He had returned from his meeting with Rap, angry but rather pleased with the outcome all the same. He had the Orange on his side and that at least was something to be thankful for. However, he couldn't be one hundred percent happy, not until the whole ordeal with approaching the Simo was over.
The Simo!
He wished he could tell his mother what he really thought about that. About goign to live with them. About pretending to be them, spying on them, doing as Finar-Si said. Rowtag had no love or trust in the goddess and he hoped, desperately, that his mother was right to believe in her word. For if something happened to Kenna because of the Goddess, he'd hunt her down and tear the feathers from her shoulders.
Growling, he moved close to the den and flopped down in the sand. He had to calm himself. If this plan was to work, he had to at least pretend he was happy to be in the presence of the enemy. But that was going to be hard. He still wasn't sure whether he could do it.
--
The dark female stretched lazily as she drew herself from the den, bright yellow eyes distracted at the sight of her brother. He looked like he was in a terribly foul mood today, at least from the way he flopped down into the sand - that thought alone made her grimace. All that sand, just begging to clean to the neat, tidy fur of her body. What a little grumpy butt. Still, no one else was about, and he was her only hope for interaction at the moment.
"Why so sour, Rowtag?" came the pleasant-enough voice, her small form walking out into the light and towards him where he was slumped. She seemed innocent enough in her gestures, even if she was coming out to be more or less a nuisance in her boredom. She sat down slowly at his side, paws braced lightly in the sand as she turned her bright eyes down upon him.
--
He narrowed those blue eyes of his. Blue eyes set in tha vivid and striking mask of his. Siblings. Rolling those eyes he turned his head to focus on her and drew in a short breath. He wasn't much of a talker this one, though that was generally with strangers. Family, he tended to make an exception for. Besides, even though he'd never say it, he loved them all dearly - even if they did bug the hell out of him!
"There's not much to be cheery about, is there?" He flicked his tail viciously against the sand and turned onto his side so he could see her easier. "Mother's going to risk her life trying to get us into the Simo lands. You know that, right?" He shuddered with rage at the thought.
"And that's not all. We've got to pretend...pretend that we're with them. Pretend that they don't disgust us." He hissed angrily and turned away again, seething.
--
"Hmm," she let out slowly, turning her head away from him and staring out at the horizon as if she were considering his words. She wasn't prone to showing her anger outwardly, and that might very well be a good thing when her family finally did decided to make the move to Simo. She couldn't fault Rowtag his feelings though, as she had her own terrible feelings stirring around in her gut whenever this was mentioned, enough to almost make her sick at times.
"I know she is, but it's not exactly our place to worry about mother, is it?" She smirked lightly and turned her eyes to look back down at him, her tail flickering behind her, "besides that, she does have father with her, and all those that are going with her. If they're as stupid and lowly as they're supposed to be, they should accept us with open paws, right?" Foolish, probably, even a cub could see that.
"What's a little game of pretending? I like games, myself," she chuckled and lay herself down slowly in the sand, to be careful and get as little sand on her coat as possible. She turned her head away from him again, back out to the distance.
--
"Worrying won't make a difference." He agreed. "I know that, but I can't help it. You know that Ripuka? One of the lesser lines of Firekin. She died. It's as easy as that, sis. One minute you're there. The next...gone." He whispered the last word and let it hang there a moment before continuing. "I don't want her to be gone but I'm too small to do anything."
And that was the big thing. He wasn't big enough. Wasn't strong enough. All he could do was stand back and hope that Simo claws didn't bear down upon his mother and father and all those he loved.
He growled. "If they're wise, they won't. Why would they let the enemy in? They know we hate them. They must! Even traitorous scum have memories and the battle wasn't that long ago." He shook his head roughly. He couldn't believe that everything was going to be alright. It seemed like such a long, helpless shot. Were they really going to gamble their lives like this?
"Pretence?" He echoed softly. "I'm only going to pretend for as long as I have to. I've already made up my mind. I'm going to work hard to become 'one of them'. I'll work my way to the top, work closer and closer to the important lions. Then...one day...the important lions will be no more." He said this all with a serious face and serious tone. No smirk, no purr of delight. It was simply a statement. A cold, hard fact.
