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Chronicles of Lyra Syrsalla

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missus nobody

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 14, 2009 9:38 am


Chronicles of Lyra Syrsalla

Story one

Prelude


"You're late," a silky voice said, his figure moving in the shadows. A lighter voice answered, it's feathery smoothness enough to caress any worries.

"That is only because of the idiotic mortal ways of transportation. If I was aloud to run -"

"No." The single-syllable word had enough malice to last for a whole paragraph. The light voice didn't speak again, and neither did the silky one. After a moment of awkward silence, a man walked out of the shadows, his eyes hovering over the woman opposite him, obviously enjoying the sight. The woman scoffed, her voice hard and cold.

"If you only wished to see me because of your ... your ... your sick 'sight-seeing,' then I will take my leave now. Good day, Lazarus." The woman turned, hiding her figure from the prying eyes of the man.

The man's brows pulled together as if he had been physically injured by those simple words. "No ... Don't go, my love ... " Those were the magic words. The woman turned, folded her arms and walked slowly to her lover.

"If word gets out, then we'll both be in danger. I know you are still wanted for that attack on that insignificant human girl. Why, Lazarus? Why did you do that to me? Of all the times you had said those three words ... I thought you meant them. But I was foolish enough then to believe the words coming out of a lying, cheating demons mouth. I was young, and you swooned me. I know you just wanted me because of my looks, because my father can kill you whenever he wanted because of all the mistakes you have made, and the danger you have created for all of us.

"You wanted me, not out of love, but out of the mercy it gave you. You figured that if you were with me, I'd defy my father if he ever set a hand on you. But now I know that those words were just the catch. You kept reeling me in, Lazarus, with those words. I was too young then to see that they were emotionless.

"You broke me, Lazarus. You broke me to pieces when you never returned when you said. I knew then that I was just a prop; a prop for you to not get killed. Then you came back after three hundred years.

"Three hundred years! Those years were the darkest I've ever had! You demon! You coward! How could you do that to me! I thought, 'He left me. He never wanted me! He's the coward! I should have let him die at the hands of my father, and then laugh as his head rolled onto the ground at my feet; where he belonged!' But no, I stayed where I was. But I should have let the guards keep you! I would have laughed at your desperation.

"But yet you return. You dare to show your face to me again. You dare to send word to me via a songbird. If that wasn't my calling, I would have burned it as soon as it came into view. But it came. It came and showed me your letter. I was furious. How could you dare to have sent a message to me after all these years! But yet you knew; you knew I've been waiting for you. You knew I have been waiting three hundred ears for a whisper of your whereabouts! You knew you had me wrapped around your horns, around yourself! All those nights were lies, weren't they Lazarus?"

The man cowered at the woman's fierce words, as though they were slicing him with every syllable. As if he was getting lashed at with a whip instead of the venom that came out of his fiancee's mouth. "I loved you. I have always - "

"You have never loved me! How dare you even say that you have truly loved me!" At this point, the woman had caught her words in her throat; the desperation she had to not start sobbing. She had loved him, and does love him still. Why? Because she knew. She knew deep down he meant those words. He was just too much a filthy liar to admit that. She was standing over him now, her eyes flaming, her nostrils flaring with each intake of breath.

"Lyra, my love. Please forgive me. I know I have hurt you too many times to get you back, but I will beg. Please, give me one last chance. One last chance to prove to you that I'm not just an old demon." He had crawled to Lyra, his hands at the hem of her skirt, climbing his way up her body.

"I have given you too many chances ... " With that, Lyra shook herself out of Lazarus' grip, and hurried off. At the red gates, she stopped and looked back, her left foot less than a centimeter away fro the bright red light. "Good bye, my love." And she stepped into the gas liquid light, her last words bouncing off the cave walls, leaving Lazarus to wither away in betrayal.
PostPosted: Sat Mar 14, 2009 9:39 am


Criticism and advice welcome! ^^

missus nobody

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Rene Miashi

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PostPosted: Sun Mar 15, 2009 7:09 pm


I take it that this is your Prelude, correct? It's a good introduction, a nice way to drag readers into your story. The only sugestions I would make are the make sure that your words mean what they are supposed to be. For example, Aloud mean to voice something, but you meant to say Allowed as in to let someone do something. Also, I would put a little more description into your characters. Leaving them without an appearance and help with mystery in some cases, but I think adding just a hint of character to them will help. So for example, you could say something about eye or hair color. It gives the reader a little more insight into your characters.
Over all it's a good intro and I would love to read more. 4laugh
PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 7:59 pm


Oh, thank you, Rene! -Huggles- I will indeed put your suggestions in mind, and yes, that was a prelude. I usually do stories and whatnot without physical descriptions, just to allow the reader to see if they can define what the characters would look like in their own mind if they had written the story ^^ Then I do descriptions in the first chapter or two, and allow the reader to see if they were correct in some areas ^^'
Does that make sense? o-o

missus nobody

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Rene Miashi

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 9:44 pm


I understand. Lol. It makes perfect sense. 3nodding
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