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Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 12:34 pm
This exercise is unlikely to work with many RPCs, so it is more for just something to write about. You can use yourself, a new RPC, an existing RPC of yours or modify an existing RPC of yours.
>>> Darkness, then your eyes open. Was that just a blink? But, the people, the location and surroundings, nothing is familiar. Where is this? What is this? Walls, indoors? No, a wall is missing, it looks... barren. You step in that direction, feeling the dry, coarse air. Someone is talking, someone is talking to you. But now another sound, a roar? No, water, waves, crashing, and the wind flying over it, in with it. The person speaks again. What are they saying? Words? Another language? You glance to your right and no one is there. Your hand moves upward, without you moving it. Glancing down, a cutlass. How do you know that is what is it called? Clash, the sound of metal on metal, swords. You turn, and see that yours is blocking someone's attack. Now you are outside, the person that attacked you, the same voice that was speaking, stops at the opening of the building. The wind blows, the sound of the water or the wind is deafening. The sand is circling in the air, ripping at your arms and face. >>>
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Posted: Fri Jun 12, 2009 11:01 pm
It was dark, very dark, fear…loneliness… …all sorts of negative emotion started to dominate my little heart. Tell me your wish~, a voice suddenly echoed in my head. It sounded so far away and yet so close, just slightly above a whisper of a deadly, icy monotone. Truly, I was terrified; the voice drained the warmth from my body, leaving nothing but a hollow stillness. I longed for a voice, for a presence of someone--- You were always alone and being ignored…miserably tossed around like an item. These words struck me. They never treat you as a living being. Just look how they left you here to die! Darkness started to surround me, swallowing me as I whispered my wish with my trembling lips, “I..I want to get out of here!” Out of the darkness, a hand reached out to me, such a translucent skin that would crumple upon touch. As I already drowned in the depths of the darkness, my hand unconsciously lean forward to the out stretched hand……
((I need a few tips to improve. Any thing would be fine, including critique! TQ))
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Posted: Sat Jun 13, 2009 10:37 am
This was never what I meant to happen, no- not when I went into that mysterious room on the island of the fortuneteller. I was merely there to ask her if I would ever escape the clutches of that damn lord. He's been chasing me for months, ever since I ran away. But the fortuneteller gave me a drink instead of a fortune 'Drink this' she said, with a dark grin 'It will open your mind to my visions' What a lie! She had drugged it, for as soon as I took a sip, my vision grew hazy and eyes grew far too heavy to remain open. Then there was only blackness and I was here.
It's an island, somewhere, I can tell that by the sand and the sea- the arid taste in the air. I go to grab my cutlass and fight these kidnappers off but I find that my hands are bound and my hip void of its sword belt. I cast my eyes angrily at the men I hear- they are not my crew, so this is not a mutiny. My eyes widen in shock and fear, for I know who that black haired man with the rich clothing is. It is Lord Randersvayne, the one I ran from so many months ago. It seems the fortune teller found that the ransom for my return was much higher than the fee I had offered her. He walks up to me, and kisses me without my permission.
"You have escaped me for many months, but now my Dear dear Scarlett, it is high time we have that wedding you became a pirate to get away from I snarl at him, but he slaps me across the face, saying I need to learn some respect and submission as a woman of my standing should learn "It pains me my darling, to see you bound like this. Your father is very angry at you for running away, and I must say I am too. But no matter, we will soon be on our honeymoon
I snarl again, he scoffs and walks away saying how much of a FAVOR he's doing me by still wanting to marry me. I smirk to myself, for I have won this battle. I would escape again, I may have to spend time with him for now, but I can already feel the weakness in the knot of these ropes...
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Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:08 pm
Arihyoshi-Amaya: While you didn't go with the prompt so much, it was an interesting piece. I would be interesting in seeing more of that story, it would give the except more meaning.
Nicole- While the idea behind this prompt was a very strange, new environment for an RPC, it wasn't a requirement. It seems like that is a piece of a very well-developed story. You explained why she was on the run, why someone was after her, even how she got herself into this situation and hinted at how she would get out. Like the back cover of a book, but they usually leave more out. This bit of story left me wondering about the rest of it, before and after, even though it outlines much of it.
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Posted: Sun Jul 26, 2009 12:54 pm
(It is cool how both of you took an almost close-ended prompt, and really made it your own.)
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Posted: Wed Jul 29, 2009 2:50 pm
I opened my eyes quickly. Awaking from the same haunting dream. I sat motionless and quiet for a few seconds, blinking when finally I noticed it was pitch black. I was surprised but not afraid. I've been through worse than waking up to darkness. I felt the grounds with my finger tips, cold, smooth rock it felt like. Perhaps a prison? I think to myself, but then realized I still had both my armor and weaponry. Surely no one would be dense enough not to take those when imprisoning me. I felt my wrist, searching for a pulse. As amusing as it sounded to me, I was quite far from dead. I stand up slowly, cautiously. Once done I snap my fingers and cast a simple flame spell. Just enough to illuminate the room. I look down, a puddle of water reflecting my scarred face. Makes me think again where I am, where I was, and most importantly, where I am going. I looked around the room when suddenly, my flame went out. I raised a brow in confusion. I then felt a sort of empty feeling, as if part of my soul was missing. But then I remembered, I have no soul. It looks like I will have to stick to my senses for the time being. I felt a light breeze to my left. I turned myself to that direction and carefully started walking. I reach out feeling for a surface, stumbling over what seemed to be a jagged surface. As I progressed I recognized the architecture of which I was walking on. Stairs. It was then that I heard a whisper. It was an eerie sound. Wait... eerie? I stand yet again in confusion. Did that whisper... just... scare me? Besides the haunting image in my nightmare, I haven't felt fear ever since the incident in the dream occurred. What is this? I keep walking toward the breeze, when I hear a hissing sound. It sound familiar this one, but not as bone chilling as the whisper. I keep moving when my eye catches a small sliver of light in the darkness. I walk toward it, as I get closer I see it illuminating itself as a crack in a stone wall. I get closer and it was only large enough for one eye to see through it. I look out through the crack, I see the moon and waves hitting the sharp rocks of the shore. But this view... I recognize but I don't remember it. Suddenly a rush starts moving its way up to my head. And suddenly a screech, a thousand wraith like screeches of a million memories. The downfall of my power, the Achilles heel of my skill, the recoil of my thirst, for memories. The agonizing sounds spinning around in my mind. I drop down making a soundless scream. It was as if my victims were violently tearing their way out of me. I can't fight it, this insanity, this torture of the mind is the consequence of my "unique strength". I slowly lose consiousness, slipping back into my own darkness. -----------------------------self commentary------------------------- I really don't have much to say about myself on this one. Still developing the character from the "Lost Sword" exercise. Don't be surprised if you see him in an RP soon. I think I'm beginning to like him.... as a playable character. eek Anyway I think a few tips and pointers (or perhaps a lot of tips and pointers) will help. Personally I think there may have been a bit of redundancy in this one... not sure. But anyway, that's it for this one. -skaiano
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Posted: Sun Mar 21, 2010 3:36 pm
The sentences in the first paragraph and the last don't read very fluidly. I don't know why, but I suspect it is about sentence structure and word choice. Otherwise, it seemed well written and interesting. There were a few simple proof reading-type errors though.
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