If you try to fail and succeed, what have
you done?
Managed to stay in high school without graduating
How is it one careless match can start a
forest fire, but it takes a whole box to
start a campfire?
YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!
Why is the time when the traffic is slowest
called rush-hour?
Cause everyone's in a rush to get home even if they're stuck.
What's the speed of dark?
It's not the speed of dark but rather the speed of light and how fast it takes to leave you.
If physics can predict lottery numbers,
why are they still working?
Prediction is just a smart way of saying guess.
If you run backwards will you gain weight?
No. The act of physical excercise makes you lose weight.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you need to
buy her friends?
Don't you wonder why rich people are popular?
What happens when you get scared
half-to-death twice?
Depends on if you have time to recuperate from the first time.
Can a blind person feel blue?
Yes. Just because they're blind doesn't mean they can't feel.
How can a house burn up when it burns
down?
Because fire spreads up.
Are you telling the truth when you lie in
bed?
No, I'm sleeping.
If your vacuum cleaner really sucks, is it a
bad thing?
Yeah. You could get your face stuck in that thing.
How do you know when a Smurf
suffocates?
They make noises like: Gackgackgack.
Despite the cost of living, why does it
remain so popular?
We enjoy suffering.
If a word in a dictionary is misspelled, how
would you know?
Little red squiggly lines under it. XD (You should be lolling right now, Vincent)
In Chinese why are the words for crisis
and opportunity the same?
Iron-knee.
Why does X stand for a kiss?
It looks like two faces joining lips.
Why does O stand for a hug?
Because your arms make a sort of O around the person.
Why is the alphabet in that order?
The guy who made it is biased against z.
How does skating on thin ice get you into
hot water?
If the ice is thin, obviously the water can't be as cold as if the ice was not thin.
Why are they called stands when there
made for sitting?
Angry foot ball fans love to stand on them and shout.
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make
the unexpected expected?
No, because you don't know what the unexpected is. You're just hoping to be prepared for anything.
When cheese gets its picture taken what
does it say?
Cheese doesn't talk. D:<
Why are they called non-stick pans? Is
there a law saying your not allowed to put
sticks in them?
No, they don't stick to anything like stickers.
Why are a wise-man and a wise-guy
opposites?
Wise-guy is meant as sarcasm though they both should mean stupidity. A Wise-woman on the other hand...
If work is so terrific how come they have
to pay you to do it?
Work isn't terrific, you were lied to.
Should crematoriums give discounts for
those who died in fires?
Depends on if the fire burned the body to a crisp or just scarred the flesh or if they died from smoke inhalation.
Is it possible to have a civil-war?
The British attempted it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAHTKyVJv8kIf the #2 pencil the most popular, why is it
still #2?
People didn't like number one because it kept gloating.
Do tea makers have coffee breaks?
Only if they like coffee.
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
No. That's called Chunky-dumping.
Why do they announce power shortages
on TV?
So people who don't live in that area go over to their friends house who does live in that area to watch the super bowl.
Do you need a silencer when you shoot a
mime?
Yes, you don't want the gun to make a noise when you're murdering anyone.
Why do you press harder on the
remote-control when you know the
battery is dead?
Stupidity.
How can batteries die?
Can we not talk about this subject? I'm still upset about Dora-cell.
If its zero degrees tonight, and tomorrow
its meant to be twice as cold, how cold
will it be?
0 to the second power.
Why are buildings called buildings when
there finished? Shouldn't they be called
builts?
The guy who decided this failed English and that's why he's a construction worker.
Why is abbreviated such a long word?
Iron-knee.
Why is it that when you tell a man there
are 400 billion stars he will believe you, but
when you tell him there's wet paint he has
to touch it?
Stupidity
Who's cruel idea was it to put a 'S' in 'lisp'?
Dominating higher ups in society who love to put people down.
Do you find it unnerving that what doctors
do is called 'practice'?
Yes. And I'm scared of doctors anyways.
Would a fly without wings be called a
walk?
No, it'd be called dead.
If a turtle doesn't have a shell is it
homeless or naked?
Naked.
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Yes because despite the name, they do not contain meat.
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal
injections?
So that the lethal part doesn't get mixed with something to make it unlethal.
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