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 Posted: Wed Oct 26, 2005 10:08 pm
*Sighs*
Ok. I am happily involved with my boyfriend, we've been together for two months but it's going strong and I can definitely see it going for longer. He is the greatest thing to happen to me in a long long long time, I wouldn't give it up for the world. I've come to realize I may be in love with him.
Well, my situation is due to the fact that he is a virgin and I was very sexually active before we started dating. I completely respect his decision to wait (he's 18 and I'm 20). We've had plenty of chances to have sex but haven't, even if he wanted to I wouldn't. With him... I don't need it, it's not what I desire.
Recently though, I started to have casual conversation with a guy I met, this was only a day or so ago. But I found myself getting a little aroused around him. He's very good looking, has a nice personality and just... I don't know... gives off those "I'm hot for you" vibes. I'm fairly sure he thinks I'm cute and wouldn't mind getting to know me. I don't want a relationship with this guy, I don't want sex from him... but... I'm sure that if I weren't with my boyfriend now (Richard) that I wouldn't jump at the chance to have sex with this guy.
I would never dream of cheating on my boyfriend, nor would I sleep with this guy if given the chance. But, I feel bad at the thought though... that this guy makes me a bit warm by the site. Should I feel bad? Is it because I might be sexually deprived? It makes me feel like I'm not satisfied by my boyfriend but trust me... oooh I am very much so!
confused
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Posted: Wed Oct 26, 2005 10:51 pm
heart
Maybe it's because you're used to having sex (or were used to it, when you were with your ex), but now you're holding back for awhile because of your boyfriend? I mean no offense by that, btw. Just hormones is what I guess I'm implying.
I think my situation was a little like yours... when I was with my ex, I was attracted to a friend of mine (who is actually the guy I'm dating now). We were very much physically attracted to each other, but knew we were off limits because I was taken at the time. I thought he was hot, and I guess I was turned on by him, but again, I was taken.
I basically ended up avoiding him for awhile because I knew I'd love to date him and get to know him better, but I couldn't.
My point is, I think the only thing I can suggest is to talk to your boyfriend about it. Or avoid this new guy who arouses you.
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Posted: Wed Oct 26, 2005 11:02 pm
<3!!
I do like the attention. I am a little insecure so it's flattering knowing that good looking guys are looking at me too. I shouldn't need to want that kind of attention though... should I? All the attention I need and want comes from my boyfriend, I mean it's normal to be flattered but to ask for more is a bit...... too much. It's like a habit for me though, it's almost like second nature to chat up a cute guy who was looking at me. It's what I've done in the past. When I'm with my boyfriend though I don't give a rip if other guys are looking at me or not though.
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Posted: Wed Oct 26, 2005 11:34 pm
Same here. If I'm by myself, and a guy looks at me like he's interested, it's definitely flattering. But since I will of course not cheat on my boyfriend or do anything I shouldn't do, it's not really a big deal. The attention is nice (I'm still working on my self-esteem issues) but that's about it. My boyfriend knows I have some issues, so he looks at me in a positive way and compliments me all the time, so hearing it and seeing it from him is more important.
And like you said, when I'm with my boyfriend, I don't care if anyone looks at me or not. My boyfriend thinks I'm hot and he loves me, and that's all that matters to me in the world. heart
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Posted: Wed Oct 26, 2005 11:47 pm
If the man cant please you I dont think it'll work >>;
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Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 7:41 am
My only concern is this: Quote: We've had plenty of chances to have sex but haven't, even if he wanted to I wouldn't. With him... I don't need it, it's not what I desire. Do you really mean that you do not desire sex from him like AT ALL. Like if he did decide he wanted to take your relationship to the next level, had worked it out for himself and TRUELY wanted to initiate a sexual relationship, you'd shoot him down? If that IS true, well, then I'm a little worried about THAT in particular. I'd hope you find him sexually attractive and really the only thing holding you back from HAVING sex with him is his committment to his virginity and not that you simply don't want sex with him.
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Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 11:42 am
Honestly this is totally totally normal. I have been with my fiance for 5 years and love him so so much. But we are still human. And the desire to spread our genetics is one of our more basic but we use our brains to decide if we want to or not.
Also the attention is very nice. Knowing that there is someone else around that finds you desirable and attractive is an amazing feeling. As long as it's clear in your head that you don't want him and don't want to break up with your boy friend then there is nothing wrong with it. Little crushes will come and go all the time and you will always think other people are attractive but as long as you are secure in your relationship it's all fine.
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Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 5:24 pm
I didn't say that he doesn't turn me on. In fact if we didn't have our morals I would've been all over him, ravishing him, etc. Trust me, the guy turns me on completely. My point was that I felt a slight arousal from a different guy and I was leaning toward that since I used to be sexually active but aren't anymore... if that was why. Please don't read into things that aren't there. I do love my boyfriend dearly in everyway and I am attracted to him everyway. <3
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Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 5:30 pm
I realize I'm double posting. I wanted to quote this though. Nikolita And like you said, when I'm with my boyfriend, I don't care if anyone looks at me or not. My boyfriend thinks I'm hot and he loves me, and that's all that matters to me in the world. heart And this: chalda Honestly this is totally totally normal. I have been with my fiance for 5 years and love him so so much. But we are still human. And the desire to spread our genetics is one of our more basic but we use our brains to decide if we want to or not. Also the attention is very nice. Knowing that there is someone else around that finds you desirable and attractive is an amazing feeling. As long as it's clear in your head that you don't want him and don't want to break up with your boy friend then there is nothing wrong with it. Little crushes will come and go all the time and you will always think other people are attractive but as long as you are secure in your relationship it's all fine. Thank you. =) I know I won't act on these subconscious desires, so-to-speak, it makes me feel better to know that I'm not a horrible girlfriend because of this. Thank you! <3 I've always loved this guild, I should come back more often sweatdrop
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Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 5:41 pm
I have to agree with what's been said. Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you are dead. In fact, I would say that anyone in a relationship who claims that he/she has absolutly no interest in anyone else is just lying.
A test of your relationship is not whether or not you look at others, but whether or not you act on it.
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Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 4:32 am
I'm glad I didn't have to post my issue, since its almost the same thing I shall take in the good advice given. 3nodding
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