--
"Ripuka was old," she said lightly, shrugging her shoulders. She had no real interest in conspiracy theories, to be quite honest. What was done was done, there wasn't anything to change it, and they were simply cubs - they couldn't change anything even if they wanted to.
"Mother has her plans, she believes what she's doing will work, and that should be enough, shouldn't it?" She turned to look at him again, watching him with slightly furrowed brows and narrowed eyes. "You don't think she would go in there without some sort of back up plan either, do you? Mom is queen of these lands for a reason, Rowtag, give her a little bit of credit." She didn't think he was trying to degrade their mother in any way, but she did think he was forgetting just who she was, who the rebels would be dealing with. Kenina respected her mother very, very much.
"As for the rebels letting her in, if they're not wise enough to see through her, that's their own problem, isn't it? Finar-si may guide her way, you never know." She sighed and shook her head, tail lashing behind her and stirring up a bit of sand, much to her discomfort. "We're only cubs, what are we supposed to know of this anyway."
It was his next statement that made her laugh, her eyes widening again and filling with amusement. "Whose gambling with their life now, Rowtag? Mother is getting us into those lands to survive, so we don't have to go and live among rogues, among other reasons." She shook her head, letting out a deep sigh. "Oh, brother of mine, you'll get yourself killed. Fighting them on our own lands is one thing, but planning to take them down on their own turf?"
--
"I know that." He snapped fiercely. "But they have us outnumbered. What do you think will happen if a fight occurs?" He curled a lip and pulled himself up onto his feet, pacing backwards and forwards for a few moments, calming himself. His jaw was clenched, biting back any further words of anger and after a deep breath he paused and looked back at her again.
"Only cubs." He shook his head. That's what it came down to, wasn't it? He wished he were older, he craved it more than anything. He was tired of being little and useless. Rather sad, really, that he was so adamantly wishing his childhood away. You were only young once, as they say, and though he didn't realise how precious being a child was, he would see it some day. When it was too late, of course.
"You think it's funny, do you? Well I guess it wouldn't make much sense to you. I won't get myself killed. I won't be working alone. There are others who think like me and I'm not talking about those has-been old lions who do nothing but wait for Finar-Si's guidance then grumble about it when she appears and gives them words of wisdom." He growled. "They'll get what's coming to them."
--
"If a fight occurs, we all die," she said simply, flickering her tail and turning her eyes up to look at him calmly. She had accepted that fact, and though she didn't particularly wish for death, it was much more appealing than some things. "I'd rather die at the paws of rebels than go out into the world and live among rogues," she hissed, shuddering lightly at the thought. Then, again she shrugged and let her eyes fall to her paws. "Who knows, they might spare cubs. We are, after all, young and pliant. I don't wish to lose our family, but there are a number of outcomes, and you're only focusing on one."
"I think you actually might get yourself killed if you're not careful," she snapped, bright eyes bringing themselves up to look at him, pushing herself back up to her feet. "They might be the Simo, less pure and different in their ways, but they are born and bred from the kin and raised on our traditions, Rowtag. I think maybe you underestimate what it is you're doing." She shook her head, tail lashing behind her again as her paws dug into the sand. "The old lions look for guidance because they're wise enough to know that."
--
Would she really? She'd rather let the traitors kill her then go out into the world? Rowtag didn't think so. In fact he'd much rather just turn from the desert and head off into the green and blue of the world. Rather turn his back on this whole horrible mess. And he would when this was done. He wouldn't stay to claim a prize, to take control of the lands. He'd do what he had to do and then leave. Seek freedom in the outside lands.
He'd fallen silent again, choosing not to respond, not wanting to argue with his sister. But clearly he and Kenina were on very different wavelengths. She was more like mother, he guessed, adamant and full of pride. He had pride, too, but not pride that would keep him tied here. It didn't run that deep. He was male, in that sense, caring more about the macho-pride than anything deeper - such as home and the past and faith.
"Keep us alive? So they can give us another reason to turn on them? No, I don't think so." He turned to face her fully, sensing her anger and knowing that she was right to be angry. Mother would, too, if she realised what he was planning. But she couldn't know. No one could no except those who were with him. Kenina was not going to be one of them. He realised that now.
"I know what I'm doing." He replied. "I think I'm the only one who does. I'll look to guide myself from now on. Guidance from a Goddess can't be relied on. It never could. That's why we're stuck on the outside." He didn't realise how much he was sounding like a Simo right then. He was some sort of distorted version of both Simo and Safi, unable to choose a side, stuck in limbo.
