward position of the firing meant the recoil wasn’t brunted by my shoulder, instead driving my elbow in the dirt. And it hurt. I got up, sore, but really better off than I should have been. Giving one last look towards the man with his face half gone, I shuddered. He had been caught in the blast from my grenades, blood had been leaking from his suit before I’d even shot him. No wonder he’d missed. Or maybe I was lucky. Either way, he was dead. I turned and began trotting towards my speeder. I had left it a few miles out, and I wanted to be well on my way before the convoy realized that those two hadn’t reported in. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I reached my speeder relatively quickly. Still trying to work the ache from my arm, I keyed the ignition on my bike, for once too tired to curse it’s reluctance to start. Aware of the explosion to come, I went light, and spoke nonchalantly into my mike. “Hey, base, What’s up?” “Your alive?!” Jarek said incredulously. “Very much-” I began to reply, touched by his concern. “YOU IDIOT!! I’m going to make you wish you HAD DIED!! I can’t BELIEVE YOU PULL THIS, THIS-” “ 3-01, This was a grave breech of security measures-” Commander Dengen cut in right over Jarek’s tirade. I was really in deep s**t if command was getting involved. “and an investigation will have to take place. You will be su-” “And IF you EVER PULL A stunt Like this AGAIN, SENNA-”Jarek went right on ranting, heedless of Dengen , “I swear I will-” “Current actions demand looking into, 3-01, and your record-” “STUPID STUPID STUPID!!!” “ far from perfect, your emotional state needs to be quest-” I turned off the comlink. If anyone asked, it was damaged during my heroic spy effort. The engine on my speeder finally coughed to life, and I turned away from base, humming tunelessly under my breath. I was told to go find Tagan, so I be a little late getting back. I do so enjoy pissing people off.
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 6:28 pm
I'm very sorry that it took me so long to get to this, it was a great read! I love how well you got across Senna's personality, how she love to piss people off. It was also nice how you did the situation as well, some people would go completely overboard in describing everything about how the world met its 'doomsday,' but you gave the right amount of details, not too many, and not too few. It would have for sure gotten to be long winded if you had explained everything, plus, it's nice to be able to think of reasons myself.
I think you pulled off first person pretty well, it is the more difficult perspective. One thing I noticed though, was that it got a bit confusing when the story skipped a bit of time, but then had explanations of what had happened during that tme skip. I think there were some tense issues, but I'm not certain, that'd be one thing to look for. There were a few little mistakes, but nothing drastic by any means.
All I can really say now is to keep up the good work!
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