Speechless for a Moment
I have lost my voice
As my pen contacts the blank, empty page
No word seem to come
I can make myself write things
But the page would still be as empty as it was before
Such emotions
Fear
Hate
Love
Contempt
Friendship
Violence
Bubbling, pushing, trying to force their way out
But still nothing
Where did it go?
Maybe it was lost in my schedule
Disorganization
Crumpled piles of paper
Deadlines
Projects
And that seemingly daunting "responsibility"
Or maybe it's somewhere amidst my house
Fights
Arguments
Regretted words
Scars
Video games
And dirty dishes
Maybe I just lost it in the world
In the people
Relationships
Love
Deceit
Money
And an eternal sense of not belonging anywhere
No matter how hard I try to fit in
It seems as if I've been everywhere
Countless seconds, minutes, hours
On quiet, serene park benches
Through workshops, lessons, and lectures
And amidst all the busy and bustle of the streets
And all I get is lost
So I turn to myself
maybe I missed something?
I never should have let it go
What happened that I could lose it so easily?
And I begin to forget
Forget to write
Forget to speak
Forget my schedule and my work
Forget my family and my roots
Forget the world and all its pursuits of happiness
I begin to lose myself
The whole essence of my being
I lose life and the people that make it worthwhile
The few that stay close enough to touch
I push away
Falling further from them and from myself
As silent tears fall
Each one isolated and frozen as the next
It is now dark
I've lost all of my senses
And am finally forced to see inside myself
There I see all those things which I had forgotten
The feelings, emotions, and people I had ignored
Each one a perfectly preserved snapshot
And I begin to write
It's still dark
But with each word things come back
The page is full now - in fact there's two
So I guess I found my voice after all
But is it too late?
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