Welcome to Gaia! ::

Who are you?
Who were you?
And who am I?

These questions have no straight answers, they are
endless strings of convoluted logic chains
that really aren't bound by logic or even words because
how can words even begin to cover something like this?
I never knew
you never knew
no one ever knows.
Looks
to me
as if
we're ********.

What was I thinking
what did I think of love
that I would tell myself that
granting him unlimited access
to the inside of my shirt
would let him inside my heart?
How could I mistake his talk of love
for love? he was
unproved, a soldier before the ship sails,
a knight without his sword.
Foolish
that I could just trust
a stranger
when all he wanted was an easy time.

I belong in another age
--of this, I am sure--
I feel comfortable on deep front porches, wicker swings,
talking to the boy
I know he's not a creeper, a child molester,
I know that he's a virgin
He knows i am too
I see us talking shyly, me and my Faceless Stranger
in an era where making eye contact is too bold
where he can only imagine the shape of you beneath your clothes
where he kisses you after the first date
and prays only, that night, for another.
An era where a kiss can last for an hour
and it's still too soon;
An era where a man glows just as much
after a smile as after sex.
Where he proposes before talking of bed,
where he would rather sleep by my side, clothes on,
than be outside screwing someone else.
Where he would do anything for me
stand by me, even if I'm not myself,
because he knows
that underneath it all
there is a me that he loves.

Where was I then?
Did I find true love?
Or did true love never really exist?
Maybe there is no Romeo
no Edward
no Charming.
Maybe there is only a boy
who writes poems about you
who is too shy to meet your eyes
who shakes as he kisses you
and will stand by you through any challenge.

I wish I knew where he was.

(something clouds between the
eyes and the mind, turning the sun
pitch black
your heart races
your thoughts swirl
who ever questioned why
a child is afraid of the dark?
Rather than lose the light I
will think of my soft-eyed boy
I will remember true love even if
it is a memory from another life, another time
because
at one point
it was real.
He and I, we bump into each other
once a century or so, and I am always searching
would he search, as well?
Does he remember me too?
One day there will be a boy
who is familiar to me
who puts my happiness before his pride
who puts my safety before his life
a stranger who is not a stranger
the one who can
fight the darkness.
How can it not be so?
I prefer to tear my heart out
and feed it to the hellhounds, rather than
forget.

And, you know,
the heart never forgets.)

(maybe it was never real but
then
what kind of life would it be
if true love died? If
a man said
I love you
and never meant it
if a mother felt nothing for her child
without love
what is there?
but if no one believes
it dies.)

(Without true sadness
there cannot be true joy
the human heart does not die; rather
it rests
sometimes for years
but there is a soul who
can breathe life back in
revive it, make it glow
and make life worth living again.
life without love is
death.)

(and what it is
is true love
simply that
a core around which everyday life
can rotate around, and glow from its heat
without it, we spin around empty air
with it, we have gravity
what more
can a person want?
I wish that
I were special
to someone,
at least.)

(Fact cannot explain love
nor can science--
it simply is
those who don't believe in it
simply haven't found it yet.)

(if the sky
breaks
what lays behind it?)

meh.