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Z-Ro The Winged Knight

PostPosted: Fri Apr 10, 2009 8:32 pm


The first, please comment on how it seems... I really want to improve.


The woe of the night,
Comes the false-fated flight,
Which two lovers dared to,
Not of the fears went through.

A heart of pure stone
Chilled greatly to the bone,
Stares with cold malice
At the one they call Alice.

Alice's blood runs deep cold,
Turned to cold stone from gold,
Lover cries anger,
As he dies in danger.

Love's rose is deadly,
A secreted medly,
With woe of the night,
And the false fated flight.
 
PostPosted: Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:08 am


It's all couplets.. If you change your style to something that's not so obviously set, like Shakesperian (I forget if there's another 'a' in that..), then it might flow a little easier instead of having a clipped sound.. the couplets are nice to end stanzas with, but I'm not sure about having them throughout the whole thing..
And, just wondering, did you mean to have the line:

Lover cries anger,
As he dies in danger.
It just seems like the last two words of each line were transposed...

Kianaries

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