"If you don't like what I plan, look away when the time comes. If I die, I'll take others down with me. That's all that matters." But he wouldn't die. He wouldn't let himself be caught.
--
"You're looking for death and war in everything," she said slowly, narrowing her eyes on him as her head tilted vaguely to the side. "Why would they have any reason to kill innocent cubs?" No, she didn't agree with what he was planning. He was going to cause an uproar, go against what mother wanted, after she was laying her life on the line to get them into the rebel lands.
"You would risk everything that mother is doing for us just for what? Some silly revenge plot?" She made a 'tsk' noise with her tongue, shaking her head as she turned her shoulder to him a bit, looking out at the horizon. "To care so deeply about her, I think you're driven by your own ends." She didn't know what he was planning, and neither did she think he was going to tell her. It was obvious she was against him, and it was wise for him not to reveal to much. She'd never turn on him, not her own flesh and blood, but she supposed their past had taught them nothing if not to be careful.
"I'll look away, I just hope whatever you plan doesn't mean that you're going to ruin what little chance of a life any of us might have in those lands, when the time comes," she looked back at him, a frown on her maw and eyes furrowed. "We're tied by blood, Rowtag, what you do affects us all, even if we don't lift a paw to help."
--
Had her words made a difference? Probably not in the long run, but for now it had given him something to think about. She was right. They were connected. If he did something then it would reflect badly on all of them. But he knew he couldn't stop now. The wheels were in motion and there was no way to halt them. He had to carry this through with the help of Ripuka's child. They'd do this and they'd do so in secret.
"I'm sorry we don't see eye to eye in this. I truly am." His voice was cold and hard as stone. "I can't pretend to feel something that I don't. I'm Firekin. It's in our nature to find solace in violence." He didn't really believe that. In fact he was trying to train himself to be more calm and collected in preparation of things to come. It was difficult, especially when his first response to anything he didn't like was to hit out at it. But he would try and he would succeed, because he had to.
"And don't worry, Kenina. I won't get caught and...if I do? I acted alone." He gave her one last stare, almost hoping to find somethign in her face. Acceptance, understanding maybe? Even a hint that she agreed with him? But he didn't expect to find it.
"This conversation...it never happened, right? Forget about it. You have your own part to play in what is to come. I have mine. They don't connect."
--
She honestly didn't know if he would get caught, because she no idea what he was planning. There was just simply no way to tell, no way to understand what was going on in his mind. True, too, was the fact that she had no idea what kind of lion her brother might grow up to be. There were glimpses of that adult in him now, too soon for her tastes, but experiences change a soul. She simply watched him with passive eyes for a moment, then nodded at his words.
"I'm sure I'll forget about it, as I don't want any part in this," she murmured, tail lashing behind her. Still, curiosity was eating away at her - she wanted to know what he was planning, what he meant to do. Curiosity killed the cat though, and in the end, if he did himself in, she didn't want to go down with him just because she knew what he was planning all along.
"Be careful," she muttered, anger swelling up inside of her even as she fought to repress it. It was anger at him for being so stupid, and anger at herself for not being able to convince him otherwise. Still, she barely batted an eyelid as she turned around to head back to the den.
She needed a bath terribly. Why was there so much sand in the desert?
--
He watched her for a moment with a slight sinking in his chest. Was he doing the wrong thing? Was he really? He thought of living his life as a lie, all pretence, behind a disguise. The thought made him sick to his stomach. No, that was not the life for him. He had to be true to himself and, in the end, he planned to move on.
He'd never realised before now, that this plan would have him away from his family and the desert. It saddened him, because he loved his family and succeed or fail, he was destined to be parted from them. But he already knew, before he was there, that the home of the Simo would not be home for him. He knew it in his soul.
He just hoped that when the time came, none of his family had to suffer because he was doing what he believed was right.
He turned away from Kenina and moved onwards across the sand. He had to be alone. He had to think. He had to make sure he was ready for the task that awaited him. Because even though he wouldn't make a move until he was an adult, the plan would start as soon as they were in the realm of the Simo - if they ever made it.
The wheels were already turning. There was no stopping them now.
/fin.
