|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 4:21 am
I keep having this desire to have one more baby. We already have two that are getting older, and I miss having a little one in the house. I keep thinking if we don't have one now, we never will.
I'd always dreamed of having a big family, and having lots of kids. But my husband likes having just the two. It's really hard to compromise on something like that. We keep discussing it over and over again, but he doesn't want to budge on the issue.
Anyone ever feel this way? Or have issues with their significant other where you disagree on how many children to have? How do you handle it?
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 6:47 am
Children was one of those conversations Greg and I had when we first started dating. We both wanted at least 2 or more children. 3 or 4 children would make us very happy.
I think he made sure it came up because he made the mistake of not doing that once and ended up marrying some one who didn't want children at all.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 8:31 pm
One of the first things I learned about Richard was that he did not want any kids. EVER. I got pregnant only a few months into the relationship (it was not intentional, of course) and thankfully he was crazy about Aden right from the get go. So I changed his mind on that one, but I've told him several times that I do want at least one more. I just never considered having just one child. Richard, however, doesn't really agree with my desire to have a second -- not fully anyway. He figures it's now or never, whereas I want to wait until we're less broke.
So, I guess I see where you're coming from. It can be hard to have the same talk about number of kids over and over and not come to a conclusion. Have you ever thought of "accidentally" having another? JUST KIDDING. Don't do that! Heh heh... anyway... I guess the best you can do is try to get through to him that you really want to have another little one in your family, and hope that from there, he understands and agrees.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 5:16 am
Yeah, I think if the economy recovers and we're less broke, he'd be more open to the idea as well. Trying to expand the family while in a recession really scares him, and I guess I understand that. There's enough pressure just to financially care for the children we have and make the house payment. Hopefully next year things will be better, and I'll have a stronger case xd
I'm starting to wonder if soon it'll be like the 40's-50's after the war, when there was a baby boom.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun May 03, 2009 11:10 am
My parents had two kids, me and my older brother. While I don't think they were planning on having us so close together, to my dad, we make the perfect family. One son and one daughter. My mother wanted many children. By the time my mom hit 30, she started feeling incomplete. She desperately wanted more children, but my dad refused to budge on the issue.
I decided when I was a teenager that I wanted four children. My brother decided on four to eight. Hearing my mother all those years talk about her dream of having so many definitely affected us... and my dad always said we were nuts! Well, when I met my husband, one of our first serious conversations was about kids... I wanted four, he wanted six! (^_^) I was sold! Hee hee.
I now have two children. We're waiting for our daughter to get into kindergarten (two more years) before we have the next two. And for the curious, my brother has two sons and a step-daughter, and when he gets home from Iraq, he and his wife are gonna try for another daughter. He won't get eight kids with her because she has to have a C-section each time.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun May 03, 2009 9:08 pm
The children conversation is one of those conversations that is extremely important to have. The want for or the lack there of can destroy a relationship.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue May 05, 2009 8:18 pm
PetitChat One of the first things I learned about Richard was that he did not want any kids. EVER. I got pregnant only a few months into the relationship (it was not intentional, of course) and thankfully he was crazy about Aden right from the get go. So I changed his mind on that one, but I've told him several times that I do want at least one more. I just never considered having just one child. Richard, however, doesn't really agree with my desire to have a second -- not fully anyway. He figures it's now or never, whereas I want to wait until we're less broke.
So, I guess I see where you're coming from. It can be hard to have the same talk about number of kids over and over and not come to a conclusion. Have you ever thought of "accidentally" having another? JUST KIDDING. Don't do that! Heh heh... anyway... I guess the best you can do is try to get through to him that you really want to have another little one in your family, and hope that from there, he understands and agrees. My boyfriend and I have been struggling with that issue over the past 6 - 9 months. He's been waffling on the issue of having/wanting kids, whereas I know for sure I'd like a family with 2 or 3 kids. We were having issues last night, but we talked today and he said he'd be willing to compromise on having kids (number-wise), as long as I compromise on when we have them. So we're willing to work it out with time. He and I are renting right now (I'm almost 23 and he's almost 25), but after we pay off our debts and travel a bit, and maybe put down a down payment on a house, I'm hoping then he'll be more comfortable with the idea of being a dad. smile
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 3:25 pm
Well, I only wanted 2 kids, but here I am. sweatdrop blaugh I never want a large family, but at least my dh and I can agree on it. I just can't do it anymore and if I do decide, I want to be much older and stable and adopt.
