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Posted: Thu Mar 26, 2009 8:52 pm
As promised, here'e the final part of my prologue!
Captain Brummel halted Xion. He pulled out a rope and a wooden stake. He pounded the stake into the ground and tethered Xion to it. He set up his tent and put a protective spell around it. He grabbed his blanket and pillow and went inside the tent. He made a cold dinner as he set up his bed. He pulled out a picture. Tears formed in his eyes as he looked at the picture. It was of him long ago. He was playing with his son, Jolet, in a sunny field while Lorena was watching them from the distance. “Oh my dear wife and son, I miss you both so much. I hope you’re thinking of me up there in Taëroh’s eternal paradise.” Captain Brummel ate his food and silently cried himself to sleep. Captain Brummel awoke to the sound of thunder. He got up and looked outside. The storm clouds were darker and the rain was heavy. "I guess Zawgrin likes to play Saicluard, our weather goddess. If he thinks this weather is going to stop me, he’s going to be surprised. I’m not giving up!" Captain Brummel packed his gear and untethered Xion. He got on Xion and kicked his side. The horse neighed and raced towards Zawgrin’s castle. I’m coming for you, Zawgrin. Captain Brummel thought with grim determination. He traveled for many days as the storm grew steadily worse. He arrived at the castle in the late afternoon. The storm was worse than ever before. Captain Brummel looked up at the castle as water soaked his fur and the wind blew around him. I will not fail you, my king. Captain Brummel jumped off Xion. He grabbed his claymore and stormed towards the castle. He ran across the drawbridge and kicked the door open. He walked inside and looked around to see the skeletal remains of his fallen knights. “Zawgrin!” He yelled. “Where are you?” A tall, lanky man appeared at the top of the staircase. He had a slender body and smooth black hair. He had icy blue eyes, a sharp pointed nose, and an evil sneer. He was wearing a dark cloak over a green tunic and beige pants. He had one hand behind his back. "Do you have to yell? I was just settling in as 'Supreme Ruler' of this planet." "Zawgrin, what the hell happened to you? You used to be one of the good guys. Why did you chose the dark path?" "Why did I choose?" Zawgrin asked mockingly. "How about power? That's always a good thing." "But you were the king's most loyal wizard!" "I grew tired of serving that old wind bag. His constant errands drove me mad." "Why did you kidnap the princess and curse this world?" "Being an evil ruler is so boring." Zawgrin sneered. "I though this little game would be fun. I need to be entertained during my evil rule." Captain Brummel gripped his claymore’s hilt in anger. “You want excitement? I’ll give you excitement!” He let out a yell as he charged. He raised his claymore and brought it crashing down on Zawgrin’s head. The claymore bounced off an invisible shield and knocked him down the stairs. He quickly got on his feet. “What the hell? You set up a defensive spell? "Yeah. I knew you were bound to show up after you sent these pathetic knights to fight me. If you want a job done right, do it yourself." Zawgrin brought his hand around to reveal the skull of Lieutenant Weiloom. He tossed it at the captain’s feet. "No! Lieutenant Weiloom! I'm going to kill you, Zawgrin!" Captain Brummel felt rage surging throughout his body. "Frombetio!" A large fireball flew from his paw towards Zawgrin. Zawgrin grinned as he snapped his fingers. He let out a yell as the fire struck him. It burned his entire body and he fell to the floor. Captain Brummel cautiously walked over to the corpse. That’s it? He’s dead? It couldn’t have been that easy, could it? He stopped in front of the corpse and knelt down. He gasped with surprise. The corpse was nothing but a dummy. It had the same features of Zawgrin and wore the same exact clothes as him. Damn! I’ve been tricked! He turned around as he heard Zawgrin laugh. “Oh man! I can’t believe you fell for that!” Zawgrin said with a snicker. He was at the foot of the stairs. “You really are an idiot!” “Stop playing games and fight me like a man, Zawgrin!” “Very well. If you must insist.” Zawgrin clapped his hands and a rapier appeared. The blade was encased in fire. “I was going to toy with you a bit longer, but I think I shall kill you now.” He grabbed his hilt and charged. He swung his blade at Captain Brummel, but the captain parried the blow. Captain Brummel kicked him in the chest and knocked him down the stairs. He ran after him. “Come on! Surely you can do better than that!” “Shut up!” Zawgrin said as he got up. “Sevno atomb!” A green ball of energy formed in his hand. He threw it at the captain and it landed a few feet away from him. "Ha! You missed me!" "I wasn’t aiming for you!" The orb exploded into a growing dome. "Mano eetuma!" A magical shield surrounded the captain. The green dome passed by him without harming him. The captain watched as the skeletons were vaporized. The dome and his shield disappeared. Damn! My shield’s gone! He thought. At least I didn’t end up like my men. Zawgrin charged again with his flame rapier and slashed wildly at the captain. Captain Brummel parried every move and fought back, but to no avail. “It seems we are evenly matched.” He said as he panted with exhaustion. Zawgrin did not look tired. "Not really. I was going easy on you. I figured you have one more taste of life before you die." Zawgrin placed a hand on his chest. “Yumsa!” He began to move in hyper speed and attacked the captain with lightning fast attacks. The captain yelled in pain as the fiery blade pierced his body. He dropped to one knee. "I'm not giving up!" He said as he coughed up blood. Zawgrin stopped in front of him. "It's over for you, captain." "That's what you think. Ulzira zhomber!" The captain coughed as he placed a paw on his chest. He