|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Wed Apr 22, 2009 8:38 pm
here i am standing
awaiting for my death
as the rope curls around my neck
i take one last breath
as i do i remember all the things that happened to me
why am i doing this i think
why.............
most of my poetry dosent have a lot of happy endings
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 8:05 am
It has a decent rhythm at the start, but when writing a poem, I'd try to make it at least 10 lines long. It seems more professional then. Also, try to be more consistent with your rhythm. As I said it starts off great, but then the rhythm changes. Anyway, That's my critiquing for you. ^_^ I do like it, btw. I'm very into poems with no happy endings.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
