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Tags: poems, poetry, lyrics, songs, writing 

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Xxr and sXx

PostPosted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 3:41 pm


look into my eyes what do you see
a helpless person
full of pain misery and sorrow
thinking of you is the least thing i want to do
even though i see you all the time
i cant seem to get you out of my head
your making me go crazy
i hate this i hate you get out of my mind
why you doing this, after all that we've been through
love,hate
suddenly i feel something sharp
cutting my skin "why" i scream "i love you"  
Liife's A Beach, Im Just Playinq In The Sand
PostPosted: Fri May 01, 2009 10:05 am


Very nice. It has good meaning. However, you really need to work on the grammar aspect, and rhythm. After all meaning isn't the only important factor in making a poem. It's the most important factor, but not the only one. Good job! I'd give it a 3.5/5 if I could rate it that. ^_^

cooll666725
Captain

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Poetry and Lyrics! Awesome!

 
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