Anyways, I'm not saying you, but a general observation is that most times when one spouse wants another child badly and the other does not, the one who does tends to not see the viewpoint at all of the other one. I think sometimes people fail to see is it THAT important to have that stress on your relationship? Is it a dealbreaker? What will having another one do for your relationship and that person?
It's just one of those things that I really feel for the ones who do not want another one. I've been in that situation, it's not fun. I do recommend counseling if no agreement can be reached because I think with an issue like that people tend not to view the other spouse's viewpoint.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 07, 2009 2:21 pm
kim ocean Yeah, I think if the economy recovers and we're less broke, he'd be more open to the idea as well. Trying to expand the family while in a recession really scares him, and I guess I understand that. There's enough pressure just to financially care for the children we have and make the house payment. Hopefully next year things will be better, and I'll have a stronger case xd I'm starting to wonder if soon it'll be like the 40's-50's after the war, when there was a baby boom. I'd believe it. More babies were born in 2007 than in 1957, the height of the baby boom.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue May 12, 2009 9:50 pm
The number of children talk is a really important one to have before getting married and finding out after the fact that you and your spouse are not in agreement about family size. DH and I had done this and we weren't 100% on the same page about having kids at first, but we were close. He wanted 1 MAYBE 2 and I wanted 2 or 3. We ended up settling on two. Both of us are happy with that arrangement. I had to wait to have children a couple years later then I wanted, but it was worth it to wait in order to have him on board and not hesitant about it. I feel very strongly about both partners being in agreement about having more children and no "Oh whoops, there's another baby," scenarios.
I can understand your frustration and have to echo the question as to whether or not this is a deal breaker for you. Because while I see where you're coming from, it's not fair to make your partner have another child he really doesn't want and is unsure about. It might be worth it to explore your own reasoning for wanting more children and where it is coming from. If you can understand and articulate why it's important to you to have more, it may help with your discussions, or it could even help you to find it in yourself to understand his point of view better.
I know I'm perfectly happy with our decision to stop at two, but that irrational part of me panics when I realize my second is growing up and she's all the baby I get. I originally consoled myself with the idea that I'd have nieces and nephews to get a baby fix off of someday, but at this point, it's looking like it will be quite a ways in the future or possibly not at all. And that makes that part of me sad and want MOAR babies.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 2:13 pm
I like your reasoning and suggestions Pirate Dirge, specifically asking yourself why you want another and what need this would fill, and to help yourself communicate your needs and his needs, and to see each other's points of view If it's just that you love the baby stage, maybe that need could be filled in other ways, like nieces and nephews, as she said, or baby-sitting for a friend, or even grandchildren (although that'll be a ways down the road.)
My sis-in-law has 4 kids and badly wants another, but her husband does not. He stays home as the stay-at-home dad while she goes to work, so I can understand he has a lot of pull in this decision because he does most of the childcare. I don't know how they're dealing with this disagreement though.
My husband wanted 100 kids (lol) and I wanted 3 or 4. When I wasn't ready, he was willing to wait; afterall, I was the one getting pregnant, carrying the baby, giving birth, and doing most of the childcare. I feel like it happened (the second time) before I was ready, and it took me about half the pregnancy to become ready. But I believe things are meant to happen when they happen and how they happen, and that it's all for a reason. If you're meant to have more kids, you will, whether you try or not. And what happens isn't always the way we invisioned it. My friend Leslie and I always envisioned having one boy and one girl each, the boy being older, and in reality, I'm having 3 girls, and she's the single mother of 4 girls, two of them step-daughters.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Aug 03, 2009 11:02 am
When my babies are older I want to adopt, my husband on the other hand thinks adoption is wrong...
In the end I do not want to go through pregnancy again, it was horrible both times and he knows that, plus there are enough children flooding our system, so I want to help a child here instead of going through the horror that is pregnancy for me.
This is when the kids are in high school or out of the house, I might not want more kids, but I do want to help some so I might look into foster care so I can help kids that need places.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