was encased in an orb of light. "Oh no you don't!" Zawgrin charged with his blade ready. He pulled it back and shoved it through Captain Brummel's heart. The orb of light disappeared. Captain Brummel yelled in pain as he was engulfed in flames. His charred body fell to the ground and never rose again. Princess Yeira heard the scream and ran out of her room. She had long blonde hair and emerald green eyes. She had pale skin and wore a crimson dress. She cried with horror as she saw the burnt corpse of Captain Brummel. “No! Captain Brummel!” She fell to her knees and began to cry. Zawgrin walked over to her and patted her on the back. "Now princess, don't cry. It will be okay." Yeira got to her feet and started hitting Zawgrin. "Okay?! Okay?! You killed my best friend! How can everything be 'okay?'" Zawgrin grabbed her hand. "Oh, quit whining and go back to your room. Go play with your toys." "I will not, you heartless b*****d!" "Insolent little whelp, go to your room!" "No!" "Now! Or I will turn your nightmares into a reality!" "You wouldn't dare!" "Try me!" Zawgrin yelled in anger. He raised his fist, but brought it back down and sighed. "You have become a real pain in the a**, you know that? Remind me why I haven't killed you yet." "I'm the only child of King Mareno, remember?” Princess Yeira asked sarcastically. “When he dies, I'll become ruler of Avarisix. You plan to marry me so you can take control of the world, but I refuse to marry someone as evil and cruel as you." "So, King Mareno is still alive. How is that old wind bag?" "Why do you care? All you care about is yourself." "Come on. Don't be like that." "It's true, isn’t it? You stole me so you can force me to become your wife, you cursed this world for your entertainment, and you want to rule the world with an iron fist. You caused this world to plunge into chaos and darkness.” “I have not!” “Yes you did! Ever since you cursed this world, there have been more casualties. Wars have broken out and trust among others has dwindled. If you’re going to be ruler of Avarisix, you have to deal with every little problem, including those on the forbidden continent. You will also bear everyone’s grudge.” She continued to rant about being a ruler. "Enough!" Zawgrin shouted. He said some words and Yeira fell silent. "Return to your room at once and do not come out again! Here's a little gift to keep you occupied. Ahmyo reituna zhekuna exprondia!" Yeira let out a muffled scream as two cat ears popped out of her head. She cast Zawgrin a 'what-have-you-done-to-me?' look. "You have been given the same curse as everyone else in Avarisix. Now you are slowly and painfully turning into a calico cat. That will keep you busy for awhile. But don’t worry. I’ll take off that curse after we’re married." Zawgrin laughed. “Get out of here.” Yeira cried in agony as she ran back to her room. Now, to continue business. Zawgrin thought as he teleported into his study. He walked over to his throne, made entirely of the bones of fallen knights, and sat down. He closed his eyes and started meditating. Six gems appeared before him and he spoke to them. "Scatter yourselves across the land and remain hidden. Do not allow anyone to see you!" The gems disappeared in a flash of light. Now, to make some guardians. He continued to meditate and six demons appeared before him. One was a monstrous sea dragon. Another was an enormous fire demon. The third was a frog demon. The fourth demon was the king of a creature called the Quinlar. The fifth consisted of a group of dragon-like monsters. The last demon was a skeleton in black armor. "My monsters, protect the gems and let no one obtain them." The demons roared in acknowledgement before disappearing. Zawgrin pulled out a crystal ball. An image of every town and village appeared inside. "People of Avarisix," Zawgrin spoke into the ball. “kneel before me! It is I, Zawgrin, your new ruler. As of now, you’re all under my control. You will follow every one of my orders. I need excitement in my dull evil life. I challenge you to find the keys to your freedom. These ‘keys’ are six gems protected by my most powerful demons. If anyone is brave enough, bring to me the Fire Ruby, The Aqua Sapphire, the Forest Emerald, the Bone Diamond, the Sky Amethyst, and the Quinlar Quartz. My demon lords will not be easy to defeat. Who will rise to the challenge? I will be waiting. Your future depends on those heroes." Zawgrin cut the connection. He put his crystal ball away and walked over to the window. He leaned his head out and shouted at the top of his lungs, "I am Zawgrin, king of Avarisix. I will rule this world with an iron fist. I challenge all who oppose me!" He let out a maniacal laugh. "It's about time I got to see one hell of a show!" Zack McFlaren awoke with a start. "Woah! That was a weird dream."
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Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 2:36 am
Ok... You need to make your sentances longer. Especially at the beginning, there's just too many small sentances. But I like the way you do the fight scenes... I never expected Brummel to get killed, so that's good smile
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Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 5:42 am
thanx for the tip. i hope u enjoyed the prologue. you can check out the rest of the story as soon as i get it published
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Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 7:14 am
HeroofAvarisix thanx for the tip. i hope u enjoyed the prologue. you can check out the rest of the story as soon as i get it published no prob! I'll be looking out for it
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Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 3:58 pm
It'll b exciting! Monsters, tough battles, bosses, a tournament, and much much more!
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